Fun Love Hope

Personal account paige26learningtolive My favorite PAILY and PAIGE stories not a writer but I will share your story ideas and hope the amazing Paily writers will write it for you :)

[lostorphanzombiesisthenewblack]

Paily Ficlet

Paige’s lips quirk into a sly smile, eyes twinkling mischievously, hands hovering over Emily’s waist, fingertips barely grazing the soft cotton of Emily’s t-shirt, and the bronzed beauty’s stomach fills with dread.

Paige inches her hand closer and closer and in return Emily backs away, eyes widened, threatening Paige to get any closer, but the auburn haired girl ignores the warning entirely. Emily’s heart slowly picks up its pace; a protest on the tip of her tongue when her back hit the armrest of the couch silences and gets replaced with a shriek of laughter.

“Paige!…No!…Pl…Please…” Emily gasps between puffs of laughter, but the fingertips running all over her sides, in a purposeful manner, never lessen.

With tears running down her cheeks, body squirming in a futile attempt to escape, did Emily make a silenced promise: Never mess with Batman ever again. 

Bored and in a writing mood. Any prompts? Invade my ask box! 

[paigemarie712]

My Paily heart is still going strong lol 💚 and I’m still blocked because I have lesbian stories. My avatar used to be so cute too :(

[paigemarie712]

Man, I miss the Gallows Humour series. That was 10/10 content 😭😭

One of my favorite Paily stories. I’m so sad the author took it down. I would love to read them all again

[paigemarie712]

Fanfic: A day at a time, Pretty Little Liars | FanFiction

[lostorphanzombiesisthenewblack]

Paily Prompt Part 1

Keep reading

[league-of-badass-women]

A Little Paily action from the prettylittleliars insta (x)

[yournamesbetter]

Fix Me Up

Paige winces as she watches her favorite nurse weave a stitch in and out of the hole in her arm. When the pain becomes just a little too much, she averts her eyes and opts to stare at the nurses badge instead and continues the game she always plays whenever she winds up in the hospital.

Keep reading

[acrazylesbianscientist]

The Shadows within (1/?)

Summary: This story takes place immediately after what happened in the light house, seen from Paige’s POV. What would happen if Paige’s parents blamed her for everything that happened.

Warnings: This fanfic will contain self-harm and will be very graphic. IF YOU ARE EASIL TRIGGERED DON’T READ THIS!

A/N: This is my first fanfic so bare with me. This is in no way related to the show. The idea just popped up in my head and won’t go out until I ride it down. I don’t know how many chapters it will be. I only now that in the end it will turn out alright. ‘Cause who doesn’t love a happy ending?

——————————————————————————-

Paige was sitting on the white hospital bed waiting for her parents to take her home. Her thoughts were drifting off to everything that happened that night. How Nate had grabber her, tied her up and put her in the closet. How he pressed the knife against her throat. The way Emily talked to the cops, covered in blood. ‘Oh my god, Emily. How is she? Is she hurt? Was there also blood from her own of only Nate’s and Caleb’s? I need to know if Emily is okay’

“Let’s go” A male voice spoke, interrupting her thoughts. Looking up she sees it’s her dad. So she get’s of the bed and walks to her dad who puts an hand behind her back and guides her to the exit. When they are passing the waiting room Paige quickly glances around to room to see if Emily is there and if she’s okay. She doesn’t see her ‘She’s probably just being examined like I was’

The car ride home passes in silence, her dad doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t even look at her, almost as if he’s angry. When they arrive home her dad leaves the car without a word leaving her behind in the car. Paige slowly gets out the car and makes her way into the house. At the stairs her mom and dad are waiting for her. Before she even can say a word her dad speaks

“Go to your room and sleep. We will talk tomorrow” He doesn’t even try to hide the anger in his voice.

Startled by the anger in his voice, she decides to do what he says and makes her way to her room.  Quickly changing into her shorts and tank top she slides under the warmth of her comforter. Her dads anger puzzled her, but she’s too tired to think about that now. All she wants to do is sleep, even too tired to text Emily and see if she’s alright. So she settles herself comfortable  and as closes her eyes. ‘I will text Em first thing tomorrow to see if she’s alright’ Is the last things that goes through her mind before she falls in a deep sleep.

The sudden light that enters her room wakes Paige up from her deep slumber, looking at her clock she sees it‘s already 9 o’clock. “Come downstairs, breakfast is ready” and with that her room was dark again. There was still the same anger in her dads voice as yesterday, maybe even more. ‘Why is he so angry? I can understand that he’s mad at Nate or maybe even on Emily. But at me? Why would he be mad at me. The anger in his voice clearly showed the anger was directed at me’ Shaking her head to get the thoughts out, she quickly changes into sweats and a t-shirt.

While descending the stairs she can hear her parents arguing. Upon entering the kitchen her parents fall silent and she’s met with an angry glare from her father and a disappointed look from her mother.

