ᵒᵛᵉʳᵛⁱᵉʷ : vernon shoots you an sos. enter, you vs. exoskeleton-ed creature, round: who knows at this point.
ᵖᵃⁱʳⁱⁿᵍ : vernon x gn!reader
ʷᶜ : 0.5k
ᵍᵉⁿʳᵉ : established relationship, fluff
ᵗᵃᵍˢ : bug threats and kisses. thanks for coming to my tedtalk.
ᵃ/ⁿ : saw this video. i don't think i need to explain further; someone save this man-
┈┈・ ✦ ・┈┈
> babe help
> there’s an infestation, the bedroom is no longer safe
> get the lighter fluid and burn down the house
You weren’t sure what you were expecting when walking into the house, but Vernon standing crouched on a chair in a corner with his arms braced on the walls was…not far off actually. Although, usually he’d be cowering in on himself; this is the first time he’s gone full Spiderman pose.
But you probably shouldn’t mention anything related to arachnids right now.
You cracked your knuckles, eyes scanning the room menacingly. “Where is it.”
“Last I saw it, it crawled under the table. After it dropped from the ceiling onto my hand and I chucked it across the room.” Vernon’s mouth was agape from the horror, his brows drawn tight.
How dare it scare your baby. Forget catching and releasing it outside, execution is in order.
You snatched a book off a nearby shelf; no way were you going to crush this thing with your bare hands, what are you, crazy? Probably to be honest. Your eyes flicked to your boyfriend still in the corner. “How big was it, would you say?”
His face scrunched in discomfort, clearly not enjoying having to remember anything about the nightmarish fiend. “About this big? Maybe?” he mumbled, pinching his fingers about half an inch apart.
You tsked, “Despicable.”
The dreaded table drew closer as you crouched to peek underneath, book at the ready. Your eyes scanned the underside, darting to the surrounding floor as well. Vernon met your grim look and his shoulders fell.
“Nothing. It must’ve booked it.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes at the book in your hand. “Not by my hands, unfortunately.”
He sighed, stepping down from the chair–and gripping your shoulder when his legs wobbled from pins and needles.
“It’s fine. Thanks for trying, babe.”
“Don’t mention it; anything for you, hun.”
You discarded the book, turning to place a kiss on his cheek. “Someone's gotta make sure my princess is safe from the evil critters, right?”
His lips pursed in a pout, “I was ambushed. And you mock me in my time of distress.”
You grinned, “I do.
“Because even when you’re running like a damsel away from something with too many legs, you’re still cute.”
Whatever he was going to say next flew out the window when your lips met his.
He exhaled, arms setting around your waist as you pulled him closer by his hoodie. Truthfully, he should be more afraid of your kisses than bugs. They’re not good for his mental state (but is he going to stop you? Hell no, they can pry you from his cold, dead hands).
You pulled back, regaining oxygen and holding one hand in his hair, softly scratching at his scalp. His bleary gaze met yours, fingers drumming on your back, and he leaned in to rest his head in your neck.
He liked just holding you, feeling your familiar weight and keeping you close enough to ground his thoughts. Drown out the world in your embrace…
A soft buzz passed by his ear.
He ignored it, nuzzling closer to you and giving you a squeeze, eliciting a giggle from you.
Another buzz, louder this time. Almost uncomfortably close.
It seemed you heard it too because both of your heads raised in sync, scanning the room for the source.
That of which flew right in front of Vernon’s face.
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