★ Married + dipping my toes into ethical non-monogamy (I'm not really looking for anything but platonic friendship. Casual kink interactions with said friends though? Yes.)
★ Adults 18+ are welcome to interact with the blog
Minors, I cannot stop you from lurking, but I urge you to not interact with anybody - there are many predators online, and no sane adult wants to sext with minors. This is both illegal and potentially traumatizing for everybody involved.
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★ Snzfics and art:
Baizhu (Genshin Impact): Part 1 Part 2
I do have OCs which will be posted here soon... at some point... maybe...
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︴Please DNI if you're are prejudiced against people based on their sex, gender, sexuality, race, national origin, age, disability, religion, etc.
P.S. Hating on people who make up the majority (e.g., white, cis, hetero, male) is not cool either and doesn't help the minorities in any way. I'm talking about the "not all men, but somehow always a man" crowd. Please don't.
︴I am against AI "art", "animation", or "writing" (ChatGPT is acceptable as an assistant but is best to be avoided altogether)
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▷ likes: allergies, colds, inducing somebody, caretaking, m/m, whump, light bdsm, characters who have the fetish, mess (depends on the mood).
▷ dislikes: eh... frankly, I no longer have any hard limits. It used to be emeto and mess, but I'm kinda okay with both now.
▷ fandoms: BG3 (please please talk to me about this game I'm very not normal about it), Dr. Who 10+11, Genshin Impact, Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss.
nobody knows the struggle of trying to write a steamy snz sex scene as an ace. I have over three pages of research in google drive and I feel like I'm studying biomechanics.
"A felt B’s erection jutting into his hip"
me: fascinating! i have to write this down. what, did you say, was jutting where?..
Okay okay you guys. This is so unrelated to the previous post but it is also about my writing, so it kinda counts. I struggle so much with balancing the "every scene needs to have snz in it" and "I want emotional depth and character exploration".... and I've been thinking. Keep writing snz smut (and publish it here one day) AND write a whole ass novel just for myself without snz at all where I can finally explore the plot without worrying that nobody has sniffled in the past 5 minutes?
Then again, English is not even my native language, and I'm busy, and I should just forget about this, and nobody would read this anyway, and, and....
but maybe it is worth it just for me? holy shit I am insecure
nobody knows the struggle of trying to write a steamy snz sex scene as an ace. I have over three pages of research in google drive and I feel like I'm studying biomechanics.
"A felt B’s erection jutting into his hip"
me: fascinating! i have to write this down. what, did you say, was jutting where?..
for when you need to put your OCs/favs in a Situation™
or if you're simply curious about the science behind why plants make us sneeze
please do not reblog to non-snz blogs // Minors DNI (18+ blog)
Hi! I'm Leni and I'm a plant ecologist and snzfucker (obviously). If you like to include accurate details in your snz fics but don't know where to start when it comes to all things hay fever and plant allergies (or if you're just curious for...reasons) then you've come to the right place! I've put together this mini guide to get you started. If you ever have any questions on any of the following, please feel free to reply to this post (or send me an ask if you prefer to be anonymous).
In this guide:
Mini crash course on plants, pollen + pollination
A selected list of the sneeziest plants, categorized by:
🌻 wildflowers + weeds
🌾 grasses
🌳 shrubs
🌲 trees
💐 cultivated flowers
💥 sternutatory plants
🏅special mentions
The Chhinkni Corner™ - how/why does it work? a deeper dive into plant snience (snz science...hehe)
Some fun plant + snz facts sprinkled throughout
Tools, references, and resources at the end
Feel free to skip directly to the parts that interest you. I won't be offended if you don't read it all!
Some important disclaimers before we get started:
In an attempt to keep this as accessible as possible I am simplifying some concepts and skipping over some entirely. Otherwise there's just too much to get into!
This is by no means a complete list of species rather a selected assortment
I am not an immunologist, allergist, or palynologist (pollen scientist). I’m coming at this through the lens of a plant ecologist and snzfcker
While I did create one of the figures/images in this chart, the others I have 'borrowed' from elsewhere on the internet - normally I would include proper credits/citations but, uh, I don't really think we want the authors to accidentally end up here.
