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"𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦" ᵉⁿᵗᵖ⁻ᵗ ᶜʳᵉᵉᵖʸᵖᵃˢᵗᵃ ʷʳⁱᵗᵉʳ ᴵ ᴰᴼ ᴺᴼᵀ ᶜᴼᴺᴰᴼᴺᴱ ʸᴬᴺᴰᴱᴿᴱ ᴮᴱᴴᴬⱽᴵᴼᵁᴿ ᴼᴿ ᴿᴼᴹᴬᴺᵀᴵᶜᴵᶻᴱ ᴵᵀ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ ⁱˢ ᶠⁱᶜᵗⁱᵒⁿ ᵃⁿᵈ ⁿᵒᵗ ᶜᵃⁿᵒⁿ

[outsideofmyhead]

Yandere alphabet with homicidal liu

tw: everything as toby's and toxic relationship

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

it gets quite intense. hes not very sexual but can be quite touchy depending on the mood.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

hes very possesive and gets very upset if he thinks youre hanging out with someone too much. he is a serial killer but half the time he lets sully take over and deal with the mess. sully isnt as in love with you as liu is, hes more just there. liu also hands his victims over to jeff if hes feeling particularly lazy.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

he is cruel yes, but not much of the mocking kind. once he finds you again he will not let you go. he keeps you tied to his bedpost in his room in the cabin and he would rather isolate you than mock you. his manipulation does wonders more than mocking could. but then again liu can get unpredictable. if you or somebody has ticked him off enough he tends to take it out on you. its rare but he loves to humiliate you during that time.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

honestly most of it is out of your will because he has convinced you its what you want. liu is very manipulative which is why you couldnt leave him when you were younger and nor can you leave him now. liu is very affectionate and it doesnt really matter whether you want his hands over you or not. all the decisions are made by him.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

you are the one person he confides in. his mixed feelings about jeff, how he feels murdering people, everything. he is the man you once loved so you do the same. your inner self tells you not to trust this man but how could you not?

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

you have but it is an endless cycle with liu. the sweet boy you used to date, the loving boyfriend that takes care of you and the psychopath keeping you hostage happen to all be the same people. liu would feel angry if you tried to fight back especially after all hes done for you. it would remind him of how jeff tried to kill him even though he went to prison for him. he would punish you.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

it honestly depends. to sully it is a game, a very fun one, because you have no chance of getting rid of them for long. liu has quite literally died and come back so theyre gonna be here forever whether you like it or not. there was once a time he allowed you to escape, run around the forest with a stupid hope of freedom. but with the monsters in there and liu chasing you back, there was no chance you wouldve made it. liu can get upset when you try to leave but he usually just masks it with enjoyment and switches over to sully to not feel as much.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

the worst experience you could have was when you first tried to escape. the two of you were in the city having a date but while he was distracted you managed to slip away and somehow reach your old home. while you finally were sleeping on your own bed you woke because of a sound to jeff the killer right above you with a knife to your neck. the entire night he broke your fingers and wrists and finally your ankles while liu was just watching behind. your screams were melodious to liu which after jeff was done he spent the rest of the night raping you. the next day you woke up back in your cellar with your leg chained to the bedpost.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

he wanted to get married, you in a white dress was his dream. but things turned out the way they did and well he doesnt expect much from the future anymore.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

when he gets jealous he doesnt usually take it out on you just ignores you for the time being. he tries to calm his possesiveness down when its a small issue but if he feels like youre hanging out with someone too much hell warn you before chopping the guys head off.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

he likes his hands on you. the feeling that you belong to him and there is no way youll leave him calms him down a lot. a lot of his behavior is just a response to how afraid he is of betrayal and he takes his precautions for you to not take the saem path. hugging you gives him a lot of relief.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

the two of you were dating before the incident.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

he is usually very calm and composed to others and youre the only one who gets a glimpse of his vulnerable side. other than that not really.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

he usually switches over to sully or asks jeff during punishments unless youve really fucked up. hes still a serial killer as liu too, he gets off on pain. he likes breaking your fingers mainly so that youll need help to hold onto anything and cant work on any of your other interests.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

