a self-titled paradox

always writing, never sharing. i wear my heart on my sleeve but i keep it under lock and key. hoping to help others as i help myself through poetry. all work is original.

[parad0xp0etry]

“just two friends having fun”

is what you refer to us as

kissing my forehead

and clutching me to your chest

tugging my hair and

stifling my moan with a kiss

but what fun is it

when i’m catching feelings?

you hold my hand

put your lips on my knuckles

my fingers in your mouth

and my hand finds your neck

almost as if to say

“this is right where you have me”

and falling in love with

someone you know

will never love you back

in the same way

that is the fate

of making mistakes

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

i ache

to feel

a pair of lips

pressed against mine

and i long

for someone

to give me their everything

i want

to be loved

and i crave affection

from any person

who will give me

the time of day

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

love is a funny thing

it occurs

when unwanted

and when looked for

it vanishes

i hope to god

that as you fade

from my mind

you’ll slowly find me

somewhere in

your own

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

i want to be messy

in the most beautiful way

i yearn for the chaos

because that’s where beauty lies

in the artists with

bleary eyes and wobbly lines

the ones with paint

stuck in their hair

and loose pages falling out

of their sketchbooks

in the photographers that

constantly carry their camera

in case a moment comes

that they can make use of

i want to be seen

doing the things i love

caught up in the moment

of capturing a moment

admired for my disarray

because it’s enamoring

that with all of the things

wrong with this world

the artist can still

find beauty in it all

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

i haven’t been able to stop

thinking about you since

i saw you yesterday

we talked for a while

it’s been three years

and you look so good

you finally stopped growing

but you leaned out a bit

you still have that

sweet baby face

spattered with freckles

that i used to fawn over

when we were just kids

and you asked about my parents

wanted to make sure

they’re doing alright

but i can’t tell if i’m

spiralling again because

every other time i’ve

thought i was stable

and ready for a relationship

i was looking to find myself

in someone else’s happiness

distracting myself with

somebody else to prioritize

instead of focusing on myself

i don’t want to get lost in you

i don’t want to lose myself

then have to find myself again

but we could get lost together

maybe go to another concert

(i miss our old tradition)

or just sit and watch the sky

listening to our favorite

albums from 2014

talking about how fast

life goes by and

i’m terrified to risk it

if this is only lust

but you’re one of the few

that might be worth it

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

every time i lay down i

think about you next to me and

it kills me just a little bit

more when i remember us

cuddling wrapped in the duvet

clinging to each other’s arms

as if we were each lifelines

i remember kissing your head

as you fell asleep after a long day

and how you would nuzzle into my

neck after getting comfortable

i remember getting tangled

in the sheets with sheer euphoria

coursing through our veins and

laying together basking in it after

i want to change my sheets but

i don’t want to wash away all of

the countless good memories

that were made on them i’ll

suffer sleeping while your

lingering scent plagues

me to reminisce

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

we as human beings

that live in the middle

of a vast galaxy that

are made from the same

atoms as stardust and

should not be judged

by numbers on a piece

of paper our worth

should not be defined

by a grade or a paycheck

or a bill that must be paid

we are being tested on

math equations and literacy

but never taught the things

that truly mattered to me

the things that make us human

like empathy passion and pride

the things that make us feel alive

and give us something worth

staying alive for we are

made of fragments and

the remains of the sky

we are worth so much

more than numbers and

letters and grades

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

you’re everywhere. you’re in my sheets and in my hair and in the pillow that i sleep on every night. you’re in my drawer in every pair of underwear you’ve slid down my legs. you’re in my stuffed animals, the one that has your voice in the paw. you’re in my kitchen at the table and the counter and in every food i got specifically for you that i’d always have to restock because you’d already eaten it all. you’re in the living room on the couch, the first place we had sex, where we spent hours holding each other close. you’re in the bathroom, at the sink with your messy hair and flushed cheeks and a new hickey on your collarbone. you’re in the shower, in everything i wash myself with (i can’t wash you away). you’re in the hallway at the top and bottom of the stairs where i’ve given you hello and goodbye kisses, where you tend to see me last until next time. you’re in my bones, in the toes you’ve stepped on countless times and in the three fingers you nearly broke in the car door the night before you left for europe. you’re everywhere; there’s nothing that i have that hasn’t been tainted by you. and now you are not part of me and it hurts to have all of these constant reminders shouting at me, pointing out memories that i wish i could erase so that maybe i can be home in peace. but you’re everywhere. i can’t get away from you and that’s what hurts the most. you’ll always be in every single thing that i hold close to my heart.