Many plants, including some referenced in this document and the included resources can be extremely toxic, dangerous – or even deadly – if used, consumed, or prepared incorrectly. Do not be silly in your pursuit of snz.
Let's dive in! (don't worry, there won't be a pop quiz)
Mini Crash Course on Plants + Pollen
What's the deal with plants? Like, where do I start if I know...nothing?
You can start right here!! Okay, so there are a lot (and I do mean a lot) of different ways we classify plants. but for the purposes of this post, I'm going to to break down a few of the key ones in a way that (hopefully) isn't too overwhelming.
The Linnaean Classification system: This is the standard method of classifying all living organisms, using taxonomic binomial nomenclature (a formal, 2-part naming system in Latinized forms).
🌱 FUN FACT: Common names of plants often vary from region to region, culture to culture, and era to era. You can learn a lot from a plant's common name, and often a lot more from its binomial nomenclature. For example, the plant known as Common Sneezewort (Achillea ptarmica) derives its binomial species name (ptarmica) from the Greek word ptairo ("sneeze") which means "causes sneezing!" -- Thus, the plant's full scientific name translates to "Yarrow that causes sneezing." Pretty on[in?]-the-nose if you ask me.
Do all plants produce pollen?
Nope! Not all plants produce pollen. I've put together the following chart which helps break down how we further classify plants --specifically in the context of what plants produce pollen and how they are pollinated, which all leads us to understanding what makes them more/less allergenic and why...we'll get into shortly.
Why do plants produce pollen, and what exactly is pollination?
It's how plants get it on, bay-bee! 🐝 Pollination is how the male parts of a plant transfer genetic material to the female parts of the plant, allowing plants to produce seed and fruit, and ensure the genetic diversity of its species is maintained. Let's talk about it!
Reproductive Categories:
Both Angiosperms (flowering) and Gymnosperms (non-flowering) have male structures which produce pollen and female structures which develop seeds and fruit.
In Angiosperms, the part of a flower containing the male reproductive organs is called the stamen. At the tip of the stamen is the anther, which is where pollen is produced! The part of a flower containing the female reproductive organ is called the pistil, which contains the ovary. Once fertilized by pollen, this part develops into the mature fruit/seed.
Flowers (and cones) can be male, female, or bisexual -- and there are even more categories I'm not going to get into but...Nature is queer, y'all! And it's awesome.
Monoecious plants have both male and female unisexual flowers on the same plant, which means they are self-pollinating. Examples include: Birch, Oak, Spruce, and Pine trees; and vegetables like pumpkins, cucumbers, corn and tomatoes.
Dioecious plants have unisexual male and female parts on separate plants, and need to be cross pollinated in order to produce seed. Examples include: Juniper, Poplar, Maple, and Willow trees; and vegetables like asparagus and spinach.
🌱 FUN FACT: On monoecious conifer trees, female cones grow on the upper branches of the tree, where they can be fertilized by the pollen of male cones blown upwards from the wind.
Okay, so exactly how are plants pollinated?
Biotic Pollination (by animals - primarily insects, but also birds and small mammals). In exchange for pollination services, these plants provide animals with food (pollen is very high in protein and nutrients).
Abiotic Pollination (by natural phenomenons - like wind, rain, or water). These are strong, independent self-pollinating plants who don’t need no bugs.
What makes some plants more allergenic than others?
It all has to do with how they're pollinated!
Insect-pollinated plants generally tend to be the least allergenic, as the pollen grains are generally larger and stickier, allowing them to easily stick to insect bodies.
I mean, just look at these guys. They’re absolutely lost in the sauce:
Wind-pollinated plants, on the other hand, tend to be the most allergenic as their pollen grains are smaller and lighter. They also tend to produce a lot more of it in quantity, since their distribution method is a lot less targeted (they rely on the variable forces of wind and water vs relying on, say, a bee that is reliably going to fly from flower to flower).