i mean your right to live by yourself ig, he treats you like a human that belongs to him over than a pet so it isnt too bad.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

he is a patient man but his insecurities do start to build up. better to let him in before that happens.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

successful escapes are nearly impossible but if any of those things do happen hell never get over you.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

he feels really guilty at times but his paranoia always keeps you stuck in that cellar. he misses what you once were when you were just teenagers but life will always be unfair to him. youre the only one he wants.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

he was always a little toxic but after the jeff incident all this started to show more.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

he feels fairly guilty and is a suprizingly good comforter. maybe its the fact that yall have been dating for a while so he knows you like the back of his hand.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

idrk

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

his guilt is the only shot youve got. sully is more gullible than liu but liu feels worse about your situation than sully. use that how you like.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

yeah he is a sadist at times when you need to be punished.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

its not worshipping. youre his girlfriend so as far as that ig.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

it took you two years to start dating but after the incident it was like two weeks before he kidnapped you.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

not intentionally and its a low possibilty.

[outsideofmyhead]

the amount of drafts i have is insane

[outsideofmyhead]

ADLHDSAHJDSKAHJHJADKS I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS FOR YAN X VIRUS, JEFF THE KILLER, MASKY AND LIKE ALL THE CREEPYPASTAS ITS SO HARD TO PUT THEM INTO WORDS

[outsideofmyhead]

I NEED YANDERE X VIRUS CONTENT I NEED HIM FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD I NEED READER FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD SHIDSBHISECIRZFEBN

[outsideofmyhead]

if I killed someone for you ( yandere homicidal liu ) part 1

author's note : dnosdhkjsjs im finally writing againn in this au ur also like a killer idk man it might be a bit cringe but i hope u enjoyy also I DO NOT CONDONE ANY OF THE FOLLOWING BEHAVIOUR, VIOLENCE SHOULD NOT BE ROMANTICIZED

"I'm sorry that i did this."

you wake up groggy in the small cabin you rent. the stench of rotting flesh reminds you to take out the trash before its found out. it's not like you particularly enjoy killing, or that brings you any pleasure. you dont know why you do it, but it makes you feel more sober. more down to earth. it reminds you of how you could die any moment, in the same way your victims had. and for some sick and twisted reason, you like the adrenaline of getting caught.

the blood is on my hands

you need to return to the city in a week to go back to your day job. the cabin is not somewhere you can live, and completely erasing your existence will be too risky and a hassle. its more convenient to kill here but you will have to make do when you return. you dont want to ofcourse, this place reminds you too much of you hometown. the cloudy skies, the peaceful breeze and the chirping birds. you hate the chirping birds. "how irritating of them to enjoy life while the rest of us have to suffer." you think to yourself.

you miss her. you miss jane a lot. jane arkensaw, your sister. you hate yourself for enjoying your vacation with your friends instead of dying along with the rest of your family. its cruel that you have to live with the guilt. you miss your friends too. you cant bear to see them after what youve done. they are good people.

i stare at my reflection, i dont know who i am

its raining. the cold drops falling on your head. the whole experience is sobering. its so quiet and peaceful, not filled with screams for a while.

you jinxed it.

you hear footsteps and heavy pants. through the leaves surrounding you, you can spot a moving figure. running for his life. another one follows. youd normally ignore this, but today youre curious. you follow them deeper into the woods, careful to not step out of place to bring attention to yourself. the large man falls over a rock and you spot a scarfed man shoot his brains out. that was boring.

the scarf is green and black, similar to the one your old boyfriend used to wear. youre thinking about him again. the bad memories, his possesiveness, how you felt suffocated every second the two of you were alone. liu wasnt a bad man, youd never say that, but he had his tendencies too. the occasional slap and restricting you from people. but he was so sweet at times, so kind. those times that would make you melt and never wanna leave his embrace.

i practice my confession, incase i take the stand

sometimes you want to turn yourself in. stay on the deathrow for your crimes. hang infront of the country. ruin your family's reputation. then there are times where you dont. like now. youre so deep in thought you dont realize the gun pointed to your head.

you raise your head to come face to face with the man from before. his face is no longer covered in a hood and is littered with scars and bandages. whatever hes gone through must have hurt. his dead eyes hold a sense of familiarity. but he doesnt feel the same.

as if struck by a switch, his eyes light up. you recognize the man well now.