“Eat your breakfast and then meet us in the living room” Her dad spoke while making his way to the living room. Her mom following him. Not wanting to make him more angry, Paige quickly eats her breakfast and makes her way to the living room.

“Take a seat”  Sinking into the couch her eyes catch her mobile laying on the table. ‘Had Emily called her or texted her? Was she doing okay? Was she still in the hospital? And how was Caleb doing? Did he get through surgery?’

“What happened?” Her thoughts were once again interrupted by her dad.

“I was kidnapped by Nate, and he threatened to kill me…” She fell tears welling up in her eyes as she was replaying the events. Before she could say anything more her dad spoke again.

“How could you get yourself be kidnapped” He spat out.

“What?”

“You heard me. How could you get yourself being kidnapped! How could you be so stupid to get yourself kidnapped!” Her dad was now almost shouting.

This took Paige completely off guard. Her dad was angry at her for being kidnapped. He wasn’t concerned about her well being, or mad at Nate or Emily. No, mad at her. She pushed her tears back before she answered, knowing that it would make her dad even more pissed off if she would cry.

“He came from behind me and I pushed him off me. But he came back and throw me into a wall, causing me to lose my consciousness” Paige answered, moving her eyes from her dad to her mom to find comfort there. But even her mom now started to look angry.

“Why did he kidnap you?” Her mother asks, with a slightly angry voice.

“He was Maya’s stalker and accused Emily to take her away from him. And so he was going to let her pay by….”

“So you got kidnapped because you’re with that Fields girl!” Her dad shouted at her.

Paige completely tensed at hearing the anger and loathing in his voice. Looking at her parents, she sees another emotions on their faces, disgust. This puzzled her even more, she thought her parents were okay with her being gay. They had told her so. After the tension starts to subside, she feels anger boiling up inside her. Angry at the way Nick called Emily, Paige looks her dad sharp in the eye

“Her name is….”

“I don’t care what her name is! I don’t freaking care! If you weren’t… if you..” Her dad starts yelling at her. He’s so angry that his face is becoming red and he paces through the room.

“How could you do this to us. Don’t you know we have a name to uphold. How could you?” Her mom says. Before Paige can even answer her dad speaks again

“You know what go to your room. We will talk about this more tomorrow. And your phone stays here with us”

[acrazylesbianscientist]

The Shadows Within (2/?)

Summary: This story takes place immediately after what happened in the light house, seen from Paige’s POV. What would happen if Paige’s parents blamed her for everything that happened.

Warnings: This fanfic will contain self-harm and will be very graphic. IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED DON’T READ THIS!

A/N: This is my first fanfic so bare with me. This is in no way related to the show. The idea just popped up in my head and won’t go out until I ride it down. I don’t know how many chapters it will be. I only now that in the end it will turn out alright. ‘Cause who doesn’t love a happy ending?

I know the time moves slow, but these first days are really important to Paige’s story. So please bare with me. When the first few days are over, time will probably speed up a little. Feel free to tell me what you think about the story. Love to know your opinion. Well without further ado, chapter 2.

——————————-

Slowly getting up, with tears welling up in her eyes, Paige makes her way up the stairs to her room when she hears her dad shouting after her “Better yet, go hit the pool for 2 hours. We can’t have you slack off in swimming even more. Have to uphold our name somehow. And after that go to your room and stay there. We will tell you when you can come out. I’m sure you have homework to do. And we also will take your laptop, so you can’t e-mail your…. your….. whatever. Just go hit the pool” 5 minutes later, Paige finds herself in the pool practicing her breast strokes. The water usually calms her, the smell of chlorine combined with the water gliding past her arms is always enough to empty her mind. Today it doesn’t, how hard she tries to get her mind to empty, it just won’t. ‘Why are they mad at me for being kidnapped. It wasn’t mine fault. It was Nate’s fault, he’s the one that should be blamed. Not me’ The whole two hours in the pool she was going back and forth over this. While occasionally tears flooded from her eyes. Getting out of the pool, she’s even more unnerved than before going in.  

Keep reading

[acrazylesbianscientist]

The Shadows Within (3/?)

summary: This story takes place immediately after what happened in the light house, seen from Paige’s POV. What would happen if Paige’s parents blamed her for everything that happened.

Warnings: This fanfic will contain self-harm and will be very graphic. IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED DON’T READ THIS!

A/N: This is my first fanfic so bare with me. This is in no way related to the show. The idea just popped up in my head and won’t go out until I ride it down. I don’t know how many chapters it will be. I only now that in the end it will turn out alright. ‘Cause who doesn’t love a happy ending?

I know the time moves slow, but these first days are really important to Paige’s story. So please bare with me. When the first few days are over, time will probably speed up a little. Feel free to tell me what you think about the story. Love to know your opinion. Well without further ado, chapter 3.

