pakhi

she / her | 16

[pakelysian]

𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔴𝔢𝔞𝔯 𝔞𝔫 𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢𝔰𝔱𝔬𝔯'𝔰 𝔣𝔞𝔠𝔢. 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔩𝔬𝔬𝔨 𝔩𝔦𝔨𝔢 𝔰𝔬𝔪𝔢𝔬𝔫𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲'𝔩𝔩 𝔫𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔯 𝔪𝔢𝔢𝔱. ℑ𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔪𝔦𝔯𝔯𝔬𝔯 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢'𝔰 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔰𝔞𝔫𝔡𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔶𝔬𝔲. 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔦𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔟𝔞𝔱𝔥 𝔴𝔥𝔢𝔫 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔩𝔬𝔬𝔨 𝔡𝔬𝔴𝔫, 𝔰𝔥𝔢 𝔩𝔬𝔬𝔨𝔰 𝔟𝔞𝔠𝔨, 𝔰𝔥𝔞𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔡𝔢𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔪𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔦𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔯𝔦𝔭𝔭𝔩𝔢𝔰 𝔞𝔰 𝔰𝔥𝔢 𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔰 𝔟𝔢𝔫𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔥 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔲𝔯𝔣𝔞𝔠𝔢.🕊

[ritikajyala]

My 13 year old cousin came back from a date with her boyfriend and said, "I can't wait to grow up and spend sunday afternoons with him." At first, I wanted to laugh (after all they're just 13), but I remember being 13 and having the world in my hands. I remember getting excited to talk to someone about my dreams and wishes, and how happy these daydreams and fantasies made me. There's this innocence you can only have at 13 and the world rises and falls and crashes and burns every year... until you do not think about quiet sunday afternoons.

So I asked her about the date and heard her giggle about bubblegum flavored ice cream, and how much she loves this little life. I think she makes me love it too.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

[reverie-quotes]

It's in these moments, next to you, that I envy words for doing what we can never do—how they can tell all of themselves simply by standing still, simply by being. Imagine I could lie down beside you and my whole body, every cell, radiates a clear, singular meaning, not so much a writer as a word pressed down beside you.

— Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous

[pakelysian]

I am thumbing the index of my mind for something helpful for to share, nothing new about a new year?This week has been a century and its still Wednesday, haven't cut out bread or idling or my skin.

Breaking down walls of information and indications that happiness isn't attainable for those like me

from broken families and not so stable foundations,our lives dont have to be victim of our past situations

here we've made it here we'll stay

will life ever be okay? will i be able to survive? will i be able to get out of here? will people stay? will i harm them? will they fall out of love?

here we'll stay and see.

[raconteurornot]

for the lucifer in the mirror

you know of a lucifer in the mirror you say

as if it is the halo that makes an angel,

then so be it, blindly i would follow,

darling, i would let you drag me to the pits of hell.

i am nothing but a blank canvas,

come, fill me in, i would let you color me the ugliest shade of dread,

and i am nothing but decaying autumn,

i would let you set fire to me till it bled.

i know i am giving up my sanity

by putting it on your hands, on grave peril;

still absurd as it sounds, it has been heavy,

always too heavy for me to carry.

and i know i should be diving into a lake

in this cold heartless night, i should not be here right now.

is it restlessness or longing? i should be

running into your arms but i do not know where you are.

my mind had refused to write laws

for the felonies you committed against my heart,

so look at me and look for me now,

come find me before our evermore falls apart.

mai

[petricarousel]

the sound of wind that blurs my soul,

the heat that rises numbs me cold.

the waves come up and reach my feet,

and through my eyes, my heart shall bleed.

i held the sand as i laughed,

the cloth of nature held me half;

the broken side which slipped away,

to find a field of lonely grass.

the more we grow, the more they tell,

the lies of shadows that we spell.

but if they're meant to stay alive,

make your heart a grave for mine.

I'm still in here, at the shore.

the prize of greed, lust and more;

reminds me of the things we know.

find me now, my petrichor.

[pakelysian]

<3

[pakelysian]

𝑖 𝑤𝑖𝑠ℎ 𝑤𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑏𝑢𝑟𝑦 𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑣𝑒𝑠 𝑖𝑛 𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟, 𝑐𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑤𝑒'𝑣𝑒 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 - very loml

[pakelysian]

𝑖'𝑙𝑙 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑎𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑢𝑛𝑠𝑒𝑡,

𝑖'𝑙𝑙 𝑘𝑖𝑠𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑒𝑦𝑒𝑠.

𝑖'𝑙𝑙 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑠 𝑑𝑟𝑜𝑤𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔,

𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖'𝑙𝑙 ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑐 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑛𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡𝑠

[turkialtu-deactivated20260303]

[ancientoptimism-deactivated2023]

Long distance relationships🌙✨

Falling asleep on FaceTime together because you both don’t want to hang up, sending each other pictures of random things during the day, missing the things other couples take for granted, bad wifi connection ending your calls at least once each time, smiling at glowing phones at night, sitting in silence with each other to make it feel like you’re sat next to them, “hold on, I need to charge my phone”.

Losing track of time and not wanting to catch it again, talking about weather differences, care packages, letters and birthday cards sent in the post, move nights through screens, missing hand holding, “I’ll be late tonight, I’ve got a thing”, rescheduling chats around work/school, time differences, printed out pictures from screenshots of calls, countdowns until you next meet, planning the day you’re not apart.

[pakelysian]

CRIES

[pakelysian]

ok 25th may 1:28 am JWJWJEJWJJSKWKWOWUEJEHHEHDHEHDHRHEDNNFJFJEJEJWHHAHAHAHAHSHDHEHEHUWIWKWKSJJEJSJEJSJDJWKKEKE WJHEJEJSJD????? SJSJEHJEJWJJEJDJE BABAHSHSHEHEHEJWJWIWIQIOWUEDNDMMSMAMWJSKKSJSJRKE EI AM SHEVREAMIJTJEJJEJWJWJWJWW IM SO HAPPY PLSJWJWJWSOKEKWI ok bye EUHSHWJAJSJWJ

[bloomingsalma]

"Earth grounds and holds." - Victoria Erickson

[jaane-ghazal]

“I sat with my anger long enough, until she told me her real name was grief.”

[ancientoptimism-deactivated2023]

Share facts about our universe with me, let your voice get slower as you try to emphasise your awe with the universe we float in. Let your eyes light up as you tell me about the sextillion stars that swamp our skies.

I’ll never get tired of our universe if you’re the narrator.

[pakelysian]

Would you had come for me, if you knew how i was ? Was there a you, Or was it just me, looking for me ? Or did none dare to open the doors//