I am the sexiest vampire this side of the Mississippi. I am also the sexiest vampire on the other side of the Mississippi. I am the sexiest vampire just kind of in general. I am bitchy and once again bitchless. I assassinated Johnathan Fuckboy Kennedy. I invented the darkbulb (opposite of lightbulb). I hide on top of beds and above bridges. I am a chasm of teeth. I found Atlantis. I own a full set of human organs. I am two thousand years old. I stole your wallet and you aren't getting it back. I am trapped in an unending cycle of exploding and imploding. I am immune to all poisons, unless I ingest them. I walk into a room and everybody just straight up dies from the sheer big dick energy emanating from my shoulder parakeet Royce. I drive a white van labeled "Murder Van". I have at least thirteen bones, hypothetically. The only problem is that I am recordbreakingly faggish and thus always on the run from the queers (they want me and who can blame them). Also I am lost in the middle of the woods. Please send help