—————————————

I wake up  laying on the floor, I want to scream but feel a sharp pain spreading across my lips. Trying again I come to the realization that my mouth is taped shut. Moving  my arms, I realize they are tied up as well. Just like my hands. “Good you’re awake” I hear him say, even though I can’t see him, I can smell him. His sweat is lingering in the air, filling my nostrils. Finally I see his face, he’s hovering over me. “You know you’re not even good enough to be with Emily. She should be with me! But she choose you, so I’m going to kill her and you can watch”  he breaths heavily in my ear. My mind goes in panic mode at his words and I try franticly to stand up. I need to get up to protect Emily. I need to keep her safe. I promised her. But he quickly sits on my legs to stop me from getting up. “Before I kill her though, and let you watch every bit of it, I think we can have some fun. Maybe it will change your mind on this whole gay thing” He says while sliding his hands down over my body, stopping briefly to squeeze my breasts. I don’t even have time to process his words or their implication. Before I know it he has pulled my pants and boy shorts down. And within a second he’s inside me. I try to scream, and wiggle my way out but he’s too strong. I try with all my might but all movement is stopped when he presses all his weight down on me, securing me to the ground. All I can do is cry.   After he’s done, he ties my legs up and shoves me in the closet. “You better be quiet, otherwise I will kill her even slower. How does it feel to know that I will take her away from you. How does it feel to know you’re weak, so weak you can’t even protect your girlfriend. How does that feel” And with that he slams the door shut.   Paige jolts up in bed, panting heavily, covered in sweat and tears streaming down her face. She can still feel his breath on her hear, smell his sweat, feel him everywhere on her body. Mostly she still feels him inside her and his scream when he came, causing her to cry even harder. Looking at her clock she sees it’s only 3 am. Yawning , she tries to stay awake, determined to not fall in another nightmare. However the exhaustion washing over her is too big and soon she’s back asleep.   With a scream she wakes up again, another nightmare. Not the same one, this time Nate was holding a knife to her throat, ready to kill her. Getting out of bed and walking around her room, Paige tries to erase all the memories that keep flooding before her eyes. It was only 7 am and she knew her parents would be up in half an hour to go to church. ‘I better get washed up then in case they want me to come along’   All dressed and sitting on her bed, reading a book, her dad comes in “We’re going  to church now, breakfast is downstairs. I want you to swim and when we come back we’ll talk”   2 hours later Paige was sitting on the couch fidgeting with her hands. Her parents were back from church and for the last 5 minutes they sat in the living room in silence. No one was saying a word, the deafening silence makes her want to scream at her parents to say something, anything.    “Are you still going to see that Fields girl” Her mom finally broke the silence. Paige looked up to her mom, finding disgust and irritation, it sends a sharp pain through her chest  and she quickly drops her gaze back to her hands.  “Yes, Emily is my girlfriend and I will keep seeing her”   “So your still…. still…. gay” Her dad spoke, saying the word gay with as much disgust and loathing as he could. The thought of his daughter being gay sickened him.   “Yes, I’m…”   “Don’t interrupt me, young lady. So you’re still gay. I thought that you would realize by now that it’s wrong and it isn’t you ”     “What do..” Paige started surprised, letting her eyes wander between her parents. ‘What was he talking about’   “I said don’t interrupt me!” Nick shouts while slamming his fist on the table. “I thought Nate would have made you realize that you’re not gay.”   Paige becomes more puzzled by the second, before being able to  form any coherent sentence or thought for that matter her mom speaks up with a voice also filled with anger. Although it’s less apparent than her dads, Paige can still hear it   “We thought that Nate raping you, would make you realize you’re not gay! That it’s just some stupid thought, a phase. We thought it would make you realize that you liked guys not girls!”   “You thought that..” Paige said with a raised voice. She was becoming angry and sad at the same time. Angry because her parents thought Nate raping her would turn her straight. How her parents somehow thought that being raped will make her realize that she likes guys. Like she would have enjoyed it.  And sad because her parents don’t even feel bad about the rape. Like they think she deserved it. Not even tying to comfort her.   “You know what I can’t even look at you. You repel me, disgust me, you make me want to throw up. You’re not worth it being my daughter. Getting yourself kidnapped and raped!” Nick started shouting at her.   “You’re not even good enough to be our daughter. Your times in the pool aren’t good enough, your grades can be better. You’re just a disappointment. You know what just go to your room and stay there, I will bring your dinner there.” Caitlin pitched in.   Paige was in shock, her eyes went from her dad to her mom and then to her hands. She sees small drops of liquid on them, indicating that she had started crying without noticing. Fighting to say something, anything, she finds herself drawing blanks.   “Just go!” Caitlin yells bringing her daughter out of her shock induced state. Paige quickly gets up and practically runs up the stairs.

[acrazylesbianscientist]

The Shadows within (4/?)

Summary: This story takes place immediately after what happened in the light house, seen from Paige’s POV. What would happen if Paige’s parents blamed her for everything that happened.

Warnings: This fanfic will contain self-harm and will be very graphic. IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED DON’T READ THIS!

