Arkham Militia Merc

Things overheard at our base in Venezuela. I'm also open to asks about the Militia. But please don't thirst about the Knight in my inbox, that's my boss, okay? On Halloween the Knight gets to control the blog.

[overheard-on-base]

Uh, hello, this is new to me. My name is Nicholas Fitzgerald, I go by Nick, I'm thirty-two years old, happily married, and am a standard mercanary soldier in the Arkham Militia.

With the Boss' permission, though I'm not entirely sure he was actually paying attention at the time, I'm here to recount some of the more interesting, or dare I say humorous, things said on base.

I'm also open to questions about my work, life, and the people around me. Answers might not be very detailed however, I can't share everything.

I hope anyone who finds this enjoys the bullshit uttered by my colleagues and boss.

[scaryscarecrows]

Post is not mine--clearly, I have one username, you'll know if it's me :p--but first of all this is a fun find and second of all, with the way the Militia as a whole bickers about everything, you KNOW this had fun things like:

-The Genuine Musician suffering more than Jesus because his coworkers keep calling french horns 'curly trumpets'. (Are they doing this to be annoying? 50/50.)

-Somebody who got way into the bit and learned to play the flute 'just in case'.

-Somebody else looking forward to killing the airship leeches with EXTREME prejudice.

Did they Superman this shit? Turn up in suits and just raaaaaaa them off to reveal fatigues? Or did they do the massacre and then just quietly go change? Either choice is honestly funny.

[interview-with-a-technospectre]

yeah i'm ace. keep scrolling.

[interview-with-a-technospectre]

hm. a lot of people owe me money now.

@overheard-on-base the arkham guards bet on our orientations?

actually, i'm not surprised.

[overheard-on-base]

I'm not a guard at Arkham, I'm a mercanary for the Arkham Knight. Confusing, I know. But yes, we bet on a lot of things. We don't have much to do nowadays.

[interview-with-a-technospectre]

yeah i'm ace. keep scrolling.

[scaryscarecrows]

I am apologizing to Drouot. I’ve been saying his last name as “drought” this whole time T-T

Jimmy: :D

Antoine: I've heard so many butcherments. Drought. Draft. Drew. Drew-ew-ew. Drumpht, once, that was a real reach. Every time I think I've heard them all...one more appears.

Jimmy: Dude, I keep telling you. Get married, change your name.

Antoine: FUCK NO PEOPLE CAN FIGURE IT OUT OR GET ASSIGNED TO CLEANING TOILETS WITH A TOOTHBRUSH.

[overheard-on-base]

Some drunk idiot: would you love me if I was a worm?

Deathstroke: I don't even tolerate you as is.

[arkhams-knighted]

The question of; 'Would you still love me if I was a worm?' is so stupid. No?? No is the answer.

[arkhams-knighted]

I need name ideas for my cat.

[gotham-cat-sanctuary]

Oreo, Meowler, meowman, moonie, Josh, catman, selina, jason jr, AK jr, Playdoh, vanilla, coffee, peanut, grace

those are some off top my head sorry

[arkhams-knighted]

Thank you. I will consider them.

[overheard-on-base]

I hate multiverse bullshit, what do you mean there's 1406 different versions of my boss here?

[overheard-on-base]

Hi, it's me, the Arkham Knight, and I'm here to let y'all in on a secret. You like secrets, right? I'm pretty sure everyone does. Anyhoo.

The man who runs this account is a fucking maniac. Briefly, after the whole Invasion Incident, I stayed in his house with him and his wife while I was trying to get back on my feet. Normal, right? For the most part, yes, until one night that I don't think I'll ever forget.

It was cold out, the pavements so damn icy that you couldn't go out without crampons and a prayer in your favor. Fucking horrible, you understand? I need you to understand how bad it was.

Anyway. Everyone's asleep, and a window shatters, naturally waking us all up. By the time I get up and out the guest room, I see Fitz throwing himself out the window, sprinting down the fire escape, and giving chase to a would be robber.

The worst part?

He was shouting, quite possibly at the top of his lungs: "I'M GETTING CLOSER!"

And he was. He was only wearing plaid pj pants and a baseball cap, but despite his lack of footwear, let alone ice spikes, he was running after this poor would be robber like a god damn Olympic athlete in comparison. He caught the guy in less than a minute and I'm pretty sure the attempted thief was sobbing.

The biggest takeaways I got from that were:

1) Alaskans are literally built different because that is the only explanation I can think of for why this regular ass guy didn't even have a short slide while doing his best angry mamma moose impression.

And 2) he sleeps with that fucking hat on.

[overheard-on-base]

What the fuck? Okay I'm pretty sure this is a lie I don't think I'd do this and I don't remember it. I'll ask Petra.