"darling."

ill say i learned my lesson

you flinch when he lowers his gun and reaches out for you. your terrified expression and the silence makes the situation suffocating. you dont want to go back, but the look in his eyes drag you. "darling. what happened? where have you been." his sweet and calm voice makes you almost let your guard down. "liu... i thought you were dead." you mutter out. "i survived... somehow."

"dont tell me youre scared. i saw the body you threw in the river. youre no better than me." you werent. the years had driven you insane and frankly you were relieved seeing him again. the voices clash in your head and you cant decide whether to trust the love of your life again or stand up for yourself. he takes you in his embrace and whispers, "I'll be a better man."

a tear thats not yours falls on your shoulder. he grabs you tighter as if he could never let you go again. your conscience gets a hold of you and you run away. you cant let this keep happening.

im packing up my things and im wiping down the walls

youre back in the city. you enjoyed your short vacation at the cabin but you dont want to risk running into him again. work is as normal as can be, and youll meet your friends in the weekend. day time is calming with no one to have to talk to. killing in the city has its own charms too, the adrenaline is relaxing.

you need to get your mind off him, and the therapist offered to help you. shes been nice but you feel uncomfortable knowing her after spilling the ocnfessions of your childhood. it feels wrong to let someone know so much. so when you get rid of her you think that she really did help calm you down.

im rinsing off the clothes and im walking through the halls

you dispose the body in the back yard. you step inside your house and start washing the blood off. an eerie feeling washes over you. you feel like someone is watching you.

the next few days are mundane but finally comes the weekend. you meet with your friends for a quick drink and smoke. youve only known them for an year but theyre very comfortable to be around. lacy especially. you met her in your last year of college and shes the only friend who has still stayed in contact with you. "(y/n), whats with you? have you found a boy yet?" she asks. "ive seen someone that im attracted to but i think i'll give it some time." you reply. you dont want to reexperience how dating was. they play spin the bottle but it never seems to land on you. youre satisfied with that though. the perfect couples were chosen, lacy and luke, seira and alex and heather and mason. it gets late. they share a few laughs and leave and soon enough youre the only one left at the bar. you grab another drink to put your mind at ease because the feeling is back. its quiet.

you finally leave the bar for a smoke. the feeling of unease remains. as you recall the happenings of that day, it seems to appear before you. the gun. the scarf. the bandages.

liu.

i did it all for her so I felt nothing at all

"liu wants you." he says. his voice slightly higher than normal. "you should give him another chance." he utters. his face doesnt show anything apart from annoyance.

"i cant."

"dont act all innocent. weve noticed the missing people. all he did was be a little bit controlling of you. youre a murderer, you should be grateful he still wants you."

you take deep breaths as you stare into the gun. its the feeling you love, where you could be shot any second. its bittersweet, you think, death.

"you've killed before too."

"atleast we acknowledge that we do, instead of parading around with that smile on your face, decieving your friends as if theyre something other than an ant to kill."

youre not a good friend, you never really were. not even to liu, jeff or anyone.

i dont know what shell say, so ill ask her when she calls

his eyes soften as he lowers his gun. this is the liu you recognize. completely fucked up but still inlove with you. this is the liu you love.

"darling."

"liu."

"youre a threat."

"will you kill me for it?"

"i could never, love."

he grabs your hand and you return to the bar. you sit at the furthest table from anyone else and he looks into your eyes so lovingly as if he didnt try to kill you moments before.

"since when do you kill?" you ask. voice slightly trembling from the previous adrenaline.

"since i awoke from the hospital. since the nurse i fell inlove with started to bitch about my brother."

"youve fallen inlove with another and you still have the guts to call me your darling?"

"would you love me more if i killed someone for you?"

"..."

"i got rid of her darling. my hearts only yours." he tightens his grip around your hands. its suffocating.

"would you hold my hand theyre the sameones that i used? when i killed someone for you."

youre never going to escape his trap. youre as fucked up as he is.

