Frankly and briefly, the situation in Gaza cannot be written about in a mere post or expressed in a mere picture or video clip. The situation in Gaza is more like an end-of-the-world movie, but this movie is titled The End of Gaza!!
There are many, many people who no longer care about the Palestinian issue and the Gaza war, as if it has become from another world or as if we are not human beings like you.
I hope that people who have humanity and mercy will show solidarity with us, share our suffering, help us overcome these hardships, and donate to us. And for those people who want a verification mark for our campaign so they can donate to us, here is the link to verify that our campaign is real and it is number 4 on this list gazavetters
reblog and make a wish!
this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)
holy fuck, I didn’t expect this to work, I was like psh, whatever it’s just a quick reblog, but I wished my Dad would actually respond back to me AND HE FUCKING DID A FEW DAYS LATER, I GOT A FUCKING TEXT FROM MY DAD TODAY WHO HASN’T SPOKEN OR RESPONDED TO ME IN MONTHS HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAGIC IT WORKS.
WTF OKAY SO THIS SHOT ACTUALLY WORKS BECAUSE WHEN I WISHED, I HAD WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD LIKE ME BACK AND GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. WHAT THE HELLLLL?????
ok I’ve said this before but IM DOING IT AGAIN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS, MY WISH DID COME TRUE SO I REBLOGED AGAIN AND SAID IT IN THE TAGS BUT THEN I WISHED FOR SMTH ELSE AND IT LITERALLY LITERALLY HAPPENED LIKE A COUPLE DAYS LATER WHAT THE HELL SO NOW IM WRITING THIS HERE FOR YOU BC I DONT BELIEVE IN THIS CRAP BUT STILL IT’S AN AWFULLY BIG COINCIDENCE
THE BOY I FELL I LOVE WITH LEFT TO TRAVEL THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND HAS BEEN GONE NOW FOR 3 MONTHS. WE HAVENT SPOKEN SINCE BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE HIM FEEL TRAPPED TO ME AND NOT ENJOY HIS TIME SO I WAITED FOR HIM TO CONTACT ME FIRST. I SAW THIS ON A PARTICULARLY LOW DAY WHEN I WAS MISSING HIM SO MUCH I CRIED FROM THE PAIN, GUYS I REALLY LOVE HIM, SO I THOUGHT MEH WHAT THE FUCK, AND WISHED HE WOULD JUST LET ME KNOW HE WAS OKAY.
SO I WISHED FOR AN IMAC THE LAST TIME I DID THIS AND A WEEK LATER MY MOM SURPRISED ME WITH AN IMAC. HONESTLY SHE DIDNT EVEN KNOW I WANTED ONE, I DIDNT TELL ANYONE, IT WAS AN EARLY XMAS PRESENT. Wow this works
Pairing: slight furlan x f!reader, levi x f!reader
WC: 6.7k
CW: sooo much angst, mentions of death, injury, grieving, swearing, suggestive at the end (lmk if I missed anything (: )
AN: whoever requested this, first off, I love you so much!! I didn't know how much I needed this. Second I'm soo sorry it took me forever- writer's block is ass
This couldn’t be happening. It had been some kind of dream. No, dreams are sweet. They’re where wishes can come to life. They were nothing like this. No, this was a nightmare. Faces you’ve come to know passed you with usual post-expedition gloominess. Every face but two that you longed to see the most. The two that managed to brighten your day more than the sun ever could. Where? Where were-?
**
“Aren’t kisses supposed to be special?” you asked in a hushed voice, butterflies fluttering in your stomach at the thought. That’s what the stories you always read told you. Kisses were supposed to be these magical moments shared with someone special. Right?
“I mean, of course,” Furlan spoke with a hint of a teasing smirk playing on his lips. “They can be sure.”
You hummed in response, only really half-listening as your mind wandered elsewhere. Was a kiss really something that needs to be held onto with an iron grip? Sure, it can make it feel more special, but-.
Furlan leaned closer to you and whispered in your ear, derailing your train of thought. “Got someone special you’re thinking of saving those kisses for?”
“What?” you squealed in surprise, whipping your head towards him. You winced in pain as your forehead knocked against his with a dull thud. “Ah, n-no,” you stuttered out while holding your forehead.
You were the prettiest girl he’d ever seen, well, aside from Isabel, but she felt too much like a sister to tease like this. Whenever he’d think you couldn’t get any prettier, moments like this would prove him wrong. He thought the sun was the only thing he’d missed out on when he lived underground, but here you were, a beacon of warmth and light even at night.
Furlan smiled to himself as he noticed you didn’t make any move to put space between the both of you. “Relax, I was joking- mostly anyways,” he whispered the last part. His words mingled with the quietness of the room until he wasn’t even sure himself if they had left his lips or if they remained tucked away in his head. “But now I’m kind of curious.”
Panic was rising in your chest under his gaze. He doesn’t have to know the truth, right? He’s sweet and all, but what difference did one small lie make? “I, well,” you sighed in defeat before squeezing your eyes shut, leaning in, prepared to shut him up with a kiss despite the thundering heartbeat in your ears.
Furlan’s eyes went wide as you leaned closer with slightly puckered lips. “Y/n, wait,” he stuttered, gently pushing you away by your shoulders. He raked his brain as he tried to determine if the warmth in his cheeks was him still adjusting to the above world or if it was your doing. “You don’t have to give up any of your kisses if you don’t want to. It’s cute to save them. And I,” he subconsciously tightened his grip on your shoulder a little as the heat on his cheeks became almost unbearable. It was never this hard to talk to Levi or even Isabel. “I’m sure whoever you kiss, whether it’s your first or hundredth, will feel special, yeah?”
You squeezed your eyes tighter for a moment as you tried your hardest to ignore the growing embarrassment bubbling inside you. “Furlan,” you managed to whisper after collecting yourself a little. “Can you?” You opened your eyes, greeted by Furlan’s warm, slightly concerned gaze. “I don’t want to hold onto a kiss and then maybe, well, y’know-.” You shifted awkwardly, eyes flitting down to the ground. “I don’t want to go on one of these missions and die without ever being kissed.”
“I doubt that’ll happen. You and Levi are incredible with your gears.” He trailed off in thought, his eyes falling to your lips. “But, if you’re sure.”
You pursed your lips in thought before nodding. Who else was going to do it? Wait, no, that came off wrong. It’s more like, who else is trustworthy enough, made you feel comfortable enough to give away your kisses?
**
Furlan. Where was Furlan? And Isabel? And Levi? Your eyes frantically scanned the crowd, your heart sinking every second. They promised they’d be back. They swore it! So maybe they were just at the back of the group. They have to be. Right?
**
“Aren’t you gonna do your little good luck kisses, or whatever you call it?” Isabel asked with a teasing smirk before shoveling another spoonful of food into her mouth.
You sputtered as your soup went down the wrong windpipe. “W-what?” you coughed out. You blinked back the tears and mumbled a quiet thanks as you took the cup of water Levi held out to you.
“It’s weird and a little gross,” she continued, her voice muffled by the food she pushed into her cheek to speak. “But,” you watched her chew a few times before swallowing, “it’s cute.”
“You know about those?” you finally managed to ask after a moment.
“You’re not exactly sneaky about it,” Levi feigned disinterest despite the red tinting the tip of his ears.
“And Furlan here might’ve let it slip that you were his first.”
You ignored Levi’s bored eye roll and looked at Furlan across from you, “I was?” You had been giving each other kisses every day for over a month, yet you never thought to ask. With every “in case the walls cave in” or “good luck keeping Levi and Flagon from being at each other’s throats,” it was hard to think of a time when neither of you had been kissed.
“So, is he a good kisser?”
“Isabel,” Levi said warningly, his fingers curling tighter around his spoon. He didn’t want to sit here and listen to this right now. But at the same time, what had Furlan even said to get you to kiss him? Did he just ask? Or maybe you asked him. Was it because you liked each other?
“Better yet, do you two like each other?” Isabel plucked the thought from Levi’s mind, bolder than him to ask such a thing.
Furlan noticed Levi freeze like a child caught in an act before quickly shaking his head.
“We’re friends, that’s all,” you both blurted out simultaneously.
“He’s just one of the only people I thought would be okay with the idea, that’s all,” you muttered as you poked at your bread. You quickly glanced at Levi, your eyes meeting his unexpectedly before you looked back down at your plate in a panic.
**
Your fingers rose to your lips, ghosting over the slightly chapped skin. He– no, they were coming back. They’d be here. Furlan, Isabel, and Levi. You replayed the list in your head as you could see the last of the scouts returning. Furlan, Isabel, and Levi. The voice in your head grew louder with panic. Furlan, Isabel, and-.
“Levi!” You rushed to his side, “thank the walls!” You flung your arms around his neck, burying your face in his shoulder. Relief washed over you as the earthy smell of his cloak filled your senses. You didn’t care that he didn’t hug you back. He was never one for public affection, but he let you hold him. Holding him in your arms for a second felt like a lifetime. And for a moment, all your worries melted away.
When it took longer than usual to hear Furlan’s and Isabel’s excited voices call out to you, you reluctantly pulled away, looking over his shoulder for the other two faces that always made you feel at home. But instead of relieved smiles, all that met you was a bleak and empty landscape.
“Where are-?” The shattering feeling in your chest stopped your words short as you looked into his obsidian eyes. They were colder than a shelterless stormy winter night, filled with a look you’ve become familiar with on the faces of others. “Levi,” you breathed out brokenly. You blinked back the tears and bit the inside of your cheek until the taste of copper touched your tongue. “How are you?” It was a dumb question, but it was all you could think of.
Levi watched you reach out for his cheek with a blank stare as he fought to suppress the hollow feeling in his chest. Your touch was a welcoming warmth after everything, almost too welcoming. Did he deserve to be the one coming back? The one embracing your warmth? “I-.” His eyebrows knitted together as you licked your thumb and tried your best to wipe the dried blood off his cheek.
“How bout we get you clean and into some fresh clothes? I snuck your clothes into the wash earlier so you’d come back to clean clothes.” You didn’t want him to talk about it if he didn’t want to. Or maybe you couldn’t hear him talk right now. “I’ll even make you tea while you shower, and we can hang in my room after.” You gave your best attempt to smile encouragingly, but it was more like desperately fighting back your tears. “I promise it’s clean this time.”
Levi chuckled dryly as he took your hand from his cheek in his. “Let the tea actually steep this time. No one wants to drink piss water.” He wasn’t sure whether his hand was trembling from earlier or if it was from touching you. The fluttering in his stomach betrayed the ache in his chest as you gave him a more convincing smile.
The kettle shook in your hand as you held it over the cup. This was a dream, right? Some terrible nightmare that you’d wake up from any second now. They’d walk through the door, broad smiles painting their faces like always. You’d all joke and laugh as you’d fail to make Levi give anything more than a shy smirk. You’d be together.
Levi crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe, “Think you have enough water there?” The chuckle that tumbled from his lips as he watched you jump like a scared cat quickly died out when the steaming hot water hit your hand. He rushed to your side, guiding you to the sink as you hissed a string of swears in pain, cupping your hand gently, holding it beneath the stream of water.
“I thought you were showering,” you tried to make conversation, the few seconds of silence feeling suffocating. You glanced at Levi from the corner of your eye. He had lost the cape and harness but was still in his uniform. You ran your free hand through his dry hair as you desperately searched for his usual comforting, soapy lilac and powdery iris smell you’ve found yourself constantly longing for.
“I, um, well, I didn’t,” Levi trailed off, feeling the tips of his ears grow uncomfortably warm.
“Wow, Levi didn’t bathe,” you teased as you ignored the pain in your hand the best you could. “Kinda gross.”
Levi looked up at you with his lips parted as if he were going to say something before closing it again. But, instead, his eyes quickly fell back to your hand. I don’t think I can be alone right now, but being with you feels just as difficult.
You chewed the inside of your cheek, your mind racing uncontrollably without noise to stop it. You watched Levi wrap your hand with a clean towel, eyes focused on his long, slender fingers at work as you concentrated on everything and nothing.
“You know, um, you don’t have to hold it together for my sake,” Levi spoke up as he tied the cloth into a knot. “They were your friends too. Maybe even more yours than mine.”
You opened your mouth to protest, to tell him it wasn’t for his sake. Scouts died every day, and all you could do to honor them was continue to dedicate your heart to the cause. But, unfortunately, that’s just how life went. There were no times for pity parties when you had the fate of humanity resting on your shoulders. But all those thoughts came to a screeching halt underneath his heartbroken and guilt-ridden gaze.
And just like that, you could feel your walls tumbling like houses beneath the titans’ feet. The dull aching in your chest that you kept at bay until now was practically suffocating. They’re not coming back. All three of them went out, and there was nothing you could do to help them. The ache in your chest was unbearable, spreading like venom in your veins until even your throat felt like it’d collapse. The world around you looked twisted and grew bleary. You shook your head in denial as you crumbled to the ground, the first warm streams of tears trickling down your chin uncontrollably.