A/N: This is my first fanfic so bare with me. This is in no way related to the show. The idea just popped up in my head and won’t go out until I ride it down. I don’t know how many chapters it will be. I only now that in the end it will turn out alright. ‘Cause who doesn’t love a happy ending?

I know the time moves slow, but these first days are really important to Paige’s story. So please bare with me. When the first few days are over, time will probably speed up a little. Feel free to tell me what you think about the story. Love to know your opinion. Well without further ado, chapter 4.

—————————————

Running into her room, she slams the door shut. Not even thinking about the consequences. Throwing herself onto the bed, face pressed tightly into her pillow, she cries for what seems the thousand time. That she still has tears left is beyond her.  A door being opened makes Paige look up from her pillow, the smell of dinner reaches her nostrils.  “Dinner” is the only thing her dads says before putting the plate down on her desk. ‘I guess I blacked out from all the crying’ Getting up from the bed and making her way to her desk, she expects her dad to leave. Only he keeps staying near her desk, waiting for her to finish dinner. Not wanting to spend a minute longer than she has too with her dad she starts eating as fast as she can.

Keep reading

[acrazylesbianscientist]

The Shadows within (5/?)

Summary: This story takes place immediately after what happened in the light house, seen from Paige’s POV. What would happen if Paige’s parents blamed her for everything that happened.

Warnings: This fanfic will contain self-harm and will be very graphic. IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED DON’T READ THIS!

A/N: This is my first fanfic so bare with me. This is in no way related to the show. The idea just popped up in my head and won’t go out until I ride it down. I don’t know how many chapters it will be. I only now that in the end it will turn out alright. ‘Cause who doesn’t love a happy ending?

This chapter is short I know, but it was difficult to write. And making it larger would only ruin it. Feel free to tell me what you think about the story. Love to know your opinion.

—————————————

“You repel me” Her hand moves closer to her inner right thigh.

“You disgust me, make me want to throw up” Her hand is hovering over her thigh now, shaking a little bit.

“You’re not worth it to be my daughter” She presses the blade to her skin, shaking even more.

Keep reading

[acrazylesbianscientist]

The Shadows within (6/?)

Summary: This story takes place immediately after what happened in the light house, seen from Paige’s POV. What would happen if Paige’s parents blamed her for everything that happened.

Warnings: This fanfic will contain self-harm and will be very graphic. IF YOU ARE EASILY  TRIGGERED DON’T READ THIS!

A/N: This is my first fanfic so bare with me. This is in no way related to the show. The idea just popped up in my head and won’t go out until I ride it down. I don’t know how many chapters it will be. I only now that in the end it will turn out alright. ‘Cause who doesn't love a happy ending?

—————————————

Paige is laying wide awake in bed, woken up from her rape nightmare. Not being able, or more like not wanting, to fall back asleep she gets up and gets ready for school. Almost forgetting everything that happened yesterday, almost. As the hot water warms up her skin, the water runs down her scars, causing her to wince. Looking at her scars, she sees they are red and becoming puffy from the water. Standing in front of her closet, she tries to decide what to wear. Settling on a loose pants, as to not brush too much against the healing scars, and a shirt since it’s still warm for October. Making sure all her books are in her bag she heads downstairs for breakfast. Her parents are still asleep, so when she sees her laptop and phone laying on the table after finishing her breakfast she takes them and goes back to her room.

Placing the laptop back in its place on her desk she quickly goes through her email. Other than some junk mails and one from her coach saying practice is cancelled for today and this week’s meet is pushed to next week, there is nothing important she missed. Closing her laptop she looks at her phone, unlocking it,  it turns out she has 5 missed calls and 10 texts, all from Emily. Hovering with her dumb over the last text, Paige is anxious to open it. ‘What if she’s mad at me for not calling her back. Or worse, she already has enough from me and breaks it off. No Emily wouldn't do that, if she calls it quits she will at least say it face to face.’  Gathering every ounce of courage, she opens the latest text message.

Please tell me you come to school Monday. I need to see you, need to know if you’re alright – Em

As she quickly text back, relieve fills her body,  Emily is not mad at her.

Hey Em, I will come to school today – P

Putting the phone in her pocket, slinging her bag over her shoulder, she sprints out of the house and on her bike. She reaches school in record time, happy to finally be away from home and to see Emily. Locking her bike in the rack, she looks around for the raven-haired girl. Making her way to her locker, she still hasn't found her. A bleep signals she has a text, hoping it is Emily she opens it. It’s her mom

Come back straight after school. No hanging – mom

Sighing she puts the phone back ‘Maybe she’s at her locker or already in her class’ Pushing the books she doesn't need in her locker, she hears a familiar voice. Turning around she sees Emily making her way to her, together with Aria who turns around and leaves when she sees Paige. ‘guess they still don’t trust me’  Closing her locker, she nervously waits for Emily to reach her, while looking down at her feet. ‘Is she fine? She looks fine, I can’t see any wounds from here. What am I going to tell her if she asks if I’m  okay. Do I tell her what happened this weekend. What happened with Nate´

The inner rambling is stopped when two strong arms pull her into a hug, freezing her in place. Hearing the words “ I missed you” whispered into her ear, broke her out of her shock and she hugs back. “I missed you too, so much” she whispers back, pulling the other girl even closer. After a few heartbeats the hug is ended. Looking into Emily’s eyes, she begins to ramble without her own consent.

