Out of Context Professors

Sometimes, you'll find a nugget of wisdom here. Generally, though, it's just the professors being just as fucking feral as the students.

[outofcontext-profs]

“The followers of Satan are politicians.”

-- Science, Technology, and Culture Professor

[outofcontext-profs]

“He loves Snickers, not in the same way he loves his wife-- no one could ever love a wife as much as a Snickers bar--”

-- Philosophy professor

[outofcontext-profs]

“I will donate my brain before anyone else; I want a robotic exoskeleton. You know why? Because it’s easier than working out or going low-carb or whatever.”

-- Philosophy professor

[outofcontext-profs]

“I have face blindness and name amnesia. It’s a terrible condition. I can’t remember my wife. I wake up next to her every morning like ‘oh, you seem nice.’“

-- Media professor

[outofcontext-profs]

“So he goes jogging, and he’s sad, which is how you should feel when you’re jogging.”

-- Philosophy professor

[outofcontext-profs]

“Let’s say you chop your hand off -- this is gonna be a gruesome class today.”

-- Philosophy professor

[outofcontext-profs]

“Anything I didn’t state clearly in the lecture? Anything I stated too clearly and could say in a more confusing way?”

-- Philosophy professor

[outofcontext-profs]

“Is that-- do you wanna fistfight me there?!?”

-- Acting professor

[outofcontext-profs]

Student: (starts talking really fast/unintelligibly)

Philosophy Professor: “Breathe, breathe breathe breathe breathe.....Now talk slowly.”

[outofcontext-profs]

“It was not a damn apple!! No apples. Forget about apples!”

-- Philosophy professor

[outofcontext-profs]

“Yes, I stole. I told you that I stole it! I just didn’t tell you who I stole it from.”

-- Media professor

[outofcontext-profs]

“The midterm will require you to remember stuff from a couple weeks ago, so. Sleep in fear.”

-- Media professor

[outofcontext-profs]

“The ukulele is a very noble instrument.”

-- Philosophy professor

[outofcontext-profs]

“Despite everything to the contrary, I am still laboring under the illusion that you guys do the reading and watch the lectures.”

-- Philosophy professor

[outofcontext-profs]

Philosophy professor: “I don’t think anyone knows what Plato actually believed.”

Student: “Like you!”

Prof: “Like me. I also am paranoid.”

[outofcontext-profs]

Media Professor: “[Student 1], like [student 2], is just smarter than the rest of us.”

Student 1: “I’m not smart. I promise.”

[outofcontext-profs]

Student: “I used to like jelly, and I no longer like jelly.”

Philosophy professor: “That tells me a lot about you, man.”