[outsideofmyhead]

yandere alphabet with ticci toby

tw: rape mentioned, violence, burning, knives, slashing, murder, assault, serial killers, being watched every single moment, etc.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

it really depends with toby. if hes in a really good headspace and isnt really thinking about too much, if youve had a horrible day or if hes punished you too much, hes soft. it reminds you of when you were younger, how he used to hold you as you cried over stupid things on his shirt. sometimes he likes to just hold you, or do something with you. his love language is physical touch and quality time after all. he likes having you with him at all times, just slowly playing with your hair.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

he usually makes you do the killing since he gets tired after his missions. it really fucks you up, but he feels closer to you if youre suffering the same way he does. Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Toby would. more than love, he has hate in his heart. he mocks you a lot for still being so head over heels for him and being a whore who cant move on. he mocks you for being no better than him, being a murderer and psychopath. that you always have the chance to end him and leave but you conciously kill. that youre still the same pathetic girl you were as a kid. Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

he makes you kill. he uses you for missions from time to time and youre often the spy. he knows that youre smart enough to not run your mouth.

you hate killing. you hate it a lot. but you'd rather die than live without him. you know the consequences and you choose to do what he asks. its not fair that he makes you choose over him or random innocent strangers.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

youre the only one who knows everything about him. he tells you about his day and he vents to you from time to time the way he did as a kid. times like those make you feel like nothing has changed at all.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

it happens a lot. you begging him to stop and fucking go back to normal. he hates it, because he doesnt want to go back. he likes the way he is now. you dont realize how horrible life was for him because he wasnt the beloved princess unlike you. it ends with a slap usually, but the days when you too lost control were the worst.

"(name)."

"no... no I didnt mean to do that! toby I'm sorry-"

he brought out his precious blade and slit your cheek enough to make blood ooze out without scarring. he grabbed your hair and pushed you onto the bed.

you learnt your lesson that day.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

it is, because it's so rare. youre not stuck in the lodge unless youve fucked up bad and he lives with you in your home. theres no need to run because hes not kept you tied up to him at all. the only way you can escape is to leave and live with your friend.

he finds you, ofcourse, but he doesnt get you back. you crawl into your home because how long will you live mooching off another without seeing toby. hes been there your entire life and that one year without him almost drove you insane.

when youre back though, toby is fucking livid. bruises, scratches, bites, scars. he draws blood out of you as if he hasnt had a drop of liquid in days.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

during one of the fights that went bad, you brought it up that he behaved how his father did. this was the worst decision of your life.

"i'll show you how my father behaves."

you woke up two days later covered in bandages seeing a sobbing toby.

"im sorry, im sorry, im sorry-"

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

he doesnt know what he wants anymore. when you were younger you hoped the band would grow and you could amek money doing the thing you loved with toby. i guess he wouldnt quite mind the same.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

not often. he does get jealous sometimes but he avoids thinking about you when you arent infront of him to try and stay focused. if you make him jealous then hell just slap you once you get home and push you onto the bed. you know what happens next.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

toby is a roller coaster. he always has been, but its much worse now after losing everything. he can be so sweet and affectionate, or he can be cold and unfeeling. he tries to be sweet when youre down, and hes unrecognizable when he is upset.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

he didnt have to. you have been best friend since you could remember being alive, and you have been inseperable throughout. you just happened to develop feelings over the years.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

yes. when hes the bassist in your band, hes just toby. the funny, smily kind he once was. you wish he was like that forever, but it's a front to let you have the one thing you passionately love. because if toby isnt in the band, you arent either.

to the other proxies and pastas, hes more sober. his killings are usually fast and he tries not to dwell on them too much. theyve noticed his change in behaviour when you are in the lodge. your screams, his laughs and the absolute ruthlessness with which he treats you. they are almost surprized that he claims to love you, because it seems like he wants to continue your suffering rather than let you die a quick death.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

it can be anything. he could punch you till you fall and kick your battered body or fuck you till youre sore for days on the end. maybe even fuck with your brain if he feels like it. the intensity is always bad, but it depends on toby's mood mainly.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

he doesnt really take any rights apart from free will. you do what he says when he wants you to and he leaves you alone when youre of no use to him. he does control a lot of things from behind the scenes though, like hide your clothes so you can only wear his. he wouldnt admit how possesive he gets because he doesnt want you to know how much he really cares about you.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

toby is not patient. he never was and never will be. when he wants something he gets it done then and there. you can not procrastinate with him. he will get upset and you know what happens when he does.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

you? die? that wouldnt happen unless its of completely natural causes. he makes ben keep his eye on you 24/7 through cctvs or even your phone. you can not suicide, ben will simply teleport to you and stop you no matter what he has to do. ben is closest to toby and jeff, and cares about them enough to spend a good portion of his freetime looking after their toys.

