I would first like to address the blog post created by the person calling themselves “Nocturne.” You are correct in saying that Adrian Carter was a good man. I have always believed that and always will. He was a good man with a brilliant mind whose contributions to his fields should always be remembered for the monumental amount of good they are capable of creating and have created so far. I admired him just as much as you clearly do. He was truly one of this generation’s geniuses and should be remembered as such.
However, he had his vices, just like every other human being on this Earth. Just like you, just like me. I was close enough to him that I was able to see all facets of his personality, daily, good and bad. My ambition, my own vice, made me vulnerable to his. When he first began to make advances on me, I believed I could handle myself, that I had enough experience as a psychologist that I would not become a victim. And just like you, my admiration for him blinded me to the fact that Adrian could have this dark side.
I became afraid to say no to him. It didn’t matter what he wanted me to do, I said yes out of fear for my safety and my future. I ran myself ragged at Montauk in order to complete whatever tasks he gave me, business related or otherwise, so that I wouldn’t be targeted by his rage and the power he wielded as the CEO of a major corporation. He held my career and my well being over the abyss, needing only to let go in order to ruin me. He lorded that fact over my head so that I would do whatever he wanted me to.
Matters such as these are not as black and white as you would like them to be, Nocturne. No one person is truly the “good guy” in cases such as these. I don’t feel proud for tarnishing Dr. Carter’s reputation, but his abhorrent actions needed to be acknowledged. I had no idea how far down the rabbit hole his abuse went. I didn’t know how many victims there were, or even if there were any other victims. And frankly, the fact that there seems to be no other victims should come as a relief and not as an indictment against the validity of my claims. I made my experience public in order to show any victim of sexual abuse - not just those who may have been abused by Dr. Carter - that they have a voice and people who support them. That was why I went public after Adrian died. It wasn’t to “improve” my chances of becoming the new CEO of Montauk like I’ve seen some people claim. It was only to provide support and hope to those who need it.
Now, in reference to your rhetorical questions about Cassandra Carter. I realize that you believe you know my innermost thoughts and feelings about the entire situation, but unless you managed to invent something which lets you travel back in time AND inhabit the mind and soul of someone else, I don’t believe you have any place to be making such radical assumptions. I never suspected Adrian of acting inappropriately towards or around his daughter. It was evident to anyone who met Adrian that he adored his daughter, and that she thought the world of him as well. They were both extraordinarily lucky to have each other. My heart broke for Cassie when I learned of Adrian’s death. I was horrified when I saw the harassment she was receiving for not believing my story. I completely understand why she sided with the only image of her father that she had ever seen and known. I’ve never held it against her, and I wish her only the best in life. I personally believe that it was reprehensible that so many media outlets turned their greedy and lecherous gazes towards her. She should have been allowed to grieve in private.
I had no part in what you take issue with in regards to Cassandra. What you take issue with, Nocturne, are the decisions of the police, the investigation team, and idiots on the Internet who say whatever they feel without any concept of a filter. They were the ones who decided to question Cassie about her relationship with her father and they were the ones who harassed her. They chose her to be their scapegoat, just as you have chosen me to be yours.
But those facts don’t really matter to you, do they? No. Because they don’t further your narrative. You lump these assumptions onto me, and make me a scapegoat because you can’t accept the fact the Adrian Carter was a multifaceted man with manipulative and abusive behavior. You twist facts in order to paint me as some conniving villain because I’m not the perfect little victim that survivors of sexual abuse are portrayed as in media. The world is much less clear cut than you try to make it out to be, Nocturne. It would do you well to learn that.
However, I cannot force you to believe anything I say. If we’re honest with one another, I doubt that anything other than a raw, grotesquely detailed description of my sexual harassment and abuse at the hands of Dr. Adrian Carter could convince you. But just like the surviving members of Adrian’s extended family, just like Cassandra, I am entitled to my privacy, and do not owe internet conspiracy theorists masquerading as detectives a single word about this case. I’d advise you to leave the investigation to the professionals, Nocturne. It would be a pity to see someone such as yourself with so much passion and drive for a project end up making life altering mistakes that could land them in prison. I truly mean you no ill will and hope you put that admiration for Adrian to good use by continuing his work rather than harassing individuals you don’t agree with online.
I have spoken my piece. If you feel the need to have further discussions with me, Nocturne, I invite you to do so, so long as we can agree on maintaining civil discourse with one another. I wish you the best.
Cassie- I would like to address you now.
