CARLYLE. she / her. nineteen. asian. dan heng's sun & moon and defender of childhood dreams.
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currently writing for: honkai star rail, genshin impact
affiliated with the 🎭 @masked-fools and 🏹 @xianzhou-alliance networks.
✧ notes: day 4 of my "autumn remedies" event! if you liked this fic, consider reblogging and commenting! 💕 this was a lot more introspection rather than interaction but i like how it turned out!
✧ synopsis: dan heng loves a reader who has trauma from bullying. 1.3k words
✧ now playing: praying - kesha
✧ warnings: past trauma
It was late at night and you had woken up from another nightmare about your past; thankfully, this time, without stirring your sleeping boyfriend awake. Dan Heng was snuggled up to your chest and despite the terrors of the past haunting you, you couldn't help but smile at his soft expression as he instinctively pulled you closer when you shifted your position. You ran a hand through his hair as if to remind him that you didn't intend on going anywhere, even though you doubted that he would actually notice. He just seemed to let out a satisfied sigh upon feeling your touch.
Dan Heng was the one thing keeping you grounded during nights like this. Without him, you knew it would be much harder to quiet down the voices in your head; the sneers and laughter that seemed so threatening and yet so distant from you that you wondered whether these things even happened to you. Yet, your dreams were proof of it. They'd often replay scenes that seemed all too familiar; albeit under different circumstances. You'd close your eyes in some nights and you'd be back in the dark; chained to the whims of someone else, a punching bag for the hatred in their heart; longing for a taste of the winds that would carry you to a faraway future.
You'd fight back desperately each time. Every time you found yourself back where you started, whether it had been back then or in the dreams you saw, you were slowly but steadily fighting your way to the surface; to a place you belonged and a future you knew you had long since earned. Progress was slow, but it was there. You knew Dan Heng was struggling with a similar fate. Your circumstances had been different; yet he was also plagued by dreams he didn't connect to, memories that had been hidden from him for his own good. Like you, the past was trying to drag him back to the depth of helplessness and a fate that sometimes felt like he couldn't escape it. And like you, he was fighting up his way back to the surface and although he was struggling, things looked so effortless when you watched him. You wondered whether he thought the same about you.
Seeing Dan Heng fight for a new life, a future which he could call his own and a freedom that he could never take for granted, had kindled the flame in your heart even more. It made you long for that place in the sun; one that seemed so filled with that light and warmth that Dan Heng gave you, and once you had a taste of it you knew you'd be fighting for it for however long it might take or die trying. Both of you longed for a future in which there was no longer such a divide between what people saw and who you knew you were with every fiber of your being. Most of the fight was internal; your bravery only applauded by those who could see your journey for what it truly was, like Dan Heng did.
Few understood the loneliness that followed a childhood that had been scarred by false expectations, abuse and punishment for reasons you didn't understand. Few understood the struggle to step into the light and show what had been in your heart all along nor the bravery it took to look in the mirror every morning and telling yourself that your time would come despite. That people would see one day and the climb would get easier. That you'd catch up to the people around you who seemed so much further ahead. But Dan Heng did. You could feel that day closer than ever, almost in reach, in those evenings you spent with him by the water under the setting sun with a peaceful smile on your face. Making peace with what happened was easier on some days than others. But when it felt like you couldn't go on anymore, Dan Heng was there to pull you along until you had regained your strength. And you were ready to do the same.
You both carried a dream in your heart like a slumbering flame that was ready to ignite into an inferno and as you grew closer, they merged and became stronger, festering in the light of your love. You knew that after all that time your soul was lost in infinite space, you had someone you could count on to take your hand and walk those scary next steps with you. A net to catch you, should you ever fall.
Sometimes the things that took the most bravery for you were things that seemed so simple to others. Approaching new friends, opening up, asserting your will... But you wouldn't be a member of the Astral Express Crew if there wasn't something inside you ready to blaze a trail without looking back. To dare, despite everything, over and over again. Your past and those who hurt you had thrown rocks onto your path than seemed like they'd burn the soles of your feet if you dared walk across them but Dan Heng took your hand and encouraged you to try anyway. To push through and find, to your surprise, that a lot of them didn't hurt as much as you thought they would.
He didn't need a lot of words to convey that he was celebrating your achievements, whether they were big or small.
Imbibitor Lunae. Dan Heng had told you it meant "drinker of the moon". But to you, the one you loved had always been the sun for you, casting a shadow on you that challenged you to step out of it and walk the rest of the way by his side.
There was power to be found once you moved past the pain. A transformation much like his own, that would enable you to make things happen that felt like a miracle to you now. Dan Heng gave you a glimpse at a future version of yourself that watched over you like an older sibling, conscious of every new step they took in order to make you proud. One whose voice you could almost hear when you felt safe within Dan Heng's embrace, as if they were telling you that things were going to be okay. Both of you carried two dragons within your heart; one of the past who was steadily swallowed by the darkness of bygone times and the weight of new memories and one of the future looking back at you as though you were a child taking their very first steps. You were hardly at peace with either of them, but you knew deep down they both were telling you one thing. "Go. And don't look back."
You were pulled from your thoughts as Dan Heng eventually woke up beside you. He opened his eyes and you were reminded of all the times those eyes were the first thing you saw when you woke up in the morning. They carried so much love in them; as did the memories you made together that seemed to slowly drive away the horrors of the past. The days you had spent fooling around with the rest of your friends from the Astral Express. The afternoon you had spent exploring the Xianzhou Luofu with Dan Heng, forgetting all about Imbibitor Lunae and just talking about the history and food of Dan Heng's world of origin. The kisses you had exchanged and the gifts you had given each other. You had expected Dan Heng to ask you whether everything was alright when he woke up, as he had always noticed when you had another nightmare about the past. Instead, while you were looking into his eyes, he simply requested to know what made you smile. You hadn't even noticed your expression had changed from one of fear to one of peace just now. You pressed a soft kiss to his lips, smiling against his soft skin.