Levi sat down beside you and hesitantly took your hand in his. Even your hands were trembling from how hard your sobs shook you. It all felt so familiar as he watched you curl in on yourself, possibly trying to make yourself as small as you felt. He wanted to apologize and tell you that he should’ve done more. He hated watching you like this; hated knowing he had a part in it- even if death in this world was a sad inevitability. Watching you made breathing hard as if someone had knocked all the air out of his lungs. The harder he tried to breathe calmly, the more he couldn’t.
Levi steeled himself the best he could before gently pulling you into his arms. He wanted to be strong for you, figured it was the least he could do. So Levi would ignore the piercing in his, his struggling lungs, how his stomach knotted, and the uncontrollable shaking. Instead, he’d promise to himself to just be there for you. Yet, his hammering heart– as misplaced as it felt with your body shaking in his arms– seemed to be the one thing he couldn’t entirely ignore.
How many times did Furlan get to relish in this warmth? And how the hell did he manage to stay so calm?
Levi pushed aside those thoughts as he cradled your head close to his chest until your shaking subsided. His subconscious humming of a melody he hadn’t heard since his childhood quietly filled the room until your breathing became even once more.
“Levi,” your voice failed you, his name falling from your lips in a hoarse, broken whisper. “C-can you stay in my room tonight? That, um, that sounds weird. It’s just I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
“Me either,” Levi mumbled as he leaned his cheek against your head. “And we can forget about the tea. I don’t need you burning yourself again.”
You let out a weak chuckle as you rose to your feet with Levi’s help, “s’probably for the best.” You hugged yourself and watched as he cleaned the mess up for you. “And you should, er, we should shower before we get some sleep.” The statement sounded more like a hesitant question through your still wavering voice, but Levi nodded in agreement before taking your hand in his.
The halls were quiet as you and Levi walked through them hand in hand, everyone either sleeping or doing their own forms of mourning. Even with him by your side, the walk felt lonely, the halls full of empty presences, full of faces that would turn into just a memory. Levi tightened his grip on your hand as you stepped through the door to the bathroom, reminding you that despite all those feelings, you weren’t alone.
“So, how do you wanna do this?” you sheepishly asked as you glanced down at your fingers laced with his.
Levi's eyes widened for a second as if he had just realized he was still holding your hand. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he dropped your hand like it was scalding to the touch, his eyes averting to the cobblestone floor. “It feels inappropriate to ask, but can we shower together?”
I want to know I can at least protect you, but right now, it feels more like you’re the one protecting me.
“I-it’s comforting being around you,” his thoughts spilled out in a panic as you walked away from him. “Don’t-” he squeezed his eyes shut, only to be greeted by faces he’d rather forget right now.
In a panic, he opened his eyes again, desperately looking for you for comfort, “please don’t let me be alone right now.”
You rushed to Levi with two towels tucked under your arm and his soap in hand. “Hey, hey, hey,” you cooed as you set the things down. “Lee,” you continued, cupping his cheek in your hand, “I wasn’t going to leave.” You chewed your lip as you pushed a few loose strands out of his face, waiting for his ragged breathing to calm down. “I’m here. I promise I’m not leaving you. I was just getting towels.”
Levi searched your eyes for a long moment before he could finally find himself beginning to relax. “Sorry,” he embarrassedly mumbled, feeling a lump well up in his throat.
“It’s okay, really,” you reassured him before you began to undress, taking off everything except your bra and panties with Levi following suit. “You don’t have to be sorry for not wanting to be alone.” You nudged his shoulder playfully as you reached behind him to turn on the shower, “besides, I already told you I don’t wanna be alone tonight.”
Levi nodded as he reached behind you for the soap, his chest pressing against yours momentarily, making heat rush to the tips of his ears.
When he stood up straight again, you both couldn’t stop your eyes from wandering down each other’s bodies. As his eyes roamed across every dip and curve of your body, you took time to appreciate the toned, muscular frame his clothes hid so well. Had the circumstances been any different, maybe you would’ve complimented him on it. Or perhaps he would’ve mustered the courage to tell you how beautiful he thought you were. But instead, you both came to silent realizations as your gazes met under the water. A deep longing now accompanied the heartbreak and bits of guilt in your eyes. Something that had probably been buried far longer than either of you realized and decided to show itself at the worst possible time.
“You look-.” You smiled sadly, cupping his cheek with your wet hand as you went to work, rubbing away the dust and speckles of blood that clung to his face. “You look tired, lee. When’s the last time you slept?”
Any words Levi had were stuck in his chest, blockaded by the unbearable ache that almost seemed to make time cease to exist. Even your words were drowned out, muddled until all he could hear was the faint sound of your voice. He felt as if he were underground again. As if all he could do was beg to be a part of the light. Why did I trust them?
“Lee,” you hummed as you washed his hair, pushing the raven locks away from his face. “Levi. Hey, you listening? It wasn’t your fault.”
With a slight cough, you pushed through your wavering. “They didn’t deserve it- no one does. But you didn’t-.”
“I did.” Levi’s brows furrowed together as he gritted his teeth. Why are you being so nice? I don’t deserve it. “I dragged them along. I left them to go-.” He stopped himself before the secret the trio fought to keep slipped from his lips. “I wasn’t there for them like I should’ve been.” His trembling hands ghosted over your waist, desperately searching for a way to ground himself. “I failed them. I failed you.”
Your eyes widened in surprise, hands falling slack in his soapy hair. “You can’t-.” You bit your tongue, stopping yourself from finishing your thought. He did believe that with his entire being. Instead of grieving, he was convinced he’d done something wrong and failed. With a heavy sigh, you wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face into his shoulder, your fingertips ghosting over the hair at his nape. “You didn’t fail anyone.” You could feel the erratic beating of his heart practically pounding out of his chest and his breath growing labored. “Not Furlan. Not Isabel. And definitely not me.”
Levi’s hands tightened around your waist as breathing became an almost impossible task. His chest rapidly rose and fell, air escaping his lungs as if he were drowning in a panic. “You don’t have to try to make me feel better.” He nuzzled his face into your hair as the first tears rolled down his cheek. “You’re a shit liar anyways,” he joked, trying to hide his sniffling.
“M’not!” You gently push Levi away in frustration, giving you just enough room to look at him in his tear-filled eyes. “You ass, you could never fail me. Yeah, I miss them. And it’s gonna hurt like hell every day that I don’t see them.” Your eyes fell to his collarbone as you felt your eyes begin to fill with tears again. “Sure, dinners will suck a little more now and be a little quieter.”
You tensed your jaw and forced yourself to look him in the eyes again. “But you came back. You’re here with me.” You shook your head with a sniffle, “I can’t imagine my life without all of you. Especially without you. I mean, who else would tell me when my tea tastes like piss?” You wiped your eyes despite the tears showing no sign of stopping or slowing. “Or show me how to not use my gears like a drunk baby? Who would liven up this dull place by picking fights with our shithead captains?”
Levi chuckled dryly and pushed your hand aside, his tears calming enough so he could get a better look at you. “Or tell you when you talk too much?” He clumsily wiped your eyes with the palms of his hand, “Thanks, though.”
He didn’t believe that he wasn’t a failure, even as you looked up at him like he was the only thing that mattered in the world. And maybe he wouldn’t believe it for a while. But it was reassuring to know at least someone thought that. It was nice knowing not everything was lost.
His hands fell to your cheeks, holding them as if you were made of glass. “Thanks for reminding me that I at least I still have one annoying shit around.”
You rolled your eyes as you cupped his hands. “You ass.” His touch was a welcoming warmth compared to the cooling water. “You’re stuck with me now,” you teased, shooting him a hopeful smile. Levi’s puffy eyes softened as you reached out and began to gently scratch his scalp, massaging the soap into his hair. “I’ve got no choice but to save the other scouts the trouble and deal with ya.”
A solemn yet comfortable air accompanied the rest of the time spent in the shower. Despite every wave of despair that came crashing down, reminding you both of the new reality, everything felt like it would be okay. Every time you helped each other wash away a sliver of grief, an unspoken promise was made: you only had each other now, and you’d do whatever it took to keep each other safe. Friends and comrades could come and go, but as long as you had each other, fresh air, and the sun to greet you every day, everything would somehow be okay. You’d help each other get through this and whatever else this shithole of a world threw at you. You’d follow each other to the end of the world if it came with the promise of never being alone again.
The halls were as quiet as before as you and Levi padded through them with nothing but your towels. And yet, they didn’t feel as lonely. Levi’s tight grip on your hand and how his shoulder brushed against yours as he shielded you from unwanted eyes brought you comfort.
“Um, your clothes are on the nightstand,” you gestured across the small room. You rounded on your heels, eager to replace your towel with more comfortable clothes. Instead, Levi quickly pulled you back to him, huffing as he helped you regain your balance.
“Are you going to be okay?” With a ghosting touch on your fingers, Levi raised your injured hand to inspect the clearly irritated skin. His brows furrowed together as worry etched itself across his features. Even if you continued to deny that he failed today, you couldn’t deny he caused your injury. And while caring for it wouldn’t solve much, it’d at least help remind him he can help those he cares for.
“Where was this concern when I was washing your hair?” you teased as you glanced at your hand for the first time since Levi wrapped it. Levi’s frown deepened despite the blush painting his ears, making you roll your eyes. “I’m sure I’ll be fine putting on clothes, Levi. And if it makes you feel better, you can help me wrap it again after, okay?” You squeezed his hand reassuringly before he finally let you go.
“After I clean it, you shit,” Levi grumbled as he turned around and crossed the room.
“It’s technically already been cleaned, you ass.”
His clothes were neatly folded on your nightstand as if that were their natural place. As if it were just any other day. Maybe the fluttering in his heart would be better placed if that were the case. But it wasn’t, and perhaps it never will be.
With a heavy sigh, Levi lifted his underwear and pajama pants, rubbing the soft fabric between his fingers for a moment before pulling them on. A light blue vest on your nightstand caught his eye as he slipped his shirt over his head. It was folded neatly; the creases rubbed out of it. It didn’t take long to realize who’s vest it was. Nor did it take long for Levi to admit that the vest looked more natural here than his clothes had– at least that’s what he told himself.
How many times had he been here? Had you two showered together, too? How many times have you two kissed here? Levi could feel his cheeks heat up despite his blood going cold at the thought. Maybe I shouldn’t be here. Maybe they really were more than friends who kissed.
“You can have that if you want,” you spoke up once you noticed what held Levi’s attention. “It was just part of our routine, y’know? Kinda our way of encouraging the other to come back- it’s silly.”
“Did he ever stay over?” The words came out before he could stop himself or even think of why he cared to ask. “You two seemed close.”
“Walls, no!” You walked over to your nightstand, joining Levi’s side. “We’d talk until we got tired, but he never stayed over. I don’t even know if the thought occurred to either of us.” You trailed off, getting lost in the memories, a slight pang in your heart.
The flush on Levi’s cheeks was undeniable as he thought about what you said. You had kissed Furlan countless times, yet here he was, being invited to spend the night with you. But then again, you both had just lost friends. So maybe you really were only asking in search of comfort.
“You should get some sleep.”
“You’re not sleeping?” You glanced over curiously at him before it hit you. The fear peeking out from beneath his lackluster eyes told you what his mouth wouldn’t.
He could still see them whenever he closed his eyes for too long. Their faces or whatever was left were still freshly ingrained in his mind. And the only comfort that sleep could bring were dreams of them alive, which would only be crushed under the weight of reality when morning came. The cycle would continue no matter what may be said to help cope with the loss. Their faces and memories would reappear everywhere until one day seeing and remembering didn’t bring a crippling sense of dread and heartache.
It didn’t matter what fears you faced earlier while you two showered; sleep brought a new wave of fear, guilt, and sorrow. Going to sleep meant welcoming a new day without Isabel or Furlan.
You bit your lip and nodded. “Then neither am I.” You hesitantly took his hand in yours and urged him toward the bed. “You’ll help wrap my hand again, and we’ll both just stay up all night talking.”
Levi sat at the foot of your bed with pink cheeks and an unamused expression, “that’s a stupid idea.”
You climbed into bed and raised an eyebrow at him. “What else would we do, stare at each other?” Or kiss- no, this wasn’t the time to have those thoughts. You held out your hand and clean bandages to him as you waited for his response.
“Or sleep.” Levi focused his eyes on your hand, balancing being gentle and keeping the wrap taut enough to secure it through the night. You had grieved and showered together, even changed in the same room. So why was now so awkward? His eyes flicked up to your lips, the slight pout as you zoned out, making it nearly impossible to look anywhere but.
What had Furlan said to get you to kiss him?
“Nope. If you’re not gonna sleep, neither will I.” I’m not leaving you alone. Even if you act fine now, I can’t forget earlier. I won’t forget earlier.
“And if I didn’t eat? Or told you my plan to kill Erwin?”
