vincit omnia veritas

[pastmade]

going to put kate back on my multi for the time being 🫶

[pastmade]

#nctafraid​.     identification:  kevin,  ryan.

Kevin didn’t know how badly he needed the reassurance from Kate. He didn’t realize how much tension he had been holding in his shoulders, his jaw, where he kept all his feelings boxed up neatly to come back to at a later date. When he didn’t feel like he had to carry the entire weight of the downfall of their team. He hadn’t cried, but he was close. The night everything went down, he found himself lying on the couch, his head in Jenny’s lap as she ran her fingers through his hair. There weren’t any words said, instead silence filled the room as she gave him the room he needed to process. The silent reminder that no matter how bad things got, he was always going to have her by his side. His wedding ring felt heavy as he remembered the promise they made to each other, and how badly he needed her right now. To remind him that he didn’t destroy every good thing in his life.

“I’m your partner Kate.” Present tense, he wasn’t ever going to stop being her partner. “I should have been there to back you up.” He knew he was just repeating himself, but he didn’t really care either. But her words hit him hard, his breath taken away as the truth that she really wasn’t upset with him really sank in. And he felt the blame he had been putting on himself crack for just a moment. That maybe it wasn’t completely broken. “I’m really glad I made it on time.” He didn’t need to mention that he replayed in his mind what would have happened if he had waited just a second longer. “I don’t know if he will.” The truth this time. Kevin unsure if Javier was ever going to actually forgive him, because he knew that his partner had a troubled past, had a hard time trusting people. “You know how long it took him to trust me when I first got here. To him I broke that trust. I don’t think I can get that back from him.” 

the memories come back in a rush;     a wave washing over,     dragging her right under     &     filling her lungs completely.     ryan’s resistance in going forward     ——     in telling her to stop,     coincided with rick’s words for her to back down     ——     to stop running head first into dark waters without a boat or light.     they were a lot alike the pair of them,     the moral compass against her and esposito’s recklessness.     no matter the disagreements between them,     she’d always respect him     ——     always view him as part of her family.      “you did what a partner should.     you had my back,     just in a different way.”       she sees it all now,  much clearer than her head had been;     far too blinded by the past,  in uncovering what lead back to her grief.      “i still wouldn’t change anything.  if i had to go back.  i can’t change what my mother’s case does to me.  i’d be lying if i said i wouldn’t throw myself head first into it every single time.  but i think i knew deep down inside that...  nothing bad could happen to me,  not completely.  not when my partner’s were always there to save me.”     it’s what made them a great team;     the three musketeers.     (   before they’d gained a fourth.   )     they all had one thing in common at the end of the day;     uncovering the truth,    ensuring each of their victims lives weren’t shoved away in some box gathering dust in age while the sun sets and the moon descends.

“we’ve been through too much     ——     you     &     espo have been through far too much for something like this to destroy the partnership you guys have built.     you know him,     he’s stubborn.     he needs time to get over his ego     &     realise you were right,     that we should’ve executed the plan better.     otherwise he’d be blaming himself for my death for the rest  of his life if you hadn’t saved our asses.”      she almost sighs,     keeping it contained     &     swallowing the lump in her throat.     “i’ll talk to him.”     it’s the least she could do,     &     besides,     she hadn’t spoken to him since that day,     since they were stood in gates office handing over their badge     &     gun,     when kate had finally decided to throw it all away     &     give up her dream.    but this was more than her,     it was about kevin     &     javier.     those two weren’t one without the other,     it was always the two of them     ——     she couldn’t be the reason it suffered.

[pastmade]

𝚂𝙿𝙾𝚃𝙸𝙵𝚈  𝚆𝚁𝙰𝙿𝙿𝙴𝙳:   @lingeringscars​. # 44 / 100   (  what a time.  )

“i wonder if my mind just leaves out all the bad parts.”

[pastmade]

BUT  NOW...  I  WANT  TO  BE  MORE  THAN  WHO  I  AM.

𝙺𝙰𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙴  ‘ 𝙺𝙰𝚃𝙴 ’  𝙱𝙴𝙲𝙺𝙴𝚃𝚃  from abc’s  𝙲𝙰𝚂𝚃𝙻𝙴 . est. january 2017.   re-est. november 2022.     ©

[pastmade]

𝚂𝙿𝙾𝚃𝙸𝙵𝚈  𝚆𝚁𝙰𝙿𝙿𝙴𝙳:   @nothief​. # 22 / 100   (  crisis.  )

“i wish that i could open my eyes and the nightmare be over.”

