atsushi bored out of his mind, and perhaps after watching a bunch of prank videos, texts various ppl in his life that he needs help hiding a body.
atsushi: i need help hiding a body
ranpo: no u dont lmao;;; but if u did, dont text it dumbass, things like that get traced. just send a code word or something; something innocent
atsushi: i need help hiding a body
dazai: delete that and this immediately, and ill do the same. give me five minutes
atsushi: i need help hiding a body
atsushi: someone broke into my apartment; i panicked
naomi: okay, we can call that self defense; worse case scenario we pin a few things on them and deal with it. dont worry. delete this convo tho, ill be there with junichiro
atsushi: i need help hiding a body
junichiro: naomi told me; dont worry, we wont let anything happen to you :)
atsushi: i need help hiding a body
kenji: like an animals? why not just eat it?
atsushi: i need help hiding a body
kyouka: are you pranking me? ill be over soon, just in case. i just need to give haruno-san a believable excuse. dont worry, if its true, she'll be my alibi.
atsushi: i need help hiding a body
atsushi: i need help hiding a body
lucy: cool. be there in 10
atsushi: i need help hiding a body
kunikida: okay don't panic, delete this conversation. i'll be over as soon as i get a few things. dont touch anything. dont call anyone. dont answer the door unless you know its me.
atsushi: i need help hiding a body
poe: ranpo-san has informed me this is a prank.
atsushi: i need help hiding a body
yosano: okay, don't panic. happens to the best of us. first of all, calm down, no biggie, okay. then, im going to send you instructions on what to do, but i'll be over with better tools soon. we'll clean up the place, and you, and get rid of the body. after reading the instructions, delete all of this. we'll get rid of ur phone just in case. dont worry, the cops here are iffy, and ranpo wouldnt sell you out.
atsushi: i need help hiding a body
anyway, atsushi wasn't expecting all the ppl in his life to immediately respond. he's about to send a follow up confirming this is a prank, but he hears his bedroom window open, and he panics, wondering if he prophesied a break in, he goes to check
akutagawa, completely casually: hmm u do not look bloody. that is good. well, you fool, take me to the body, the quicker this is dealt with the quicker i can stop suffering your presence.
akutagawa: do not ask foolish questions
atsushi: wait-- okay wait, no sorry, this was just a--
akutagawa: did you call someone else
atsushi: uh yes, lemme just check--
akutagawa: fool, that is the quickest way to get caught.
*akutagawa carefully pressing his ear against the door*
kunikida, outside: atsushi, kid, its me
atsushi, pushing akutagawa awya: relax its just kunikida
anyway, kunikida shows up with a bag adn cleaning supplies and atsushi tries to explain that this was just a prank but
kunikida: ah you told akutagawa as well. worse case scenerio we can pin it on him. its not like it'll effect hsi record much.
akutagawa: i had the same idea--
anyway during this, dazai shows up with chuuya
dazai: atsushi :( you called other people? well whatever, kunikida-kun can keep a secret and no one would believe akutagawa anyway
chuuya, yawning: lets get this over with already
lucy, showing up: whats going on--
yosano, with cleaning supplies and other tools: ah, did you tell the entire agency?
junichiro sneaking in through another window:
kyouka, now wearing all black so that if it gets dirty, its harder to tell, also through the bedroom window:
naomi, waiting for junichiro to let her in through the door:
and finally, when atsushi finally gets them to calm down and listen--
dazai: what~ it was a joke? i knew that
kunikida: atsushi, boy. i cannot believe u.
yosano: aw i was kind of excited
junichiro: haha u got us good
akutagawa: you foolish jinko. how DARE---
after, everyone calms down and has a laugh but then
fukuzawa, with a giant shovel: ah, good the entire team is here.
and after explaining it to him
kenji shows up with butchering tools: ooh are we having a banquet!! i brought tools to prepare the meat! which animal did you hunt?