“I’d try my best to force you to, even if it meant holding your nose.” You tucked your knees beneath yourself and lowered your voice to a whisper. “And I’d tell you to let me butter him up first for you.”
Levi looked at you in astonishment, unsure whether you were serious or just teasing him. “Go to sleep,” he grumbled when he couldn’t tell.
You took his hand in yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Not until you at least lay down. Please, Levi.” You chewed your lip as you reached out and cupped his cheek with your bandaged hand. “You need rest.” Your thumb ghosted over the dark circles beneath his eyes, “but if you’re not gonna get some rest, can you just lay with me?”
Levi pressed his cheek further into your palm for a long moment before nodding, making you let go of a tense breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. He fought off a smirk as you eagerly guided him further onto your bed and buried yourself under the covers. Levi followed your lead and climbed beneath the blankets, laying far enough away that a pillow could fit between you. His eyes nervously flitted down from your face to his fingers intertwined with yours.
Without hesitation, you moved your head back until it was on the edge of the pillow, “there’s enough room for both of us if you wanna.” To your surprise, he almost immediately took you up on your offer like a timid child. “Good night Levi.”
“Night.”
“Oh, and Levi,” you waited for his hum before you continued. “It’s comforting being around you too. I like being around you. And I meant everything I said earlier.”
Levi didn’t remember falling asleep or what dreams he had- honestly there might’ve been none. And while he felt bad that two of his closest friends weren’t in his thoughts as he slept, he couldn’t deny that sleeping next to you brought him a level of comfort he hadn’t felt since his childhood.
Even the days after, as he woke up in cold sweats or with tears streaming down his face, you were there, giving him any piece of peace you could. When you’d find yourself going to sleep with tear-streaked cheeks or waking up with puffy eyes, he was there with a melody and a cup of tea to comfort you. You began to seek each other out, taking turns climbing out of bed in the late night and early morning hours to find the other. And each time you woke up, you seemed to be closer. Limbs entangle—your head on his chest, or Levi’s favorite, nose to nose.
You had become practically attached at the hips. You encouraged each other to push harder during the day and provided much-needed comfort to the other at night. Every moment for the next few months was spent together until you felt as if it were only you and Levi in the world. You both made true to your silent promises made that bittersweet night.
Levi would come to learn the way you’d grow a little quieter despite your wider smile whenever you’d think of Furlan or Isabel. He’d ‘accidentally’ leave his soap out for you when he noticed you breathe a little deeper with him around.
You managed to see his bashful smirk more and enjoy a quiet tune he’d subconsciously hum as he held you to his chest. You’d come to find an almost surefire way to get him to go to sleep whenever you scratched his scalp or back. And no matter how soundly he’d be sleeping, you’d learn he never really stays asleep. He’d try to hide his twitching or pray his whimpers wouldn’t wake you, but they always did. And you always let him snuggle closer to you until you drifted back to sleep.
“Y/n,” Levi whispered, hoping you were still sleeping. His heartbeat was deafening in his ears as he waited for a response or for your breathing to change. When a few moments passed without either happening, he ghosted his thumb over your bottom lip and mumbled, “I really want to kiss you.”
You leaned forward, ignoring the burning in your cheeks as you brushed your nose against his. “You’re welcome to.”
Levi’s breath hitched in his throat as his eyebrows knitted together. “H-how long have you been up?”
You shrugged with your eyes still closed, “not long, I think. I dunno; I was trying to let your little snores help me fall asleep again.” You rubbed your eyes as you opened them. “But I guess it’s another sleepless night for ya,” you teased with a worried smile.
“It’s hard sleeping next to you.”
“I’ve never heard any complaints before,” you teased. “But I can leave if you want.”
“Fucking pain, you’re worse than the one shit that refuses to come out,” Levi grumbled. “Just see if I let you go anywhere, mon coeur.”
Neither of you remembered when Levi’s nickname for you changed from ‘shit’ to ‘mon coeur.’ It just happened one day, as if the phrase slipped from his lips. And the more he’d see you light up at the name despite not knowing its meaning, the more he’d become determined to use it.
“Wow, so he’s even scarier when he has a crush, huh? Who woulda thought.”
“I don’t have- I’m not- damn it. Just go to sleep before I knock you out, I like you better quiet.”
You jutted your bottom lip into an exaggerated pout, “can’t sleep without a goodnight kiss. I mean, you’re the one who gave me the idea.”
“But,” Levi dragged his gaze up from your lip disappointedly. “What was going on with you and Furlan?”
Even now, your heart squeezed at the mention of his name. “You didn’t know? We were secretly married the whole time, and I have three of his kids living in my room.” The deadpanned expression on Levi’s face made it hard not to chuckle to yourself. “I’ve told you already. We were only friends, okay?”
“Who kissed.”
“Because he was one of the only people I thought would be okay with the idea. You’re always acting like Mr. gumps, so I thought you’d be against it.” It didn’t go unnoticed how Levi’s eyes widened for a moment at your confession. “But fine,” you caught his chin between your forefinger and thumb. “Maybe I should’ve asked you so that you could’ve given me the same look you’re giving me now.”
Levi rolled his eyes with a deep sigh, “titans are easier to deal with than you.”
“Pretty sure I kiss better, though.”
“Wouldn’t know; I’ve never had any.” Levi had never been more thankful that the moon provided the only light in his room as the heat rose to his cheeks.
You ignored the fluttering in your stomach, suddenly eager to be closer to Levi. You couldn’t help but think of your first kiss, and all the thoughts once held concerning it. What if he was saving his kiss for someone special? “I can, well-,” you licked your lips nervously, “ I can change that.”
“Almost like that’s why I brought it up.”
You rolled your eyes with a soft giggle, hooking your leg over his hips. “Smart ass.” Levi encouraged you with a hand on the small of your back despite his trembling hand, pulling you flush against him. You leaned forward, guiding him toward you by his chin.
Levi crashed his lips against yours impatiently, his hand on your back balling into a fist as he tried to pull you impossibly closer. The kiss was clumsy and full of hunger. Yet, what Levi lacked in experience, he made up for in his eagerness. His lips moved against yours like a starved man determined to enjoy everything you offered to him. It was nothing like your kisses with Furlan, and part of you couldn’t help but think that was his goal.
“You’re a better kisser,” you uttered before going in for another kiss.
Levi eagerly chased your lips, “and you’re a shit liar… but maybe one day.”
“Guess we’ll have to put you through training-.”
“Please go to sleep.” Levi cupped his hand over your lips with a sheepish expression, “That’s enough for tonight.” He awkwardly shifted his hips away from yours as his hand slid up between your shoulder blades. Between the butterflies fluttering in his stomach and the sudden unfamiliar tightening of his pants, he was sure his body would give out on him at any second now. It was like an uncomfortable, overwhelming sickness that made him feel uneasy and strangely at peace. “You need your rest.”
“Right, I need rest,” you hummed unconvinced. Before giving Levi one last peck, you pried his hand away with surprising ease. “Night, Levi.” Sensing his sudden reservedness, you moved to take your leg off his hip only to be stopped by his hand hooking under your knee. A comfortable silence settled over the both of you as you basked in each other’s soothing warmth. You ran your fingers through his hair, gently scratching his scalp every time your fingers met his roots. “Also, uh, well- this isn’t like a, y’know.” You shrugged as you embarrassedly avoided meeting his gaze. “I don’t want it to be just a friend thing.”
Levi let out a heavy sigh as he pulled you closer by your leg, keeping just enough space between you to keep the increasing tightness in his pants a secret. “Sleep already.” He let the quiet settle over the both of you once more like a blanket as he rubbed circles into your thigh with his thumb. Your soft, restful snores echoed through the room after a few minutes. Levi leaned forward with a small smile, resting the curve of his nose against your forehead. “I’m glad you feel the same, though, mon coeur,” he thought aloud.
I know I don’t deserve this chance to be with her. You’d be better for her. But I can’t stop my heart from racing or the smiles that fight so hard to make their way onto my lips when I’m around her. So I’ll take care of her for you from now on, Furlan, I give my word. I’ll be by her side protecting and supporting her until my last breath. “You make me feel so special, and I know I don’t deserve it. But I want to make you feel the same. I’m yours until the end of time and probably long after that.”
Pairing: slight furlan x f!reader, levi x f!reader
WC: 6.7k
CW: sooo much angst, mentions of death, injury, grieving, swearing, suggestive at the end (lmk if I missed anything (: )
AN: whoever requested this, first off, I love you so much!! I didn't know how much I needed this. Second I'm soo sorry it took me forever- writer's block is ass
This couldn’t be happening. It had been some kind of dream. No, dreams are sweet. They’re where wishes can come to life. They were nothing like this. No, this was a nightmare. Faces you’ve come to know passed you with usual post-expedition gloominess. Every face but two that you longed to see the most. The two that managed to brighten your day more than the sun ever could. Where? Where were-?
**
“Aren’t kisses supposed to be special?” you asked in a hushed voice, butterflies fluttering in your stomach at the thought. That’s what the stories you always read told you. Kisses were supposed to be these magical moments shared with someone special. Right?
“I mean, of course,” Furlan spoke with a hint of a teasing smirk playing on his lips. “They can be sure.”
You hummed in response, only really half-listening as your mind wandered elsewhere. Was a kiss really something that needs to be held onto with an iron grip? Sure, it can make it feel more special, but-.
Furlan leaned closer to you and whispered in your ear, derailing your train of thought. “Got someone special you’re thinking of saving those kisses for?”
“What?” you squealed in surprise, whipping your head towards him. You winced in pain as your forehead knocked against his with a dull thud. “Ah, n-no,” you stuttered out while holding your forehead.
You were the prettiest girl he’d ever seen, well, aside from Isabel, but she felt too much like a sister to tease like this. Whenever he’d think you couldn’t get any prettier, moments like this would prove him wrong. He thought the sun was the only thing he’d missed out on when he lived underground, but here you were, a beacon of warmth and light even at night.
Furlan smiled to himself as he noticed you didn’t make any move to put space between the both of you. “Relax, I was joking- mostly anyways,” he whispered the last part. His words mingled with the quietness of the room until he wasn’t even sure himself if they had left his lips or if they remained tucked away in his head. “But now I’m kind of curious.”
Panic was rising in your chest under his gaze. He doesn’t have to know the truth, right? He’s sweet and all, but what difference did one small lie make? “I, well,” you sighed in defeat before squeezing your eyes shut, leaning in, prepared to shut him up with a kiss despite the thundering heartbeat in your ears.
Furlan’s eyes went wide as you leaned closer with slightly puckered lips. “Y/n, wait,” he stuttered, gently pushing you away by your shoulders. He raked his brain as he tried to determine if the warmth in his cheeks was him still adjusting to the above world or if it was your doing. “You don’t have to give up any of your kisses if you don’t want to. It’s cute to save them. And I,” he subconsciously tightened his grip on your shoulder a little as the heat on his cheeks became almost unbearable. It was never this hard to talk to Levi or even Isabel. “I’m sure whoever you kiss, whether it’s your first or hundredth, will feel special, yeah?”
You squeezed your eyes tighter for a moment as you tried your hardest to ignore the growing embarrassment bubbling inside you. “Furlan,” you managed to whisper after collecting yourself a little. “Can you?” You opened your eyes, greeted by Furlan’s warm, slightly concerned gaze. “I don’t want to hold onto a kiss and then maybe, well, y’know-.” You shifted awkwardly, eyes flitting down to the ground. “I don’t want to go on one of these missions and die without ever being kissed.”
“I doubt that’ll happen. You and Levi are incredible with your gears.” He trailed off in thought, his eyes falling to your lips. “But, if you’re sure.”
You pursed your lips in thought before nodding. Who else was going to do it? Wait, no, that came off wrong. It’s more like, who else is trustworthy enough, made you feel comfortable enough to give away your kisses?
**
Furlan. Where was Furlan? And Isabel? And Levi? Your eyes frantically scanned the crowd, your heart sinking every second. They promised they’d be back. They swore it! So maybe they were just at the back of the group. They have to be. Right?
**
“Aren’t you gonna do your little good luck kisses, or whatever you call it?” Isabel asked with a teasing smirk before shoveling another spoonful of food into her mouth.
You sputtered as your soup went down the wrong windpipe. “W-what?” you coughed out. You blinked back the tears and mumbled a quiet thanks as you took the cup of water Levi held out to you.
“It’s weird and a little gross,” she continued, her voice muffled by the food she pushed into her cheek to speak. “But,” you watched her chew a few times before swallowing, “it’s cute.”
“You know about those?” you finally managed to ask after a moment.
“You’re not exactly sneaky about it,” Levi feigned disinterest despite the red tinting the tip of his ears.
“And Furlan here might’ve let it slip that you were his first.”
You ignored Levi’s bored eye roll and looked at Furlan across from you, “I was?” You had been giving each other kisses every day for over a month, yet you never thought to ask. With every “in case the walls cave in” or “good luck keeping Levi and Flagon from being at each other’s throats,” it was hard to think of a time when neither of you had been kissed.