✧ notes: work 3 of my "autumn remedies" event, admittedly a day late. if you liked this fic, consider reblogging and commenting! interactions are what keeps writers motivated. decided to go with headcanons for this because it worked better.👋🏻 i also decided i might post them out of order and post two in one day etc. so it's more flexible for me. everything that's listed for a specific week in october will be posted that week though!
✧ contains: march supports a reader who is dissociating, could be platonic too
✧ now playing: safe and sound — taylor swift
✧ warnings: dissociation
March doesn't really know about dissociation as it hasn't been that long since she was taken in by the Astral Express and freed from the six-phased ice and she has not encountered it noticeably during that time. So when it happens to you, she's at first at a loss of what to do. She doesn't really know how to describe what is happening to you, she just sees that you're spaced out and struggle to respond to her when she talks to you and don't really seem to realize everything that goes on around you
At first, she doesn't really do anything but try to reach you verbally multiple times and decide to give you your space when you dissociate.
She is worried about you and does use the opportunity to talk with you about it when you're doing better.
If you don't want to talk about it, she won't bother you about it.
But if you do decide to tell her what is happening to you, she listens attentively about how to support you.
It's Welt who gives her the most useful tips on how to support you.
She learns more about the topic from entries in the Astral Express Archives so that she can do her best to support you when you need it.
She even falls asleep over a book at Dan Heng's desk once and he has to shake her awake so he can go to bed.
The more she learns about it, the more she's reminded of how it felt to be within the six-phased ice. It felt like a long, endless dream and when the ice was finally melting, she snapped out of that dream to feel the warmth of the people she'd come to consider home within the coming months. She had felt safe and like she arrived where she was meant to be. March wants to give you that feeling as well.
So she talks to you about what is okay to do when you dissociate. Whether she can touch you or whether there's something she could get that might help you.
If you let her, she will sit down next to you and softly talk to you. "Hey...it's me, March", her tone will be a little awkward at first but there's so much care in it, "I'm here for you. I'm going to put my hand on your shoulder, okay?"
She tells you everything that she is going to do as to not frighten you. She'll wrap an arm around your shoulder and gently draws circles on your skin, telling you to focus on her touch.
She might cover her fingers with her ice abilities if the cold helps to ground you in reality.
March will talk to you, much slower and softer than you're used to from her usually so enthusiastic and energetic nature, even if you don't respond. Her presence and her voice calms you down and she doesn't mind being patient with you.
She'll gently wrap her arms around you and hugs you if she knows that's something you're okay with. She'll hold onto you for as long as you need her.
March remembers the feeling of waking up from the ice. Everything was cold and dark and the world outside seemed so different. And then the darkness faded more and more in the presence of her friends' voices. They were patient with her and so welcoming. March thinks she's only fair to give this same treatment back to the people she loves.
So even if you feel lost or distant from the world around you, March is ready to be your lighthouse, guiding you safely back to the shores where you feel at home. Even if you're scared and feel like you're losing your grip on your surroundings, her voice is the first thing you hear and you know in that moment that, even though you're afraid or feel numb, things are going to be okay.
sof's note: guess who is in a halloweeny mood :> meee! and i'm sure a lot of y'all are as well so let's bask in these autumn vibes together LOL special shoutout to the anon who suggested dan heng would watch like 15 vids before he carves a pumpkin fhsjkghdf that is so accurate <3 pls enjoy and happy fall!!
dan heng
not big on the spooky parts of halloween, but he loves getting in the halloween/autumn spirit by watching twitches and halloween town with you
you host a pumpkin carving contest on halloween eve between the two of you and dan heng 100% takes it seriously
days of prep before the big night, hours of youtube videos in his history… he even reads up on the origins of pumpkin carving—just to be fully immersed and prepared
when the time comes, dan heng has his tools lined up in the most efficient order as he readies himself to make his design
he, of course, wanted to carve a tree with maple leaves falling in the night sky
you stare at his template with wide eyes, quickly scrapping your happy face idea to think of something more creative…
noticing this, dan heng chuckles in amusement. “you don’t have to change your design to match mine”
you shake your head. “and risk losing the competition? no way”
“then may the best carver win”
when the two of you are done, you take a photo and send to your friends to vote
it was a close call, but dan heng ends up winning by two votes
“maybe i should’ve joined your pumpkin carving research…” you pout, staring between your finished product and his
“there’s always next year,” dan heng soothes, giving you a hug. “besides, you’re always the winner in my eyes.”
jing yuan
he would make all the pies for you
pumpkin pie, pecan pie, apple pie, sweet potato pie, apple crumble pie…you name it
he doesn’t even know how to make pie he just googled a bunch of recipes and winged it
you think something tastes off but you try to encourage him anyway
of course, jing yuan sees right through it
“it‘s not that i don’t like your baking, i really do, but i may have some suggestions for the future…”
“there is no need to sugarcoat your distaste, y/n,” he says with a laugh. “we can redo them together.”
the pies turn out even better the next time
the two of you end up picking up pie making as your fall-time hobby this year and bake pie for all your friends
he tries to make a mimi-safe pie as well
mimi hates it (pumpkin spice is not good on the lion’s tongue)
but you think the effort is cute :>
he ends halloween night off by sharing a yummy slice of apple crumble pie with whipped cream on top with you
“so sweet!” you state happily as he feeds you the first bite.
jing yuan leans forward and smiles. “not as sweet as you”
blade
goes all in for halloween
is dead instead most of the year, comes to life for the halloween spirit
he likes to decorate the house with you, even making a mini “haunted maze” in the driveway for the trick-or-treaters
accidentally makes a kid cry in it…
really, he just went in the maze to do a quick maintenance check, but he looked so menacing in his costume that a kid saw him and started crying
blade is too confused about what happened to feel bad
you give the kid extra candy and apologize to their parents while stifling a laugh at blade’s blank expression
“i didn’t even say ‘boo’,” he murmurs curiously.
you just pat him on the head and give him a kiss on the cheek
after the trick-or-treat shenanigans, you and blade relax and unwind on the comfort of your couch
his definition of unwinding on halloween is watching old horror movies
[or, if you cannot handle horror like me: he watches the barbie movies with you to help you take your mind off the halloween scares and go to sleep :3]
you cuddle him as you doze off while eating leftover halloween candy
blade carries you to bed and tucks you in for the night bc you deserve a good night’s rest <3
i swear im alive yall 😭 it’s midterms season rn too but i’ll hopefully try to pick up activity during my break 🫶 but i hope everyone’s doing well!! i miss u guys (im more active on disc so if you wanna stay in touch pspspsps)
✧ notes: first work for my "autumn remedies" event! i'm doing the commonly triggering topics first before moving on to my more soft prompts. stay safe while going out and look out for your friends as well. here's an article about how to recognize drink spiking if it happens to you or a friend and what to do in this situation.
