Blue Zen

chaos births profoundness

[overlymelancholic]

All my friends are three years away.

[overlymelancholic]

There is no ambient light in the space.

[overlymelancholic]

Those video diaries with few views on people's youtube channel are the modern variation of cave handprints.

[overlymelancholic]

To leave the earth on a belief / to be suspending in air, thrusting with the speed of sound / away from everyone you loved / everyone you will ever love / away with hope you will come back sound and safe / for the love of humanity / for the love of exploration / to believe we are made to travel among stars / to have the courage to scratch the surface of infinity / to stare at the abyss and not let it swallow you / You will be remembered by everyone / not because you soared through the skies heavens to reveal the worlds beyond it / not because you found fragility in human existence / not because you made us realize how wonderful we are to even attempt to understand the cosmos / but for you had the courage to do so / because you took the chance / to find us living vicariously through you / to find remanence of your courage eons later on each flag on every planet / on every moon / on every celestial body / on every human endeavor / I thank you for that.

[overlymelancholic]

I know dozens of words for control but only a handful for care. I do not know how to tell you that I care. I do not have makeshift pencils adjusted at the end of the pen hollows to give you but I care. I care even though I lost the moments to polish your school shoes or bind your copies or help you with dishes or listen to you or take time to call. I care because I know. I've known you before I knew myself. Before I learned that care comes in packets of diwali sweets. That we are the rituals we follow. That everybody needs a life of their own. That even you.

All I'm saying is that, I do not know how to choose between poison and a gunshot. Between gods and angels. Between two lives and a soul.

No matter what I choose, I cannot see a life where I can have everyone and everything. Despite all the challenges we've been through, this small set of souls is all I have. No matter how far I sail, my heart always stays home.

But I fear. I fear I'll be home one day and some chairs will be empty. Some cupboards will be left in a hurry. Feet's are missing to fill the shoes and holes of my heart. I dread. I do not want to dread.

[overlymelancholic]

Beehives Camera Flares Saturn's North Pole Turtle's Shell Snow Flakes Pineapple BumbleBees Eyes

[overlymelancholic]

Director (Yells): "Cut ! Who is that guy in the background ruining my shot? Bring that extra here"

The guy approaches the director, trembling.

Agitated Director: Do you think you are an extraordinary actor? Huh. You are not even an actor, you are just an ordinary extra.

*everyone holds their laughter

[overlymelancholic]

It felt like End of the world back then.

[overlymelancholic]

Language barrier is a real thing.

[overlymelancholic]

[overlymelancholic]

She comfortable in her slumber / humming lullabies of ancient empires / how they rose into power / how they sacrificed their young / and how they met their demise / their destiny / She feels the world moving on around her vicinity / the sun rising / the stars colliding into gravity waves / ice melting like a confession / wisdom creeping into civilizations / She feels all that in her frozen nerves / in her crystallized bones / and a mind who acts as a guardian for this sleeping angel. Eons later they dig her up / momentarily displaced, she felt the world is in a motion / everything chaos / where is the spirit of her father ? / Where is her friend who braided her hairs ? / Where is the priest who intoxicated her ? / Why my eyes are not opening ? / Where is everybody? When the fits of rage and anxiety is over / she finds herself in a home made of glass and subzero ether / at peace.

As truth goes on, under six feet deep In the wake of history, she lies asleep

[overlymelancholic]

It is okay to not know.

[overlymelancholic]

I've got some deep-seated issues in me that needs work. I will push through. I promise.

[overlymelancholic]

Everything we do, every little action, inaction, movement, dance, singing, playing, cooking, smiling at everything is ritual we follow. Traditions passed down to us, not just as a wisdom, not just as an act of responsibility but a reminder. We are beings who are coded to perform repetitive behaviors, we are collective consciousness streaming our way to future. Every song you hmm, the way you hold your spoon, your pencils, your memories, my hand, my eyes on you, the way you create thought lines, you creates images in your mind to remember names, the way you justify your love for unlovable things, your love for me. It is a knowledge embodying each of us, one generation at time. Sailing through time to oblivion. But I can not be more happier, becoz I got you.

[overlymelancholic]

I don't know, and I can't understand whatsoever

Why sadness soothes me in a way happiness can never

[overlymelancholic]

Feeling like a hamster

Spinning the wheel

[overlymelancholic]

A hotelmaid in seattle business area knows which country is most untidy / A bus driver knows more intuitively about center of inertia than people who teach it / A monkey at a pilgrim knows what barter system is / knows how to run the system too / I too know few things myself / I hope I get to learn more