Heart of Ashes

Mary Watson. Mother to Sherlock Holmes, though that's not the name I know him by. {Independent Sanctuary OC}

[paxnitentia]

Wondering into the room, James went to sit down next to Mary. Looking at her for a moment, he seemed to be questioning himself before he spoke. "Mummy?" Sitting closer, he shifted so he could snuggle into her side and laid his head on her shoulder - letting out a sigh of relief once he was settled.

doctorjameswatson

Mary’s surprised, but hardly complaining. She turns and wraps her arms around him, tentatively running her hands through his hair. “Hello darling. Is everything alright?”

[paxnitentia]

doctorjameswatson:

James had only been half serious with the question so the laugh wasn’t unexpected. He hadn’t really thought there would be an answer to his problem or at least not a straight forward one. “Men are a lot easier to figure out. A lot easier to get them to do what you want, too. I’ve never had a problem with men. Even if I’ve never got as far as actually marrying one.” Letting out a huff, James added, “It’s Sam. I don’t know what she’s thinking recently.”

“I see.” Mary gave her son a kind smile and placed a hand on his back, guiding him to the couch and sitting down with him. “Tell me about it. I can’t guarantee anything, but perhaps I can shed some light on the situation.”

[paxnitentia]

Will and Nigel look uncertainly at each other as they approach Mary. Nigel prodded Will forward and the young boy scowled at his brother before piping up. "Why don't Mummy and Daddy want us near you?"

Mary smiled sadly and crouched down so she could look her grandsons in the eyes. “Because I accidentally hurt your father quite badly when he was younger, and I believe they’re afraid I might hurt you too.”

[paxnitentia]

James slept with both Debra and Sam when they were both 17/18 years old. Your son has issues.

“Well then I hope he’s getting the help he needs.”

[paxnitentia]

James is confused. His mind is very conflicted but he can't deny the thought that's been running through it. He wants to hug his mother but part of him is holding him back so he's going to hesitate by the door instead.

“You know I can feel you lingering, James.” She’s trying to ignore the way her hands shake. She doesn’t turn to face him. She’s afraid if she does, she’ll fall apart. “You never were very subtle. Is there something you wanted to say to me?”

[paxnitentia]

doctorjameswatson:

Flinching away and looking at her with shocked annoyance, he rubbed the back of his head as he tried to process that his Mother knew about the Source Blood. “Actually, yes, I am fully aware of its properties and effects. We were pushing the boundaries of science. Doing something no one had ever done before, or so we thought. How do you know about the source blood?”

“What? You and your father are the only ones allowed to have secrets? After you went to school and your father got…I had to do something to take care of the girls, and it was nice to be amongst like-minded people who didn’t look down on me for being a woman. Over time they…changed, turned into a living creature all its own that wouldn’t set me free, but at first it was everything I wanted, and it let me keep feeding your sisters and you in school.”

[paxnitentia]

doctorjameswatson:

Looking down at her, James pulled back in order to take her face in his hands. “I’m not a child any more. You don’t have to put the brave act on with me. I’m always going to worry about you. Just, please … let me help.” With that he pulled her back into a tight hug.

Mary melted into the hug and finally let out a sob against his shoulder. “I deserved it, James. I love you and your beautiful good intentions but god I deserved it. We both know that.”

[paxnitentia]

James is confused. His mind is very conflicted but he can't deny the thought that's been running through it. He wants to hug his mother but part of him is holding him back so he's going to hesitate by the door instead.

“You know I can feel you lingering, James.” She’s trying to ignore the way her hands shake. She doesn’t turn to face him. She’s afraid if she does, she’ll fall apart. “You never were very subtle. Is there something you wanted to say to me?”

[paxnitentia]

doctorjameswatson:

“Yes,” James said quite simply. “In a sense they are like me. When we were at Oxford we did an experiment which altered each of our physiologies in slightly different ways. Nigel died about fifty years ago but the rest of us are still going. I’m probably the one who really shouldn’t be but I am.” Conveniently misses out the part where he did in fact die and then came back to life.

“I...the Source Blood...that was you?” She frowned and brought her hand up to gently (but with a distinct air of a reprimand to it) smack the back of his head. “James Richard Watson what the devil were you thinking?! Do you have any idea the kind of trouble something like that could get you into! You’re lucky you weren’t killed! Genius or no, you shouldn’t be messing around with things like that!”

[paxnitentia]

If Mary were to walk into the room she would see James holding a 6 month old Debbie in his arms and he's smiling down at her as he gently bounces her up and down to calm her.

A small smile comes to Mary’s face and she just watches for a moment. Then, Sam’s words come to her head and the smile fades instantly. She turns to go, but not before catching her foot on the door. She curses lightly under her breath, but continues to walk, praying James was so absorbed in his daughter that he didn’t hear her.

[paxnitentia]

doctorjameswatson:

James nodded happily - excited to give his mother something he knew she would so dearly want. Going over to the couch, he sat down and waited for Mary to follow. “I’m very sure. You hold her and I’ll stay with you both. No one can argue about that. Come on.”

