track #12 ➜] whole album ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ - written part below cut
the question hangs in the air, heavy enough to sting as you say it. the air is stale, carrying the heat of the newborn summer blooming around you and the smoke of sukuna's cigarette. he’s leaning against the wall outside the convenience store where he works, black hoodie half-zipped despite the warmth, hands shoved into his pockets as he has nowhere else to put them. you stand in front of him with your hair tied up messily, an oversized t-shirt, dressed like someone who had been trying to unwind at home before getting a text they shouldn’t have answered. your hands dig into your bag for your pack. he snorts softly.
“that’s a terrible icebreaker.” still, he hands you the lighter. pink plastic. scratched at the edges. warm from sitting in his palm. you hate that it feels heavy in your hand, not because of its actual weight, but because it's his. you light up a cigarette, and smoke curls around your smile. "i had to start somewhere," you shrug.
for a second, neither of you speaks. you watch him carefully, then — really watch him. the dark circles under his eyes, the way exhaustion settles into his shoulders, the silver of his eyebrow piercing catching the streetlight. funny. you never knew where he worked. never knew what he did when he wasn’t making music, or what he wanted out of life, or even how old he really was. twenty-six, maybe older. the distance between you feels deliberate somehow. like something built brick by brick to remind you that people like him and people like you don’t end up in the same places. that opposites don’t attract. that may be your instincts had been right all along.
you flick ash onto the pavement. “you shouldn’t have texted me, sukuna.” his gaze snaps to your face. “you started something knowing damn well there was no way to finish it.”
his jaw shifts. “i didn’t start anything,” he mutters.
you blink at him. “seriously?” your laugh comes out sharper than intended. “you flirted with me first. don’t fucking gaslight me now.” the swear catches him off guard. it feels like anger should look different on you, like it shouldn’t belong to you at all.
he goes quiet. his cigarette burns down to nothing between his fingers.
for a while, there’s only the distant sound of traffic. then he exhales, defeated.
“yeah,” he says quietly. “i did.”
and somehow, that hurts more. because suddenly, you’re not crazy. there had been something. something lingering beneath every interaction. every look. every text felt too cutting or too careful.
you inhale smoke again, slow enough for it to hurt. then he speaks again.
“i noticed you last year,” he says, eyes somewhere far away. “when you picked up yuji from my parents’ place.” your brows knit together. “you introduced yourself. i don’t even think i told you my name.” he laughs once, bitter. “but you looked…” he pauses. struggles. “warm.”
the word lands strangely. “like sunlight or some shit,” he mutters, embarrassed by himself already. “and i remember thinking, fuck, i wanna see her again.” your chest tightens. “then satoru said he knew you.” he kicks lightly at the pavement. “i was stupidly happy about it.” his voice gets quieter. “because suddenly you were real. reachable.” he looks at you then. “yet you weren’t.”
the streetlight catches in his eyes. “i had this version of you in my head,” he says. “and i wanted it so bad it pissed me off.” he laughs again, humorless. “so i dated someone else.”
the words sting unexpectedly. “but you never really left my head,” he admits. “so i texted you.” a pause. “and now we’re here.”
silence settles around you, heavy. your cigarette slips from your fingers before you even realize. because what are you even supposed to say to that? then—
“i dumped her.” his voice is firmer this time. “mei’s gone.” he takes one step closer, not enough to touch but just enough to ruin the distance. “you didn’t deserve this mess,” he says, rubbing a hand over his face. “seriously. i fucked this up.” his fingers drag down slowly, rough and calloused. “and yuji…” he exhales hard. “i’m sorry about that, too. he kept asking about you last thursday.” your heart stutters. “he didn’t give a shit that i picked him up from practice,” sukuna says quietly. “just kept asking why you weren’t there.”
you stare at him for a second too long. the streetlight buzzes faintly overhead. somewhere down the block, a car passes. the world keeps moving in this morbidly normal way while yours feels oddly suspended.
“you don’t get to say all of this now,” you say quietly. sukuna’s expression tightens.
“no, i don’t think you do.” your voice shakes despite yourself. “you don’t get to tell me you noticed me, that you thought about me, that you—” you stop, swallowing hard. “that there was something there when you had a girlfriend.” the words feel ugly coming out.
“i know,” he says again, softer this time. and annoyingly, he doesn’t argue or defend himself. he just stands there. “i fucked it up,” he says after a while. “bad.”
you let out a humorless laugh. “yeah,” you mutter. “you really did.”
his mouth twitches, not quite a smile. “i’m not asking you to forgive me.”
that catches you off guard.
he looks down at the pavement before continuing. “i just couldn’t keep pretending you meant nothing.”
something in your chest shifts painfully.
you hate that. hate that he gets to say things like that after all of this. you hate that part of you still wants to hear them anyway. the silence stretches again.
“so what?” you ask quietly. “what now?”
sukuna exhales through his nose, shoulders dropping.
“i don’t know,” he admits. “but if there’s even a slight chance you don’t completely hate me…”
his hand twitches at his side again.
you look at him for a long moment.
“you’re kind of an asshole.”
for the first time all night, he looks genuinely surprised.
“you already ruined my evening,” you mumble, starting to walk. “might as well finish the job.”
and when he falls into step beside you, he doesn’t stand too close. but he doesn’t leave space for anyone else, either.
guys i hope you enjoy. sorry for being late i had a crazy couple of weeks. also i didnt proofread this lol lmk if it sucks ass
taglist: @addictedtofeelinreal @linda-aka-lodo @dovewhisper @aikuute @isadagoat @your-moms-bagina @gardenofwhom @chlovislovesyou @123mercedes
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