✧ synopsis: sampo protects you and takes you to natasha's clinic after your drink has been spiked, waiting in worry for you to wake up. (hurt/comfort), 3.1k words
✧ now playing: bad things — breathe
✧ warnings: drugging, medical emergency, vomiting, seizure, needles
Entertainment was always sparse in a place like the Belobog Underworld. It was almost a little ironic that a Masked Fool like Sampo found enough amusement in a place where most people spent their free time in fight club and meeting up in backalley taverns. That's what pretty much every establishment in Boulder Town was like in the late evenings. You could hardly expect a fancy restaurant in a community that had been sealed off and short on resources for such a long time. But people still made the best of it. Most bars and taverns had enjoyable menus, so people didn't mind coming back on their weekends. It was not Epsilon XII and hardly comparable to the joyful atmosphere Sampo knew from the Masked Fools taverns, but it was the perfect place to get some inspiration for a new scam.
He didn't expect to find you there when he entered the tavern late at night. He had helped Wildfire out with procuring a couple of necessary items and had gotten back late; deciding he wasn't in the mood for half-burnt scrambled eggs that he tried to make while tired and with a hardly commendable attention span. So take-out food was the way to go tonight. He sat down on the stool next to you at the bar. "Hey, fam!", he addressed you with a cheerful smile on his face, "do you come here often?"
You chuckled at his remark and took a sip from your drink. "Why does this sound like a cheap pick-up line?", you raised an eyebrow at him as Sampo ordered the weirdest food on the menu. "It's not, I swear!", he held up his hands defensively and laughed, "I was just curious, is all." You shrugged. "Well, to answer your question, I don't really go to places like this all that often but I was in the area and I really needed a drink. I'm exhausted." Sampo didn't know what you had been doing beforehand, but he could guess that it probably had something to do with helping another poor soul in need or just not understanding what an appropriate time to stop work was. A common pattern around here, really.
"What a coincidence, I just came here for a meal as well", he smiled at you but was a bit annoyed about having to yell over all the background noise. He felt like you were a little uncomfortable with the atmosphere at the bar. "You don't seem to like the place a lot", he remarked, earning a glare from the bartender who probably thought it was out of place for someone to declare loudly that a person didn't like his establishment. But you seemed almost relieved that someone pointed it out. "Yeah it just isn't as safe and comfortable as I'm used to", you nodded, taking another sip of the drink, "had to shoo away some idiots who were getting a little too comfortable being in my personal space before you arrived."
Sampo took his plate with the chocolate sauce burrito into his hands and got up from the stool as soon as it was brought to him. "Well, if you need their money as compensation, you know where to find me", he winked and nodded his head towards the front door, "wanna sit outside where it's a little more quiet?" Pondering on his words, you noticed you were more than ready to leave this place.
So you followed Sampo Koski to sit on a small bench under a lamp post across from the tavern.
There were a few guests outside and Sampo kept his distance from them as he walked through the dining area. Meanwhile you seemed to struggle a little. "Watch where you're going", an older woman hissed as Sampo turned back and saw you getting a little dizzy, bumping into the sitting customer and causing her to let go of her fork which promptly dropped down to the floor. The waiter made his way inside to get her a new one. "Sorry...", you mumbled and seemed a little bit out of it.
Sampo walked back to you and wrapped an arm around your shoulder for support, guiding you over to the bench. "Don't need to hold onto you, really", you sighed and sat down, your words sounding a little bit slurred. He wondered how much you had to drink. "Friend, are you doing okay?", he asked with a smile on his face. "Mmmh...", you replied, feeling the wooden surface under your hand as you sat down, almost missing the bench a couple of times, "...just a little tired."
Sampo raised an eyebrow and there was a look of concern on his face but he brushed it off. He knew how a person could get with enough sleep deprivation. Besides, he was there to look after you when you got too drowsy. It was late and he made a mental note to walk you home when the time came. For now though, he thought he'd just sit under the moonlight with you for a while, letting you take in the fresh air and clear your senses. Maybe he'd get to talk with you a little bit and finally find the courage to ask you out. He had done so a couple times, always hiding his true feelings behind his goofy facade. You had thought he was joking and he didn't have it in him to correct you thus far. He couldn't blame you, really.
The downside of being a jester could very well be that people struggled to see that there was a person with feelings just like everyone else underneath the mask. Sampo gazed up to the stars with a helpless smile on his face. He remembered when he made you laugh and how his first thought had been that maybe this had been the reaction he had been looking for all along when he committed to his shenanigans. That seeing you giggle about his endeavors made it worth running from the Silvermane Guards every once in a while. Ever since the border between the underworld and the overworld was reopened, they had been patrolling in Boulder Town as well, which made Sampo's line of work even more difficult. He wondered if you could love someone who had an arrest warrant on his back. Perhaps he'd always be a coward when it came to letting you see what was in his heart, he mused.
"Well, maybe it's time to head back for us. It isn't long until the night patrol passes through here and I wouldn't want to run into the guards tonight. How about I walk you back home?", he sighed but his heart seemed to stop for a second when he looked at you again. You were slouching, your hand pressed to your head and Sampo noted that you looked a little sick. "Y/n?", he called out your name and tapped your shoulder multiple times. You were unresponsive. "Y/n?", he tried again and grasped your shaking hand as you leaned over to your side to empty your stomach into the trashcan next to you. You missed.
