PARIS @parisoftrojanblood - Tumblr Blog

I am PARIS OF TROY!!! The biggest and baddest man in all of Troy!!! You should know it.

I love my wife (THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD MIND YOU, BROUGHT TO ME BY A GODDESS, MY WIFE, ONLY FOR ME!!!!) and my family, though they’re all so prickly with me these days! One of the top generals in the Trojan army! Currently at war!

Please, ask me things in your free time!

#rp account #pls actually ask things the war gets really boring #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad #paris of troy #helen of troy #trojan war #hector of troy

I’m bored. Entertain me, princeling.

Who am I for you to demand?

You will entertain me with your slow and painful death from mine arrows. Behold.

#rp account #paris of troy #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad

Did you know Teucer is your long-lost cousin?

Who is this Teucer you speak of?

#rp account #paris of troy #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad

You suck

you’re not the only one

but, at least let go of Helen, she hates you

Oh another idiot trying to underestimate me

Go on go on, speak and speak until your tongue falls off. My wife sits beside me as I drink wine and watch her sew, telling me stories of her life.

#rp account #paris of troy #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad

who’s your wife?

My wife?

My darling Helen, golden in her beauty, divine in her blood? Is this the girl you wish to know the whereabouts of, you peasant, you small fiend?

….

She isn’t answering.

I’m calling her name and she doesn’t answer.

Where could she be?

#rp account #paris of troy #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad

helen deserves sooo much better, aka me

Who even are you?????

#rp account #paris of troy #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad

You imbeciles.

#rp account #paris of troy

what do you have against Menelaus? he’s good-looking with a great personality. Are you jealous that between the two of you he’s better than you in every way?

The only thing I’m (not) jealous of is the insane will he has to be a complete idiot

#rp account #paris of troy #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad #paris asks

It’s rather brazen to call other humans mortals, don’t you think?

Unless you are secretly a child of Apollo, as poor young Troilus was, and some claim Hector is.

I am better than you

#rp account #paris of troy #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad #paris asks

Is it true you and Apollo had a thing and he taught you archery

You ask too many questions

#rp account #paris of troy #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad #paris asks

do you get a free pass to sit out the war when you've eaten something bad and have a case of gut issues? also is this free pass, if existing, limited to soldiers who are members of royalty or is king priam impartial?

p.s. from which end of the body the projectiles shoot out of is nonspecific. i guess both can apply.

I wouldn’t know because I have never been impaled by such mortal inconveniences

#rp account #paris of troy #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad #paris asks

*steals Helen and runs*

@menelaus--offical

HEY GET BACK HERE YOU HEATHEN

#rp account #paris of troy #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad #paris asks

The fact that after ten years, and not being manipulated by a goddess’s magic, Helen still prefers Menelaus over you and wants to go back to Sparta…

well, it’s definitely something to think about.

(mod, I absolutely adore your portrayal of Paris just so you know)

Blah blah blah yes yes oh wow such riveting information that I totally care about!

#rp account #paris of troy #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad #paris asks

I understand that it would be extremely difficult for you, but have you considered trying self-reflection about your behavior: such as the war, stealing another man’s wife, disrespecting a goddess to the point her own brother, the patron god of your city, felt the need to step in, etc.?

I don’t believe in modesty

#rp account #paris of troy #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad #paris asks

I think Athena’s still mad at you for injuring her pets—I mean her feared warriors Diomedes and Odysseus

*is overwhelmed by thousands of spiders crawling out of the woodwork*

Save me my Prince!

Ew! Hideous spiders!

#rp account #paris of troy #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad #paris asks

I absolutely adore you.

You have done nothing wrong ever 😊

Your number one defender right here.

🫶

Platonically of course. Tehe.

🥰

#rp account #paris of troy #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad #paris asks

have you considered seducing Menelaus in order to end the war? Helen gets two husbands and Troy gets to not be sacked this century.

Ugh, and ever have to stand close to that peice of uncooked meat? The Achaeans don’t bathe or brush their teeth. You’re taking me to a death sentence with this question!

#rp account #paris of troy #greek mythology #homers iliad #the iliad #paris asks

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