“So, is he a good kisser?”
“Isabel,” Levi said warningly, his fingers curling tighter around his spoon. He didn’t want to sit here and listen to this right now. But at the same time, what had Furlan even said to get you to kiss him? Did he just ask? Or maybe you asked him. Was it because you liked each other?
“Better yet, do you two like each other?” Isabel plucked the thought from Levi’s mind, bolder than him to ask such a thing.
Furlan noticed Levi freeze like a child caught in an act before quickly shaking his head.
“We’re friends, that’s all,” you both blurted out simultaneously.
“He’s just one of the only people I thought would be okay with the idea, that’s all,” you muttered as you poked at your bread. You quickly glanced at Levi, your eyes meeting his unexpectedly before you looked back down at your plate in a panic.
**
Your fingers rose to your lips, ghosting over the slightly chapped skin. He– no, they were coming back. They’d be here. Furlan, Isabel, and Levi. You replayed the list in your head as you could see the last of the scouts returning. Furlan, Isabel, and Levi. The voice in your head grew louder with panic. Furlan, Isabel, and-.
“Levi!” You rushed to his side, “thank the walls!” You flung your arms around his neck, burying your face in his shoulder. Relief washed over you as the earthy smell of his cloak filled your senses. You didn’t care that he didn’t hug you back. He was never one for public affection, but he let you hold him. Holding him in your arms for a second felt like a lifetime. And for a moment, all your worries melted away.
When it took longer than usual to hear Furlan’s and Isabel’s excited voices call out to you, you reluctantly pulled away, looking over his shoulder for the other two faces that always made you feel at home. But instead of relieved smiles, all that met you was a bleak and empty landscape.
“Where are-?” The shattering feeling in your chest stopped your words short as you looked into his obsidian eyes. They were colder than a shelterless stormy winter night, filled with a look you’ve become familiar with on the faces of others. “Levi,” you breathed out brokenly. You blinked back the tears and bit the inside of your cheek until the taste of copper touched your tongue. “How are you?” It was a dumb question, but it was all you could think of.
Levi watched you reach out for his cheek with a blank stare as he fought to suppress the hollow feeling in his chest. Your touch was a welcoming warmth after everything, almost too welcoming. Did he deserve to be the one coming back? The one embracing your warmth? “I-.” His eyebrows knitted together as you licked your thumb and tried your best to wipe the dried blood off his cheek.
“How bout we get you clean and into some fresh clothes? I snuck your clothes into the wash earlier so you’d come back to clean clothes.” You didn’t want him to talk about it if he didn’t want to. Or maybe you couldn’t hear him talk right now. “I’ll even make you tea while you shower, and we can hang in my room after.” You gave your best attempt to smile encouragingly, but it was more like desperately fighting back your tears. “I promise it’s clean this time.”
Levi chuckled dryly as he took your hand from his cheek in his. “Let the tea actually steep this time. No one wants to drink piss water.” He wasn’t sure whether his hand was trembling from earlier or if it was from touching you. The fluttering in his stomach betrayed the ache in his chest as you gave him a more convincing smile.
The kettle shook in your hand as you held it over the cup. This was a dream, right? Some terrible nightmare that you’d wake up from any second now. They’d walk through the door, broad smiles painting their faces like always. You’d all joke and laugh as you’d fail to make Levi give anything more than a shy smirk. You’d be together.
Levi crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe, “Think you have enough water there?” The chuckle that tumbled from his lips as he watched you jump like a scared cat quickly died out when the steaming hot water hit your hand. He rushed to your side, guiding you to the sink as you hissed a string of swears in pain, cupping your hand gently, holding it beneath the stream of water.
“I thought you were showering,” you tried to make conversation, the few seconds of silence feeling suffocating. You glanced at Levi from the corner of your eye. He had lost the cape and harness but was still in his uniform. You ran your free hand through his dry hair as you desperately searched for his usual comforting, soapy lilac and powdery iris smell you’ve found yourself constantly longing for.
“I, um, well, I didn’t,” Levi trailed off, feeling the tips of his ears grow uncomfortably warm.
“Wow, Levi didn’t bathe,” you teased as you ignored the pain in your hand the best you could. “Kinda gross.”
Levi looked up at you with his lips parted as if he were going to say something before closing it again. But, instead, his eyes quickly fell back to your hand. I don’t think I can be alone right now, but being with you feels just as difficult.
You chewed the inside of your cheek, your mind racing uncontrollably without noise to stop it. You watched Levi wrap your hand with a clean towel, eyes focused on his long, slender fingers at work as you concentrated on everything and nothing.
“You know, um, you don’t have to hold it together for my sake,” Levi spoke up as he tied the cloth into a knot. “They were your friends too. Maybe even more yours than mine.”
You opened your mouth to protest, to tell him it wasn’t for his sake. Scouts died every day, and all you could do to honor them was continue to dedicate your heart to the cause. But, unfortunately, that’s just how life went. There were no times for pity parties when you had the fate of humanity resting on your shoulders. But all those thoughts came to a screeching halt underneath his heartbroken and guilt-ridden gaze.
And just like that, you could feel your walls tumbling like houses beneath the titans’ feet. The dull aching in your chest that you kept at bay until now was practically suffocating. They’re not coming back. All three of them went out, and there was nothing you could do to help them. The ache in your chest was unbearable, spreading like venom in your veins until even your throat felt like it’d collapse. The world around you looked twisted and grew bleary. You shook your head in denial as you crumbled to the ground, the first warm streams of tears trickling down your chin uncontrollably.
Levi sat down beside you and hesitantly took your hand in his. Even your hands were trembling from how hard your sobs shook you. It all felt so familiar as he watched you curl in on yourself, possibly trying to make yourself as small as you felt. He wanted to apologize and tell you that he should’ve done more. He hated watching you like this; hated knowing he had a part in it- even if death in this world was a sad inevitability. Watching you made breathing hard as if someone had knocked all the air out of his lungs. The harder he tried to breathe calmly, the more he couldn’t.
Levi steeled himself the best he could before gently pulling you into his arms. He wanted to be strong for you, figured it was the least he could do. So Levi would ignore the piercing in his, his struggling lungs, how his stomach knotted, and the uncontrollable shaking. Instead, he’d promise to himself to just be there for you. Yet, his hammering heart– as misplaced as it felt with your body shaking in his arms– seemed to be the one thing he couldn’t entirely ignore.
How many times did Furlan get to relish in this warmth? And how the hell did he manage to stay so calm?
Levi pushed aside those thoughts as he cradled your head close to his chest until your shaking subsided. His subconscious humming of a melody he hadn’t heard since his childhood quietly filled the room until your breathing became even once more.
“Levi,” your voice failed you, his name falling from your lips in a hoarse, broken whisper. “C-can you stay in my room tonight? That, um, that sounds weird. It’s just I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
“Me either,” Levi mumbled as he leaned his cheek against your head. “And we can forget about the tea. I don’t need you burning yourself again.”
You let out a weak chuckle as you rose to your feet with Levi’s help, “s’probably for the best.” You hugged yourself and watched as he cleaned the mess up for you. “And you should, er, we should shower before we get some sleep.” The statement sounded more like a hesitant question through your still wavering voice, but Levi nodded in agreement before taking your hand in his.
The halls were quiet as you and Levi walked through them hand in hand, everyone either sleeping or doing their own forms of mourning. Even with him by your side, the walk felt lonely, the halls full of empty presences, full of faces that would turn into just a memory. Levi tightened his grip on your hand as you stepped through the door to the bathroom, reminding you that despite all those feelings, you weren’t alone.
“So, how do you wanna do this?” you sheepishly asked as you glanced down at your fingers laced with his.
Levi's eyes widened for a second as if he had just realized he was still holding your hand. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he dropped your hand like it was scalding to the touch, his eyes averting to the cobblestone floor. “It feels inappropriate to ask, but can we shower together?”
I want to know I can at least protect you, but right now, it feels more like you’re the one protecting me.
“I-it’s comforting being around you,” his thoughts spilled out in a panic as you walked away from him. “Don’t-” he squeezed his eyes shut, only to be greeted by faces he’d rather forget right now.
In a panic, he opened his eyes again, desperately looking for you for comfort, “please don’t let me be alone right now.”
You rushed to Levi with two towels tucked under your arm and his soap in hand. “Hey, hey, hey,” you cooed as you set the things down. “Lee,” you continued, cupping his cheek in your hand, “I wasn’t going to leave.” You chewed your lip as you pushed a few loose strands out of his face, waiting for his ragged breathing to calm down. “I’m here. I promise I’m not leaving you. I was just getting towels.”
Levi searched your eyes for a long moment before he could finally find himself beginning to relax. “Sorry,” he embarrassedly mumbled, feeling a lump well up in his throat.
“It’s okay, really,” you reassured him before you began to undress, taking off everything except your bra and panties with Levi following suit. “You don’t have to be sorry for not wanting to be alone.” You nudged his shoulder playfully as you reached behind him to turn on the shower, “besides, I already told you I don’t wanna be alone tonight.”
Levi nodded as he reached behind you for the soap, his chest pressing against yours momentarily, making heat rush to the tips of his ears.
When he stood up straight again, you both couldn’t stop your eyes from wandering down each other’s bodies. As his eyes roamed across every dip and curve of your body, you took time to appreciate the toned, muscular frame his clothes hid so well. Had the circumstances been any different, maybe you would’ve complimented him on it. Or perhaps he would’ve mustered the courage to tell you how beautiful he thought you were. But instead, you both came to silent realizations as your gazes met under the water. A deep longing now accompanied the heartbreak and bits of guilt in your eyes. Something that had probably been buried far longer than either of you realized and decided to show itself at the worst possible time.
“You look-.” You smiled sadly, cupping his cheek with your wet hand as you went to work, rubbing away the dust and speckles of blood that clung to his face. “You look tired, lee. When’s the last time you slept?”
Any words Levi had were stuck in his chest, blockaded by the unbearable ache that almost seemed to make time cease to exist. Even your words were drowned out, muddled until all he could hear was the faint sound of your voice. He felt as if he were underground again. As if all he could do was beg to be a part of the light. Why did I trust them?
“Lee,” you hummed as you washed his hair, pushing the raven locks away from his face. “Levi. Hey, you listening? It wasn’t your fault.”
With a slight cough, you pushed through your wavering. “They didn’t deserve it- no one does. But you didn’t-.”
“I did.” Levi’s brows furrowed together as he gritted his teeth. Why are you being so nice? I don’t deserve it. “I dragged them along. I left them to go-.” He stopped himself before the secret the trio fought to keep slipped from his lips. “I wasn’t there for them like I should’ve been.” His trembling hands ghosted over your waist, desperately searching for a way to ground himself. “I failed them. I failed you.”
Your eyes widened in surprise, hands falling slack in his soapy hair. “You can’t-.” You bit your tongue, stopping yourself from finishing your thought. He did believe that with his entire being. Instead of grieving, he was convinced he’d done something wrong and failed. With a heavy sigh, you wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face into his shoulder, your fingertips ghosting over the hair at his nape. “You didn’t fail anyone.” You could feel the erratic beating of his heart practically pounding out of his chest and his breath growing labored. “Not Furlan. Not Isabel. And definitely not me.”
Levi’s hands tightened around your waist as breathing became an almost impossible task. His chest rapidly rose and fell, air escaping his lungs as if he were drowning in a panic. “You don’t have to try to make me feel better.” He nuzzled his face into your hair as the first tears rolled down his cheek. “You’re a shit liar anyways,” he joked, trying to hide his sniffling.
“M’not!” You gently push Levi away in frustration, giving you just enough room to look at him in his tear-filled eyes. “You ass, you could never fail me. Yeah, I miss them. And it’s gonna hurt like hell every day that I don’t see them.” Your eyes fell to his collarbone as you felt your eyes begin to fill with tears again. “Sure, dinners will suck a little more now and be a little quieter.”
You tensed your jaw and forced yourself to look him in the eyes again. “But you came back. You’re here with me.” You shook your head with a sniffle, “I can’t imagine my life without all of you. Especially without you. I mean, who else would tell me when my tea tastes like piss?” You wiped your eyes despite the tears showing no sign of stopping or slowing. “Or show me how to not use my gears like a drunk baby? Who would liven up this dull place by picking fights with our shithead captains?”
Levi chuckled dryly and pushed your hand aside, his tears calming enough so he could get a better look at you. “Or tell you when you talk too much?” He clumsily wiped your eyes with the palms of his hand, “Thanks, though.”
He didn’t believe that he wasn’t a failure, even as you looked up at him like he was the only thing that mattered in the world. And maybe he wouldn’t believe it for a while. But it was reassuring to know at least someone thought that. It was nice knowing not everything was lost.
His hands fell to your cheeks, holding them as if you were made of glass. “Thanks for reminding me that I at least I still have one annoying shit around.”