successfully escapes wouldnt work. the thing about toby is, youre more obsessed with him than he is. as i stated before, its not even his manipulation that got you this way, it was simply the years that youve spent together. you need him because youve never been without him and it doesnt matter whether he wants you there or not.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

he does feel guilty. he hates it and thats why he hates you. he hates how you are a constant reminder of whata could have been and what has happened. he doesnt need to let you go because youll return to him anyways.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

his childhood was rough as hell. its either that or the disorders he doesnt treat that fuck him up.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

he doesnt want to deal with it. he treats your feelings like he does with his but a little more softly. if hes in a good mood while youre crying hell try and comfort you and you will feel how it did when you were kids.

if youre screaming and crying because of a punishment however, he wont stop. he does feel fucking guilty but he channels the rage into being rougher with you. he laughs at you calling you pathetic and how you probably are enjoying this.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

the most unique thing about him is you. he may be violent and all, but youve been possesive of him forever. youve clung onto him so badly that nothing he does will make you leave. your like a leech to him, sucking his soul out with every moment youre together. he loves you so much he cant get himself to make you leave. its toxic for him too as it is for you.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

when toby isolates himself cause of a bad fucking day (this is quite rare though). you can leave him whenever you want actually, the doors always open. you just wont.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

yes ofcourse. hes a serial killer.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

worship is a stretch. you plague his mind the whole time, yes, but he wouldnt "worship" you. youre his best friend, not some goddess.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

he started to develop feelings for you when he hit adolescence. watching you sing while he played the first time you decided to start a band was when he started to see you more than just (nickname). you both have always had some sort of situationship going on which was kind of the reason you never stayed in a relationship for too long. he fell for you when he was 13 and you were 11 so in the current year it should be 6 years.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

he wouldnt. hes very careful with you no matter how unhinged he may seem.

[outsideofmyhead]

friends ( yandere ticci toby ) part 1

note: omg my first proper post. i hope its not too cringe

tw: burning, arson mentioned, suicidal themes, violence, consensual sex, toby being an absolute dick, etc.

" 23/05/XXXX

tobias erin rogers.

or to me, just toby.

my best fucking friend who died an year back in a fire.

my best fucking friend who showed up to the band practice everyday, no matter what happened in his house, which you both started when you were just 12.

my best fucking friend who I so desperately wanted, a childhood crush that led up till now.

but ofcourse, I cant miss band practice. It was the last thing the two of us shared. My bandmates found a replacement bassist, and now its back to normal. It feels wrong to just replace him like that. As if he wasnt the one who started the entire thing. I dont want to realize that hes gone for good.

Mischa tells me I should move on. Its been an year and i need to stop focusing on him so much. I should try and replace him. It's not their fault at all I suppose, maybe I should've moved on. But it's fucking toby. All I wish for is for him to be back.

I've met another guy. He's nice. Handsome, popular and all the girls want him. He's the type I'd talk to toby about. And thats the problem. Every guy I meet, I just reminisce about toby. It's wrong, yes, but I can't help. He asked me out a couple weeks back. We've been dating ever since. I'm cheating on him. Not physically, but mentally. I dont want to hurt him but I do. I can't with my brain anymore. Sometimes i feel like i'm going crazy. I can't do this anymore. All i wish for him is to be back.

replace him? like fucks sake i'll replace toby."

but was he ever gone, to begin with? he'd left everything about his old life in ashes, but he couldn't bring himself to rid of you and the band. and god did he wish to. It's fucking stupid, he knows. A random girl he met a couple years ago consumed him this much. He knows you wouldn't recognize him. not with what he has become now. and it makes him want to change what you see him as. he wants to break you, as revenge of fucking him up so much.

girl, tell me what youre doing on the other side

"toby, your next mission is in xxx street. It's some kid who's parents fucked up big time. finish it fast and do what you want. " masky said. toby's face dimmed at hearing the area. his childhood. you. all the memories came flooding in his brain.