Mary smiled and went to follow. After a moment, she gently reached out and scooped the baby into her arms. Her smile instantly grew and she bent to kiss the little girl on the head. “You are so beautiful, my darling, though I’m hardly surprised. You have rather good genetics.”

[james-side1]

James, did you ever ask your mother about what happened when you got older? Did she ever tell you it was an accident?

“No. I tried to spend as little time as possible with her after … that. Boarding school was a blessing. What do you mean an accident? That is never an accident. You can’t accidentally rape someone. It either happens or it doesn’t. It didn’t feel as if it was an accident.”

[paxnitentia]

doctorjameswatson:

Those words ran round and round in James’ head. Be a better man than your father. He’d always wondered why he’d had a vague memory of those words being said in hushed tone and now he knew. Looking up at his mother, he just hoped she was right. “I love them so much. I wouldn’t want anything to harm them. Least of all myself.”

She tried not to let that feel like the dig it sounded like. She smiled softly and nodded. “Good. As it should be. They’re very lucky to have you James, I hope you know that.”

[paxnitentia]

doctorjameswatson:

Holding his mother tightly to him, James rubbed her back and tried to comfort her. “It’s alright. I’m alright. I promise. I’m sorry she spoke to you like that.” He wasn’t sure if it would work but he wanted to say it never the less.

Mary buried her face in his shoulder and took a few deep breaths. It hurt, god it hurt, but Mary felt she deserved it, so she put on a brave face and shook her head. “It’s alright, darling. Don’t worry about me.”

[james-side1]

James, did you ever ask your mother about what happened when you got older? Did she ever tell you it was an accident?

“No. I tried to spend as little time as possible with her after … that. Boarding school was a blessing. What do you mean an accident? That is never an accident. You can’t accidentally rape someone. It either happens or it doesn’t. It didn’t feel as if it was an accident.”

[james-side1]

James just sat there for a few minutes, taking it all in. Drying his eyes, the anger had left him and he was just left feeling numb.

“You really think I’m nothing like him? I’ve been so worried. Worried that I’d do to my son’s what he did to me. I’ve been trying so hard to be different. A better father to my children than he was. I hope it’s working.”

[paxnitentia]

"Na einai kalitero anthropo apo ton patera tou,” Mary murmured, “that was the prayer I’d say for you every night after you went to sleep. I’d say you succeeded, James. Your children...they look at you with light in their eyes. They adore you.”

[paxnitentia]

James is confused. His mind is very conflicted but he can't deny the thought that's been running through it. He wants to hug his mother but part of him is holding him back so he's going to hesitate by the door instead.

“You know I can feel you lingering, James.” She’s trying to ignore the way her hands shake. She doesn’t turn to face him. She’s afraid if she does, she’ll fall apart. “You never were very subtle. Is there something you wanted to say to me?”

[james-side1]

“Do I?” He said, sounding genuinely interested. “That’s really interesting. Well, I suppose, in the end, I haven’t changed much since we last saw each other. It’s something that the other’s quite often tease me about. It must be so disorientating to have missed out on all the progress but still have to experience the outcome. You’re not on your own.”

[paxnitentia]

“The others? You mean...your friends from Oxford? From the group...who was it...you, Helen, Nigel, Nikola, and John, yes? They’re all...like you?”

[paxnitentia]

If Mary were to walk into the room she would see James holding a 6 month old Debbie in his arms and he's smiling down at her as he gently bounces her up and down to calm her.

A small smile comes to Mary’s face and she just watches for a moment. Then, Sam’s words come to her head and the smile fades instantly. She turns to go, but not before catching her foot on the door. She curses lightly under her breath, but continues to walk, praying James was so absorbed in his daughter that he didn’t hear her.

[james-side1]

Beaming at the approval and praise that Mary spoke, James was transfixed by the interaction between the two. Debbie had reached out an arm and was patting Mary’s face with it as she giggled in her father’s arms. Getting an idea, James looked over at the couch and then back at his mother. “How about we sit down and you can hold her if you’d like. I’d quite like to drink my tea, anyway. Give my arms a rest. What do you say?”

[paxnitentia]

Mary’s eyes snapped to James’s as she looked at him in surprise. “I...really? I would love to hold her....if you’re sure...I wouldn’t want to overstep my bounds...”

[paxnitentia]

If Mary were to walk into the room she would see James holding a 6 month old Debbie in his arms and he's smiling down at her as he gently bounces her up and down to calm her.

A small smile comes to Mary’s face and she just watches for a moment. Then, Sam’s words come to her head and the smile fades instantly. She turns to go, but not before catching her foot on the door. She curses lightly under her breath, but continues to walk, praying James was so absorbed in his daughter that he didn’t hear her.