Depending on the anatomical structure of a species’ flowers, it may be both animal and wind-pollinated. Privet, for example, is primarily insect-pollinated, but because it has anthers that protrude considerably from its flower (hubba hubba), its pollen can be distributed by the wind, as this article explains.
🌱 FUN FACT: Some bees have special structures known as pollen baskets (or corbiculae) to help them efficiently store and carry pollen!
How is allergy season defined?
The peak flowering/pollen times for plants varies by region, even if the same plant species grows across a wide geographical range. This is influenced largely by climate, and may vary slightly year-by-year. Ragweed, for example is abundant throughout all of central-eastern continental US, but pollen levels may peak at different times, depending on what state you're in (the state of allergic misery perhaps). For example, someone who usually prepares accordingly for ragweed season to hit them in mid-September where they live might be in for a bit of a surprise if they travel to another part of the country in mid-late August...!
What is hay fever, exactly? Is it the same as seasonal allergies?
Essentially, yes. Hay fever is actually bit of a misnomer, as it was originally believed that the scent of freshly-cut grass (later dried to be used as hay*) was triggering allergic symptoms. Grass pollen of course can be a major trigger for allergies, nowadays the term is used almost interchangeably with the more-accurately described allergic rhinitis.
*Consider also, if you really want to put your character in a Situation, the fact that dried hay often contains not only pollen, but mold spores and dust/dried plant particles...
Why does pollen make people sneeze?
In simple terms: pollen allergies are an immunological response to the proteins found in different types of pollen. This article, titled 'Allergies: The Radical Theroy of Sneezing' goes into much further detail.
Also, um, hello?!!? That name???
🌱 FUN FACT: This paper is the first recorded medical description of 'hay fever.' In case you want to read it. For science, obviously.
A Selected List of the Sneeziest Plants
🌻 wildflowers + weeds
Asters, Daisies, Sunflowers (Members of the Asteraceae family) in general
Ragweed (members of the Ambrosia genus): specifically Common Ragweed (Ambrosia artemisiifolia) and Great Ragweed (Ambrosia trifida)
Mugworts (members of the Artemisia genus) - particularly Common Mugwort (Artemisia vulgaris)
Pigweed (members of the Amaranthus genus)
Goosefoot (Chenopodium album)
💐 cultivated or cut flowers
Baby’s breath (Gypsophila paniculata) and its relatives in the same genus
Chrysanthemums or 'Mums' (members of the Chrysanthemum genus)
Asters, Daisies, Sunflowers (Members of the Asteraceae family), including:
Dahlias (members of the Dahlia genus)
Gerberas (members of the Gerbera genus)
🌾 grasses
Timothy grasses (members of the Phleum genus)
Sweet vernal grass (Anthoxanthum odoratum)
Bermuda grass (Cynodon dactylon)
Kentucky bluegrass (Poa pratensis)
Ryegrass (members of the Lolium genus)
Orchard grass (Dactylis glomerata)
Bahia grass (Paspalum notatum)
🌳 shrubs/small trees
Common Sagebrush (Artemisia tridentata)
Hazels (members of the Corylus genus)
Juniper (members of the Juniperus genus)
Cypress (members of the Cupressaceae family)
Privet (members of the Ligustrum genus)
🌲 trees
Alder (members of the Alnus genus)
Ash (members of the Fraxinus genus)
Beech (members of the Fagus genus)
Birch (members of the Betula genus)
Cedar (members of the Cedrus genus)
Elm (members of the Ulmus genus)
Hickory (members of the Carya genus)
Maple (members of the Acer genus)
Mulberry (members of the Morus genus)
Oak (members of the Quercus genus)
Olive (members of the Olea genus)
Sycamore (members of the Platanus genus)
Poplar (members of the Populus genus)
🌱 FUN FACT: People who are allergic to the pollen of one plant species are more likely to also be allergic to species in the same plant family. For example, those who are Ash tree pollen may also be allergic to the pollen of Olives and Lilacs, as all three are members of the Oleaceae family.