“How are you? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did Nate hurt you? Please tell me you’re not hurt?..” A hand covering her mouth effectively shuts her up.

“I’m not hurt, yes I have a few scratches and a bruise or two from the fighting but not hurt. And I’m doing okay” Emily answers. Looking in her eyes, Paige can tell she’s lying. It shows behind her eyes, she can see the hurt.

“No you’re not fine Em. I can see it in your eyes. I can understand you don’t want to talk about it here, but I really think we should talk. How about we have lunch in the locker room and talk. We both have a free period after lunch so we have time” Paige looks expectantly in Emily’s eyes. She really hopes Emily would agree.

“Sure, that’s okay. How are you, I haven’t heard from you until this morning”

‘Oh shit, what am  I going to say. How do I explain to her why I haven’t texted or called her. Do I tell her about my parents. And should tell I her that I’m far from okay, that it feels like everything around me is crumbling down. No I can’t do that. I need to be strong for her. I can’t tell her until I know what is troubling her. What if I tell her and it completely breaks her down. No, I just have to be strong and tell her I’m fine’ Deciding not to tell anything, Paige starts rambling about why she hadn't called or texted her.

“Yeah, my parents took my phone and laptop away. They wanted to spend the weekend on talking about what happened and see what should be done now. And they thought it would be better if I didn't had people constantly asking me if I’m alright. I tried to convince them to let me at least text you, but they said that you probably needed some space too” Inside Paige is hoping that Emily will buy the explanation. Hoping she wouldn't see through the lie, like she always seems to.

“I can understand that. I kind of figured as much when you didn't return my calls or texts. But you still haven’t told me how you are”

“Oh, I’m fine. Maybe a little bit jumpy, but I’m fine” She answers with a smile.

Before anyone of them could say a word, the bell rang signaling the beginning of their first period. “I’ll see you in the locker room for lunch” Paige says while making her way to her class. “Yeah, see you there” And with that they both were on their way to class.

[acrazylesbianscientist]

The Shadows within (7/?)

Summary: This story takes place immediately after what happened in the light house, seen from Paige’s POV. What would happen if Paige’s parents blamed her for everything that happened.

Warnings: This fanfic will contain self-harm and will be very graphic. IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED DON’T READ THIS!

A/N: This is my first fanfic so bare with me. This is in no way related to the show. The idea just popped up in my head and won’t go out until I ride it down. I don’t know how many chapters it will be. I only now that in the end it will turn out alright. ‘Cause who doesn't love a happy ending?

—————————————

Making her way quickly to the locker room, Paige tried her best not to trip over anything. Her class had finished late, and the thought of Emily waiting for her alone pained her. She hates letting Emily wait. Reaching the doors her nerves take a sharp turn, what will Emily tell her? Taking a deep breath she opens the door and makes her way to her locker, which is next to Emily’s, who’s already sitting on the bench.

“Sorry I let you wait, class ran late” Paige says while sitting down next to her girlfriend.

“It’s okay. My class ran late too, so I haven’t been waiting that long” They both fell into silence, eating their lunch. Paige knows that Emily will talk when she’s ready, so she just waits patiently.

“You’re right, I’m not doing fine” Emily finally speaks after they finished their lunch, looking at her hands. “I’m having nightmares over what happened and I feel so guilty. I’m sorry, I really am”

Tears are running down her face now, and Paige quickly shifts on the bench to pull her into a tight embrace. Stroking her hair, Paige waits till the crying stops. When the crying turns into sobs, she loses her grip on the other woman and looks in her eyes.

“It’s not your fault Em, none of this is your fault. Don’t think for a second your to blame for all of this”

“But I kissed him and trusted him, if I didn’t..”

“No listen to me Em. This isn't your fault” Paige starts while grabbing Emily’s hands. She needs to let her know this isn't her fault. And that she doesn't blame her. “This is all Nate’s fault, he was a psychopath. There is nothing you could do about…”

“But he threaded to kill you, you almost died and then I….I….” Emily says panicked, while getting up to shake off her nerves.

“But he didn’t, I’m still here. You are still here. We both are and we will be okay”

“You think so?”

“Yes I do. Why don’t you tell me what happened when you ran off. I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but talking about it is the only way to get over everything that happened.

“Are you sure you want to hear it?” Emily asks shyly. “Yes Em, I’m sure, please talk to me” Paige pleaded with Emily. She knew that the only way for Emily to get over this, was by talking about it. Even though it might mean for her to hear things she doesn't want to hear, she would listen to them. It is the only way to get Emily through this.

