I haven't watched episode 3 yet, can't bring myself to, the gifs and snippets I've seen have almost been too much.
The fact that it seems Beverly has, at no point, thought enough of herself to see that Jean-Luc might love her more than anything else is just- 💀I can't.
Has she ever believed she's deserved a great love? One that lasts? One where she is enough for someone?
To Beverly, it was as plain as day that Picard was never going to leave Starfleet, not for her and not for their son, because she seemingly didn't believe that anyone (not least the illustrious, married-to-the-fleet Captain) would choose her as their future.
"Don't tell me you would have walked away?" You can see it right there in her face, how incredulous she is even after all these years, she's never considered that he would.
Them getting together and breaking up so many times? I bet every time they would find themselves falling deeper in love, Beverly would panic and find a way to break it off. We've seen as much in Attached. Just a straight-up fear or constant awareness of there being no way for them to create a future together, no matter how much they loved each other. Then time would pass, and they'd fall back together again because they can't help themselves, and the cycle would begin over.
"There was always a clock." urgh.
Then with Jack, she chose to just disappear, regardless of her own personal cost, because she knew Jean-Luc would get over it eventually and it was preferable than being the one to force him into that decision. That would be asking too much, and who was she to demand that from him?
Urgh. Only the one person in the whole galaxy he would have said yes to.
"I've lost all ambition for worldly acclaim, I just want to be the one you love." 😫
It was right there in the mixtape, Bev. RIGHT THERE IN THE MIXTAPE.
I'm just heartbroken for them both. For the life they've lost together. For the fact that you can clearly see they still love each other but that the damage might already be done.
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