🏅special mentions (plants that may or may not necessarily be allergenic but still deserve to be mentioned)
Highly fragrant plants (known to or most likely to trigger scent reactions)
Lilies – particularly Asiatic hybrids such as Lilium orientalis (aka the Stargazer lily)
Hyacinths (members of the Hyacinthus genus)
Lilacs (members of the Syringa genus)
Wisteria (members of the Wisteria genus)
Lavender (members of the Lavandula genus)
Jasmine (members of the Jasminum genus)
Freesias (specifically the highly fragrant Antique White Freesia aka Freesia alba)
Viburnums (Specifically the Burkwood Viburnum aka Viburnum × burkwoodii)
Roses (members of the Rosa genus)*
*There are certain types of hybrid Roses that have been bred specifically for traits like fragrance (eg. the variety known as “Mme Isaac Pereire”) but honestly...most of my knowledge pertains to wild rose species and I'm not researching this topic any further because people who grow cultivated/hybrid roses can be Extremely Serious about it and I’m genuinely a little scared of them.
Small, fluffy seed heads (wind-distributed seeds that are very tiny and light and easy to breathe in...Do you see where i'm going with this? You see the vision?!)
Dandelions (Taraxacum officinale):
Willowherbs (members of the Epilobium genus)
Cottongrasses (members of the Eriophorum genus)
Asters (members of the Aster genus)
Goldenrods (members of the Solidago genus)
Pearly Everlasting (Anaphalis margaritacea)
Hypoallergenic plants (these species tend to have thick/sticky pollen that does not become airborne, or needs to be intentionally disturbed by specialist polinators in order to disperse). A pollen allergy to any of the following plants would extremely unlikely, but an objectively hilarious affliction to give to a character.
Orchids (members of the Orchidaceae family)Cactus (members of the Cactaceae family)
Irises, Crocuses, and Freesias (members of the Iridaceae family)
Columbines (members of the Aquilegia family)
🌱 FUN FACT: Many flowers have been cultivated (intentionally bred or hybridized to for specific traits) to produce less pollen. We call these varieties "cultivars." For allergy sufferers, hypoallergenic cultivars are great to grow in their garden (or to purchase at a florist). For pollinators who expend energy to search for a food source, it's not so great. It's even less great if these cultivars are native species which are subsequently planted or introduced into the wild, as it can compromise the genetic integrity of that species' wild populations, and negatively impact native pollinators.
💥 Sternutatory or Errhine plants
Sternutatory (adjective): Also sternutative. causing or tending to cause sneezing
Errhine (noun): a medicine to be snuffed up the nostrils to promote sneezing and increased discharges.
Important Disclaimer ⚠️ DO NOT TRY THESE AT HOME ( I cannot stress this enough). This is for information purposes only and should not be used as a how-to guide. Many plants, including some on this list and the resources at the end of this guide can be extremely toxic, dangerous – or even deadly – if used, consumed, or prepared incorrectly. Misidentification of plant species can also be deadly. Seriously, do not be silly in your pursuit of snz. Stick with chhinkni, folks.
Wait, so…plants can make you sneeze even without pollen?
Heck yeah, friends! We've all heard about pepper as a snz trigger, of course...Well, Black Pepper is just the common name for the plant also known as Piper nigrum. Peppercorns are its dried fruit, and it's what we grind up to get black pepper seasoning! And chhinkni? It's all plant parts! We'll get into that later, too.
Indigenous peoples around the world have been using plants medicinally for millennia. Traditionally, sternutatory (yes, that is the fancy scientific word for ‘sneeze-inducing’) plants were used to treat or cure the common cold, headaches, or in some cases as a stimulant.
Are you writing a fic with a character who is an herbalist, traditional medicine practitioner, healer, witch/wizard, etc? Perhaps they would be familiar with some of the following plants:
🌱 FUN FACT: Mugwort is considered one of the most important herbs ("the mother of herbs") in traditional medicine (and witchcraft, allegedly). It is both a sternutatory plant and a highly-allergenic plant. It sure would be a shame if your herbalist/healer/witchy character had to both grow/harvest it and prepare/pulverize it...