You rolled your eyes as you cupped his hands. “You ass.” His touch was a welcoming warmth compared to the cooling water. “You’re stuck with me now,” you teased, shooting him a hopeful smile. Levi’s puffy eyes softened as you reached out and began to gently scratch his scalp, massaging the soap into his hair. “I’ve got no choice but to save the other scouts the trouble and deal with ya.”
A solemn yet comfortable air accompanied the rest of the time spent in the shower. Despite every wave of despair that came crashing down, reminding you both of the new reality, everything felt like it would be okay. Every time you helped each other wash away a sliver of grief, an unspoken promise was made: you only had each other now, and you’d do whatever it took to keep each other safe. Friends and comrades could come and go, but as long as you had each other, fresh air, and the sun to greet you every day, everything would somehow be okay. You’d help each other get through this and whatever else this shithole of a world threw at you. You’d follow each other to the end of the world if it came with the promise of never being alone again.
The halls were as quiet as before as you and Levi padded through them with nothing but your towels. And yet, they didn’t feel as lonely. Levi’s tight grip on your hand and how his shoulder brushed against yours as he shielded you from unwanted eyes brought you comfort.
“Um, your clothes are on the nightstand,” you gestured across the small room. You rounded on your heels, eager to replace your towel with more comfortable clothes. Instead, Levi quickly pulled you back to him, huffing as he helped you regain your balance.
“Are you going to be okay?” With a ghosting touch on your fingers, Levi raised your injured hand to inspect the clearly irritated skin. His brows furrowed together as worry etched itself across his features. Even if you continued to deny that he failed today, you couldn’t deny he caused your injury. And while caring for it wouldn’t solve much, it’d at least help remind him he can help those he cares for.
“Where was this concern when I was washing your hair?” you teased as you glanced at your hand for the first time since Levi wrapped it. Levi’s frown deepened despite the blush painting his ears, making you roll your eyes. “I’m sure I’ll be fine putting on clothes, Levi. And if it makes you feel better, you can help me wrap it again after, okay?” You squeezed his hand reassuringly before he finally let you go.
“After I clean it, you shit,” Levi grumbled as he turned around and crossed the room.
“It’s technically already been cleaned, you ass.”
His clothes were neatly folded on your nightstand as if that were their natural place. As if it were just any other day. Maybe the fluttering in his heart would be better placed if that were the case. But it wasn’t, and perhaps it never will be.
With a heavy sigh, Levi lifted his underwear and pajama pants, rubbing the soft fabric between his fingers for a moment before pulling them on. A light blue vest on your nightstand caught his eye as he slipped his shirt over his head. It was folded neatly; the creases rubbed out of it. It didn’t take long to realize who’s vest it was. Nor did it take long for Levi to admit that the vest looked more natural here than his clothes had– at least that’s what he told himself.
How many times had he been here? Had you two showered together, too? How many times have you two kissed here? Levi could feel his cheeks heat up despite his blood going cold at the thought. Maybe I shouldn’t be here. Maybe they really were more than friends who kissed.
“You can have that if you want,” you spoke up once you noticed what held Levi’s attention. “It was just part of our routine, y’know? Kinda our way of encouraging the other to come back- it’s silly.”
“Did he ever stay over?” The words came out before he could stop himself or even think of why he cared to ask. “You two seemed close.”
“Walls, no!” You walked over to your nightstand, joining Levi’s side. “We’d talk until we got tired, but he never stayed over. I don’t even know if the thought occurred to either of us.” You trailed off, getting lost in the memories, a slight pang in your heart.
The flush on Levi’s cheeks was undeniable as he thought about what you said. You had kissed Furlan countless times, yet here he was, being invited to spend the night with you. But then again, you both had just lost friends. So maybe you really were only asking in search of comfort.
“You should get some sleep.”
“You’re not sleeping?” You glanced over curiously at him before it hit you. The fear peeking out from beneath his lackluster eyes told you what his mouth wouldn’t.
He could still see them whenever he closed his eyes for too long. Their faces or whatever was left were still freshly ingrained in his mind. And the only comfort that sleep could bring were dreams of them alive, which would only be crushed under the weight of reality when morning came. The cycle would continue no matter what may be said to help cope with the loss. Their faces and memories would reappear everywhere until one day seeing and remembering didn’t bring a crippling sense of dread and heartache.
It didn’t matter what fears you faced earlier while you two showered; sleep brought a new wave of fear, guilt, and sorrow. Going to sleep meant welcoming a new day without Isabel or Furlan.
You bit your lip and nodded. “Then neither am I.” You hesitantly took his hand in yours and urged him toward the bed. “You’ll help wrap my hand again, and we’ll both just stay up all night talking.”
Levi sat at the foot of your bed with pink cheeks and an unamused expression, “that’s a stupid idea.”
You climbed into bed and raised an eyebrow at him. “What else would we do, stare at each other?” Or kiss- no, this wasn’t the time to have those thoughts. You held out your hand and clean bandages to him as you waited for his response.
“Or sleep.” Levi focused his eyes on your hand, balancing being gentle and keeping the wrap taut enough to secure it through the night. You had grieved and showered together, even changed in the same room. So why was now so awkward? His eyes flicked up to your lips, the slight pout as you zoned out, making it nearly impossible to look anywhere but.
What had Furlan said to get you to kiss him?
“Nope. If you’re not gonna sleep, neither will I.” I’m not leaving you alone. Even if you act fine now, I can’t forget earlier. I won’t forget earlier.
“And if I didn’t eat? Or told you my plan to kill Erwin?”
“I’d try my best to force you to, even if it meant holding your nose.” You tucked your knees beneath yourself and lowered your voice to a whisper. “And I’d tell you to let me butter him up first for you.”
Levi looked at you in astonishment, unsure whether you were serious or just teasing him. “Go to sleep,” he grumbled when he couldn’t tell.
You took his hand in yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Not until you at least lay down. Please, Levi.” You chewed your lip as you reached out and cupped his cheek with your bandaged hand. “You need rest.” Your thumb ghosted over the dark circles beneath his eyes, “but if you’re not gonna get some rest, can you just lay with me?”
Levi pressed his cheek further into your palm for a long moment before nodding, making you let go of a tense breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. He fought off a smirk as you eagerly guided him further onto your bed and buried yourself under the covers. Levi followed your lead and climbed beneath the blankets, laying far enough away that a pillow could fit between you. His eyes nervously flitted down from your face to his fingers intertwined with yours.
Without hesitation, you moved your head back until it was on the edge of the pillow, “there’s enough room for both of us if you wanna.” To your surprise, he almost immediately took you up on your offer like a timid child. “Good night Levi.”
“Night.”
“Oh, and Levi,” you waited for his hum before you continued. “It’s comforting being around you too. I like being around you. And I meant everything I said earlier.”
Levi didn’t remember falling asleep or what dreams he had- honestly there might’ve been none. And while he felt bad that two of his closest friends weren’t in his thoughts as he slept, he couldn’t deny that sleeping next to you brought him a level of comfort he hadn’t felt since his childhood.
Even the days after, as he woke up in cold sweats or with tears streaming down his face, you were there, giving him any piece of peace you could. When you’d find yourself going to sleep with tear-streaked cheeks or waking up with puffy eyes, he was there with a melody and a cup of tea to comfort you. You began to seek each other out, taking turns climbing out of bed in the late night and early morning hours to find the other. And each time you woke up, you seemed to be closer. Limbs entangle—your head on his chest, or Levi’s favorite, nose to nose.
You had become practically attached at the hips. You encouraged each other to push harder during the day and provided much-needed comfort to the other at night. Every moment for the next few months was spent together until you felt as if it were only you and Levi in the world. You both made true to your silent promises made that bittersweet night.
Levi would come to learn the way you’d grow a little quieter despite your wider smile whenever you’d think of Furlan or Isabel. He’d ‘accidentally’ leave his soap out for you when he noticed you breathe a little deeper with him around.
You managed to see his bashful smirk more and enjoy a quiet tune he’d subconsciously hum as he held you to his chest. You’d come to find an almost surefire way to get him to go to sleep whenever you scratched his scalp or back. And no matter how soundly he’d be sleeping, you’d learn he never really stays asleep. He’d try to hide his twitching or pray his whimpers wouldn’t wake you, but they always did. And you always let him snuggle closer to you until you drifted back to sleep.
“Y/n,” Levi whispered, hoping you were still sleeping. His heartbeat was deafening in his ears as he waited for a response or for your breathing to change. When a few moments passed without either happening, he ghosted his thumb over your bottom lip and mumbled, “I really want to kiss you.”
You leaned forward, ignoring the burning in your cheeks as you brushed your nose against his. “You’re welcome to.”
Levi’s breath hitched in his throat as his eyebrows knitted together. “H-how long have you been up?”
You shrugged with your eyes still closed, “not long, I think. I dunno; I was trying to let your little snores help me fall asleep again.” You rubbed your eyes as you opened them. “But I guess it’s another sleepless night for ya,” you teased with a worried smile.
“It’s hard sleeping next to you.”
“I’ve never heard any complaints before,” you teased. “But I can leave if you want.”
“Fucking pain, you’re worse than the one shit that refuses to come out,” Levi grumbled. “Just see if I let you go anywhere, mon coeur.”
Neither of you remembered when Levi’s nickname for you changed from ‘shit’ to ‘mon coeur.’ It just happened one day, as if the phrase slipped from his lips. And the more he’d see you light up at the name despite not knowing its meaning, the more he’d become determined to use it.
“Wow, so he’s even scarier when he has a crush, huh? Who woulda thought.”
“I don’t have- I’m not- damn it. Just go to sleep before I knock you out, I like you better quiet.”
You jutted your bottom lip into an exaggerated pout, “can’t sleep without a goodnight kiss. I mean, you’re the one who gave me the idea.”
“But,” Levi dragged his gaze up from your lip disappointedly. “What was going on with you and Furlan?”
Even now, your heart squeezed at the mention of his name. “You didn’t know? We were secretly married the whole time, and I have three of his kids living in my room.” The deadpanned expression on Levi’s face made it hard not to chuckle to yourself. “I’ve told you already. We were only friends, okay?”
“Who kissed.”
“Because he was one of the only people I thought would be okay with the idea. You’re always acting like Mr. gumps, so I thought you’d be against it.” It didn’t go unnoticed how Levi’s eyes widened for a moment at your confession. “But fine,” you caught his chin between your forefinger and thumb. “Maybe I should’ve asked you so that you could’ve given me the same look you’re giving me now.”
Levi rolled his eyes with a deep sigh, “titans are easier to deal with than you.”
“Pretty sure I kiss better, though.”
“Wouldn’t know; I’ve never had any.” Levi had never been more thankful that the moon provided the only light in his room as the heat rose to his cheeks.
You ignored the fluttering in your stomach, suddenly eager to be closer to Levi. You couldn’t help but think of your first kiss, and all the thoughts once held concerning it. What if he was saving his kiss for someone special? “I can, well-,” you licked your lips nervously, “ I can change that.”
“Almost like that’s why I brought it up.”
You rolled your eyes with a soft giggle, hooking your leg over his hips. “Smart ass.” Levi encouraged you with a hand on the small of your back despite his trembling hand, pulling you flush against him. You leaned forward, guiding him toward you by his chin.
Levi crashed his lips against yours impatiently, his hand on your back balling into a fist as he tried to pull you impossibly closer. The kiss was clumsy and full of hunger. Yet, what Levi lacked in experience, he made up for in his eagerness. His lips moved against yours like a starved man determined to enjoy everything you offered to him. It was nothing like your kisses with Furlan, and part of you couldn’t help but think that was his goal.
“You’re a better kisser,” you uttered before going in for another kiss.
Levi eagerly chased your lips, “and you’re a shit liar… but maybe one day.”
“Guess we’ll have to put you through training-.”
“Please go to sleep.” Levi cupped his hand over your lips with a sheepish expression, “That’s enough for tonight.” He awkwardly shifted his hips away from yours as his hand slid up between your shoulder blades. Between the butterflies fluttering in his stomach and the sudden unfamiliar tightening of his pants, he was sure his body would give out on him at any second now. It was like an uncomfortable, overwhelming sickness that made him feel uneasy and strangely at peace. “You need your rest.”
“Right, I need rest,” you hummed unconvinced. Before giving Levi one last peck, you pried his hand away with surprising ease. “Night, Levi.” Sensing his sudden reservedness, you moved to take your leg off his hip only to be stopped by his hand hooking under your knee. A comfortable silence settled over the both of you as you basked in each other’s soothing warmth. You ran your fingers through his hair, gently scratching his scalp every time your fingers met his roots. “Also, uh, well- this isn’t like a, y’know.” You shrugged as you embarrassedly avoided meeting his gaze. “I don’t want it to be just a friend thing.”
