Mr. Vanilla Milkshake

This is a text post blog, and I am an excellent host

[max1461]

They offered me a job as a fucker. Yeah you heard me right, a fucker. Job is to fuck things. Boss points at something and says fuck it, I fuck it. That's my job. And I'm damn good at it. Pays like dirt and wears on the mind. Wears on the mind.

[zapatism]

lol ur watching the world cup finals sorry im too busy HAVING SEX

(texting my dick guy) we gotta have sex rn i just blogged

(dick guy) im watching the world cup

[transjudas]

never take for granted the moments when you’re not nauseous

[rnismatch]

Smiles fondly at my memories

[rnismatch]

Deletes them all

[cryptotheism]

Can I hit or do I have to pay tribute to the rest of your polycule first

[cryptotheism]

Twenty bushels of millet to milady with the neopussy. Twenty five to the it/she because it does the dishes most often.

[dragongirlsweetie]

little bit of advice: if you can't tell if a post online is a joke, you should always assume that it is not a joke and the op is either an idiot with an inflated ego or is lying on purpose for malicious reasons. in both cases the best course of action is to aggressively correct them and insult them, maybe even threaten to kill them

[dragongirlsweetie]

the buddha taught this

[fairycosmos]

my dead wife. the ad free internet

[b0nkcreat]

eyes emoji was the perfect invention for nosy people. like 👀 whats going on over here 👀👀 i just wanna know #LetMeKnow 👀👀👀

[editoress]

Alarm Off perfec t time for put lying in bed to t/hink! Inside very Quiet and Peace thoughts very productive put in Alarm Off. Put Thinking in Alarm Off time. no problems ever lying in bedd with alarm off because good Contemplation and Eyes Closed for difficult deep thoughts about day. alarmOff yes safe place to close eyes lie in bed can trust not to fall back asleep. friend bed

[kosmogrl]

am I unforgivable or is it just thursday

[romanceyourdemons]

sewing affirmations

it’s okay that i don’t have a sewing machine

i love backstitching by hand for hours

this has got to be great for my back

millions of my ancestors did this and they lived almost as long as i want to

i’m making so many beautiful things for my house—oh goddamn it

[gondorrevealparty]

Polycules should be able to trade people like sports teams do

[gondorrevealparty]

Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.

[makesoneteam]

you would think, like, "oh, we've already thought of all the metaphorical ways we can say penis/vagina. we've already come up with the full list of nicknames. we have exhausted the list of innuendos. there is nothing else new to be said about this" and then you'll open a random explicit fic and make the most improbable linguistic discovery of all time

[pochayun]

would you like to share with the class 🤔

[makesoneteam]

saw the term "gummy walls" last night and had to sit alone with god for a minute

[mercury-mage]

would you like to unshare with the class

[c3rvida3]

i love narcan i love plan b i love cross sex hormones I HATE almond milk it's too thin for most vegan drinks and baking yet too fucknasty flavored for a lot of cooking you'd want something thinner for so what's its deal exactly

[amaranthineanomie]

sometimes you just want to coat your mouth with a film of bitter slime.

[c3rvida3]

That's why I go to your dad's house.

[ironpour]

I hope everyone loses the world cup and then the universe explodes

[indigosfindings]

when tiger met dragon

[indigosfindings]

crouching harry hidden sally

[el-shab-hussein]

This is a good thing and I would be happy to see it continue.