Emily positioned herself again next to Paige, looking into her girlfriends brown orbs she finds the strength to talk.

“When I ran from the cabin I made may way into the woods when I saw a light. Running to it, I saw it was a lighthouse so I quickly made my way up the stairs to get a signal. When I finally got a signal, I called 911, but as soon as they picked up Nate showed up and my phone was thrown to the floor before he smashed it with his foot. He came after me but I fought him off. We struggled back and forth and I managed to push him off me. He then pulled out the knife and came at me, and in the struggle that followed I stabbed him…. Oh my god, I killed a man” Emily started crying again, and upon realizing she killed a man she felt a panic attack coming up. But she was quickly engulfed in another hug. Feeling Paige’s strong arms around her made the panic go away and she just cried into her shoulder.

“It’s not your fault. You had no choice, it was self-defense. If you hadn't you, you… It is not your fault you hear me. It was self-defense” Paige was repeating over and over again while rocking Emily lightly back and forth in her arms and trying not to cry herself. Emily looked up at Paige again once she finished crying, and guilt washed once again over her. “I’m so sorry I put you in danger. I’m so sorry you got hurt”

Paige couldn't listen to it any longer. Couldn't stand the thought of Emily blaming herself, feeling so guilty. “Listen to me, I don’t blame you. And this wasn't your fault. So stop apologizing, okay? There is no reason for apologizing” She says firmly, being cautious to not yell at Emily.

“Okay” Emily replied before sinking herself back again into Paige’s embrace. They stayed on that bench in silence, until it was time for them to go.

“Can I see you after school?” Emily asked with hope while they were making their way out of the locker room. She really wanted to talk more to Paige. At first she didn't think she could, but now she started, she realized she really wanted to talk about everything that happened.

“I’m sorry Em, I can’t. My parents wants me to come back home straight after school. But we can talk tomorrow again? We both have P.E. and instead of swimming or running we can just talk. I’m sure coach would understand” Paige really wanted to see her after school, and hated that she couldn't  But she also knew not to go against her parents, especially with how they are acting right now. “And you can text or call me anytime. Even if it’s late at night, I don’t care. I am here for you, you don’t have to go through this alone”

“Then it’s a date” Emily replies with a small smile and a nod. And with that they both went their separate ways again. Dreading the hours until they could talk gain. 

[acrazylesbianscientist]

The Shadows within (8/?)

Summary: This story takes place immediately after what happened in the light house, seen from Paige’s POV. What would happen if Paige’s parents blamed her for everything that happened.

Warnings: This fanfic will contain self-harm and will be very graphic. IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED DON’T READ THIS!

A/N: This is my first fanfic so bare with me. This is in no way related to the show. The idea just popped up in my head and won’t go out until I ride it down. I don’t know how many chapters it will be. I only now that in the end it will turn out alright. ‘Cause who doesn’t love a happy ending?

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

—————————————

Riding home Paige’s thoughts were still at the conversation with Emily in the locker room. It really hurts her to see the other girl being plagued so much with quilt. Not to mention she has to deal with the fact that she killed Nate. During the conversation Paige had to really bite her tongue  to keep herself from saying he got what he deserved. She felt in no way sorry that Nate was dead, how could she? He raped her, almost killed her and Emily. Riding her bike up the driveway see sees both her parents cars. ‘Well that’s a change. Normally they are home around dinner time’  Hesitantly opening the front door, she looks for her parents. Not seeing them see closes the door and makes her way to her room. Halfway up the stairs she is stopped

“Paige come to the living room right now” Caitlin yells at her daughter. ‘Shit, so much for getting to my room unnoticed’ Turning on her heels she does as told. The sight in the living room frightens her, her mom is sitting on one couch and her dad is pacing behind her. It’s the same setting as Sunday when they told her she wasn’t good enough to be their daughter. Leaning against the doorframe, she waits for her parents to start talking. She won’t sit down, she needs to stand to ground herself.

“Have you seen Emily today?” Nick says while shooting daggers at his daughter with his eyes.

“Yes, of course. She’s my girlfriend” Paige replies while frowning at the stupid question.

“So you two are still.. you know… you are” Nick started pacing again and it unnerved Paige, so she quickly shifts her focus to her mom.

“ Yes, we are still together” 

“How can she still want to be with you. She had to kill a man to protect you, because you were weak. How can she not resent you for it. Blaming you for everything” Caitlin said.

“It’s not my..” Paige started, fighting once again back tears. She won’t give them the satisfaction of seeing how much they hurt her.

“ Of course it is! If you didn’t get yourself kidnapped, she wouldn’t have to kill him! You wouldn’t be there and she wouldn’t need to protect you! It is your fault, you messed up as usual!”  Nick shouted at his daughter.

“ Just go to your room. It’s too hard to look at you, and see all the mistakes you made. Just go” Caitlin dismissed her daughter.

