(Archieved) Full-time ethereal annoyance

Archived joke ask-blog.

[gravestone-captain-blog]

senya suxx bc i would have named my twins Alpha and Beta like wtf is the point to have 2 for 1 

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

*mumbles from the vents* Son (1) and Son (2) As it almost happened to be

[therealtheronshan]

Arcann become a pirate so I can call you Arrrcann

[armchair-therapist-arcann]

I had an eye covered for six years.

You missed your chance.

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

(cackles, placing scribble on a door of Arcann’s cabinet)

[royal-red-princess]

Has anyone seen my mommy? She’s tall, pretty, rules the entiiiiiiiiiiire galaxy? Everyone calls her Empress Vaylin.

But I thunk she goes by @spirit-guru-vaylin.

Or my uncles @armchair-therapist-arcann and @intensive-care-thexan

[armchair-therapist-arcann]

@spirit-guru-vaylin what is this.

WHAT

IS

THIS?

[senya-tirall]

*heart attack*

[spirit-guru-vaylin]

Arcann, it’s a child, what else does it look like? Wait what did she call me?

[armchair-therapist-arcann]

“Tall, pretty and Empress”

[royal-red-princess]

MOMMY!!! *runs up and hugs the very stiff Vaylin at the waist* I knew I’d find you in this universe!

[spirit-guru-vaylin]

Well, she was right about those three things, even if technically my empress status is no longer worth anything now. *tries to pry off vice-like child from waist*

Just where the heck did you come from? And why are you calling me “mommy?”

Um, should we call @intensive-care-thexan to check on Mother?

[intensive-care-thexan]

Have you been sitting on an incubator without knowing it?

It looks like a Pureblood. A mixed race Pureblood… but then again that would make it a Mixedblood.

Seems to me like one of Vitiate’s biological offspring.

What should we call it?

[armchair-therapist-arcann]

Nathema.

[valkorion-the-tired]

VITIATE WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? Please do not send anyone T H E R E, though.

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

(appears from the air) ...

Dude, I seriously have NO DAMN IDEA what is the meaning of this And it maybe the first time in my damn life when I am kinda completely honest. Historical, damn, moment.

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

(Wanders around the base, gluing posters to walls, roofs, doors and unlucky droids) What? I have nothing better to spend time with, anyway.

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

What flavour is someone's spirit essence? You seemed to like this a lot. Was it to replace meat ? Do you had to follow a specific diet ?

Is it for that scientific research painted hutt is writing or what? If it is it would better for him not to mention meh as a some distant relative to dashades. Well, only if he will turn it into a mad theory about Dramath secretly being dashade in a disguise. Even in, thehe, death.

Anyway. (Puts away book labelled as “Economics and high math for dummies”)Taste is depends on a previous owner. All Jedi though are awfully tasteless. At least those who are into their weird religion thing. Sith are much better. Not as much as force entities, though. 

No, it wasn’t to replace meat. It can and same for water, but it isn’t a point. Point is in, thehe, force power from that...(Tries his very best to not burst into a maniacal laughter)Khm. This and immortality.

And no, I don’t need any specific diet, that would be of a vital need. Just hate some food. And prefer to feed on a souls of the innocent. Also.Those who keep sayin’ that my immortality is based on a drinking force-sensitive newborn’s blood and without it I will hopefully leave the Galaxy alone can go straight to the Void.If it all will be written somewhere and published, I demand it to be in font size 20 at least and in bright red. Maybe repeated for several times.

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

Why the hell not... Do you see a person that calls themselves the "commander"? How does it look? --Arcann, whatever I am to you because I am confused about our relationship.

Yesh, I see. Three times this day. In the morning it looked terrible, because everything except properly served souls of the innocent looks terrible in the morning. Then it was… one of that furry cat-aliens, were saying something about not stealing anything and being innocent to bartender, and then that one, who is specking with Heskal right now. Male human with pale skin, brown bush on a head and green eyes. All three are absolutely same in the Force and this is weird part. Or maybe I drink too much. And you are not the only one who confused af about who we are to each other. 