Okay, but how and why exactly do these plants make us sneeze?
Excellent question, so let's get into it! Come on over to...
The Chhinkni Corner
Ever wondered why Chhinkni works? Why it's so effective? What the ingredients are? Exactly how/why these ingredients make us sneeze? Let's dive into some plant + snz science (Snience)!
First, let's break down the ingredients of Chhinkni:
Well, we know from the list of (some of the known) sternutatory plants above that the root bark of Myrica species is sternutatory, so that makes sense! But what about the others on this list? Let's get back to that important question:
What about these specific plants/plant parts make us sneeze?
It all has to do with Transient receptor potential channels (TRP channels). TRP channels are primarily located on the plasma membrane of our cells. They detect environmental stimuli and translate this exposure into sensations of chemesthesis (irritation, burning, cooling, tingling) pressure, taste, and smell. There are six main categories of specialized TRP channels, which play different roles throughout our body. Here's a chart that helps visualize each category:
Woah, this is getting a little overwhelming. What the heck does this have to do with snz? Or plants?!
Everything, my friend! Everything! Many TRP channels are heavily expressed in the epithelial cells of nasal mucosa. Each TRP channel is activated by different things (with some overlaps) including different chemicals found in specific plant families. Let's look at some of these TRP channels (and what activates them) and things will start to make a lot more sense:
TRPV is activated by:
--- Capsaicin (found in Chili Pepper), Piperine (found in Black Pepper), Carvacrol (found in Bee Balm), Camphor (primarily found the Camphor tree, but also found in plants like Rosemary), Menthol, Cannabis, Incense, Ginger, Menthol (mint).
TRPA is activated by:
--- Mustards (mustard, radish, horseradish, wasabi), Cinnamaldehyde (cinnamon), Tobacco, Cannabis, Wintergreen oil (aka what gives mint candies/gum its flavor), Shogaols (found in Ginger and Sichuan peppers)
TRPM is activated by:
--- Eucalyptol (oils from Eucalyptus plants), Menthol (mints),
--- Cold temperatures
Hmm...does anything on this list sound familiar in a snz context??!?!?!?!
Wait, is this why things like pepper, cold temperatures, mint, spices, and strong smells make people sneeze?
It sure is! When certain TRP channels are activated, they send signals to your body that trigger protective reflexes (eg. sneezing and coughing) to get rid of the irritant. Everyone's cellular make-up is as unique as they are, and we all react and respond to external stimuli in different ways. Some people might only get a runny nose when exposed to cold temperatures, while for others it might trigger sneezing.
🌱 FUN FACT: There have been studies examining TRP channels in the nasal cavity and the role they might play in allergic rhinitis. There have also been studies on specific TRP receptors in the nasal mucosa comparing patients with and without allergenic rhinitis. There is even this study on the nasal effects of camphor, eucalyptus, and menthol!
Learning Tools and More Resources
See where plants grow on a map: Want to know where specific plants grow? Input the plant species (or the genus or family -- now that you know what that is!) into the search bar, and it will show you its global distribution range based on user-submitted data. You can also narrow results down to a specific area. Note: This data is compiled through user-submitted data and may be erroneous. For best results, filter search results using the “Research Grade Observation” option. While the results don’t provide insight on historical range, native vs. introduced species, it’s a great tool to get you started!
Pollen Allergen Tool: An interactive chart that shows common allergenic proteins and which plants produce pollens containing them.
Repeated Disclaimer ⚠️ The following resources are shared for information purposes only. Many plants, including some on these lists are extremely toxic, dangerous – or even deadly – if used, consumed, or prepared incorrectly.
Sternutatory Plants: A list of sternutatory plant species compiled by the USDA
Sternutatory Plants: A second list, compiled using various data sources.
This paper published in 2021 on the use of sternutatory plants in herbal medicine, TRP activity. and this banger of a quote:
"Sneezing had great significance and value throughout history; it exerted a strange fascination on humans"
I protest the use of past-tense, but alas. Folks, this paper is Snience (Snz Science) in action. If the following excerpt is any indication:
The End!!