Levi let out a heavy sigh as he pulled you closer by your leg, keeping just enough space between you to keep the increasing tightness in his pants a secret. “Sleep already.” He let the quiet settle over the both of you once more like a blanket as he rubbed circles into your thigh with his thumb. Your soft, restful snores echoed through the room after a few minutes. Levi leaned forward with a small smile, resting the curve of his nose against your forehead. “I’m glad you feel the same, though, mon coeur,” he thought aloud.
I know I don’t deserve this chance to be with her. You’d be better for her. But I can’t stop my heart from racing or the smiles that fight so hard to make their way onto my lips when I’m around her. So I’ll take care of her for you from now on, Furlan, I give my word. I’ll be by her side protecting and supporting her until my last breath. “You make me feel so special, and I know I don’t deserve it. But I want to make you feel the same. I’m yours until the end of time and probably long after that.”
Hi! I’d love to make a request, I love your writting!So the idea is; Levi, Farlan and Isabel have just joined the Survey Corps and they meet reader who is also a cadet. Y/n shares a couple kisses with Farlan, while Levi secretly starts falling for her. When Farlan dies, they start getting closer and Levi feels bad for wanting to take a chance with you, like, he feels he’s betraying his dead friend but then it turns up reader has always loved Levi :) you can end it however you want… u know..
Pairing: slight furlan x f!reader, levi x f!reader
WC: 6.7k
CW: sooo much angst, mentions of death, injury, grieving, swearing, suggestive at the end (lmk if I missed anything (: )
AN: whoever requested this, first off, I love you so much!! I didn't know how much I needed this. Second I'm soo sorry it took me forever- writer's block is ass
This couldn’t be happening. It had been some kind of dream. No, dreams are sweet. They’re where wishes can come to life. They were nothing like this. No, this was a nightmare. Faces you’ve come to know passed you with usual post-expedition gloominess. Every face but two that you longed to see the most. The two that managed to brighten your day more than the sun ever could. Where? Where were-?
**
“Aren’t kisses supposed to be special?” you asked in a hushed voice, butterflies fluttering in your stomach at the thought. That’s what the stories you always read told you. Kisses were supposed to be these magical moments shared with someone special. Right?
“I mean, of course,” Furlan spoke with a hint of a teasing smirk playing on his lips. “They can be sure.”
You hummed in response, only really half-listening as your mind wandered elsewhere. Was a kiss really something that needs to be held onto with an iron grip? Sure, it can make it feel more special, but-.
Furlan leaned closer to you and whispered in your ear, derailing your train of thought. “Got someone special you’re thinking of saving those kisses for?”
“What?” you squealed in surprise, whipping your head towards him. You winced in pain as your forehead knocked against his with a dull thud. “Ah, n-no,” you stuttered out while holding your forehead.
You were the prettiest girl he’d ever seen, well, aside from Isabel, but she felt too much like a sister to tease like this. Whenever he’d think you couldn’t get any prettier, moments like this would prove him wrong. He thought the sun was the only thing he’d missed out on when he lived underground, but here you were, a beacon of warmth and light even at night.
Furlan smiled to himself as he noticed you didn’t make any move to put space between the both of you. “Relax, I was joking- mostly anyways,” he whispered the last part. His words mingled with the quietness of the room until he wasn’t even sure himself if they had left his lips or if they remained tucked away in his head. “But now I’m kind of curious.”
Panic was rising in your chest under his gaze. He doesn’t have to know the truth, right? He’s sweet and all, but what difference did one small lie make? “I, well,” you sighed in defeat before squeezing your eyes shut, leaning in, prepared to shut him up with a kiss despite the thundering heartbeat in your ears.
Furlan’s eyes went wide as you leaned closer with slightly puckered lips. “Y/n, wait,” he stuttered, gently pushing you away by your shoulders. He raked his brain as he tried to determine if the warmth in his cheeks was him still adjusting to the above world or if it was your doing. “You don’t have to give up any of your kisses if you don’t want to. It’s cute to save them. And I,” he subconsciously tightened his grip on your shoulder a little as the heat on his cheeks became almost unbearable. It was never this hard to talk to Levi or even Isabel. “I’m sure whoever you kiss, whether it’s your first or hundredth, will feel special, yeah?”
You squeezed your eyes tighter for a moment as you tried your hardest to ignore the growing embarrassment bubbling inside you. “Furlan,” you managed to whisper after collecting yourself a little. “Can you?” You opened your eyes, greeted by Furlan’s warm, slightly concerned gaze. “I don’t want to hold onto a kiss and then maybe, well, y’know-.” You shifted awkwardly, eyes flitting down to the ground. “I don’t want to go on one of these missions and die without ever being kissed.”
“I doubt that’ll happen. You and Levi are incredible with your gears.” He trailed off in thought, his eyes falling to your lips. “But, if you’re sure.”
You pursed your lips in thought before nodding. Who else was going to do it? Wait, no, that came off wrong. It’s more like, who else is trustworthy enough, made you feel comfortable enough to give away your kisses?
**
Furlan. Where was Furlan? And Isabel? And Levi? Your eyes frantically scanned the crowd, your heart sinking every second. They promised they’d be back. They swore it! So maybe they were just at the back of the group. They have to be. Right?
**
“Aren’t you gonna do your little good luck kisses, or whatever you call it?” Isabel asked with a teasing smirk before shoveling another spoonful of food into her mouth.
You sputtered as your soup went down the wrong windpipe. “W-what?” you coughed out. You blinked back the tears and mumbled a quiet thanks as you took the cup of water Levi held out to you.
“It’s weird and a little gross,” she continued, her voice muffled by the food she pushed into her cheek to speak. “But,” you watched her chew a few times before swallowing, “it’s cute.”
“You know about those?” you finally managed to ask after a moment.
“You’re not exactly sneaky about it,” Levi feigned disinterest despite the red tinting the tip of his ears.
“And Furlan here might’ve let it slip that you were his first.”
You ignored Levi’s bored eye roll and looked at Furlan across from you, “I was?” You had been giving each other kisses every day for over a month, yet you never thought to ask. With every “in case the walls cave in” or “good luck keeping Levi and Flagon from being at each other’s throats,” it was hard to think of a time when neither of you had been kissed.
“So, is he a good kisser?”
“Isabel,” Levi said warningly, his fingers curling tighter around his spoon. He didn’t want to sit here and listen to this right now. But at the same time, what had Furlan even said to get you to kiss him? Did he just ask? Or maybe you asked him. Was it because you liked each other?
“Better yet, do you two like each other?” Isabel plucked the thought from Levi’s mind, bolder than him to ask such a thing.
Furlan noticed Levi freeze like a child caught in an act before quickly shaking his head.
“We’re friends, that’s all,” you both blurted out simultaneously.
“He’s just one of the only people I thought would be okay with the idea, that’s all,” you muttered as you poked at your bread. You quickly glanced at Levi, your eyes meeting his unexpectedly before you looked back down at your plate in a panic.
**
Your fingers rose to your lips, ghosting over the slightly chapped skin. He– no, they were coming back. They’d be here. Furlan, Isabel, and Levi. You replayed the list in your head as you could see the last of the scouts returning. Furlan, Isabel, and Levi. The voice in your head grew louder with panic. Furlan, Isabel, and-.
“Levi!” You rushed to his side, “thank the walls!” You flung your arms around his neck, burying your face in his shoulder. Relief washed over you as the earthy smell of his cloak filled your senses. You didn’t care that he didn’t hug you back. He was never one for public affection, but he let you hold him. Holding him in your arms for a second felt like a lifetime. And for a moment, all your worries melted away.
When it took longer than usual to hear Furlan’s and Isabel’s excited voices call out to you, you reluctantly pulled away, looking over his shoulder for the other two faces that always made you feel at home. But instead of relieved smiles, all that met you was a bleak and empty landscape.
“Where are-?” The shattering feeling in your chest stopped your words short as you looked into his obsidian eyes. They were colder than a shelterless stormy winter night, filled with a look you’ve become familiar with on the faces of others. “Levi,” you breathed out brokenly. You blinked back the tears and bit the inside of your cheek until the taste of copper touched your tongue. “How are you?” It was a dumb question, but it was all you could think of.
Levi watched you reach out for his cheek with a blank stare as he fought to suppress the hollow feeling in his chest. Your touch was a welcoming warmth after everything, almost too welcoming. Did he deserve to be the one coming back? The one embracing your warmth? “I-.” His eyebrows knitted together as you licked your thumb and tried your best to wipe the dried blood off his cheek.
“How bout we get you clean and into some fresh clothes? I snuck your clothes into the wash earlier so you’d come back to clean clothes.” You didn’t want him to talk about it if he didn’t want to. Or maybe you couldn’t hear him talk right now. “I’ll even make you tea while you shower, and we can hang in my room after.” You gave your best attempt to smile encouragingly, but it was more like desperately fighting back your tears. “I promise it’s clean this time.”
Levi chuckled dryly as he took your hand from his cheek in his. “Let the tea actually steep this time. No one wants to drink piss water.” He wasn’t sure whether his hand was trembling from earlier or if it was from touching you. The fluttering in his stomach betrayed the ache in his chest as you gave him a more convincing smile.
The kettle shook in your hand as you held it over the cup. This was a dream, right? Some terrible nightmare that you’d wake up from any second now. They’d walk through the door, broad smiles painting their faces like always. You’d all joke and laugh as you’d fail to make Levi give anything more than a shy smirk. You’d be together.
Levi crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe, “Think you have enough water there?” The chuckle that tumbled from his lips as he watched you jump like a scared cat quickly died out when the steaming hot water hit your hand. He rushed to your side, guiding you to the sink as you hissed a string of swears in pain, cupping your hand gently, holding it beneath the stream of water.
“I thought you were showering,” you tried to make conversation, the few seconds of silence feeling suffocating. You glanced at Levi from the corner of your eye. He had lost the cape and harness but was still in his uniform. You ran your free hand through his dry hair as you desperately searched for his usual comforting, soapy lilac and powdery iris smell you’ve found yourself constantly longing for.
“I, um, well, I didn’t,” Levi trailed off, feeling the tips of his ears grow uncomfortably warm.
“Wow, Levi didn’t bathe,” you teased as you ignored the pain in your hand the best you could. “Kinda gross.”
Levi looked up at you with his lips parted as if he were going to say something before closing it again. But, instead, his eyes quickly fell back to your hand. I don’t think I can be alone right now, but being with you feels just as difficult.
You chewed the inside of your cheek, your mind racing uncontrollably without noise to stop it. You watched Levi wrap your hand with a clean towel, eyes focused on his long, slender fingers at work as you concentrated on everything and nothing.
“You know, um, you don’t have to hold it together for my sake,” Levi spoke up as he tied the cloth into a knot. “They were your friends too. Maybe even more yours than mine.”
You opened your mouth to protest, to tell him it wasn’t for his sake. Scouts died every day, and all you could do to honor them was continue to dedicate your heart to the cause. But, unfortunately, that’s just how life went. There were no times for pity parties when you had the fate of humanity resting on your shoulders. But all those thoughts came to a screeching halt underneath his heartbroken and guilt-ridden gaze.
And just like that, you could feel your walls tumbling like houses beneath the titans’ feet. The dull aching in your chest that you kept at bay until now was practically suffocating. They’re not coming back. All three of them went out, and there was nothing you could do to help them. The ache in your chest was unbearable, spreading like venom in your veins until even your throat felt like it’d collapse. The world around you looked twisted and grew bleary. You shook your head in denial as you crumbled to the ground, the first warm streams of tears trickling down your chin uncontrollably.
Levi sat down beside you and hesitantly took your hand in his. Even your hands were trembling from how hard your sobs shook you. It all felt so familiar as he watched you curl in on yourself, possibly trying to make yourself as small as you felt. He wanted to apologize and tell you that he should’ve done more. He hated watching you like this; hated knowing he had a part in it- even if death in this world was a sad inevitability. Watching you made breathing hard as if someone had knocked all the air out of his lungs. The harder he tried to breathe calmly, the more he couldn’t.
Levi steeled himself the best he could before gently pulling you into his arms. He wanted to be strong for you, figured it was the least he could do. So Levi would ignore the piercing in his, his struggling lungs, how his stomach knotted, and the uncontrollable shaking. Instead, he’d promise to himself to just be there for you. Yet, his hammering heart– as misplaced as it felt with your body shaking in his arms– seemed to be the one thing he couldn’t entirely ignore.
How many times did Furlan get to relish in this warmth? And how the hell did he manage to stay so calm?
Levi pushed aside those thoughts as he cradled your head close to his chest until your shaking subsided. His subconscious humming of a melody he hadn’t heard since his childhood quietly filled the room until your breathing became even once more.
“Levi,” your voice failed you, his name falling from your lips in a hoarse, broken whisper. “C-can you stay in my room tonight? That, um, that sounds weird. It’s just I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
“Me either,” Levi mumbled as he leaned his cheek against your head. “And we can forget about the tea. I don’t need you burning yourself again.”