"Hey, maybe we should stop by Natasha's clinic before we get you home, alright?", he spoke softly but there was worry evident in his voice, "you don't look like you're doing too well..."
Sampo saw you reach for the drink next to you with unsteady hands, struggling to hold onto the glass as you lifted it to your mouth. A realization seemed to cross Sampo's mind. He took the beverage from your hands before you could take another sip. Something inside you seemed to protest, and you tried to reach for the glass again in confusion, knocking it out of his fingers by accident.
It fell to the floor with a loud shattering sound, startling you. Sampo saw tears forming in your eyes from the shock. You seemed scared and confused but unable to communicate. "Come on, let's get you to a doctor", Sampo whispered in a comforting voice, helping you up, "I'm sure someone will clean this up, don't worry about it. Can you walk?"
He got his answer when you collapsed and your legs gave in. Luckily, Sampo was fast enough to catch you before your head hit the pavement. You stared up with wide eyes but didn't seem to look at anything in particular. It was like you were staring right past him. Your muscles tensed and you tried to point at something that Sampo couldn't see. He called out your name a couple more times in panic, gently tapping your cheek multiple times as if hoping you would just snap out of it. His heart had sunken in his chest and a shiver ran down his spine, seemingly freezing his bones. You looked like consciousness had left you; clenching your jaw and moving it like you were chewing on something.
Sampo swallowed his fear and picked you up, ignoring the concerned stares of the nearby tavern guests. Natasha's clinic was only a few streets away from here. He could make it in 5 minutes if he ran. Running with you in his arms proved to be a challenge as your body continued writhing. The movements reminded Sampo of a new-born baby tossing and turning in the crib and grasping for nothing in particular. Definitely not something that should be happening to you.
You looked dead inside. The image sent a feeling of panic through Sampo's heart and he was hoping his own legs wouldn't give in due to the shock. He needed to be strong for you now. Memories flashed through his mind of the last time he had met you, grabbing a coffee with you in the overworld and joking around about his newest scam. Everything had seemed like fun and games during a time where the possibility of losing you had never crossed his mind. But now it did. And it terrified him. As the cold air of the night seemed to burn in his lungs as he kept running, a quiet voice inside him wondered what would happen if he never got to see your smile again. He could only guess at what had put you in this state but he didn't know what it actually meant for your health. Were you going to see the dawn? Were you going to stay like this? He probably shouldn't think about that for now, he mused.
He opened the door to Natasha's clinic with such force that it sounded like he had kicked it down as he called out for the underworld doctor. He recognized her by the sound of her heels on the floor as she made her way towards him. "Sampo Koski, how many times have I told you to keep your voice down in my hospital-", Natasha stopped in her tracks when she saw Sampo holding you like this, trying to keep you still as to not drop you, "oh god." She hurried over to the emergency section of the clinic and got a stretcher ready for you. "Put them down here", she instructed Sampo, who carefully lowered you onto the stretcher. Natasha noticed there were tears in his eyes and he was shaking. She had never seen him this concerned about anybody.
"Will they be okay?", Sampo bit his lip and tried to calm down, taking deep breaths while simultaneously doing his best to keep your arms and legs on the bed so you wouldn't hit them against something and injure yourself. "Probably", Natasha calmed him down and brought her medical equipment to your bedside, "I've had cases like this before and so far none of them died on me, so have a little faith, okay?" Sampo nodded. "Would you help me keep their arm still? I need to take a blood sample", she asked him. He firmly but gently pinned your arm down with both hands while Natasha took a sample of your blood and then put you on an IV. She brought the tube with your blood to the laboratory while Sampo held your hand in his to make sure you didn't move your arm too much with the catheter in it.
Seeing you writhing on the stretcher made his heart break. Neither trying to comfort you with his words nor swearing that whoever did this to you was going to pay for it seemed to bring you back to him. He felt helpless. The time Natasha took to get results from the blood test, administer medicine to you and ultimately cause your body to relax again felt like an eternity to him. It eventually just looked like you were sleeping, which allowed Sampo to calm down as well. "They need rest now", Natasha said eventually, "I need to attend to the other patients but you can stay here if you'd like to... though I do have the feeling you wouldn't leave even if I kicked you out." She gave him an encouraging smile, having noticed how much you meant to him. Sampo just smiled back weakly and let her continue with her duty as a physician.
When you woke up your head hurt. You felt confused and didn't know where you were. Images flashed through your mind of you talking to Sampo at the bar counter. That was the last thing you remembered. So it was confusing to you to open your eyes and find yourself in a hospital bed with a catheter in your arm and an annoying beeping sound coming from the machine next to you. Natasha had noticed you had woken up and came over to your bed.
"I see you're awake", she remarked with a soft voice and sat down on a chair beside you, "how do you feel?"
You cleared your throat and noticed how dry your mouth felt. Natasha already had a glass of water ready for you. "Can you hold it?", she asked and carefully handed it to you, keeping her hand on the bottom of the glass in case you dropped it. You managed to hold onto it and take a few sips from the water. "Thank you", you mumbled with a weak voice and sat up, feeling a bit of your strength return already, so you kept drinking.
Natasha allowed you to take your time to gather yourself. "So... how did I end up here?", you asked, your voice still sounding a little hoarse. Natasha sighed. "What's the last thing you remember?", she asked you. You took a moment to reply. "I was sitting at the bar counter, talking to Sampo", you explained and chuckled weakly, "he ordered this horrible chocolate sauce burrito... seriously who eats something like that?" A small smile found its way onto Natasha's face. "So, what happened?", you asked quietly.
"Well... it seems someone mixed something into your drink...", she started, seeing your eyes widen, "nothing more happened but you collapsed in front of the tavern and had a seizure. Sampo brought you into my clinic." "Oh...", you mouthed, your thoughts scrambled all over the place as you tried to process what Natasha just said. She nodded towards the other side of your bed and your eyes followed her gesture, finding Sampo passed out on a chair next to you with his crossed arms and head on your nightstand and a blanket draped over him. He was drooling a little and even though he was asleep, you could tell he seemed exhausted.