[pastmade]

𝚂𝙿𝙾𝚃𝙸𝙵𝚈  𝚆𝚁𝙰𝙿𝙿𝙴𝙳:   @thisismystage​. # 7 / 100   (  as it was.  )

“sophie,  you’re no good alone.  why are you sitting at home on the floor?”

[kingsmemes]

In honor of SPOTIFY WRAPPED,  send me a number 1-100 and I’ll write you a starter based on the song.

[pastmade]

#NCTAFRAID.      ID:  RYAN, KEVIN.

The moment replayed a lot in his mind, Espo on the ground. He thought that his partner was dead, that he was too late. Kate was hanging off the side of the building, how he had to throw his hand down and hope that he could catch her before she fell to the ground. How he slipped forward and the guys behind him had to keep him grounded so they both didn’t go over. He didn’t regret saving her life, in fact he knew somewhere inside of him that he made the right choice. But he was still paying the price for it. Kevin had to carry the weight of the choice he made. Javier hadn’t talked to him, which Kevin expected. With Kate gone and Espo being suspended, he was working himself into the ground to try and keep on top of the piling cases.

Jenny was concerned, worried that her husband was shutting down. And maybe he was, because some of the guys in the station wouldn’t talk to him, upset with the fact that he went to the Captain instead of backing up his team. Most of his breaks were spend down in the morgue with Lanie instead of upstairs. At least with Lanie they could pretend things were normal and that Kevin didn’t ruin some of the most important relationships in his life. He didn’t expect to run into Kate, it had been maybe a week since everything happened, but he wasn’t upset about it either. Her and Espo had walked out of the captain’s office pretty quick and he was too scared to reach out to either of them. “I could have found another way to do it.” He shrugged, not sure if he believed the words himself. “I ruined the team. Javi won’t talk to me, no one wants to be my partner. Gates says that it’s budget cuts but I’m pretty sure that’s not it.” He knew that he shouldn’t be talking about his own problems when everything between them was so up in the air. “Why aren’t you mad at me? You should be mad at me.” She said he saved her life, but he ruined everything in the process. 

reality still hadn’t settled;  whether it be with her future — the career she’d worked so hard for  (given everything up for)  or the new found relationship that ignited something deep within her she hadn’t quite known was there.  she hadn’t called the boys,  couldn’t bring herself to dial espo or ryan’s number,  hear disappointment or pleadings she’s not ready to deal with.  until now.     “you could of.  or you did what had to be done.”     she can already see what’s settled on his face,  what’s riddled between tired eyes and heavy shoulders waying him down.     “if anyone ruined the team—it was me,  ryan.  you signed up for a partners,  not somebody after their own agenda.  i brought you and javi into this mess.”     and she’d never forgive herself had it been either of them in her place.  a part of her still blames herself for their former captain;  unable to wash the blood that had nestled between the cracks of her nails and embedded itself through her bloodstream.  she’d been too caught up in herself — in her mother’s case,  that she hadn’t thought about the consequences in those around her.  not till montgomery — till she was about to slip from a sky high building.

“why am i not mad at you?”     disbelief washes across,  brows lifting as she stares at him,  unable to hold back the sigh as her shoulders sag. “because! if it was you or espo out there i would’ve done the same damn thing and i  would have never forgiven myself if anything happened to either of you.”     they’re too deeply entwined,  years of damage binding them together;  there’s no other way she can envision her future than without those two right by her side.     “maybe espo doesn’t understand,  but i would have died out there,  ryan.  i no longer cared about my team—my partners.  i got so caught up in my mother’s case i let you all pick up the pieces.”     her head shakes,  unable to tear her sight away from him,  the events from a week ago still vivid — still replaying over and over again.     “he’ll come round,  you know?  you just have to give him time.”     her and espo were all too alike;  stubborn,  unable to accept the right from the wrong no matter where it takes them or how much it almost kills them.