I would first like to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything you’ve had to endure for these past two years, and I’m sorry I didn’t take action to prevent you from being harassed as severely as you have been. Your father loved you and thought the absolute world of you. I never suspected he behaved inappropriately towards you. I told the investigators that I did not believe for a single second that you could have possibly been a victim. But ultimately, it was not my decision to question you. And I believed that if I made comments defending you, validating you, or claiming that investigation into your relationship with your father was unnecessary that the harassment would get worse. I believed that the Internet would have a frenzy and accuse you and your family of granting me a settlement to cover up what the Internet would have believed was a deep well of debauchery spanning who knows how far. So I made a decision to only comment about my own experiences in an attempt to grant you privacy. Obviously, I made a mistake, and for that, I am truly sorry.
Now, about my job at Rosemary Road and my involvement with Derrick Brody. First and foremost, what needs to be understood is that I was part of many teams at Rosemary Road. Each patient had a team of doctors, nurses, psychologists, and psychiatrists assigned to them. We all communicated and corresponded with one another about our patients, creating treatment plans collaboratively and sharing the details of how treatment progressed from day to day. All treatment that was then carried out had to be vetted by the rest of the team. As such, everything I did in regards to the patients I saw was approved by several other medical professionals.
Many patients that Rosemary Road saw were severely mentally ill, to the point where they had to be admitted to the hospital because they would not seek help themselves and were either considered a danger to themselves or a danger to others. Some of these patients were very skillful liars, and/or actors, and that makes conventional therapy extremely tedious, time consuming, and many times, ultimately unhelpful to the patient. This was the case with the patient who had nyctophobia. It was not just to see what would happen, but to assess the severity of the phobia and the negative impact it likely had in the patient’s life. My methods may be unorthodox, but everything I did for my patients was to aid in their recovery so they could lead happy, functional lives.
I was not the lead doctor in charge of Derrick Brody’s treatment. That was Dr. Henrik Schneeplestein. I was only occasionally consulted in that case. Dr. Schneeplestein brought his idea of performing surgery on Derrick to me for my opinion, which I gave. I told him that the procedure was risky and more than likely not worth trying. He pushed me, asking if there was even a sliver of a chance that this surgery could help Derrick. I am an honest person, and there was a very low chance that the surgery could prove beneficial to Derrick’s mental health. So I gave him a professional opinion and said yes, there was a chance the surgery could be beneficial. Schneeplestein then applied for the permissions to perform this procedure, was denied, and then lied to the rest of the team saying the procedure was approved, even going so far as to fabricate the approval documents so that it would alleviate others’ wariness about the procedure. I assisted in the surgery as I was led to believe that Schneeplestein’s idea had been cleared by a board of officials who found merit in the suggestion and granted him permission to perform the procedure. But he lied to me. He lied to everyone.
I made mistakes at Rosemary Road. The stress everyone was under was unfathomable. Time constraints and long hours had everyone on edge and looking for anyway they could expedite patient’s treatment without sacrificing results. The goal at Rosemary Road was to help patients regain balance in their lives so that they wouldn’t ever have to be readmitted to a psychiatric ward. And the demand for those services often exceeded the supply. And yes, I said some very regrettable things about people during that time in my life. I never thought anyone would hear what I recorded in confidence in order to de-stress so that I wouldn’t snap at my patients or colleagues publicly. And yes, I was especially harsh towards Lawrence. I saw so much of myself in her, but with such a naive perspective of the world and of her job that it often baffled me to the point of annoyance and even occasional anger. But I never laid a hand on her or threatened her while we worked together.
Tragedy surrounded Rosemary Road which has ultimately left me as the only voice able to corroborate or debunk any stories that rise from its ashes. I wish I knew where Dr. Rose was so that I wouldn’t have to be that voice. I wish I knew what happened and why she disappeared. But I don’t. And I regret not being a better and more supportive colleague to her. I don’t know if it would have ultimately changed anything, but those “what-ifs” are maddening to think about. I’m sure you can understand what that’s like.
I don’t expect you to believe everything I’ve said, Cassie. In all honesty, I wouldn’t blame you for not believing a single word that I’ve uttered since Adrian’s death. I understand that you want to get to the bottom of everything that’s happened, to find out what the truth is. All I can say in response is that everything I’ve said is true. I may not be perfect, but I am not a criminal. I can’t stop you from continuing to try and find another truth that does not exist. But I don’t want to see you wasting your talents on a fruitless venture. There’s nothing more to the story. That’s all there is. The end.
Your father was a genius, Cassie. And he was the best father a child could ask for. I wish with every single fiber of my being that things ended up differently. But what’s done is done. Adrian made his choices. You and I have made ours. And now I can only wish that you can eventually find some sense of peace in this world. That this darkness will leave you. I do not expect any forgiveness, nor do I believe I am deserving of it. I only hope that one day you can finally be happy again. I know your mother and father would be proud of you. I wish you nothing but the best, Cassie.
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