THANK YOU for reading if you got this far, and congrats on making it to the end of this post! I hoped you learned as much as you horned (if not more) and I hope this little guide can come in handy one way or another.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, if you ever have any questions on any of these topics, please feel free to reply to this post (or send me an ask if you prefer to be anonymous) and I'll do my best to answer! 💚🌿
tbh not a huge fan of april fools as a concept but it does offer some snz scenario potential. like haha classic prank ill loosen the lid on the salt shaker so it spills when they- oh that was the pepper shaker. oh theyre really sneezing a lot. ......are they moaning?
Why is half the comments on snz YouTube normal and respectful and the other half is shit like "do they smell", "let me eat", "show your face", and constant nagging to use a handkerchief
Very NSFW snz thoughts under the cut because I'm literally feral lately
Minors DNI
~ 69 but instead of or while they're eating me out they're sneezing up a messy storm into my cunt while I'm going down on them
~ tiny little kitten sneezes that progressively get louder, wetter, and messier as the fit goes on and they get closer to cumming in my mouth
~ whatever makes them the absolute sneeziest is between my legs
~ I can't tell if their breath is hitching because they're about to sneeze or cum
~ the overstim from cumming and sneezing so much (I think about this a lot holy shit)
~ bonus if they've figured out how to make me just as sneezy as they are, I'm losing control with every sneeze, mess dripping all over them (pls somebody figure out how to make me a sneezy sobbing mess at least once I need it like I need air)
AJSDFKJF okay legit tho this is for @peach-snzfkr who's enthusiasm for bg3 made me lock in and finally draw ast/a/rion. lemme just be the first to say i accidentally let him become evil on my first and only run, that's my bad, but like....evil = hot, so like whatever u say bbg!!!
my headcanon is that he's lowk very practiced and contained and doesnt like to make a fuss when sneezing bc its very embarrassing, keeping face with the whole magistrate sitch, but also fangs get in the way of that LOL
Summary: Sneezy secret agent gets paired up with another employee for ‘cross-departmental education.’ Omicron can’t imagine a worse assignment.
PART 1 - PART 2 (coming soon!)
I’m back with more Omicron Verse, starring disaster career man Omicron! Compared to his debut, this is more of a slice-of-life story that focuses on character dynamics. It also features a ✨new character✨ I’ve been excited about. I hope you all like him too! 🥰
These are original characters, all in their twenties and thirties! This story takes place directly after Best Laid Plans. If you’d rather not read that one, here’s a summary!
Omicron is a secret agent
For his first big mission, he infected himself with an engineered cold virus designed to make him sneeze a lot
Anita is the scientist / doctor who created this virus
Delta is a senior agent and was Omicron’s direct supervisor on the previous mission
Thank you for reading either story, if you choose to!
(Warnings: Unrealistic science, Mess Lite™, mention of arousal in passing, mild humiliation [character embarrassed by sneezing])
-
Agent Omicron straightened his tie, his wingtip oxfords clacking on the tile as he swept through the agency’s halls with his head held high. Almost a month since The Case — the one that got him commendations as one-to-watch in his division — and he still hadn’t lost the skip in his step. People knew his face when he entered a room, whispered about him when he wasn’t around, and even the division director gave him her personal congratulations.
It wouldn’t be long before they issued him his next big assignment. Hopefully something high profile, where he could drive a cool car and parachute out of a helicopter or something. He’d do it all on his own with no training wheels, safety nets, or meddling superior officers. It was insufferable to have Agent Delta going around to all the seniors gushing about how “his rookie” really powered through despite being “bedridden with fever” and “sneezing himself silly.” Ugh.
Even more humiliating than that was Omicron’s battle scar — it was subtle, but his nose was forever changed. He sneezed more often, at times for no reason other than his nerves decided to itch. At random he was overcome with the uncharacteristically huge sneezes he’d weathered time and again during the case. He had no control over them, and usually no idea when they would strike. Because of this he held sneezes back more often than he indulged, but this just left a pestering tickle in his nose all afternoon that eventually drove him to insanity.
