parikshit

parikshit

[parikishit]

cant move on

[parikishit]

[parikishit]

update

alriight soooo,

it was her birthday today and a few things happened, first of all i didn't even know it was her birthday today and haven't been talking to her all that much recently, even avoiding her messages cause if i get way too attached it'll be hard to move on and i felt like a total jerk for doing that so i called and asked if she was free the next day, i wanted to give her something (all the stuff i been hoarding up that is either given to me by her or i made it for her but didnt give it and also a letter apologizing telling her that i cant do this anymore, i cant pretend that we are less ) but THEN she dropped the bomb and said "omg is it a birthday gift" and i was like Oh... yeahh...

now i felt super douchy for i was gonna ruin her birthday by telling her to never talk to me again

so i throw the letter away and for one last time pretended to be a friend

i planned a date

i bought a few pastries and some pretty earrings and some of sketches i have made of her i even bring my first ever attempt at writing a poem, which i wrote a few months ago, it was about her and how affectionate i felt towards her,

and today i met her and acted, gave her everything i had bought, we talked for a while, it was nice, i didnt think of anything clever to tell her because it would be for nothing, i walked with her for a while and we parted ways because she had some work.

i sat in the bus with that small, thin and torn up piece of paper in my hand with my poem written on it.

[parikishit]

I think it's joeover

[parikishit]

lowkey got friendzoned

she said she just needs a friend for studies n stuff and she could date me if we both get good grades this ear. should i stick around?

i think shes not lying, ill try getting good grades this year

[parikishit]

Update

I don't know how to explain it but I think I'm in limbo now, the girl I was talking to keeps avoiding me, she doesn't text back much often, leaves me on seen more often, I can literally count the amount of messages she sends in a day on my fingers. But then she has an internship, a tution she's running in her house and she does help her mother out with work as well, so I don't know anymore.

I don't think I should pursue this any further, but unfortunately I will cause I don't think I'll find someone like her ever again.

I'm already so attached and embarassed by how fucking miserable I look clinging to her. She keeps overlooking every hint I drop for how much I wanna meet her again. Maybe I'm too dumb to understand or maybe she's too good for me. I think I'm not gonna succeed.

[parikishit]

update

last few days has been strange, they felt uncertain but i next will be nice, ihave been talking to the girl i told you about and she finally agreed for another date.

i made two sketches to give her

this simple one is of ville valo from HIM, she loves his music and the other one is of jeff buckley which is the artist we both love

i was gonna draw her but thought that would be really creepy cause its not like we offically dating yet.

[parikishit]

chhess

had a cess competition in college today and i lost in the finals, the loss was so horrible that it embarassed me but atleast shradha wasnt there.

talking of her, she said i should call her but i didnt know how to talk on calls, im aware i suck at it, so i just said i cant call her cause my relatives were there.

isuck at so many things but im gonna try my best to make this work.

[parikishit]

this kind f wat she looked like

this is just a quick doodle cause i did not wanted to post her images on here

i will be making a cool artwork of her with ink preety soon for my artt project in college

[parikishit]

vent

im gonna talk about this girl i found on hinge

i am 20 and in a college rn where nothing really ever happens, i never dated someone in my whole life cause i wasnt really good at talking .

i am almost on all dating apps this year cause i really yearned for teen love and this was my final attempt at it .

this girl was the first ever match i got, she didnt show her face much on her profile but she had a blahaj plushies that she named ziggy after iggy pop, and a sketch of a cat, we matched and she made fun of the book i posted, saying "feminist lit. reading ahh" we talked a bit and then i asked for her instagram.

we switched apps i saw her profile and her face looked really familiar i scrolled through her highlights and then it clicked that this girl was in a college near me and both of ur colleges were under the same university so we had our finals together every year and she used to sit two benches from me dressed very delphic and different than others i always used to look her way but she never looked back and thats why i thought she was way outta my league, i wasnt daring enough to approach her there. BUT now i had a opportunity.

she was beautiful now that i could see her not from my peripheral she had short hair which looked wings of an angel, her cheeks were as fluff as a cloud and her eyes were deep as an ocean. everytime she smiled i felt loved,

we even went on a date to a gamezone, she bought the food and i paid for everything else. i would have spent more for her comfort but dont have money. she wore a really good dress, it was a grey wooly trenchcoat, a red cardigan and a white shirt on top and jeans on bottom with big converses. we walked to the place cause it was just an km away and i didnot have ride with me. throughout the walk i constantly was trynna make stable conversation but i think she was very soft spoken or maybe i wasnt good enough at talking yet.

we reached the place but somehow her shoe's sole was torn, she said that it was her sisters shoe i said theres an cobbler near by i could get it fixed till she waits in the cafe part of the game zone but she refused.

we played for an hour and it was fun she seemed to be having fun tooo, after that we ate her fav chips and a bottle of coke, i fixed her shoe with super glue and then went to drop her off in a bus which she said was her first time in a city bus and that was sad cause i cant even drop her on a ride that i own, i felt pathetic for a sec but i laughed it off.

right after i dropped near her house i went the other way to pick a bus to my house, 10 mins in she texted me saying she had fun even though it was a little awkward and she said we should do this again when we have time. which made me relieved as i was sure that she was gonna block me cause i kept talking as i did not wanted to mask my autism this time cause i didnt wanted to get trapped in a persona thats barely who i actually am.

but after a few days she hasnt been talking too much, she showed this dm from a guy who was making a funny joke, i laughed i off but internally i was upset thinking how ill always lack something she likes.

i havent slept the last night only thinking about her and how ill never find someone like her again, i do not want to lose her as shes the only knife id turn inside myself.