[pastmade]

no cause, when am i gonna get a thread where somebody is a fan of the nikki heat series cause … i mean, yes

[pastmade]

Q:  HOW ARE YOU RUINED? A:  ruined by fury.

you are angry.  you are angry and everyone knows it.  the fire within you will not die,  cannot die.  for if it dies,  you wont have a reason to burn.  your rage simmers close to your chest,  it boils near something you wont touch.  you are angry because it is easier than anything else.  you are angry because you choose it over pain.  you are ruined because you cannot feel anything but your own ire.

[pastmade]

ᵗʰᵉ 𝑫𝑼𝑺𝑻𝒀 𝑻𝑶𝒀𝑩𝑶𝑿 .

❝  it could’ve been a lot worse .  ❞

𝘃𝗶𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗮  |  sent by @glimpseus​.

her gun still hangs in the air,  cheeks flushed from the recent events that had transpired,  her breath still catching as her chest rises and falls.  slowly her head pans,  almost gawking at the other as she stares before squinting,  head shaking.     “really,  you think?!”     unbelievable.  her weapon quickly lowers,  tense posture slowly loosening as she tucks loose curls hitting her face from the wind behind her ears.

she shoves her gun into its holster,  heels carrying her over to the edge as she looks down the cliffside to where their suspect floats,  a boat with officers already on their way to collect him.     “remind me to never call you for backup again.”     leaning back,  looking over her shoulder to vito.

[pastmade]

ᵗʰᵉ 𝑫𝑼𝑺𝑻𝒀 𝑻𝑶𝒀𝑩𝑶𝑿 . 

 ❝  please ,  just let me explain myself .  ❞

𝗸𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗻 𝗿𝘆𝗮𝗻  |  sent by @nctafraid​​​.

there’s an eerie emptiness to her;  the body she inhabits feeling no longer her own,  a place that’s become far too foreign  ( and not at all one to call home )  for the first time in her thirty seven years.  maybe it’s pure adrenaline,  the aftermath of each event that occurred not having been fully processed;  as her ears still ring from the wind and her fingers still cramp and slip all too quick as she’s taken back to the edge of that building.  life―her life all but dangled,  ready to meet its fatal demise.  i don’t care,  i don’t care.  not anymore.  who had she become to no longer care;  for herself,  for this case?

there’s a sigh hanging in the back of her throat,  a part of her that’s already accepted defeat.     “you don’t need to explain.”     there it is,  the heaviness sitting on her shoulders that quickly plunges into the pit of her gut upon finally looking in the others direction.  they’ve been friends and partners for years,  but it might be the first where she’s unsure where they now stand.     “you saved my life,  ryan.”     the sigh falls then,  her eyes closing momentarily as shoulders slowly slump.     “you did what you had to do.”     a beat,  a pause,  as she swallows the small lump sitting in her throat.     “what any one of us would’ve done.”     lips twitch,  something all too bittersweet as she thinks this might be it ― might be goodbye.     “you wouldn’t be you if you hadn’t told gates.  it’s why we work well together."

[pastmade]

A  VERY  DESCRIPTIVE  PROFILE  OF  YOUR  MUSE.          repost   with   the   information   of   your   muse   ,   including   headcanons   ,   etc     ! 

NAME.    katherine houghton beckett. AGE.    37 ( canon verse ) 43 ( today’s current age ) SPECIES.    human. GENDER.    cis female. ORIENTATION.    bisexual, biromantic. FAMILY.    jim beckett ( father, alive. )  johanna beckett. ( mother, deceased. )  richard castle ( husband, post season six. )  alexis castle. ( step-daughter, post season six. )  lily castle ( daughter, post season eight. )  jake and reese castle. ( twin boys,  post season eight. ) INTERESTS.    reading,  ice-skating,  camping,  solving murders. PROFESSION.    nypd homicide detective. BODY TYPE.    tall,  lanky,  slim,  toned.  EYES.    hazel with hints of green around the rims. HAIR.    golden brown,  wavy and long,  hangs below shoulders. FACE.    sharp features. HEIGHT.    5′9″. COLOURS.    purple,  red,  earthy tones ( browns and greens),  blues. FRUITS.    cherries,  apples,  pomegranate,  bananas,  cherries,  mango,  oranges,  rockmelon. DRINKS.    lives off caffeine. ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES ?    whiskey or beer is her go to,  but otherwise wine or anything strong / can get her drunk quick. SMOKES ?    no. DRUGS ?    recreational in her youth. DRIVERS LICENSE ?    yes.