You let out a weak chuckle as you rose to your feet with Levi’s help, “s’probably for the best.” You hugged yourself and watched as he cleaned the mess up for you. “And you should, er, we should shower before we get some sleep.” The statement sounded more like a hesitant question through your still wavering voice, but Levi nodded in agreement before taking your hand in his.
The halls were quiet as you and Levi walked through them hand in hand, everyone either sleeping or doing their own forms of mourning. Even with him by your side, the walk felt lonely, the halls full of empty presences, full of faces that would turn into just a memory. Levi tightened his grip on your hand as you stepped through the door to the bathroom, reminding you that despite all those feelings, you weren’t alone.
“So, how do you wanna do this?” you sheepishly asked as you glanced down at your fingers laced with his.
Levi's eyes widened for a second as if he had just realized he was still holding your hand. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he dropped your hand like it was scalding to the touch, his eyes averting to the cobblestone floor. “It feels inappropriate to ask, but can we shower together?”
I want to know I can at least protect you, but right now, it feels more like you’re the one protecting me.
“I-it’s comforting being around you,” his thoughts spilled out in a panic as you walked away from him. “Don’t-” he squeezed his eyes shut, only to be greeted by faces he’d rather forget right now.
In a panic, he opened his eyes again, desperately looking for you for comfort, “please don’t let me be alone right now.”
You rushed to Levi with two towels tucked under your arm and his soap in hand. “Hey, hey, hey,” you cooed as you set the things down. “Lee,” you continued, cupping his cheek in your hand, “I wasn’t going to leave.” You chewed your lip as you pushed a few loose strands out of his face, waiting for his ragged breathing to calm down. “I’m here. I promise I’m not leaving you. I was just getting towels.”
Levi searched your eyes for a long moment before he could finally find himself beginning to relax. “Sorry,” he embarrassedly mumbled, feeling a lump well up in his throat.
“It’s okay, really,” you reassured him before you began to undress, taking off everything except your bra and panties with Levi following suit. “You don’t have to be sorry for not wanting to be alone.” You nudged his shoulder playfully as you reached behind him to turn on the shower, “besides, I already told you I don’t wanna be alone tonight.”
Levi nodded as he reached behind you for the soap, his chest pressing against yours momentarily, making heat rush to the tips of his ears.
When he stood up straight again, you both couldn’t stop your eyes from wandering down each other’s bodies. As his eyes roamed across every dip and curve of your body, you took time to appreciate the toned, muscular frame his clothes hid so well. Had the circumstances been any different, maybe you would’ve complimented him on it. Or perhaps he would’ve mustered the courage to tell you how beautiful he thought you were. But instead, you both came to silent realizations as your gazes met under the water. A deep longing now accompanied the heartbreak and bits of guilt in your eyes. Something that had probably been buried far longer than either of you realized and decided to show itself at the worst possible time.
“You look-.” You smiled sadly, cupping his cheek with your wet hand as you went to work, rubbing away the dust and speckles of blood that clung to his face. “You look tired, lee. When’s the last time you slept?”
Any words Levi had were stuck in his chest, blockaded by the unbearable ache that almost seemed to make time cease to exist. Even your words were drowned out, muddled until all he could hear was the faint sound of your voice. He felt as if he were underground again. As if all he could do was beg to be a part of the light. Why did I trust them?
“Lee,” you hummed as you washed his hair, pushing the raven locks away from his face. “Levi. Hey, you listening? It wasn’t your fault.”
With a slight cough, you pushed through your wavering. “They didn’t deserve it- no one does. But you didn’t-.”
“I did.” Levi’s brows furrowed together as he gritted his teeth. Why are you being so nice? I don’t deserve it. “I dragged them along. I left them to go-.” He stopped himself before the secret the trio fought to keep slipped from his lips. “I wasn’t there for them like I should’ve been.” His trembling hands ghosted over your waist, desperately searching for a way to ground himself. “I failed them. I failed you.”
Your eyes widened in surprise, hands falling slack in his soapy hair. “You can’t-.” You bit your tongue, stopping yourself from finishing your thought. He did believe that with his entire being. Instead of grieving, he was convinced he’d done something wrong and failed. With a heavy sigh, you wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face into his shoulder, your fingertips ghosting over the hair at his nape. “You didn’t fail anyone.” You could feel the erratic beating of his heart practically pounding out of his chest and his breath growing labored. “Not Furlan. Not Isabel. And definitely not me.”
Levi’s hands tightened around your waist as breathing became an almost impossible task. His chest rapidly rose and fell, air escaping his lungs as if he were drowning in a panic. “You don’t have to try to make me feel better.” He nuzzled his face into your hair as the first tears rolled down his cheek. “You’re a shit liar anyways,” he joked, trying to hide his sniffling.
“M’not!” You gently push Levi away in frustration, giving you just enough room to look at him in his tear-filled eyes. “You ass, you could never fail me. Yeah, I miss them. And it’s gonna hurt like hell every day that I don’t see them.” Your eyes fell to his collarbone as you felt your eyes begin to fill with tears again. “Sure, dinners will suck a little more now and be a little quieter.”
You tensed your jaw and forced yourself to look him in the eyes again. “But you came back. You’re here with me.” You shook your head with a sniffle, “I can’t imagine my life without all of you. Especially without you. I mean, who else would tell me when my tea tastes like piss?” You wiped your eyes despite the tears showing no sign of stopping or slowing. “Or show me how to not use my gears like a drunk baby? Who would liven up this dull place by picking fights with our shithead captains?”
Levi chuckled dryly and pushed your hand aside, his tears calming enough so he could get a better look at you. “Or tell you when you talk too much?” He clumsily wiped your eyes with the palms of his hand, “Thanks, though.”
He didn’t believe that he wasn’t a failure, even as you looked up at him like he was the only thing that mattered in the world. And maybe he wouldn’t believe it for a while. But it was reassuring to know at least someone thought that. It was nice knowing not everything was lost.
His hands fell to your cheeks, holding them as if you were made of glass. “Thanks for reminding me that I at least I still have one annoying shit around.”
You rolled your eyes as you cupped his hands. “You ass.” His touch was a welcoming warmth compared to the cooling water. “You’re stuck with me now,” you teased, shooting him a hopeful smile. Levi’s puffy eyes softened as you reached out and began to gently scratch his scalp, massaging the soap into his hair. “I’ve got no choice but to save the other scouts the trouble and deal with ya.”
A solemn yet comfortable air accompanied the rest of the time spent in the shower. Despite every wave of despair that came crashing down, reminding you both of the new reality, everything felt like it would be okay. Every time you helped each other wash away a sliver of grief, an unspoken promise was made: you only had each other now, and you’d do whatever it took to keep each other safe. Friends and comrades could come and go, but as long as you had each other, fresh air, and the sun to greet you every day, everything would somehow be okay. You’d help each other get through this and whatever else this shithole of a world threw at you. You’d follow each other to the end of the world if it came with the promise of never being alone again.
The halls were as quiet as before as you and Levi padded through them with nothing but your towels. And yet, they didn’t feel as lonely. Levi’s tight grip on your hand and how his shoulder brushed against yours as he shielded you from unwanted eyes brought you comfort.
“Um, your clothes are on the nightstand,” you gestured across the small room. You rounded on your heels, eager to replace your towel with more comfortable clothes. Instead, Levi quickly pulled you back to him, huffing as he helped you regain your balance.
“Are you going to be okay?” With a ghosting touch on your fingers, Levi raised your injured hand to inspect the clearly irritated skin. His brows furrowed together as worry etched itself across his features. Even if you continued to deny that he failed today, you couldn’t deny he caused your injury. And while caring for it wouldn’t solve much, it’d at least help remind him he can help those he cares for.
“Where was this concern when I was washing your hair?” you teased as you glanced at your hand for the first time since Levi wrapped it. Levi’s frown deepened despite the blush painting his ears, making you roll your eyes. “I’m sure I’ll be fine putting on clothes, Levi. And if it makes you feel better, you can help me wrap it again after, okay?” You squeezed his hand reassuringly before he finally let you go.
“After I clean it, you shit,” Levi grumbled as he turned around and crossed the room.
“It’s technically already been cleaned, you ass.”
His clothes were neatly folded on your nightstand as if that were their natural place. As if it were just any other day. Maybe the fluttering in his heart would be better placed if that were the case. But it wasn’t, and perhaps it never will be.
With a heavy sigh, Levi lifted his underwear and pajama pants, rubbing the soft fabric between his fingers for a moment before pulling them on. A light blue vest on your nightstand caught his eye as he slipped his shirt over his head. It was folded neatly; the creases rubbed out of it. It didn’t take long to realize who’s vest it was. Nor did it take long for Levi to admit that the vest looked more natural here than his clothes had– at least that’s what he told himself.
How many times had he been here? Had you two showered together, too? How many times have you two kissed here? Levi could feel his cheeks heat up despite his blood going cold at the thought. Maybe I shouldn’t be here. Maybe they really were more than friends who kissed.
“You can have that if you want,” you spoke up once you noticed what held Levi’s attention. “It was just part of our routine, y’know? Kinda our way of encouraging the other to come back- it’s silly.”
“Did he ever stay over?” The words came out before he could stop himself or even think of why he cared to ask. “You two seemed close.”
“Walls, no!” You walked over to your nightstand, joining Levi’s side. “We’d talk until we got tired, but he never stayed over. I don’t even know if the thought occurred to either of us.” You trailed off, getting lost in the memories, a slight pang in your heart.
The flush on Levi’s cheeks was undeniable as he thought about what you said. You had kissed Furlan countless times, yet here he was, being invited to spend the night with you. But then again, you both had just lost friends. So maybe you really were only asking in search of comfort.
“You should get some sleep.”
“You’re not sleeping?” You glanced over curiously at him before it hit you. The fear peeking out from beneath his lackluster eyes told you what his mouth wouldn’t.
He could still see them whenever he closed his eyes for too long. Their faces or whatever was left were still freshly ingrained in his mind. And the only comfort that sleep could bring were dreams of them alive, which would only be crushed under the weight of reality when morning came. The cycle would continue no matter what may be said to help cope with the loss. Their faces and memories would reappear everywhere until one day seeing and remembering didn’t bring a crippling sense of dread and heartache.
It didn’t matter what fears you faced earlier while you two showered; sleep brought a new wave of fear, guilt, and sorrow. Going to sleep meant welcoming a new day without Isabel or Furlan.
You bit your lip and nodded. “Then neither am I.” You hesitantly took his hand in yours and urged him toward the bed. “You’ll help wrap my hand again, and we’ll both just stay up all night talking.”
Levi sat at the foot of your bed with pink cheeks and an unamused expression, “that’s a stupid idea.”
You climbed into bed and raised an eyebrow at him. “What else would we do, stare at each other?” Or kiss- no, this wasn’t the time to have those thoughts. You held out your hand and clean bandages to him as you waited for his response.
“Or sleep.” Levi focused his eyes on your hand, balancing being gentle and keeping the wrap taut enough to secure it through the night. You had grieved and showered together, even changed in the same room. So why was now so awkward? His eyes flicked up to your lips, the slight pout as you zoned out, making it nearly impossible to look anywhere but.
What had Furlan said to get you to kiss him?
“Nope. If you’re not gonna sleep, neither will I.” I’m not leaving you alone. Even if you act fine now, I can’t forget earlier. I won’t forget earlier.
“And if I didn’t eat? Or told you my plan to kill Erwin?”
“I’d try my best to force you to, even if it meant holding your nose.” You tucked your knees beneath yourself and lowered your voice to a whisper. “And I’d tell you to let me butter him up first for you.”
Levi looked at you in astonishment, unsure whether you were serious or just teasing him. “Go to sleep,” he grumbled when he couldn’t tell.
You took his hand in yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Not until you at least lay down. Please, Levi.” You chewed your lip as you reached out and cupped his cheek with your bandaged hand. “You need rest.” Your thumb ghosted over the dark circles beneath his eyes, “but if you’re not gonna get some rest, can you just lay with me?”
Levi pressed his cheek further into your palm for a long moment before nodding, making you let go of a tense breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. He fought off a smirk as you eagerly guided him further onto your bed and buried yourself under the covers. Levi followed your lead and climbed beneath the blankets, laying far enough away that a pillow could fit between you. His eyes nervously flitted down from your face to his fingers intertwined with yours.
Without hesitation, you moved your head back until it was on the edge of the pillow, “there’s enough room for both of us if you wanna.” To your surprise, he almost immediately took you up on your offer like a timid child. “Good night Levi.”
“Night.”
“Oh, and Levi,” you waited for his hum before you continued. “It’s comforting being around you too. I like being around you. And I meant everything I said earlier.”
Levi didn’t remember falling asleep or what dreams he had- honestly there might’ve been none. And while he felt bad that two of his closest friends weren’t in his thoughts as he slept, he couldn’t deny that sleeping next to you brought him a level of comfort he hadn’t felt since his childhood.