"He stayed here the whole night", Natasha told you, "...refused to leave your side even when the guards wanted to take him into custody because they suspected he did it." "He didn't", you retorted immediately and Natasha stopped you. "I know. They found that out after investigating the tavern and hearing from other witnesses that you had that drink before Sampo even entered the tavern." You sighed with relief. The last thing you wanted was for the man who brought you here and made sure you got the medical treatment you needed to be arrested.
"Honestly, I've never seen Sampo so scared before", Natasha remarked, "he looked like he had seen a ghost." Your hand reached for your sleeping companion and your fingertips gently carded through his dark blue strands of hair, stirring him awake in the process. Sampo yawned and opened his eyes with a tired expression but as soon as they met yours, he felt wide awake once more. "You're alive!", he exclaimed with a relieved smile on his face and reached for your hand, holding it in his own, "Sampo Koski was so worried about you!" You squeezed his hand. "Thank you for looking out for me."
"There's absolutely nothing to thank", he told you, sounding more sincere than you had ever heard him, "I'm sorry I couldn't do more..." Those last words were more of a whisper but you picked up on them anyway. "You did everything you could", you insisted as Natasha did some further testing to make sure everything about your condition was stable.
"You're going to need to stay here for further testing for now", she explained to you, "you will likely be fine but it's best for you to remain in the hospital and be monitored for today." You nodded. "Don't hesitate to call out to me if you need anything", Natasha continued, "as for everything else, I'm sure Sampo doesn't mind keeping you company while you're here." You looked over to him and he nodded to confirm what Natasha had said. "If you don't mind, of course", he added awkwardly. "I don't", you reassured him and held onto his hand.
Sampo remained by your bedside until you were discharged in the evening, aside from the time he went out to get lunch for the two of you, surprising you with a meal you had mentioned liking. He was ready to answer any question you had about the time when you were unconscious and the things amnesia has made you forget. He made sure to let you know that whenever you needed to talk or just didn't want to be alone after this, he'd be only one call or text away. Whether he had a 'business meeting' or not, according to his words. He doubted he fully knew how to deal with the situation but he swore he would do his best to make sure you'd be okay. You didn't know where the future would take you and how this situation would affect you in the times to come, but you found comfort in the fact that, come what may, you wouldn't have to deal with it alone. Perhaps that was all the confirmation you needed to understand how much you meant to Sampo. Maybe words weren't even needed anymore...
if you liked this fic, keep an eye out for the other works i have scheduled this month. reblogs and comments are appreciated! 👍🏻
any support for my event would be greatly appreciated! 💕
anyone wanna guess out of these 14 drafts how many are angst works that are very much unfinished 😞🫵 (also im alive i just am trying to survive the sem)
a little overdue of an announcement but this writing blog will mainly write for honkai star rail with a side of genshin impact! i’m so sorry for those who’ve sent requests for other fandoms in the past, but seeing as i typically write for these two fandoms anyway, i wanted to streamline it :>
on the topic of matchups, i’ll still do the other fandoms listed in my prior pinned post :3 but i still might consider writing for them on here or have a different blog for them in the future 💕
"rough life," you shove your face into dan heng's pillow, "this biology project is kicking my ass," your voice comes out muffled from the pillow. you've somehow wrapped the whole thing around your entire head.
the mattress dips as dan heng sits down beside you, "do you need any help?" he asks in a soft tone, lightly running his fingers through your hair. the feeling calms you down a bit as his fingers nimbly tread through the strands.
"no," you sigh into the pillow that was covering your face, "i'm ok. it's almost done anyway, just a lot of work."
dan heng tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, "well, i could always help you finish that work faster," he persists.
you remove your face from the pillow and move to lay on your back. you're facing dan heng now, with his face right above yours. you're nearly pinned under him, had it not been for the one arm propping him up. he was leaning on his side on one arm, looking at you with diligent eyes.
you let out a small snicker, and your boyfriend's expression switches from an insistent one to a confused one.
"what?" he furrowed his eyebrows, looking at you with puzzlement. his lips were in a slight pout as he turned to you. you had to purse your lips to hold back another snicker.
"nothing," you inched closer to your propped up boyfriend, leaning into him slightly. as you got closer to him, a smirk slowly rose on your face. once you were close enough so that both knees were touching, you smiled, "you're just really cute." you lightly tapped the tip of his nose after your comment.
you take pride in his flustered expression once he heard your quip. satisfied, you roll over to your side and relish in his bemusement. however, before you could roll all the way over, a hand grabs one of your arms and holds you flat on your back. then, dan heng positions himself above you.
you try to ignore the rising heat that settles in your chest. you try to ignore the fact that it's rising to your neck, and that it will soon make its way to your face. you hope that dan heng doesn't notice the way your breaths shift from slow draws to quick movement.
but, to your surprise, he lays his entire body over you.
"feeling comfortable?" you raise an eyebrow at him. he didn't see, as his head was nestled in the crook of your neck. his arms were wrapped around your waist and torso as his legs crossed between yours.
"very," you could feel the smile in his voice. your hands travel up the nape of his neck, making sure to caress it softly before you move to his hair. your hands make themselves at home on his head, venturing through tufts of dark hair.
dan heng lets out an unstrained sigh. you wonder if he came in here to relieve you of your troubles, or himself.
"is this your idea of helping me finish faster?"
"well i have a lot of different ideas for that."
your face falls flat, "you're getting kicked out in two seconds."
dan heng laughs, and it's a euphoric sound. it reverberates throughout your entire body, and for a second you want to pull him closer to you than before. however, dan heng had a contrasting idea.
he lifts himself from you and perches himself above you, arms propping him up once again. you tilt your head in question, wondering what he was about to do.
"i thought you didn't want my help," dan heng refutes.
"i never said that."