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

That awkward moment... At least it is not something sentient. It is not, right?!

[spirit-guru-vaylin]

Maybe we’re looking at this carrot thing all wrong. What if it’s not sentient, but possessed?

I think we need to call @valkorion-the-exorcist

[that-goddamn-carrot]

did u just assume my identity??

that is problematic

i expected better from a “spirit guru”

tho then again u r vaylin…

[spirit-guru-vaylin]

You know I could easily eat you, boil you, chop you or feed you to a large rodent, right?

[that-goddamn-carrot]

not if i call it discrimination and oppression

u are in a position of power over me

this is unethical

i will report u to my father

@intensive-care-thexan help ur sister is harassing me

[spirit-guru-vaylin]

I’m in a position over everyone so what makes you so different?

Wait, are you saying Thexan is your father?

[that-goddamn-carrot]

he saved me from a hrmhrm tight spot

i imprinted on him like a baby bird

[spirit-guru-vaylin]

Ew, you are the same carrot. Just whose body were you lodged in?

[senya-tirall]

Koth ? no ? too bad

[that-goddamn-carrot]

the commander

[alliancecommander]

WHOA. Hey! That is NOT true. Not THIS Commander.

I mean everyone gives me a different name all the time and apparently some ppl don’t recognize me all the time.

I did not do anything with any carrot sentient or otherwise.

Malicious gossip….that’s what this is.

I need another drink….

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

There are more than one of you out there?! … Is other ones caf addicted too? Askin’ for a… reason.

[valkorion-the-tired]

THE COMMANDER IS A LIE.

[alliancecommander]

Also known as an “Alternative Fact”. This payback for hanging out in my head for so long.

[valkorion-the-tired]

Complain to @part-time-eldritch-horror

He was the one pretending to be me and trying to control you.

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

Can also complain about caf to meh too Cuz #everythingisavitiatesfault

[alliancecommander]

Are you saying you kno why the caf is gone?

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

(sighs) Yesh. Though am not an expert in a field of searching for missing caf, just in dark side rituals and sith alchemy, stuff like that. But I am pretty sure the caf is gone because it has been drunk. Also I can guess you are more interested in who could have done it or why it wasn’t replenished or something?

[alliancecommander]

Well…yeah. Caf is life.

also, you wouldn’t happen to know where the supply of caf beans or grounds woul dbe here on this base? I’ve looked everywhere.

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

Have you asked @hylo-visz-ibility? For what I understand from the madness of this place, she is one related to supplies. Or something like that. Well. There were some crates with beans painted on it. Have no literal idea caf beans or not. Or it wasn’t beans at all, just badly drawn grenades. Anyway. It’s near creepy shrine of Arcann... Or Thexan. To the left from proving grounds, near caf machines. 

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

I think I got it Or maybe it’s just whiskey

@that-goddamn-carrot isn’t the one it claims to be. Could it be an real living… iokathian? Or whatever they are called.  Dudes who made the Fancy Fleet with murderous tendencies ™ Or a tater. Because taters are obviously embodiment of evil. (hisses) Filthy competitors. And that veg seems to fit in description. This thing claims to got “in a company” of commander and they clearly was on Iokath at some point, so the piece come together. Also that technoliths. Clearly look like carrots. From a certain point of view. I am not good with all that botanic things. 

(sips from a bottle)

The real question is then were iokathians weapon-creating and easily triggered possibly carrots all along or not… 

[spirit-guru-vaylin]

If it was from Iokath, I think I would have noticed. I was able to tell when thst fool of an AI was pretending to be Thexan after all.

[x-orange-x-beats-x]

It’s organic enough to be offended by knife emojis.

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

Actually I meant organic dudes who were before the machines.  If it was sentient SJW carrots it would be... in some way unsettling. Nevermind, stupid thought anyway.

[valkorion-the-tired]

THE COMMANDER IS A LIE.

[alliancecommander]

Also known as an “Alternative Fact”. This payback for hanging out in my head for so long.