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

they say home is

where the heart is,

but what a shame.

my home is not

a place, my home

is in your arms.

you are my home,

you are all i need.

just sitting next to

you makes me feel

more at home than

i do sitting in

my own bedroom.

i don’t think you

understand that you

have my heart and

you could do whatever

you want with it

and i’d still consider

you my safety.

you’re my home,

what if i lose you?

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

i slept in my own sweatshirt last night

and it wasn’t even close

to being half as comfortable as yours

i miss your arms around me

and i want to be able to hold you again

but i know i have to wait

i need to kiss your lips and your cheeks

and maybe your knuckles

because i need you to know i adore you

i’m sorry for being clingy

i wish that i could be away from you

but i’d die without you

i know it seems harsh and terrifying

but you’re all i have left

i want to have you for as long as i can

please don’t ever leave me

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

i promised myself

i’d never fall in love again

but you showed up

and the minute you spoke

i was entranced

it was almost as if

you were a saint

and i was the sinner

down on my knees

asking for repentance

but now i can’t get away

and honestly?

i love this feeling that you give me

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

i ache

to feel

a pair of lips

pressed against mine

and i long

for someone

to give me their everything

i want

to be loved

and i crave affection

from any person

who will give me

the time of day

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

love is a funny thing

it occurs

when unwanted

and when looked for

it vanishes

i hope to god

that as you fade

from my mind

you’ll slowly find me

somewhere in

your own

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

there is a house

that sits on my chest

it is quaint

with an angled roof

and a garage

attached to the side

as well as a barn

just past my collarbone

all three are

a stunning turquoise-blue

with them tucked

behind translucent glass

i’ve sat admiring

for hours upon hours

fixated only on

tracing the framework

through my skin

my veins are the foundation

pulsating beneath

a light layer of flesh

and i can often

find myself staring

at its silhouette

in the reflection

now i can’t remember

when i realized

it was the outline

of a house but

as long as i can recall

i’ve considered it

the only home

i’ll ever truly own

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

last night

i looked in the mirror

and i saw you

bleary veined eyes

sullen cheeks and

drooping eyelids

gripping the sides

of the marble sink

to steady myself

as my body sways

this isn’t me

this is agony

i promised myself

i would never turn into

another version of you

but my reflection

can’t deceive me

i’m my own biggest nightmare

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

i know this isn’t serious

i know that “us” isn’t real

but i can’t describe

what this makes me feel

when it’s just you and i

letting time pass us by

sharing a joint on the couch

and watching that show you

got me addicted to while

you’re mouthing every line

because you’ve seen it

a dozen times but as much

as i joke that you’re obsessed

and tell you it’s annoying

when you say a line before

the character gets to

i can’t imagine watching it

without hearing your voice

and with your head in my lap

hands resting on my thigh

you stop to look up at me

i know that you’re staring

and i hope it’s at my lips

you shift your weight

your hands on my hips

i know we’re hidden behind

these four walls but

when you have to leave

and the streetlights are low

i hope you kiss me when you go

k.m.

[parad0xp0etry]

you bore into me

slid a knife down my chest

pried my ribs wide open

cracking each bone wider

spraying wine red blood

into the floorboards and

foundation we had built

allowing my exposed lungs

to inflate with the air

that i’d been choking on

gasping to breathe so i

could tell you how i feel

when you do this to me but

as you moved to my heart

crimson slick hands slipping

straight to my ventricles

i could see this was your plan

for as long as you knew me

you wanted to watch me bleed

make me vulnerable and leave

your fingers wrap tightly

around my arteries and

rip my fucking heart

from where it’s supposed to be

you knew exactly

what you were doing

you were the last

thing i could see

k.m.