hand on my stupid heart

casper (he/him)

[savethelifeofmychild]

once i read everything on earth then i think ill be prepared to write

[mortallycrispygardener]

[shiftingbonesofapoltergeist-dea]

I'm sorry WHAT

[smallerontheoutside]

'lazy people don't feel guilty about not doing anything' is insane to me and I have been trying to make my brain believe it for a long time, it shocked me to my core when I first heard it

[astropithecus]

An important corollary to "if you were faking your mental illness, you could stop whenever you wanted."

[things-that-are-not-true]

the biggest spider in north america just sent you a friend request on steam

[powerburial]

I basically find crap like this hard to believe

[memorycycle]

money beyond ypur wildist dreams

[chirasul]

one hundred and seventy dollars

[memorycycle]

[xanaxfarts]

rewards member......................... loyalty program........................ point system................. cash back.................. subscription perks....................... download app............................. scan qr code.............................

[curioscurio]

NYT Connections puzzles suck cuz it will be something like "sit" "pop" "cap" "efecate" and the answer will be like WORDS USED TO MEAN TAKING A SHIT MINUS ONE LETTER

[3000s]

images used to look like this

[helloitsbees]

i found my switch

[put-me-in-a-collar]

[fuckyeahdavidandyonatan]

Its so sad there isnt a jorking it equivilent for food

[fuckyeahdavidandyonatan]

Like when youre horny but you have no one to sleep with you can just jork it. I can't do anything if I want sushi

[oddbookreport]

[guavagyal]

bro just take my fucking job application without a cover letter. we're literally gonna be in a mega economic collapse, you're not gonna fucking read it anyways. do you really need some fucking fanfic about me working at your business?? what the fuck are we even doing right now??

[dogpuppy]

[segamascott]

[louisegluckpdf]

[uhzzurago]

그런 모습들에 반한 거야

[inbabylontheywept]

my roommates car is named barff. it was originally bought from a dealership called garff, but then she tinkered with the g on the license plate thing so it looks like a b and now the car is just called barff.

my wife once asked our roomate where she was parked in a group chat. but she messed up the word "parked" and instead spelled it as "garked". and then me and my roommate just started referring to parking as garking because its just really fun to give my wife shit. its just part of the professional little brother playbook.

but also, at some point it stopped being ironic and we just started calling parking garking.

then today me and my wife were looking out the window and we saw our roommate struggling to do a three point turn into a parking space. and as fun as it is to give my wife shit its also really fun to give our roommate shit. so we ran outside and we ran around her car while chanting GARK THE BARFF. GARK THE BARFF. GARK THE BARFF. and then she did, eventually, gark the barff. theres no moral to this its just a surreal part of my life that i really enjoy. maybe tease people more? find your barff and gark it and never ever stop?

[inbabylontheywept]

@thicketscratches you get it

[dadsdog]

i need to get dry humped more than i need air or water i think