[pastmade]

no but you don’t understand im obsessed with the audio i put in my pinned because it really ties together not only my url but the entire theme of this blog in kate being so driven by her past but always wanting to be so much more than it

[ohisms]

↪     ᵗʰᵉ 𝑫𝑼𝑺𝑻𝒀 𝑻𝑶𝒀𝑩𝑶𝑿 .    (  a  collection  of  various unsorted sentence starters .  adjust  phrasing  as  necessary .   will be updated frequently .  )

why are you here ?

drive .  drive fast .

i think we should make an informed decision .

are you coming or not ?

you’ve been avoiding me .

[ name ] ,  what were you thinking ?

this should be your priority .

let me hold you for a minute .

get out of my way .  i won’t tell you again .

that wasn’t supposed to happen .

can you keep a secret ?

i don’t know what i did to deserve you .

you seriously think i could’ve done something like that ?

you’re safe with me .

sorry isn’t good enough .

where is all this coming from ?

who told you about that ?

sorry i’m late ,  i got caught up .

you’re being paranoid .

why are you looking at me like that ?

you’re the single most important thing to me .

all i’m asking is that you hear me out .

whatever they told you ,  it’s a lie .

we shouldn’t stick around here .

hold my hand ,  i don’t want to lose track of you .

[ name ]  …  truth or dare ?

i love you .  nothing’s gonna change that .

can you tell me what happened ?

you can’t come around here anymore .

back off ,  okay ?

what ,  you don’t have time for me anymore ?

you’re asking for too much .

i’m trying to start a new life .

what do you mean ,  you aren’t coming back ?

sometimes i think you must hate me .

why can’t we just talk about this ?

i know i fucked up ,  you can stop rubbing it in .

you’ve got quite a reputation .

i’m not usually like this ,  i’m sorry .

please ,  just let me explain myself .

i love watching you work .

we’re on the same team .

did you ever tell anyone ?

you’ve got a lot of explaining to do .

really funny ,  you’re very mature .

you call THAT a PLAN ?

can we get out of here ?

i thought things would be different .

this is not up for debate !

do whatever you have to do .

karma’s going to get you for that .

it could’ve been a lot worse .

i asked you to leave me out of this .

maybe it’s time to take a leap of faith .

i never want to see you again .

can you see how many fingers i’m holding up ?

i’m gonna be there when you get what’s coming to you .

you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me .

i’ve been waiting all night for this .

i told you not to contact me .

sometimes i really think you have a death wish .

what do you need ?  —  what can i do ?

i would do literally anything to keep you safe .

that was supposed to be a secret .

you haven’t called me that in years .

stop telling me to calm down !

we make a pretty good team .

i have so much i want to say to you .

i’m not going to let anyone hurt you .

can we please not do this right now ? 

wait ,  wait  …  just breathe for a second .

how are you holding up ?

why don’t you stay the night ?  i’ll take the couch .

i don’t need your protection !

you’re not making this easier on yourself .

are you going to let me in ?

i’m supposed to be protecting you .

i will kill you if i have to .

do whatever you have to do .

this is going to hurt ,  i’m sorry .

what happened to you ,  where have you been ?!

there was nothing you could’ve done .

you’re all i need right now .

i don’t believe in love at first sight .

have you been following me ?

i need you to believe me .

what do you remember ?

i’m not a good person .

what the hell’s going on with you ?

you’re being followed .

just when i thought my day couldn’t be any worse .

i’ve been having weird dreams .

so you’ve been lying to me this whole time ?

are you trying to get us killed ?

this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me .

i never asked for your help .

you’re being followed ,  pretend you know me .

why has it started to feel different with you ?

don’t worry ,  i have a plan .

i heard everything .

do you need to sit down ?

i have the right to know what’s going on .

i’ve just gotta catch my breath .

stay out of my business .

what did you think was going to happen ?!

don’t cause a scene .

tell me something about you that i don’t know .

can i buy you a drink ?

what if  …  we played spin the bottle ?

this was never a problem until  [ name ]  came around .

you can’t ask me to make that choice .

are you seeing anyone right now ?

i need you to listen to me ,  we don’t have long .

you’re lying ,  that doesn’t make any sense .

you look  …  stunning .

what are you trying to prove ?

who died and made you the boss of me ?

you can’t just show up here like this .

let me make it up to you .

there’s no way i’m leaving you like this .

can we stay like this ?  just for a little longer .

i don’t need you to fight for me .

so  …  you lied to me ?

you’re the only one that can help me .

