Gu(il)t feeling.
โWas there ever anything good from that place?โ Almost everyday, I asked myself this question. Was there ever really anything good about that place?
At least, some kind of a saving grace?
The answer was one-word, harsher than it seemed.
The answer wasย None.
And then I looked back. I remembered the first day. Instead of the usual and normal excitement that was expected, I had a gut feeling.
This gut feeling sensed danger.ย
This gut feeling sensed disinterest.
This gut feeling sensed loneliness.
But instead of following my instincts - that so-called gut feeling that has been in my head several times, I followed chance instead, which was felt once by my heart.
And this chance got me nowhere. I held on to positivity and optimism, and I tried hard not to regret this chance that I held on to.
This chance was actually my own pride. In this battle, the positivity and optimism that I had, broke like a rusty armor. I became defenseless, and I had to endure that for long months. I was probably on the losing side, because I felt like a Commander that will eventually become a Prisoner of war, a captive in a besieged castle. God help me really. I prayed, for myself, for those who I treated acquaintances, and my enemies. I really didnโt know how to deal with the situation that has become dire to me.
And then I remembered -ย โPrayerโ will reinforce me.
After the longstanding battle, I know it will end. And it inevitably, it did.
Suddenly, I remembered looking back at that place that I was a captive for long months, walking around the hallway, and realizing that the only thing untainted and good about that place -- Is their Chapel, the prayer room. I know God will help them, as He helped me.
