[sadg1rl2001]

IN 1984 I WAS HOSPITALIZED FOR APPROACHING PERFECTION

[teratocrat]

if you were my stitched-flesh champion i would hang you from the ceiling by thorny chains terminating in cruel hooks during maintenance like some kind of shibari automobile and i would take scalpel and pliers and a dozen little leaden needles to fix extra muscles under your skin and i would carefully lay basins beneath you to catch drips of the oily rusty sludge that sluggishly courses through your veins in lieu of blood. and when i etched bleak antilanguage runes down your spine or across your chest the candles of my necrochirurgical theatre would gutter and flare with agitated tongues of violet and citrine, chartreuse and greasy ashen grey. and it would be good, and you would be good, and in your usefulness to me you would be good.

[owochimuwu]

After 40 years of focused, grueling, honestly mania-inducing R&D I'm glad to announce that my team is coming out with a new birth control pill that doesn't actually "stop" you from conceiving but causes internal structural changes to your reproductive system so that at the moment of ejaculation your vagina locks onto a penis with retractable bone barbs and forcibly injects your egg and all released sperm back into your partner's urethra along with a DNA modifying virus that makes some easy little bodily blueprint changes on a cellular level to prompt the development of a genetically compatible uterus and vagina which can house and successfully carry the provided gametes and ensuing zygote to term, effectively allowing ALL of us to become "mother", which should hopefully either cut down mommy issues or at least really change the game on how bad they can get. And yes. The pill is pink🩷

[owochimuwu]

My toxic trait is that in relationships if you're good enough at something i turn into zendaya's character in challengers like how i will feverishly take over your entire life in exchange for mind blowing and emotionally orgasmic sex with me (hot girl moded) and force you to push yourself until you're at the absolute top of your game and then i'll actually do enhancing experimental procedures on you like give you night vision and biochemically increase the tensile strength of your fascia and then make you paranoid about me cheating on you with your loathèd homoerotic rival and also paranoid of me surgically removing the parts of your brain that allow you to feel fear and self preservation and that's why i'm single. But open to love

[owochimuwu]

On occasion federal agents come asking if I know anything about mysterious local disappearances and I provide only the magnanimously friendly smile of a white woman exiting a gender neutral bathroom that she's just wrecked beyond reason

[7dmom]

"miss" Sephora did not understand that I only buy cosmetics tested on animals. If I am brought to my limit I will find animals to test on my self

[owochimuwu]

My adopted father often said behind closed doors that I was an "uncanny" or "scarily precocious" or "gay" child but he was the one who had me training to full body paralyze men without killing them. And anyway I was on the honor roll. So does it matter whether or not I was actually a serpentine changeling spirit or gay even

[fleetnaturals-deactivated202110]

so what if i got my toddler's eyebrows microbladed? it didn't cost him anything i had a gift cord

[owochimuwu]

Yes of course we accept Anthem Blue Cross for curse marks. We're out of network though

[owochimuwu]

Daddy would you stroll me around town and I could be on your arm wearing luxurious bespoke clothes and jewelry and perfectly manicured nails and everyone would look at you and be so scandalized and jealous because every so often I took your skullcap off and sauteed a little piece of your brain in butter on a rolling tray like Hannibal Lecter did to that one FBI guy 🥰

[owochimuwu]

You only want to "audit my laboratory" because you're insecure, you're unmoisturized, your relationships are based on convenience and obligation rather than genuine mutual respect and interest, you can't afford better health insurance, you already fumbled all the opportunities life had for you, you're dehydrated, you have split ends, your relationship with your own spirituality is confused at best, your oral hygiene is notably subpar, your savings are laughable especially in the face of any emergency, your wardrobe can most kindly be described as "so you", highschoolers could bully you, you have no sociopolitical leverage whatsoever, your vibe is offputting, you have lint on your shirt, and frankly you're just not cool enough to merit knowing about the "millions" I've spent on a "huge variety of regulated bioengineering materials" 😒🙄😩

[owochimuwu]

I frankly don't waste time and money getting my lab staff BLS/CPR certified, ESPECIALLY that heimlich maneuver bullshit. Not only are they all completely expendable but if you can't comfortably swallow a goat and regurgitate the bones and gristle then I'm unsure why you would work for me in the first place...?

[owochimuwu]

Men - especially cis men - should get pregnant more often so I can diversify my abortion clientele

[owochimuwu]

Don't generalize people who are 55 and up. Your grandpa's cervical radiculopathy vs my beautiful long swanlike neck that easily outpaces many competitive racecars and can twist into any plethora of kama sutra silhouettes

[owochimuwu]

You're literally not giving me this research grant just because you don't know what I'm capable of regurgitating yet

[owochimuwu]

"Bad parent" allegations abound. Bah. Listen. If, and that's IF, I synthesized over a thousand embryos with pilfered genetic material and raised only a fifth of them to adulthood and only half of those adults are sentient cognizant beings and only a tenth of those are happy and well adjusted adults with college funds then that still means I've raised TEN of my little test tube spawn successfully. So like. Name a parent who's raised even three happy children. Ok. Now name the hottest girl you know. It's me isn't it

[owochimuwu]

That greasy desperate fucking wretch only dreams that he could jeopardize as many covert operations as me🙄

[owochimuwu]

"Bad parent" allegations abound. Bah. Listen. If, and that's IF, I synthesized over a thousand embryos with pilfered genetic material and raised only a fifth of them to adulthood and only half of those adults are sentient cognizant beings and only a tenth of those are happy and well adjusted adults with college funds then that still means I've raised TEN of my little test tube spawn successfully. So like. Name a parent who's raised even three happy children. Ok. Now name the hottest girl you know. It's me isn't it