[valkorion-the-tired]

Complain to @part-time-eldritch-horror

He was the one pretending to be me and trying to control you.

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

Can also complain about caf to meh too Cuz #everythingisavitiatesfault

[alliancecommander]

Are you saying you kno why the caf is gone?

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

(sighs) Yesh. Though am not an expert in a field of searching for missing caf, just in dark side rituals and sith alchemy, stuff like that. But I am pretty sure the caf is gone because it has been drunk. Also I can guess you are more interested in who could have done it or why it wasn’t replenished or something?

[valkorion-the-tired]

THE COMMANDER IS A LIE.

[alliancecommander]

Also known as an “Alternative Fact”. This payback for hanging out in my head for so long.

[valkorion-the-tired]

Complain to @part-time-eldritch-horror

He was the one pretending to be me and trying to control you.

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

Can also complain about caf to meh too Cuz #everythingisavitiatesfault

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

I think I got it Or maybe it’s just whiskey

@that-goddamn-carrot isn’t the one it claims to be. Could it be an real living... iokathian? Or whatever they are called.  Dudes who made the Fancy Fleet with murderous tendencies (tm) Or a tater. Because taters are obviously embodiment of evil. (hisses) Filthy competitors. And that veg seems to fit in description. This thing claims to got “in a company” of commander and they clearly was on Iokath at some point, so the piece come together. Also that technoliths. Clearly look like carrots. From a certain point of view. I am not good with all that botanic things. 

(sips from a bottle)

The real question is then were iokathians weapon-creating and easily triggered possibly carrots all along or not... 

[aegisofzakuul]

i love my lightsaber spike,

I, too, remember when i used it right

[armchair-therapist-arcann]

If anybody insinuates anything from this, I am allowing Vaylin and Heskal to set the galaxy on fire.

[x-orange-x-beats-x]

I was gonna suggest set Heskal on fire but it looks like y'all already tried…

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

(Appears from the wall, still semi-drunk) Ya know, ‘bout Heskal. If he will die by some point, well, being kicked into a woodchipper or smnthg, would ya mind if I will devour his soul?

… (Mumbles to himself) If i still can now. Have no idea actually. Maybe that aim losing is viral.

[armchair-therapist-arcann]

We should hold a target shooting competition.

I suggest Heskal.

[alliancecommander]

Just make sure that Shield isn’t around….

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

I can bet, that sneaky partymaker or who by the Void is he, has enough impudence to loudly demand a payment for his target-part. Surprise target shooting competition?  

[aegisofzakuul]

i love my lightsaber spike,

I, too, remember when i used it right

[armchair-therapist-arcann]

If anybody insinuates anything from this, I am allowing Vaylin and Heskal to set the galaxy on fire.

[x-orange-x-beats-x]

I was gonna suggest set Heskal on fire but it looks like y'all already tried…

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

(Appears from the wall, still semi-drunk) Ya know, ‘bout Heskal. If he will die by some point, well, being kicked into a woodchipper or smnthg, would ya mind if I will devour his soul?

... (Mumbles to himself) If i still can now. Have no idea actually. Maybe that aim losing is viral.

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

(Talking to empty whiskey bottle in some dark corner) So. Commander apparently is a lie. Well. That’s good.  No more throwing holocrons to my face. And other… stupid annoying things. 

But whose sorry butt I was trying to posses then?!

…

Who cares, anyway. (In drunk zigzags floats to find that annoying vegetable and share some receipts of carrot salads)

[x-orange-x-beats-x]

Can I join the anti SJW carrot crusade

🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

You’r wel - hic! - welc’me. Especially cuz you’r know where’s kitchen. What an anti c’rrot crusade w’thout knives? We’r need to arm.

[part-time-eldritch-horror]

(Talking to empty whiskey bottle in some dark corner) So. Commander apparently is a lie. Well. That’s good.  No more throwing holocrons to my face. And other... stupid annoying things. 

But whose sorry butt I was trying to posses then?!

...

Who cares, anyway. (In drunk zigzags floats to find that annoying vegetable and share some receipts of carrot salads)