M

Maybe, one day I won't be lying when I say 'I'm fine.'

[creatingnikki]

It's done — the desire to talk to you, to hear you laugh, to hear your dad jokes — it’s done. I don’t care anymore about your excuses, your suffering. What’s truth? What’s a lie? Who the fuck cares? The fact lies here — you killed the girl who loved you. She doesn’t exist anymore. When she kept trying to reach you, with fresh wounds, dangerously close to bleeding out, you dismissed her. Now you don’t get to be shocked by her corpse. And please, don’t even think about buying flowers now — it’s far too late, and way too little.

[overthinks-stuff]

It's like I feel great when I do nice things for the people I love.

But suddenly I have this thought that what about you? What about making you happy?

Someone doing nice things for you? To make you happy? Does it even matter to anyone at all?

Not that I regret doing or saying those sweet things for them but it's just.. It is what it is I guess

Am I selfish for thinking that even when I'm doing these things for them, I secretly wish someone did the same for me too?

[overthinks-stuff]

[overthinks-stuff]

When someone makes it look like they're here to stay, I start believing them.

And maybe that's where the problem begins.

[overthinks-stuff]

The urge to open that damn mouth and tell you how you've captured my mind in all ways possible with your unending kindness and that freaking smile I can't seem to get over.

But you're you, and I'm me.

And you and me can't be us.

[overthinks-stuff]

There's so much I want to say to you but obviously I'm a coward so I'll just keep writing poems about you in my notes app.

I don't think I'm ready to know what your response will be and maybe I will never be.

Perhaps, in the back of my mind, I already know that what I feel is totally one - sided and hearing it from you won't make it any better.

Like I said, I'm a coward.

[overthinks-stuff]

All I wanted was

for you to

take me away

from the fire

before you found my ashes.

[overthinks-stuff]

I'd ask you to stay a little longer

but you never even said goodbye.

[overthinks-stuff]

आजकल तो हर जगह बस दर्द ही महसूस होने लगा है,

बस तुम्हारी बाते ही है जो मरहम की तरह सुकून देती है।

तो हो सके तो माफ़ कर देना,

कभी अगर दो चार बाते और कर दू।

[overthinks-stuff]

Why do I find myself looking for you when you're right here?

Or is my heart tricking me into believing you're here when you're really not?

[overthinks-stuff]

And when you decide to leave, please take these memories with you or I will start building homes with those too.

[o-sahiba-deactivated20240928]

You know, we all need love. And by love I don't mean the love of your parents and your immediate family. Because deep down, we all know that at the least they all are obligated to love you. That they have this responsibility towards you.

But someone, choosing to love you. Not because they are obligated AND want to but only because they want to love YOU. Out of all the people they come across, they choose you. This love. And it's not merely because they want your body but because they want your soul, your heart.

I know, I have loved and I know how it feels to love. But I don't know how does it feels to be loved. It is strange and somewhere, unbelievable; for me to even think that someone might have loved me like that. That someone's heart might have skipped a beat looking at me. That their face might have lit up hearing my name or that a huge smile might have adorned their face at the mere thought of me.

It's a strange and an unknown feeling of longing for someone to love me. People tell me that my existence is not based on that someone. That my worth is not measured by someone's love for me. But isn't it true? We all are human beings afterall. With a heart. With feelings. Don't we need love to survive? Don't we?

Maybe I'm too young to ask for love. Too immature to want someone else to be my priority. But it's okay. As long as it keeps me from hurting, it's worth it. Isn't it?

[overthinks-stuff]

THIS RIGHT HERE 💯

[overthinks-stuff]

Could you please hold me?

Even if it's just for five minutes

I guess it has something to do with

always being the one who is comforting

and a lot to do with never being on the receiving end of a little warmth when needed

[overthinks-stuff]

Nostalgia be hitting like a truck tonight.

[overthinks-stuff]

I've been suppressing these emotions for so long now that I fear I'll turn completely numb when I finally have the chance to let it out.

[overthinks-stuff]

why do you feel the need to be the reason behind the smile on their face?

why do you try so hard to be seen and are in constant need of validation?

why does it matter so much how they feel about you or if they approve of you?

why do you need a bloody report card on how nice you were to someone today?

why can't you simply just be yourself unapologetically with no fear of even being left alone in the end, if it comes to that?

[overthinks-stuff]

Thoughts so loud, blasting music got nothing on them.