“i think that you deep down do know that i would take it back,” his face leaned a bit closer to hers as his tone met a near whisper as the bodies around them began to notice the ex-power couple chatting it up in the middle of the soiree. hudson knew he was never going to be able to hammer the info into her stubborn head, but he wished, from the bottom of his heavy heart, that he had not fucked this up. throughout his entire life, he’s been a sweet boy yet had always had this sense to destroy the best things in his life. his mind took him to the time that he was eleven and his mother brought him to a high tea, yet he didn’t want to be there so he entirely sabotaged the entire tea time by throwing a fit, sneaking off, and making his mother cancel her entire day by searching for him. it felt like this was nearly just in his nature at this point. “i fuck the good things up because i don’t know how to accept that things can just be simple.” hudson knew his antics were somewhat toxic, but he quite literally knew no other way. before he had made his way to the states, all hudson knew was the fast life in kensington which was filled with betrayal, gossip, models for breakfast through dinner with feasts of drugs all due to his family money. he had thought with age he would grow wiser, but he just grew more sneaky. it was that fateful night that he slipped up and came sauntering home to devin, just letting the ill words slip from his mouth slow like honey, yet ever so bitterly.
“i should not have done as i did,” his accent fell thicker than usual as it danced with sadness. before continuing, hudson sucked down the rest of the amber colored liquor in his glass, now spinning the cube of ice in it, “but, i did and i have to live with that feeling, the consequence which was losing you the only thing i have truly ever felt this much passion and love for, every single day.” his head now bowed towards the ground, unable to make eye contact with her due to the shame that was held over him like a cloud. “there is nothing more in this world that i want other than another chance. a chance to make it up to you and prove i can change…”
She hated feeling crowded, surrounded like she couldn't easily escape a situation if she felt like she needed to. It's what made holding such a conversation in that exact environment perfect and terrible all at once. Ideal simply because she'd more than likely remain in one spot long enough to have the conversation, feeling far too boxed-in to walk off and she wasn't the type of person to make a big scene by running out into a crowd. Yet those exact reasons were what made it disastrous in her mind, finding herself stuck in one spot even if she would have preferred to avoid the other for a few more months, unable to bring herself to take off away from the conversation. One she rather would have preferred to have in private if they had to have it at all considering she had attempted to keep the details of their break up as private as possible, not seeing a need or a reason to air out what he had done. It would have been an easier conversation to have when there weren't eyes falling onto the pair and, she was sure, ears attempting to listen in as well. ❝It just sounds like you're attempting to make excuses.❞ Which wasn't entirely unreasonable, anything would sound like an excuse simply because nothing would sound like a 'reason'.
Eyes found themselves drawing over to a moving tray passing by, her hand raising to place her still-half filled glass of champagne against it before her focus turned back to the other. Finding her spirit and mental energy for the party to be drained, things that were easy to lose considering it was usually difficult to push herself to attend non-work focused events, to begin with. It was the sight in front of her and the overall conversation that had her taking in a deep breath, releasing it moments later. Change was something everyone was capable of, that was something she had always believed in. Along with always attempting to see the best in every person — but none of that eased the stinging ache she still felt. That was something that wouldn't go away anytime soon, she was aware of that and knew herself well enough to know how strongly she'd hold onto it. But most of all, she knew how close the pair had been and how important he had been to her, things that hadn't entirely changed. ❝We can be friends, that's all I can offer you.❞
discoholicmusic
stormborns
2087
ellievsbear
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
vaporwave
romaincrisis
snowghoul
turnnoffyourmind