It was a small show. nothing too big, but you were surprised by the amount of people who showed up. you sang flawlessly, as usual, the lights shining in your eyes. This is where you were always supposed to be. on the stage. On toby's 16th birthday, you surprised him by writing a song for him. friends. it was your biggest hit yet. you could remember every moment like it happened just yesterday. As the intro started to play, you spotted a familiar shirt, one that you got toby on his 16th birthday. it was weird. you never thought about anything when you sang. but your voice started to shake, and you couldnt get your eyes off the man.

and tell, just tell me what youre doing with that other guy

your voice cracked? It hasnt since you were 14. this was weird. why were tears forming? why were you not on stage anymore? why were they calling out your name? where were you going?

"(nickname)."

that voice. the shirt. the hair. everything. tears fell on your cheeks.

"toby."

the silence was deafening. you just stood there. frozen. looking at the love of your life who should be dead.

"you're alive."

"i guess." he's not smiling. he's not upset. to say he looked disgusted could have been a stretch, but he wasnt exactly happy to see you.

"would you... mind staying for the night...?"

"where?"

"my house maybe... we can catch up on, things."

"f-fine"

he never really spoke much, but it never bothered you. you'd been waiting for this day every second of the last year but all the things you wanted to say couldn't leave your mouth. you were frustrated, angry and felt humiliated by how less of a fuck your best friend gave after seeing you. "And what the hell were we." it finally slipped out. your raspy voice, begging for an answer. "tell me we weren't just friends." your heart was beating so fast you couldnt even breathe. a knot was on your chest, desperately waiting for toby to say something. to say anything.

"nothing. we were n-nothing. f-forget it (y/n)" you took your words back. "this doesnt make much sense." your heart shattered. his words werent true you prayed. "give me atleast this night then." "f-fine."

girl i'm not hurt I'm tense

and what a night it was. One thing led on to another, and you found him on top of you. "y-you won't see me again, so I'll g-give you this much." his mouth crashed on yours. your first ever kiss, and he knew. he was going to be your first in everything. the kiss that felt like it was never going to end. you hoped it never would. he licked off your dried-up tears and moved his hands further down.

cause i'll be fine without you babe

that night, you slept in his lap. you'd left behind all shame for this one man and you didn't want to think how it would be over the next time you woke up. everything you'd dreamed of happened that night but you werent content. how could you have been?

Band practice the next day was hell. "(y/n) what the fuck. what was that stunt you pulled on stage?" "yeah and where the hell did you go. You could have told us anything to be prepared." questions flooded you but all you could've thought about was Toby. "I'm sorry guys, I won't pull shit like that again." you apologised. "are you okay? You started crying out of nowhere. We were worried." Mischa asked. 'It's nothing." God you missed him even more now.

he read your diary when you were asleep. the empty book with only one page filled, all about him. he hated you, he hated what youve done to him. he didnt want his old life back at all, but you? he never wanted to let you go.

all of your friends have been here for too long

june 13th, he showed up for band practice. His gummy smile, messy hair, he looked just like the toby you knew. not the indifferent, almost angry toby you'd met. you saw his eyes fill with light with everyone except you. what had you done? you were jealous, upset and relieved that he was back. it was a week before the major competition you were finally qualified to perform in. "Where the fuck were you Tobias?" all the questions you couldn't get answers for, they received easily. "What happened to hi, how are you?" toby laughed. there was no need for the temporary bassist anymore, not with the leader of the band's return.

they must be waiting for you to move on

It wasnt fair. he hated you, youd realized over the next few days or so. Hed never spare you a glance and seemed to ignore the time you tried to talk to him.

