my uncle passed on tuesday, and iām still trying to process it. i wanted to write about it--the funeral was on wednesday, and i woke up at barely five in the morning for it, and i wanted to write about it the whole time. but now itās sunday night and i donāt know how to write about it.
iāll say this, though: death is so tender. the hands, the kisses and the gazes are so tender and so heartbreakingly sweet. or bittersweet, if you will. how damp the earth is. how deep it goes. how small we will seem.
maybe iāll write about it properly. i donāt know, maybe? sometimes writing about death in detail makes it so impersonal and minimized.
itās still surreal to think he passed. we werenāt close close, my family and i would visit him and his family maybe only once a year. or twice or three times a year, but i feel like itās always brief? anyway, he was important to my mum and her sisters. thatās important. i hope my cousins are okay. one of them is the one of the only few cousins i have who are close to my age. sheās only a year older. her older brothers cried. so, so much. it broke my heart. but they handled the funeral so admirably.
he was a professor at uitm. a lot of his students were there. it reminded me of mrs atiqah and it made me sad. i wish i was there for her funeral. i really wish i was.
(i saw a uitm perlis bag at his house and it made me sentap for a moment. sentap sebab azua. aku dah 7 bulan tak cakap dengan dia. yeah sure, we were nothing but i miss the company. thatās all there is to it.)
the first week of break went by so quickly. and understandably, too, because of all that happened--my uncle was in a coma for a few days, and then a funeral. itās only june and there are already two funerals.
river song only texted me once. i know i seemed so excited about it on twitter and tumblr--and only because /she/ seemed like she really wanted to see me before coming home, and the excitement was infectious, but i also knew this would happen. iām still pissed, though, because itās been six months and i donāt know why she doesnāt want to see me. like, i know how she gets during the holidays; sheās practically a recluse during this time of the year. but still. we havenāt seen each other or talked to each other properly in almost half a year; is she purposely avoiding me or what? if she is, what for? why? if she isnāt, then what is it? does she even miss me? does she even remember me?
whatever, whatever. she doesnāt know my uncle passed. if she is still the same person she was six months ago (i doubt it, but who knows), iām pretty sure she wonāt care.
iām re-making my tumblr. i need a clean slate.
gamechangershow
stormborns
theartofmadeline
titsay
origamiaround