[overheard-on-base]

So I realized I forgot about this but I asked Petra and apparently it's true which confuses me more than the original post. When I catch the boss I'll have to ask him, but he's currently got me on what I can only describe as an all you can drive course and Hassel keeps saying I'm either about to get demoted to get away driver or promoted to personal chauffeur and frankly I'm pretty close to landing a plane on him

[overheard-on-base]

Hi, it's me, the Arkham Knight, and I'm here to let y'all in on a secret. You like secrets, right? I'm pretty sure everyone does. Anyhoo.

The man who runs this account is a fucking maniac. Briefly, after the whole Invasion Incident, I stayed in his house with him and his wife while I was trying to get back on my feet. Normal, right? For the most part, yes, until one night that I don't think I'll ever forget.

It was cold out, the pavements so damn icy that you couldn't go out without crampons and a prayer in your favor. Fucking horrible, you understand? I need you to understand how bad it was.

Anyway. Everyone's asleep, and a window shatters, naturally waking us all up. By the time I get up and out the guest room, I see Fitz throwing himself out the window, sprinting down the fire escape, and giving chase to a would be robber.

The worst part?

He was shouting, quite possibly at the top of his lungs: "I'M GETTING CLOSER!"

And he was. He was only wearing plaid pj pants and a baseball cap, but despite his lack of footwear, let alone ice spikes, he was running after this poor would be robber like a god damn Olympic athlete in comparison. He caught the guy in less than a minute and I'm pretty sure the attempted thief was sobbing.

The biggest takeaways I got from that were:

1) Alaskans are literally built different because that is the only explanation I can think of for why this regular ass guy didn't even have a short slide while doing his best angry mamma moose impression.

And 2) he sleeps with that fucking hat on.

[overheard-on-base]

What the fuck? Okay I'm pretty sure this is a lie I don't think I'd do this and I don't remember it. I'll ask Petra.

[overheard-on-base]

Hi, it's me, the Arkham Knight, and I'm here to let y'all in on a secret. You like secrets, right? I'm pretty sure everyone does. Anyhoo.

The man who runs this account is a fucking maniac. Briefly, after the whole Invasion Incident, I stayed in his house with him and his wife while I was trying to get back on my feet. Normal, right? For the most part, yes, until one night that I don't think I'll ever forget.

It was cold out, the pavements so damn icy that you couldn't go out without crampons and a prayer in your favor. Fucking horrible, you understand? I need you to understand how bad it was.

Anyway. Everyone's asleep, and a window shatters, naturally waking us all up. By the time I get up and out the guest room, I see Fitz throwing himself out the window, sprinting down the fire escape, and giving chase to a would be robber.

The worst part?

He was shouting, quite possibly at the top of his lungs: "I'M GETTING CLOSER!"

And he was. He was only wearing plaid pj pants and a baseball cap, but despite his lack of footwear, let alone ice spikes, he was running after this poor would be robber like a god damn Olympic athlete in comparison. He caught the guy in less than a minute and I'm pretty sure the attempted thief was sobbing.

The biggest takeaways I got from that were:

1) Alaskans are literally built different because that is the only explanation I can think of for why this regular ass guy didn't even have a short slide while doing his best angry mamma moose impression.

And 2) he sleeps with that fucking hat on.

[overheard-on-base]

Deathstroke was indeed wrong, it was litreally that one scene from incredibles 'MATH IS MATH' but instead of hunk of a man mr incredible its.... deathstroke, and funny enough that cook? pretty sure he resigned after that, or died, or both 🍋

I mean I agree with Deathstroke being wrong because he is like all the time but I cannot for the life of me figure out what the context for this was

[overheard-on-base]

Wait going back to this I just noticed you called Mr. Incredible a hunk in a roundabout way and through a lot of research (asking coworkers) I have come to a conclusion that this is a belief held by every Arkham Militia merc

[overheard-on-base]

Halloween is coming up, would anyone like my boss, Arkham Knight, to take the blog for the day again?

Yes, AK runs the blog for Halloween

No, AK does not run the blog for Halloween

Secret third answer/baldness/vanilla extract or whatever you button pushers like

Voting ended onOct 8, 2025

He seems to have things he wants to say but won't tell me what they are so I can't exactly relay them myself.

[overheard-on-base]

mockery is my form of love of course. wouldnt have it another way! 🍋

I'll try to keep that in mind

[overheard-on-base]

Very happy thank you, nick. You are oh so kind - 🍋

And yet you mock me still

[overheard-on-base]

@milita-forces: I SEE WHERE I LIE WITH YOU NICHOLAS.. 💔💔💔

Happy now?