intro / alexander “alex” thompson
alex will tell you that he’s a ladies’ man
but has only ever dated one girl
and she was basically ann veal (her?)
alex describing his past sex life: “we almost held hands once, but then she got embarassed.”
alex describing his current sex life: “the world is my lesbian wedding.”
Not really 100% sure how he got accepted to college???
he’s not a total idiot but there’s a lot of common knowledge stuff he just doesn’t know???
actuals quotes to demonstrate his genius:
“I can put the trash into a landfill where it’s gonna stay for millions of years. Or, I can burn it up and get a nice smokey smell in here and let that smoke go into the sky where it turns into stars.”
~looking a sand sculpture~ “I wonder how they get the sand to stay so hard? ... they probably peed on it.”
“if new england isn’t a state, how come they have their own football team?”
he plays the drums and he’s actually pretty good at that?
is having a really hard time passing the rest of his classes but he always seems to scrape by at the end
has a pet duck that lives in his dorm room
it followed him back from class one day, so he decided to keep it
it’s name is pete and he loves that thing
there were bets on whether he would get caught first or if it would die first
so far neither has happened and it’s been six weeks
some of them are really weird???
has this really high pitched scream
“it would be really cool if you didn’t tell people i screamed like that” ~ alex probably, right after someone has caught it on video and posted it to their snap story
he likes to play it off like he’s not afraid but you can tell he TOTALLY IS
he’s still not 100% how (or why) he’s agreed to be a member of a coven but oKAY THIS IS HAPPENING NOW
HE LOVES FOOD SO MUCH OMG
literally will be your friend for life if you buy him lunch
(still could def be easily lured into a creepy white van b/c a stranger is offering him candy smh)
things you need to know about being his friend tho:
if you snatch a french fry off of his plate, he might not forgive you ever
literally a bottomless pit
he will eat everything in the fridge and complain that he’s hungry like an hour later
Pizza is his favorite thing of all the things
He actually is a pizza delivery guy on the weekends
It’s kinda a problem tho b/c he always struggles to NOT eat the pizzas he’s delivering
he’s actually caved and eaten one on two separate occasions
(how has he not been fireD?)
if you ask him who the coolest person on the planet is, he’ll tell you it’s hands down his brother Myles
if you disagree, he will fight you on this
Myles and Henrietta are def two of his favorite people and #lifegoals tbh
can’t sleep unless he’s sleeping w/ his stuffed penguin named turbo
you think he’s joking but he isn’t
1/2 the time is an actual seven year old
loves playing video games
acts like an idiot 75% of the time b/c he is but also b/c he likes to make you laugh
he’s one of the best friends you’ll ever have tbh
like he’s there for you no matter what (i mean as long as you don’t steal his food, you have been warned)
he’s sooooo horrible at thinking on his feet?
also don’t ask him to lie about anything for you b/c it turns out so badly
he once tried to use a fake id in a bar and he got so nervous that he started spurting out this fake backstory about how he was a 24 year old millionare who had gotten all of his money selling sheep on the internet
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