[paxnitentia]

Mary bit her lip, but a small smile made its way onto her face before she nodded. “Alright…if you’re sure.” She gently reached out and, watching James carefully for any signs of protest, placed her hand lightly on the baby’s head. “Hello there beautiful girl,” she murmured, “what’s your name?”

[james-side1]

Smiling, James stayed perfectly still as he watched his mother touch his daughter’s head. A flood of happiness ran through him with a streak of pride at showing his mother what he had helped create. “Her name’s Debbie. Sam wanted to name her after her mother.” The little girl gurgled happily up at Mary and it made James chuckle. “She likes you,” he murmured. 

[paxnitentia]

Mary’s face lit up and she bent to gently kiss her granddaughter’s forehead. “And I love her,” she breathed. “Debbie...that’s a lovely name for a lovely girl. She’s beautiful, James, absolutely beautiful.”

[paxnitentia]

James is confused. His mind is very conflicted but he can't deny the thought that's been running through it. He wants to hug his mother but part of him is holding him back so he's going to hesitate by the door instead.

“You know I can feel you lingering, James.” She’s trying to ignore the way her hands shake. She doesn’t turn to face him. She’s afraid if she does, she’ll fall apart. “You never were very subtle. Is there something you wanted to say to me?”

[paxnitentia]

Mary buried her face in her son’s shoulder, partially so she could inhale the scent that hadn’t changed since he was a baby, and partially so he couldn’t hear the small sob that made its way from her. She clung to him until she felt her breathing even out, and when she thought she was no longer about to burst into tears, she finally pulled back. “Thank you.”

[james-side1]

Although he didn’t hear the sob, James is aware of the slight shaking and of how she clung to him. Holding her securely, he didn’t pull back when she did. Leaning back in, he wanted to hug her for longer and moved his head to press against hers as his eyes closed. “You’re welcome,” he murmured. “Although I believe I may be getting as much out of this as you are.”

[paxnitentia]

“I highly doubt that,” Mary murmured, holding him even tighter despite herself. “You haven’t changed since you were a baby, you know that? You still...smell the same...and that probably sounds stupid but...it’s nice to know there’s at least one thing that...isn’t so different.”

[james-side1]

James, did you ever ask your mother about what happened when you got older? Did she ever tell you it was an accident?

“No. I tried to spend as little time as possible with her after … that. Boarding school was a blessing. What do you mean an accident? That is never an accident. You can’t accidentally rape someone. It either happens or it doesn’t. It didn’t feel as if it was an accident.”

[james-side1]

James felt sick. About what had happened but mostly about what it meant of the similarities between himself and his father. With his hands covering his mouth, a few errant tears dampened his face as he sat there and thought about what it all meant.

“I was fifteen. I didn’t know what to think. I could barely comprehend what had happened and then you pretended like it hadn’t even happened. I felt so lost and alone. Isolated in a world that kept turning while I was left to try and understand … trying to cope and deal with what had happened.” He paused as he took deep breaths. “Did father used to call you …? Oh, wait. I don’t want to know that.” Sniffling, he shook his head - unable to believe that he wasn’t like his father. “I’m an addict. Obsessed by my work. Easily swayed by sex. I’m the mirror image of him in more than just physicality.”

[paxnitentia]

“Perhaps you have some traits in common then, I won’t deny that, but you are not him, darling, not in the slightest. Had I been of sound mind that night I would have been able to see that instantly. I can see that now. Believe me, I lived with the man for decades, I knew him inside and out and you are nothing like him.”

“You are my son, my beautiful son, and I love you so much. I hate what happened...what I did to you, and I will never forgive myself for it, but it happened due to physical similarities alone, nothing else.”

[paxnitentia]

Wondering into the room, James went to sit down next to Mary. Looking at her for a moment, he seemed to be questioning himself before he spoke. "Mummy?" Sitting closer, he shifted so he could snuggle into her side and laid his head on her shoulder - letting out a sigh of relief once he was settled.

doctorjameswatson

Mary’s surprised, but hardly complaining. She turns and wraps her arms around him, tentatively running her hands through his hair. “Hello darling. Is everything alright?”

[james-side1]

Even after all this time, the feeling of his mother’s arms still make him feel as safe as when he was a small child. Failing that, having his hair played with worked when anyone did it so right now Mary was winning on two fronts. Wrapping an arm around his mother, he stayed quiet for a few moments before asking. “Can you explain women to me?”

[paxnitentia]

Mary laughs despite herself and presses a small kiss to the top of his head. “Well unfortunately, darling, women are individuals every bit as unique as men, so explaining women as a whole is a...rather difficult task. Why? What’s wrong?”

[paxnitentia]

Wondering into the room, James went to sit down next to Mary. Looking at her for a moment, he seemed to be questioning himself before he spoke. "Mummy?" Sitting closer, he shifted so he could snuggle into her side and laid his head on her shoulder - letting out a sigh of relief once he was settled.

doctorjameswatson

Mary’s surprised, but hardly complaining. She turns and wraps her arms around him, tentatively running her hands through his hair. “Hello darling. Is everything alright?”