Once she was in the safe comforting of her room, Paige sets herself heavily down on the bed. Fighting with the tears, she refuses to let go. She has cried enough over everything that her parents told her. How they make her feel. Instead she grabs the books out of her bag and starts on her homework.

Dinner went without a hustle, in fact she was completely ignored. The only thing being said to her was an order to go swim some laps since practice was cancelled. So now she lays on her bed after swimming and a shower, deciding what to do. She wanted to text Emily to see how she’s doing, but thought it was better to give her space, knowing she would text if she needed anything. When she felt her thoughts of insecurity and low self-esteem coming back up, she turns her tv on. She needs to shut those thoughts out, because otherwise she would cut again. And she promised herself it would stay with that one time.

Focusing on the tv, her thoughts keep returning, pictures of her parents and Nate keep flooding before her eyes. She tries to shake them, but they won’t go. When the feelings of not being good enough, not worth it and weakness come up again she walks to her bathroom and takes out the razorblade and gets out of her shorts.

“It’s your fault. She killed him to protect you, because you’re weak” She hears her dad shouting again. ‘Maybe he is right. If I was stronger he wouldn’t have kidnapped me, and Em wouldn’t have to kill him. They are right, I just mess everything up. My past speaks for itself, how many times haven’t I screwed up yet. I am just not good enough, not worth anything. And I’m weak, Nate was right. I can still feel him everywhere on me. I don’t want to do this, but I have to. I have to be strong for Emily, get her through this. And I can’t do that when I’m falling apart. I need to keep this all away from her until she’s okay again. So I need to do this, and I deserve it. I hate myself, I’m nothing and I deserve this’ Paige was thinking to herself as she slid the blade over her left thigh this time. The scars on her right thigh are healing so she can’t cut there.

Removing the blade, she stares at the blood that comes from the cut for a few seconds until she presses the blade back again to her thigh making another cut. Paige keeps cutting until she doesn’t hear her parents anymore, until she didn’t hear and feel Nate anymore. After 15 cuts everything finally disappeared again, she waited till the bleeding stopped before cleaning herself and everything else up. Instead of the putting the blade back in the back of the cabinet, she placed it at the front. She knows she will come back for it again anyway. No need to put it all the way back. Putting on her clothes again she sinks in bed, fighting the feeling of shame and loneliness that rushes over her. After much tossing and turning she finally falls asleep.

*bleep bleep* Paige hears her phone ringing, signaling a text. Reaching over to her bedside table she takes her phone and checks the message.

I’m sorry for waking you up, but I had to know you’re okay - Em

Paige quickly replied. Fact was that Emily didn’t even wake her up, she was already awake for 10 minutes, woken up again from her rape nightmare.

I’m okay, what happened? Had a nightmare? - P

Yes, I saw Nate killing you and then he came after me and then I felt his life slip away from him through the knife in my hands - Em

Em, Nate didn’t kill me. I’m still here, we both are. And his death is not your fault. I know you’re hurting right now, but don’t even think for a sec it’s your fault - P

Thanks Paige, you always know how to make me feel better - Em

No problem, just try to get some sleep - P

I will, goodnight Paige - Em

Goodnight Em, see you tomorrow - P

Now she has helped Emily to feel a little better, Paige felt herself calm down from her own nightmare. Rolling onto her side, she tries to get some more sleep. Even though she don’t want to, knowing she will probably fall into another nightmare, she  also knows she needs the sleep if she wants to stay strong for Emily.

[acrazylesbianscientist]

The Shadows within (9/?)

Summary: This story takes place immediately after what happened in the light house, seen from Paige’s POV. What would happen if Paige’s parents blamed her for everything that happened. Later it will be from both POV’s

Warnings: This fanfic will contain self-harm and will be very graphic. IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED DON’T READ THIS!

A/N: This is my first fanfic so bare with me. This is in no way related to the show. The idea just popped up in my head and won’t go out until I ride it down. I don’t know how many chapters it will be. I only now that in the end it will turn out alright. ‘Cause who doesn't love a happy ending?

I know the time moves slow, but these first days are really important to Paige’s story. So please bare with me. When the first few days are over, time will probably speed up a little. Feel free to tell me what you think about the story. Love to know your opinion. Well without further ado, chapter 9.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

—————————————

Standing by her locker, Paige changes quickly into her swimsuit. She doesn’t want Emily to notice the scars, even though she knows she covered them up and shouldn’t be seen, the thought of Emily or even anybody seeing it made her a little uneasy.

“Hey, how are you?” Paige asks as soon as Emily is standing next to her.

“I don’t know, I might feel a little better after yesterday, but I still can’t say I’m okay” Emily says while changing into her swimsuit.

Paige turned her back to Emily to give her privacy, a rule they set now they were dating. “So you’re ready to swim today?”