Even the days after, as he woke up in cold sweats or with tears streaming down his face, you were there, giving him any piece of peace you could. When you’d find yourself going to sleep with tear-streaked cheeks or waking up with puffy eyes, he was there with a melody and a cup of tea to comfort you. You began to seek each other out, taking turns climbing out of bed in the late night and early morning hours to find the other. And each time you woke up, you seemed to be closer. Limbs entangle—your head on his chest, or Levi’s favorite, nose to nose.
You had become practically attached at the hips. You encouraged each other to push harder during the day and provided much-needed comfort to the other at night. Every moment for the next few months was spent together until you felt as if it were only you and Levi in the world. You both made true to your silent promises made that bittersweet night.
Levi would come to learn the way you’d grow a little quieter despite your wider smile whenever you’d think of Furlan or Isabel. He’d ‘accidentally’ leave his soap out for you when he noticed you breathe a little deeper with him around.
You managed to see his bashful smirk more and enjoy a quiet tune he’d subconsciously hum as he held you to his chest. You’d come to find an almost surefire way to get him to go to sleep whenever you scratched his scalp or back. And no matter how soundly he’d be sleeping, you’d learn he never really stays asleep. He’d try to hide his twitching or pray his whimpers wouldn’t wake you, but they always did. And you always let him snuggle closer to you until you drifted back to sleep.
“Y/n,” Levi whispered, hoping you were still sleeping. His heartbeat was deafening in his ears as he waited for a response or for your breathing to change. When a few moments passed without either happening, he ghosted his thumb over your bottom lip and mumbled, “I really want to kiss you.”
You leaned forward, ignoring the burning in your cheeks as you brushed your nose against his. “You’re welcome to.”
Levi’s breath hitched in his throat as his eyebrows knitted together. “H-how long have you been up?”
You shrugged with your eyes still closed, “not long, I think. I dunno; I was trying to let your little snores help me fall asleep again.” You rubbed your eyes as you opened them. “But I guess it’s another sleepless night for ya,” you teased with a worried smile.
“It’s hard sleeping next to you.”
“I’ve never heard any complaints before,” you teased. “But I can leave if you want.”
“Fucking pain, you’re worse than the one shit that refuses to come out,” Levi grumbled. “Just see if I let you go anywhere, mon coeur.”
Neither of you remembered when Levi’s nickname for you changed from ‘shit’ to ‘mon coeur.’ It just happened one day, as if the phrase slipped from his lips. And the more he’d see you light up at the name despite not knowing its meaning, the more he’d become determined to use it.
“Wow, so he’s even scarier when he has a crush, huh? Who woulda thought.”
“I don’t have- I’m not- damn it. Just go to sleep before I knock you out, I like you better quiet.”
You jutted your bottom lip into an exaggerated pout, “can’t sleep without a goodnight kiss. I mean, you’re the one who gave me the idea.”
“But,” Levi dragged his gaze up from your lip disappointedly. “What was going on with you and Furlan?”
Even now, your heart squeezed at the mention of his name. “You didn’t know? We were secretly married the whole time, and I have three of his kids living in my room.” The deadpanned expression on Levi’s face made it hard not to chuckle to yourself. “I’ve told you already. We were only friends, okay?”
“Who kissed.”
“Because he was one of the only people I thought would be okay with the idea. You’re always acting like Mr. gumps, so I thought you’d be against it.” It didn’t go unnoticed how Levi’s eyes widened for a moment at your confession. “But fine,” you caught his chin between your forefinger and thumb. “Maybe I should’ve asked you so that you could’ve given me the same look you’re giving me now.”
Levi rolled his eyes with a deep sigh, “titans are easier to deal with than you.”
“Pretty sure I kiss better, though.”
“Wouldn’t know; I’ve never had any.” Levi had never been more thankful that the moon provided the only light in his room as the heat rose to his cheeks.
You ignored the fluttering in your stomach, suddenly eager to be closer to Levi. You couldn’t help but think of your first kiss, and all the thoughts once held concerning it. What if he was saving his kiss for someone special? “I can, well-,” you licked your lips nervously, “ I can change that.”
“Almost like that’s why I brought it up.”
You rolled your eyes with a soft giggle, hooking your leg over his hips. “Smart ass.” Levi encouraged you with a hand on the small of your back despite his trembling hand, pulling you flush against him. You leaned forward, guiding him toward you by his chin.
Levi crashed his lips against yours impatiently, his hand on your back balling into a fist as he tried to pull you impossibly closer. The kiss was clumsy and full of hunger. Yet, what Levi lacked in experience, he made up for in his eagerness. His lips moved against yours like a starved man determined to enjoy everything you offered to him. It was nothing like your kisses with Furlan, and part of you couldn’t help but think that was his goal.
“You’re a better kisser,” you uttered before going in for another kiss.
Levi eagerly chased your lips, “and you’re a shit liar… but maybe one day.”
“Guess we’ll have to put you through training-.”
“Please go to sleep.” Levi cupped his hand over your lips with a sheepish expression, “That’s enough for tonight.” He awkwardly shifted his hips away from yours as his hand slid up between your shoulder blades. Between the butterflies fluttering in his stomach and the sudden unfamiliar tightening of his pants, he was sure his body would give out on him at any second now. It was like an uncomfortable, overwhelming sickness that made him feel uneasy and strangely at peace. “You need your rest.”
“Right, I need rest,” you hummed unconvinced. Before giving Levi one last peck, you pried his hand away with surprising ease. “Night, Levi.” Sensing his sudden reservedness, you moved to take your leg off his hip only to be stopped by his hand hooking under your knee. A comfortable silence settled over the both of you as you basked in each other’s soothing warmth. You ran your fingers through his hair, gently scratching his scalp every time your fingers met his roots. “Also, uh, well- this isn’t like a, y’know.” You shrugged as you embarrassedly avoided meeting his gaze. “I don’t want it to be just a friend thing.”
Levi let out a heavy sigh as he pulled you closer by your leg, keeping just enough space between you to keep the increasing tightness in his pants a secret. “Sleep already.” He let the quiet settle over the both of you once more like a blanket as he rubbed circles into your thigh with his thumb. Your soft, restful snores echoed through the room after a few minutes. Levi leaned forward with a small smile, resting the curve of his nose against your forehead. “I’m glad you feel the same, though, mon coeur,” he thought aloud.
I know I don’t deserve this chance to be with her. You’d be better for her. But I can’t stop my heart from racing or the smiles that fight so hard to make their way onto my lips when I’m around her. So I’ll take care of her for you from now on, Furlan, I give my word. I’ll be by her side protecting and supporting her until my last breath. “You make me feel so special, and I know I don’t deserve it. But I want to make you feel the same. I’m yours until the end of time and probably long after that.”
AN: Was thinking about Mika every time I mentioned 'her' but thought it'd leave it up to y'all
You stared at Jean’s bleary form, fighting back the overwhelming choking feeling in your throat. Everything he was saying was going in one ear and out the other, drowned out by your thoughts. Was he even really even saying anything? His lips were moving, sure, but all you could hear was the shouting thoughts in your head.
“It hurts Jean,” you blurted out, your weak voice cutting him off. “It hurts seeing you constantly give her your all! You’re always ready to give her the world, and what does she give you?” You ignored the way your voice cracked as the tears became harder and harder to fight back. “She ignores you, Jean! And I’m- I just,” you trailed off with a defeated sigh.
“I can’t have more of you,” Jean’s voice wavered. “But I… I also can’t live with any less of you. I like where we are, Y/n. I like the openness. I like knowing you’re there. I like having you in my life. I like-.”
“Being a coward! Just say it, Jean,” you snapped, the tears finally streaming down your cheeks. “You like being a coward! You like keeping me around just in case she never-.”
“That’s not true.” You couldn’t tell if he was hurt or annoyed as he dragged his hands down his face. “Y/n.” He hated to see you cry. Even worse, he hated knowing he made you cry. He could feel his heart shattering slowly with every tear that rolled down your face. Jean rose from his seat with a shaky breath and closed the space between you. Would I feel the same if it was her crying? “I need you,” Jean whispered as he cupped your cheek, forcing you to look up at him.
You shook your head as your eyes met his. “You don’t.” Did he always look so broken when you mentioned her? Was she the reason or was it something else? His breath fanning over your lips was making it hard to focus. He was always so warm, like a cup of tea after a long, rainy day. You relished in his warmth found yourself seeking it more and more as days of being by his side turned to months. “You don’t need me,” you repeated yourself in a broken whisper.
Jean chuckled bitterly, wiping the tears off your cheek with his thumb. “I do. I need you, Y/n. I need you by my side.” He brushed his nose against yours as he closed his eyes. It’d be easier to talk if he didn’t have to watch you break. “I don’t need her- but that doesn’t stop me from wanting her. But you-.” It was getting harder to speak, the words getting stuck in his throat like a fly in a trap. She never makes me feel this way. Only you do. Maybe- maybe I am a coward. “I need you in my life, and it scares me to think of going a single day without you. I’m scared to lose you, so I hold onto what we have now. Saying that out loud does sound pretty shitty, huh?”
“Told you you’re a coward.” You leaned into his touch hesitantly.
“See, you know me better than I know me sometimes.”
“Yeah,” you sighed. “And that means knowing no matter what you do next, you’re still going to go chase her tomorrow, and the day after.”
Jean pressed his lips against yours gently as if he were scared he might break you. No. It was more like he was afraid he’d break. He held you as if his life depended on it, pulling you flush against him. And yet, his lips were so soft and hesitant against yours. He was sure you could feel him trembling against you. “Maybe this time will be different.”
“Yeah, you breathed against his lips as you made space for him on your bed. “And maybe one day I’ll stop falling for that idiotic smile of yours.”
A/n: This was supposed to be a quick hc... but I might've gotten kinda carried away
Okay, but Dilf!Deku who sees you babysitting at the pool and is completely in awe of you. Like he can barely take his eyes off you, but he can’t even seem to work up the courage to do more than give you that awkward smile.
Dilf!Deku who is beyond grateful when his sons beg him to come play Marco Polo with them and the kids you’re babysitting. He can hear them making deals with you across the pool- something like ‘I promise I’ll eat all of my vegetables tonight if you’re it first!’ And he quickly agrees to play, hoping you’ll do the same- which you do.
And being the sweetheart he is, Deku saves you from having to be it by volunteering. The sweet, grateful smile you shoot him before he closes his eyes and starts counting is now permanently ingrained in his brain. He becomes so busy trying to think of other ways to smile that he forgets what number he was supposed to be counting to– it was only supposed to be 10, but he’s somewhere in the 20s before his sons end up splashing him.
He can hear your voice clearly– knows exactly where you are. And yet he saves you for last just so he has an excuse to keep his hands wrapped around your waist a second longer than necessary. Your skin is so soft beneath his hero work-hardened hands.
Dilf!Deku who gets all blushy and suddenly forgets how words work as your hands smoothly over his shoulders. You slip behind him, using him as a shield from the children. He’s too busy thinking of how your touch leaves his skin burning that he doesn’t even consider you might use him as a sacrifice.
And when you two finally have a moment alone, the first words he can muster are, “you have beautiful kids.” He thinks he’s slick, but you notice the way his eyes devour you as he says it. And as much as you may want to take the compliment, you tell him they’re not yours- which he just takes as you meaning they’re adopted. “Oh, you’re really good with them- how long have you had them?”
Dilf!Deku who absolutely loses his shit when you tell him your a babysitter– immediately asking to babysit for him. And immediately apologizing for asking because he doesn’t want you thinking that’s the only reason he’s talking to you. But when you agree, he starts apologizing for the dopey look on his face.
Dilf!Deku who has no doubt in his mind that you and the boys will get along but still can’t stop his heart from going into overdrive when he comes home and see the three of you asleep in a fort in the living room.
Dilf!Deku can’t deny how much he loves your company, so he makes excuses for you to stay later. He’ll even try asking you to babysit on his days off because ‘the boys miss you tons.’ And don’t get me started on the bouquet of flowers and home-cooked meals he gives you as apologies for working late. He’s even tried bribing the boys into calling you, mom.
Dilf!Deku who, despite spending nearly all his time outside of work with you for the past two months, still hasn’t mustered the courage to ask you on a date. That is until the annual pro-hero gala comes up, and he’s insistent on having you as his plus one. He spends so much time in the weeks leading up to the gala trying to figure out how to properly ask you to be his. To be part of his family. He’s even asked a few criminals while waiting for authorities to show. All his planning goes out the window when he sees you the night of the gala, and all his feelings just come rushing out his mouth like a busted pipe.
Dilf!Deku who can’t help but show you off at the gala. He knows reporters are just looking for pictures of him, maybe even the two of you together. But that doesn’t stop him from stepping behind you, so you’re the center of attention. And we all know he’s pulling his phone out every five minutes to get pictures of you. With every picture he takes, he can't help but think of how lucky he is.
When your body is pressed against his for a dance, both of you moving so slow, he's embarrassed by the way his mind fills with thoughts of making you the mother of his current and future kids.
