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if i look back, i am lost
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@parlousprincess
Follow me on twitter @scarlettxwebb
I can never find the right words to tell people what Iām thinking. Telling them Iām tired doesnāt work, but I canāt seem to vocalize that Iām mentally exhausted and sick of existing. Telling them Iām sad doesnāt work either, but I canāt explain that Iām struggling not to kill myself and that the joy in everything in my life is gone and when I wake up to the sun in my eyes, I have to struggle to get myself out of bed because most of me didnāt even want to wake up at all. I canāt tell them Iām numb because what Iām feeling is so much more complex than numb and I donāt have the vocabulary to tell them that I feel like Iām drowning and it terrifies me that I feel nothing as itās happening, and that my insides want to scream but I canāt even find it in me to shed a tear anymore, that every single aspect of my life feels like itās shaded in grey because someone sucked out all the colors but I can hardly even remember what colors are because I can no longer remember a time I didnāt feel like this. No, I donāt know how to say that. So I just whisper āIām fine.ā
There is a terrible emptiness in me, an indifference that hurts.
ā Albert Camus, The First Man
They say "time heals", but even now ... I know that's a lie. What people really mean is that eventually you'll get used to the pain. You'll forget who you were without it; you'll forget what you looked like without your scars.
ā Claudia Gray, A Thousand Pieces of You
Someone help me find the exit, itās too dark in here
iāll be like 40 w/no kids and people will say āaw iām so sorry for youā and iāll be like how was the fucking wiggles reunion tour asshole i went to italy last week for fun and didnāt have to hire a sitter
This is a very sad mentality. To think oneself more important than that of progeny is the sign of a failed human life.
so the wiggles concert wasnāt as good as you thought it would be huh
Sometimes having mental illness is like living paycheck to paycheck but with your brain
Friend: OMG i have the perfect guy for you, i should set you up on a blind date!
Me:
This absolutely works and provides you free amusement
This absolutely works and provides you free amusement
please donāt forget youāre loved. anxiety lies. people care. you are loved. Itās ok.