"yes, you did. you said, 'i'm ok. it's almost done anyway, just a lot of work,'" dan heng quotes you, word for word at that.
you playfully roll your eyes, "okay, so i did say that," you pull dan heng back down onto you while muttering, "how do you even remember that?"
"i just like you a lot."
"oh, i can tell," you scoff, "you came in my room just to lay with me. i bet you didn't even come in here to offer your help. i think it was just because you missed me," you teased.
dan heng lifts his head up to face you. you crinkle an eyebrow at his sudden movement, since he seems oh-so comfortable beforehand. but when he trails a finger on your cheek, you know what's going to happen next.
he leans down slowly. too slowly, for your taste. you want to pull him down harder into you, but for once, you will let him take his time. he rests his hand on your cheek as he pulls you into him slowly. he eases your face into his first, slowly inching it close enough so that the tips of your noses would touch. then, he takes his other hand and wraps it around your waist, elevating you from the bed just ever-so slightly.
you take this as an opportunity to wrap your arms around his neck and deepen the kiss. what started as a small peck would turn into your mouth opening ever so slightly, and his tongue prodding in very carefully. your hands travel from his neck, to his jaw, and finally to his shoulders as the kiss comes to its end.
you pull away from him, breathless, while dan heng is breathing perfectly fine. you resist the urge to pull him back in so he could be in the same state that you are in currently, but that can wait.
when dan heng looks back up at you, he utters one thing, "yeah. i did miss you."
not one of my best works i just wrote this so i wouldn't be rusty for my comeback.
DEFINITELY OURPLE and pumpkin 100% i love reading your posts, no matter if they're your works or other stuff you talk about :) <3 also mint because why not
AZRIEL 😭‼️ YES WE WILL BAKE COOKIES assigning u mint as well 👹 but also pumpkin and babybel wrapper 💗
HELLO HI I WANT TO REQUEST SOMETHING SO BAD BUT I CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING HELP BUT ANYTHING BLADE OR JING YUAN RELATED I’LL EAT IT UP 😍💅
𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐨𝐫𝐬.
— amidst a sea of fans, he only had eyes for you.
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ masterlist
pairing. rockstar! Bade x gn! reader.
content. gender neutral! reader, established relationship, fluff, flashbacks, brief mentions of suggestive content, Blade is pierced and tattooed, ooc Blade
word count – 3.3k
note: Lune you gave me the excuse to write about my two favourite things, Blade and rock+metal, so i am eternally grateful!!
“This next song is about a very special person in my life. Actually, scrap that,” his grip on the mic tightened, “It’s about the love of my life.”
Blade’s voice was husky as he spoke into the microphone, and the crowd went wild. They roared, screamed, cheered – only Blade could evoke such a visceral reaction from his fans, something he was well-known in the industry for. His lips curled into a smirk; the confidence he wore like a cape was palpable, considering he had an entire stadium yelling his name with every ounce of their being.
Amongst this vast sea of fans, Blade’s eyes found yours. He picked up his guitar, giving you a playful wink that set your cheeks aflame. A fan, thinking it was for her, hollered: “I LOVE YOU!” Blade’s chuckle reverberated throughout the stadium. He clasped the mic, saying, “And I love you. Every single one of you lovely people here tonight.” From his response you could almost hear the swooning of the fans, which only served to intensify his powerful aura. Blade’s charisma knew no bounds, his effect on his fans almost hypnotic.
His muscles bulged as he clasped his guitar close to his chest, droplets of sweat glistening over his tattooed skin like tiny diamonds. Silence descended over the stadium, each fan, each attendee drawing a bated breath. The love you and Blade shared was a secret, kept secure behind closed doors. Yet, as he struck the first chord on his guitar, you had never felt more seen in your life.
The lights dimmed, encompassing the expansive space in darkness. Blade then began to sing; his voice low, gravelly and sensual. Every syllable sent shivers ricocheting through your body, like sweet, viscous honey, you were intoxicated by his every word.
Blade’s stage presence contained such raw magnetism. His every move was perfectly calculated, honed to perfection after many years’ of practice. From the confident set of his hips, to the way his dark hair fell across his flushed face as he paced about the stage – the man could simply breathe and he would have people fainting. That was just the kind of man Blade was.
He ran a hand through his hair, swinging his head to the rhythm. An entire stadium followed along, bopping their heads in time – were an onlooker to see this, they would think the crowd were under some spell, with Blade as the enchanter. His ring-adorned fingers slid skillfully over the strings. The movements grew more rapid, the drums grew louder as all the instruments coalesced into one chorus.
Your heart hammered alongside the pounding of the drums. In the throng of people you were near invisible, though you knew Blade only had eyes for you. While other fans fervently hoped to have been the lyrical muse for this song, you knew it had been yourself. Every word sung was directed at you, for you.
Illuminated by a kaleidoscopic array of lights that danced off his skin, he looked mesmerising. Though he always claimed that you were his element, he clearly withheld the fact that the stage was truly his element. He was at ease, smiling easily. The way he prowled about onstage made it look like he had been born onstage, his singular purpose being to perform.
Yet, you saw what the others didn’t. The things that Blade endeavoured so hard to hide from his fans, you were privy to on a daily basis. How he would spend hours exercising so as to maintain the body the fans loved so much; how he would silently enter your bedroom, like a phantom, at ungodly hours of the night when he would stay up working; the lingering scent of alcohol after a particularly long and exhausting day. Blade masked his fatigue with zeal and charisma, but you knew what lay behind such a visage. The man, the rockstar: your lover.
When did Blade have the time to write this song? This tour had lasted several months already. You could rack your brain for answers all you wanted – Blade’s declaration was real and true. If you closed your eyes, though, a faint string – a semblance of the melody that blasted from the stage – unfurled itself in the halls of your memory. And the moment in which he had conceptualised the song crystallised, growing clearer than still waters.
It had not been long ago when you were both laying down on his couch, entwined in a long, tight embrace. His hands rested on the small of your back; every now and then Blade would idly run his fingers up and down your back. Shivers raced across your body and you closed your eyes. You could not help but release a contented sigh, earning a deep chuckle from Blade.