"good luck guys! were gonna win it tommorow."

you dont know how it happened but while taking your usual route home you felt your mind losing conciousness. you woke up tied to a chair in a lodge of sorts. your head was feeling groggy and tired. fear filled you as you realized you werent safe. your mouth was taped shut. tears started to spill. you noticed two masked men sitting on the couch infront of you. "toby, shes up." the one with the feminine mask said. "al-aright, yall can l-leave the room now." they shuffled out into the other rooms of the cabin. you waited for a while for something to happen. your heart beat erratic. your surrounding were extremely still. suddenly, out of nowhere, a blonde haired boy seemed to just glitch into existence. "toby~ shes waiting you know. wouldnt want to keep her idle for too long. what a pretty thing. I might steal her myself." it's smooth voice said as it smirked at your terrified face. his hand carressed your wet cheek. "B-ben you will shut the fuck up. She's m-mine you d-dont fucking touch her." toby's familiar, raspy voice just like that nights called out. "chill out, bitch." as it glitched out. toby? what the fuck? why was he here.

After a long, long while of waiting and crying, a man with orange goggles and a mask came in. He locked the room and started to take off the mouth tape. he wiped off the tear on your cheek only for the hand to slap it just moments later. "y-you fucking bitch." he cooed. you looked up at him with glossy eyes wondering what the fuck happened. "w-who are you...?" you managed to say. "w-who the fuck am i? oh, you s-seemed to remember me sooo well in your d-diary." toby. it was fucking toby who held you captive. your best fucking friend had tied you down to a chair in a lodge in the middle of nowhere. "why...?" you cried out. "d-dont fucking act so innocent with me." he punched you."fucking w-whore. dating some random b-boy you dont give two fucks about. s-still in love with m-me. maybe I should teach you your p-place hm?"you couldnt recognize who was speaking to you. you didnt want to look at him. you didnt want him to see you this way, a sobbing mess over him.

he spun your chair around and suddenly, you recognized another familiar face. two actually. the replacement bassist and your boyfriend. "r-replacing me huh? you d-dont want to right? so get rid of them." what did he mean. what was he even saying. toby would never. right?

But toby would. You've known something was off throughout your friendship. You'd seen how he looked at the guys you had a crush on. How he looked at you when you weren't with him. You couldn't accept his death because deep down you knew when they didn't find his body, that he set the fire. He carefully untied your wrists from the chair, so gently almost as if he'd never slapped you or hurt you. he handed a gun to you. "Get rid of them, or me. You h-have to." his unfeeling voice as if he knew your answer already. Of course, he did, he knew you like the back of his palm. "t-toby... please. Please don't make me do this." another slap. "If you d-don't do it right now, I'll g-grab the gun and shoot m-myself." you hesitated. "it's getting dark (nickname), do it right n-now." you couldnt. you couldnt kill a person. he grabbed your hand and pointed the gun to himself. "it's your choice really."

girl im not with it im way too far gone

bang. bang. you killed two people mercilessly, as the light left their eyes. two innocent people who had treated you so well over the last year.

im not ready eyes heavy now

You dropped to your knees. Eyes wide with no realization of what you just did. he pulled you onto his lap, cuddling and holding you so tight, almost afraid to let you go. "look at me." he kissed you. Mouth crashing onto the other. His calloused hands ruffled your hair as you sobbed on his shirt. Panicking not knowing what the fuck you've done. "shh, (nickname). its a-alright. w-we can be t-together now." he cooed in your ear. this is what youve wanted right? it was almost comforting, crying in his lap. but it didnt last long.

heart on your sleeve like you've never been loved

The burns he gave you last night were horrifying. Every limb was either bleeding with cuts or sore from the burns. Your screams in agony did nothing but amuse your best friend. "e-every fucking second y-you ditched m-me to hang out w-with the others. Every boy you d-dated that wasn't me. And every day that i-i suffered w-without you. You fucking r-ruined my l-life (nickname). You deserve evrything I'm putting y-you throught a-and everything I will. You w-will never e-escape me again." was it really your fault?

You knew better than to let your mouth run about the things that happened to you. you didnt speak to anyone else the next day. "(nickname) be grateful I'm letting you run around instead of keeping you locked up where I want you. Gave you my word so dont take it and run."

You won first place.

wish you'd let me stay I'm ready now