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

i never introduced myself ,  i’m [ name ] .

i expected more from you .

you have no idea who i am ,  do you ?

are you real ?  is this real ?

can i stay with you ?  just for the night .

you’re going to get yourself killed .

why did you help me ?

tell me what i can do to help .

pick a card ,  any card .

i never wanted any of this .

i love you .   you don’t have to say it back .

do you wanna get out of here ?

what the hell are you talking about ?

i should have trusted you .

get your head out of the clouds .

how is any of this MY fault ?!

what aren’t you telling me ?

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

it’s never just one with you ,  is it ?

you’re not supposed to know about that .

shut your mouth .

i haven’t kissed you yet ,  today .

where is this coming from ?

come over here and make me ,  then .

keep lying to yourself ,  see where it gets you .

i’m not a bad person .

is that what you wanted to hear ?

we can’t be seen together .

i can’t give you what you want .

i need you to leave .

are you drunk ?

i’m here ,  i’m here .  i’m not going anywhere .

you might want to take a seat for this .

have you been listening to anything i’ve said ?

i haven’t heard from you in weeks .

you’re jealous ,  aren’t you ?

who do you think you’re talking to ?

what are you reading ?

you could’ve killed me !

come on ,  we don’t have time for this .

i just need ten minutes of silence .

really ?  that’s all you have to say ?

we could leave ,  you know .  go far away .

you don’t look too good .

i never want to see you again .

why can’t you just leave me alone ?

i thought you died .

you’ll do anything for attention .

give me another chance .

how’s the weather up there ?

all you do is hurt people !

i’m sorry ,  none of this makes sense .

you need to get out of here before anyone sees you .

i told you i didn’t want you around here .

is that supposed to be a threat ?

you’ve changed .

don’t look at me like that .

it’s a beautiful day ,  don’t you think ?

i did what i had to do .

you never know when to stop .

i’ve got to get home ,  it’s getting late .

i have nothing to prove to you .

stop LYING to me  …  all you do is lie .

you don’t have to be nice to everybody .

don’t tell me what to do .

pull your head out of the past .

nobody can help me .  i can’t even help me .

we are not talking about that right now .

are you new around here ?

you have no idea what you’re starting .

i’m gonna get us out of here .

whatever you came here to say ,  i don’t want to hear it .

everyone’s staring at us .

is there anything i can do to help ?

i won’t cause you any more trouble .

– just follow my instructions for once !

do you want to come in ?

i just didn’t know what to do .

you need rest ,  lie down .

i’m not who you think i am .

i don’t know what you want me to say .

you’re not like anyone else i’ve ever met .

i feel like i’m going insane .

stop asking ,  you’re not going to like my answer .

i didn’t want you to see me any differently .

i wish i knew what to say to you .

don’t give me that look ,  you know what i mean .

you should be afraid .

do you still love me ?

i never thought i’d get this far .

the world doesn’t revolve around you .

i need you to give me some space .

i know what you’re doing ,  don’t play games .

you left me to die .

i’m beyond repentance .

when are you going to get it through your head ?

i missed you more than i thought i would .

i’m in love with you .

what do you need from me ?

i’ll kill them ,   just say the word .

[ name ] ,   what are you doing here ?

how can i help ?

you’re pathetic .

i need you to come pick me up .

where have you been ?  it’s eleven o’clock .

i couldn’t live with myself if i let you get hurt .

i can’t just pretend it didn’t happen .

you’re a real piece of work .

do you remember how we first met ?

when did all of this fall apart ?

that’s not what i came here for .

i would do anything for you .

i don’t need you to hold my hand through this .

are you sure this is the right thing to do ?

can’t we try to pretend things are okay ?

what is THAT supposed to mean ?

you’re always late ,  what am i supposed to think ?

there’s nothing you can do to fix this .

you’re far too kind to me .

can we go now ?  like ,  right now ?

i have to do this alone .

where’s your common sense ?

we aren’t supposed to be in here .

can you feel my heartbeat ?

i think i’ve seen you around before .

why are you acting weird ?

i have a really bad feeling .

i hate seeing you like this .

how am i supposed to react to that ?

what do you want most in the world ?