“Someone’s enjoying themselves,” he cooed. His crimson eyes had a playful glint as they regarded you, brimming with tender affection. A smile formed on your lips, and you brushed aside his fringe from his eyes – no matter how many times you insisted he cut it shorter, Blade stated it was part of his ‘look’. You had learned to let the matter rest.
“It’s rare that you get a day off, these days,” you had responded, fingers caressing his defined cheeks gently. The shadows beneath his eyes proved testament to that. Blade ruffled your hair affectionately.
“You’re right about that, sweetheart. And with the tour coming up…” It was scarce that Blade let his demeanour slip. Only behind closed doors, with you, did he do so. His lips thinned, his laugh lines deepening with regret. “I promise to make time for you,” he said with the utmost sincerity.
You nodded, responding, “I know.” And you did. Even when he would return home, sometimes too exhausted to stand, Blade would still ask you about your day. He would take a seat, hand tracing circles on your thigh as he listened with rapt attention as you recounted your day. There was no room to doubt Blade’s commitment to you, something that he had branded on his chest with a tattoo. If there was no time, Blade would tread on anything in his path to make time for you – that was just the kind of man he was.
His grip on you tightened like you were a dream he did not want to let go of. There was a hard set to his jaw, one which more often than not spoke of the gears in his mind turning. Determination blazed in his eyes, akin to an inferno. He sat up slightly, propping himself up with an elbow to see you better.
“No, seriously [y/n]. I hate leaving you behind. Why don’t you come with me this time?” he proposed, his voice filled with such conviction that you could hardly deny him. Your lips parted in surprise. Blade gave you all the time you needed to reply, watching you with a patient smile.
“Of course I’ll come!” You beamed at him.
“Can’t say no to this pretty face, huh?” He flashed his teeth at you as he grinned, holding the same ferality and mischievousness as a fox.
Your cheeks reddened, and you silenced him with a kiss. Blade was more than happy to keep quiet, letting your mouth take control of his just this once. What you hadn’t said in your response was that you would follow him to the world’s end if necessary, something which you conveyed to him as your lips danced together. As you kissed, your tongue slid over a small, cold, stud on his tongue and you recoiled, breaking the kiss.
“You never told me you got your tongue pierced,” you observed. Blade smirked at you, sticking out his tongue.
“Surprise,” he hummed, pulling you in for another quick kiss. Blade’s hand cupped your cheek, the other tugged at your hair gently, pulling you closer towards him. Your heart stirred, fluttering like a butterfly against your ribcage. He kissed you with such gentle voracity that heat pooled in your stomach, and your breaths quickened. His arms secured themselves about your torso, locking you in place; you were his best-kept secret, tucked away from the rest of the world in your own secluded corner. A paradise.
Blade’s breath caressed your lips as he pulled away. His eyes pierced your heart, just as the day you met all those years ago. The skin around his eyes creased as he smiled. It contained traces of sadness uncharacteristic to your upbeat boyfriend, who was born to radiate exuberance to all who set eyes on him. His lips dragged themselves down your temple, down the slope of your cheeks to your jaw, leaving a trail of soft kisses in their wake. Shivers raced across your skin, like the vibrations of guitar strings being plucked.
“I wish my jackass managers didn’t make me hide you, like some dirty secret,” he murmured against your cheek. His voice filled with contempt; Blade almost sounded like a scolded child, resenting the authority of their parents. You stroked his chest gently, fiddling with one of the scarcely done up buttons of his shirt.
“They’re your managers… They helped you reach this level of fame.” Blade scoffed and rolled his eyes.
“And jackasses nonetheless,” he quipped back.
“Still… I don’t think they’d appreciate being insulted for doing their jobs,” you responded, a softness blanketing your voice. He barked out a laugh.
“God, [y/n], sometimes you’re so good it astounds me. No, but I’m getting real sick of keeping you in the shadows. It’s not like I’m hiding an affair from the paparazzi or anything – I love you, and I want the world to know.” Your breath hitched at how vehemently he said this, at the glimmering defiance in his smile, his eyes. If you weren’t careful, Blade would go about performing a big gesture for you – like in a fairy tale. You had no response for this, no words that could match the magnitude of what he had just said.
Habitually, he would drum erratic rhythms against your skin. Inspiration lurked around every corner, laying dormant at every given moment, so Blade claimed. You were his muse, often attributing you as the cause for when creativity would hit hardest.
On that day he had been incessant with his tapping and humming, and it had reached its peak in that moment between the both of you. With his hands lingering on your shoulder blades, his long fingers drummed a steady rhythm against your bones, sending tremors reverberating through your body. Your eyes closed, being lulled into a state of peace from the soft baritone of his humming, erratic in melody yet utterly harmonious.
Suddenly, Blade’s body tensed beneath you. He kissed your head.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart… I have to get up for a moment,” Blade mumbled apologetically. You did not open your eyes; you trusted he would return, so you simply nodded, rolling off his chest and allowing him to spring up. There was a renewed vigour to his step as he strode out of the living room.
Now, you knew that the muse had ensnared him in her strings, dragging him to his studio to compose this: the song that declared his love for you to the world. It was a big ‘fuck you’ to his management. A loud resistance against the rules imposed on him – it was a promise that he would in fact bite the hand that fed him should he dislike what was given to him.
Blade would surely face the consequences following the concert, but by the elated glow on his face onstage, he hardly seemed to care. He was more of an ‘act now, deal with the repercussions later’ type of person, living permanently in the moment. A stark contrast to yourself, but that was why you two got along so well – it was like he was your other half. Completing you.
You would never tire of seeing Blade onstage. Like a siren’s song, you were completely rapt by his voice, his entire presence. His fingers deftly danced with the guitar strings, moving at a dangerously fast pace as he soloed. Somewhere beneath your VIP box, you noticed a commotion at the very edges of your vision. A smile toyed at your lips: somebody had fainted, a truly common occurrence at Blade’s concerts.
