p a r a d o x

dark & twisty

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Ang lala ng feeling every time I visit my own dashboard here in Tumblr. Ang bigat. This really has been my go-to platform since high school every time I feel overwhelmed about anything, or everything rather. Whenever I feel like every damn thing is just too much for me to process. 

Somehow I feel so proud of myself for being able to overcome, and figure out all of it that I had to write here. 

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2026 and I'm back!

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been filtering my tweets and stories I tell my friends abt my real ganaps in life lately, almost forgot that I have tumblr acc!!

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Mental health day ng company namin. No work ganon. Tapos may marereceive kang escalation. So eto, tamang anxiety attacks lang sa mismong mental health day. 😊 maling desisyon talaga mag install ng work-related shit sa phone.

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I like people who speak their mind. Not a lot of people have the courage to say what they’re actually thinking.

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It’s really frustrating when you really miss someone and can’t even do anything about it.

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“You can miss him and still choose peace.”

I miss you today.

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my kind of therapy

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Breakdown after breakdown.

Madalas kakagising mo palang, bigla kang kakabahan ng malala. Yung kaba na ramdam mo physically. Kaba na sobrang mahihirapan ka nang huminga. Kaba na dadating sa point na sobrang kailangan mo na talagang iiyak. Kasi kailangan mong iacknowledge na may mali kang nararamdaman, para lang talagang lumipas. Pag naman sinubukan mong takasan o naging in denial ka, mas lalong lumalala. Kaba na kapag hindi mo naiiyak, lalamunin ka ng parang paralyzed na feeling sa buong maghapon hanggang sa di ka na makapag focus sa mga dapat mong gawin, or you simply "don't have the energy to do anything anymore".

Minsan, sobrang okay mo naman maghapon pero out of nowhere aatakihin ka na naman ulit ng ganong pakiramdam. Ang mahirap pa dun, madalas hindi mo alam ano exactly yung nagttrigger, so di mo alam pano iiwasan.

Alam ko madami din akong friends na nakakaexperience nito. Pls know na mahal ko kayo. We'll get through this.

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If you’re going through something and is feeling really down, face yourself in the mirror and say, “hey, you got this. You’ve been through shit, you’ve been through worse, you really got this one.” It’s really empowering to hear it directly from yourself.

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Gustong gusto ko nang mag move forward at iopen yung sarili ko sa next chapter ng buhay ko, sa next phase ng life na to. Honestly, all guilt aside, sobrang gusto ko nang iallow yung sarili ko na maging masaya sa freedom na meron ako, na talagang ginusto ko naman makuha. Pero bakit parang sobrang hirap kumawala sa guilt? Bakit sobrang hirap mag forgive ng sarili? Gusto ko lang naman maging malaya; yung totoong pakiramdam ng malaya. Hindi nakadepende yung happiness sa iba, at walang happiness din yung nakadepende sayo. Walang pressure sa future, o sa kahit ano. Sobrang gusto ko na talagang bigyan ng chance yung sarili kong iwelcome yung susunod na phase ng life na to (whatever it is) pero there’s still something heavy inside me na nagda-drag sakin pabalik, paulit-ulit. Sobrang bigat.

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You think you’re happy, but couldn’t you be any happier?

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How do people leave, and just never look back? That’s how it should be, right? That’s how it’s suppose to be.

Never ever try to pull that person back into your life just to reopen wounds that somehow they’ve already found a way to close; or still trying to find a way to close.

Leave, if you want to leave. Then you should never look back. Right? But really, how do people do that?

How am I supposed to do that?

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Until you get comfortable with being alone, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness

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we’ve already had enough goodbyes

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fuck this endless shitty toxic cycle that I cant get out of