“Yeah I’m a little bit tired, but I can’t wait to stretch my muscles again”

After Emily was changed they both went to the pool. Coach decided to let them race against each other first to see how their times were and as luck would have it, Paige was up against Emily. As soon as her body hit the water, a burning pain went through her legs, making her want to scream. She had forgotten how the chlorine stings in the wounds. After pushing the pain away she swam at full speed, determined to set a good time. Not that she really wanted it, but she needed it to keep her parents at ease as much as possible. She ties with Emily, making her worried about her time. Hearing coach tell her that her time was down with 200th of a second, she lets out the breath she doesn’t know she was holding. The rest of the training went on well and when it was time to shower Paige made sure to be the first in the showers and the first to get dressed so no one would see the scars. Although she could swear that one of her teammates eyed her when she got out of the pool.

Sitting fully clothed on the bench she waited for Emily to finish getting dressed so they could walk to their first class of the day. They didn’t have the same class, but she insisted on walking Emily to her class. When they reached it Emily turned to her

“Will I see you at lunch?”

“I’m sorry I can’t. Have to talk to Coach” She immediately felt guilty when she sees the disappointed look in Emily’s eyes. She really did want to have lunch with Emily and she could talk to their swim Coach another time, but the truth is that she isn’t comfortable having lunch with Emily’s friends. The last time she saw them, they accused her of being A and wanting to hurt Emily. What if they still didn’t trust her? With everything that was going on right now, she can’t handle that too.

“Oh, well, I guess I’ll see you then at P.E.” Emily says while getting ready to go into the classroom.

“Yeah, I’ll see you at P.E.” And with that they looked briefly at each other before Emily went inside and she went off to her class. She really wanted to kiss her goodbye, but she wasn't sure if Emily wanted too, when she is still plagued with so much guilt.

The rest of the day went without much of a hustle. The ringing of the school bell indicated that it was time for P.E. so she made her way to the locker room to meet up with Emily. Arriving at her locker, she sees Emily is already there. So just as yesterday, she puts her bag down and sits next to her.

For the next hour they talk, the same like yesterday. Emily talked  about what happened with Nate in the lighthouse, about the nightmare and how she feels guilty. While she just sits there and listens, reassuring Emily that it isn't her fault, and hugging her tight when she cries. When it’s time for them to go, both feel reluctant to leave. It means going back to the halls, where people will watch them. Everybody heard what happened, or at least part of it, and now they were being watched by the other students. They do their best to ignore them, knowing that they will talk about something else when the next big scandal makes its way into the halls. The biggest reason they don’t want to leave is because it meant that they would have to go without each other’s company for the remainder of the day. And that’s something neither of them want, they just want to sit here, feeling safe in each other’s company and talk. Hearing the bell ring, they both get on their feet, walking silently out the doors.

“Lunch tomorrow in the locker room? I have to get straight back home again, so I won’t see you anymore today.” Paige asks, since they don’t have P.E. or a free period on Wednesday. “Sounds like a plan, see you than” Emily replies. “And thank you, for listening and helping me get through this” “No need to thank me Em. I’m your girlfriend, it’s my job” Paige replies matter-of-factly with a smirk on her face eliciting a laugh from Emily before she walks away.  Paige watches Emily walk down the hall until she rounds the corner before leaving for class, hoping that she can stay this strong for Emily, because it looks like it’s working. It seems that Emily gets a little bit better with every conversation.

Paige’s next classes go by way to quickly for her own liking. Before she knows it, it’s time to go back home. She really doesn't want to, but is too afraid to go against her parents and make them even more mad at her. At home nothing has changed, she is greeted with yet another lecture from her parents about how she’s not good enough, not worth it, a waste of time. Basically everything they already have told her in the last three days, and during dinner she is once again ignored.

After a long day, Paige finds herself sitting again in her bathroom with the blade in her hand. She remembers her teammate who was eyeing her. Scared that she saw the cuts, Paige takes of her shirt looking at the scars at her stomach. Some have faded over time but others are still there, a reminder of what she once did and what she was about to do again. Her mind is being overwhelmed again with all the negative feelings and thoughts, her parents words and faces, Nate, and this time even Allison and everything she did to Paige. Putting the blade against her stomach, she makes a small cut. Repositioning the blade she makes another 10 lines appear on her skin all superficial, because for know that’s enough, while she silently cries, letting everything flow out of her through her tears and the blade. When she’s done she goes through the same ritual, waiting for the bleeding to stop, cleaning the blade, putting on her pajama and going  to sleep for as long as she can until she wakes from her nightmare again.  

[acrazylesbianscientist]

The Shadows within (10/?)

Summary: This story takes place immediately after what happened in the light house, seen from Paige’s POV. What would happen if Paige’s parents blamed her for everything that happened. Later it will be from both POV’s.

Warnings: This fanfic will contain self-harm and will be very graphic. IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED DON’T READ THIS!

A/N: This is my first fanfic so bare with me. This is in no way related to the show. The idea just popped up in my head and won’t go out until I ride it down. I don’t know how many chapters it will be. I only now that in the end it will turn out alright. ‘Cause who doesn’t love a happy ending?

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

—————————————

  Keep reading