Events like these only reminded you that the man they fainted over, pined over hopelessly was yours. You couldn’t help but feel smugness oozing throughout you; Blade was yours in heart and soul, with a tattoo to prove it.
It had caught you by surprise when Blade came home saying he had something to show you. With that spark in his eyes, you knew that only the tattoo parlour could have ignited such a pleased look about him; that, or a long night with you. And since it was only mid-afternoon, it was most certainly the former.
Blade sauntered towards you. He leaned over you, snatching the book from your hands to give you a heart-fluttering kiss. Just as you pressed for more, reaching your arms out to snake him into an embrace, Blade pulled away. He gave you a wicked grin, leaning forward so that your noses almost touched. You huffed and folded your arms.
“What is it, Bladie?” you finally asked, indulging him. His face lit up like that of a child on Christmas day.
“I’m so glad you asked, sweetheart.” Without any trouble at all, he slipped off his shirt – the act was second nature at this point, what with the number of times he did so at home and concerts alike.
He threw his shirt aside, beholding you to his majesty. You knew Blade was well aware of the effect his body had on people, which only fuelled his physical confidence. This could not be faulted, though – despite what the haters said. If you looked anywhere near as good as him, which would be hard since he was practically a Greek god, your confidence would sprout wings and soar.
Your gaze travelled up his impressive physique, from his rippling abdominal muscles, to his bulging biceps. Heat rushed to your cheeks, and you found yourself falling for him all over again, and again – it was a cycle that occurred every time you saw him shirtless, one that you doubted would cease anytime soon.
Littered across his body were numerous tattoos, ranging from those impulsively done while drunk (many of which he attributed to Kafka), to some so profoundly meaningful that your heart melted at Blade’s emotional capability. During the darkest hours of the night, when only illuminated by the light on your night-stand, you would trail your fingers over each tattoo, lulled to sleep with the tales that accompanied them.
Between his defined musculature, to the numerous tattoos he had garnered throughout his adult years, he was a work of art. You could stare at him for hours and never tire. No, hours wouldn’t even be enough to appreciate every curve of his body. You would need an eternity.
Finally, your eyes honed in on the latest addition to the gallery on his skin. A spiderlily, right at the centre of his chest above his heart. The skin around it was still quite red, though it paled in comparison to the scarlet petals of the flower. Your breath hitched.
“Eyes up here, beautiful,” Blade teased. His face grew sincere, “Don’t make me go getting this ink, yeah? You do like it – right? I got it for you.” Summoned by his words, you looked at him, smiling.
“I-I love it,” you breathed, “It’s beautiful. What does it mean?” Blade took a seat beside you, scooping you over to him and sitting you on his thigh. As he spoke, he ran his hands through your hair, twirling around his ringed fingers.
“Let’s just say… I was dead before I met you. Because of you, I now have new life: one with you in it.”
Those words remained ingrained in you, carved into your mind like the tattoos on Blade’s body. They came to mind as you watched him perform the final notes of the song. The lights danced frantically, almost drunkenly as the final crescendo was reached. It was almost like a dream, vivid yet so surreal. Your senses were completely enveloped by the lights, the music, but most importantly: Blade.
He whooped as he struck his guitar one final time, letting it reverberate through the roaring stadium as the lights flickered, then began to fade. His shoulders slumped, tank–top practically see-through with the amount he was sweating. From the screens displaying him in the stadium, you saw the faint outlines of his nipple piercings, alongside the winking of his tattoos, through the thin material. As he spoke into the mic for the last time, Blade’s voice was heavy.
“Thank you, thank you. Have a good night everybody.” With that, the stadium was blanketed by darkness.
The ritual had to proceed, so as usual you were ushered backstage by several members of the staff. It was a privilege few were privy to, being allowed past the door barring Blade from the rest of the world. Since you two were an item, he had stopped the backstage pass privilege for fans, dedicating all his time before and after concerts for you only.
You opened the door a crack, witnessing Blade jogging off stage. His chest heaved as if he had run a marathon, and he gratefully took the towel and water a member of staff handed to him. He took a huge swig from the bottle, so much so that water spilled down the front of his body. Blade cast no mind to that, as he promptly patted himself dry with the towel. You saw the way his legs shook with every step, at the slump of his shoulders.
Your heart ached, and you yearned to be beside him. The doorknob twisted as you pushed open the door. The fatigue swept itself off his face as soon as you stepped into the room. Just like the other times, you ignored what you had previously seen and you ran towards Blade, throwing yourself into his arms. He laughed hoarsely, picking you up and spinning you around for a few moments before pulling you close to him, capturing your lips in a deep kiss. Though in rare cases like these, it was Blade who had to pull away for oxygen first.
The smile you gave him would have made the sun jealous of its radiance.
“This was your best show yet!” you exclaimed, blushing with excitement. Blade chuckled and ruffled your hair, his heartbreaking cocky grin plastered over his lips.
“Only because you were there, sweetheart,” he replied, voice slightly hoarse from singing for so long.
“But I’m at every one of your shows!” You pouted.
“Yeah, and honestly it’s distracting as hell having an angel like you in the crowd.” Blade’s grin widened when you playfully hit his shoulder. He exhaled, the final threads holding him up snapping as he deflated against you, resting his chin on your shoulder.
“I hope you didn’t overdo it, again.” Blade’s lips curved into a smile against your neck, where he gave you a small kiss.
“How could I not, with you there watching me?” He pulled back, looking down at you with tired eyes. “Besides, with the knowledge I’d have you all weekend… To recuperate, of course… Only spurred me on, sweetheart,” Blade purred in response. You regarded him in every way possible, eyes filled with love. Behind his confident facade lay a man who was in dire need of sleep.
“Come on, Bladie… Let’s get home,” you murmured. He nodded in response, relinquishing you from his arms, yet still maintaining contact by grasping your hand.
Blade was a rockstar, a celebrity-crush, a musician, a man – your lover. Only you got to see him at his highest, and lowest behind these closed doors. You were his secret, now declared to the world. The door had been opened a fraction, and the two of you would step out of it together hand in hand.