Case in point, such a tickle was tormenting him right now.
He’d been in meetings throughout the day, so Omicron tamed it with frequent rubs and firm pressure. He’d rather deal with a flushed, fidgety nose than a disruptive one; being known as “the agent that sneezes constantly” would absolutely destroy any credibility he’d cobbled together from his impressive mission performance.
Impatient, his nostrils flared and coaxed him to sniff on reflex. It shivered back out of him with a dreading moan.
“..hohh..” Omicron jammed his finger to his septum, bartering with himself as he increased his walking speed. Relax, he ordered. I’ll sneeze in a second, just let me-
He stopped, mind briefly blanking as the tickle wrestled control with fitful jerks of his breath. “hh!uh.. HH!uhh..” Omicron forced eyes open just long enough to confirm there was no one in the hallway before-
“-KZSSCHoo!!” He bent double, finger still beneath his nose, and straightened up with a dazed sniffle. It popped like confetti in his nose, a burst of ticklish sparks. His eyes welled shut, and down again he went. “-hck’KZSCHiew!”
Whatever linked his propensity for arousal to his nose had faded along with the virus; he no longer had to worry about getting boners from sneezing too much. Small mercies.
He stayed facing the floor, eyes closed, concentrating. One moment the sneeze loomed, and the next it retreated. It felt like a feathered pendulum swinging in his nasal cavity, momentary and stimulating but just infrequent enough to leave him in limbo. He no longer had the misfortune of manifesting a sneeze simply by thinking about it, but he did have occasional luck imagining himself to completion if he was perched right on the edge.
The sneeze was close enough that he could see it, picture the way the pendulum swung in his mind’s eye. Focus on the way it grazed his twitching nerves. He imagined the feathers longer, wispier, dragging languidly over shuddering, pink walls and each time his breath caught the pendulum moved slower, slower, until it stopped with the plumage resting against him. He breeeeeeeeathed deeply, welcoming a cresting gasp, picturing the down as it fluttered against membranes suddenly clenching with hunger, and oh-
“heHD’IZZSSHH!!OOOhhh, fidnally...”
“Bless ya!”
Omicron did not scream, but a little sound strangled out of him as he spun around and instinctively dropped into a defensive stance. The stranger was built like a brick house, tall and broad-shouldered with a hulking frame to suit him. Despite his size, his soft physique suggested he didn’t do physical training. He was also clutching a mop.
The man startled backward in surprise.
“Oh, sorry!” he yelped in a deep, rumbling drawl. “Didn’t mean to scare ya!”
A custodian, Omicron realized. The man wore the agency’s standard janitorial uniform and he had an ID on a badge reel clipped to one of his belt loops. It lacked a name or division designation, possessing only a personnel number, but that wasn’t unusual. He had an unkempt look about him: unshaven stubble, untidy haircut, an unbelievable number of wrinkles in his clothing.
Omicron brushed his hands down the front of his pressed suit and smoothed his hair back into place. “You didn’t scare me. I just didn’t expect you to be there.”
The custodian’s brows crunched in confusion. “.. Ain’t that what scarin’ somebody is?”
“.. No,” Omicron replied, but he couldn’t actually think of a rebuttal so he cut his losses. “Nevermind, pardon me, I have somewhere to be..”
Before he could take a step, the man jumped into motion and dove into the cart next to him. “Oh, hold on a minute!”
It would be rude to leave now, so Omicron stiffly waited. For someone who did this for a living and presumably stocked the cart himself, the man seemed to have a hard time locating whatever he was looking for. Omicron tapped his foot, arms crossed, watching the other mumble to himself. With a defeated huff, the stranger finally snatched a rag from a stack on the bottom shelf.
“Sorry I don’t got any tissues, best I can do.” He brandished it to Omicron. “Here ya go!”
Omicron held up a hand. “No, thank you.”
The man’s brows pinched together again, and when Omicron turned to go, he asked, “Are ya sure?”
Omicron glanced back, gritted his teeth, and replied in a perfectly cordial voice: “Yes, very.”
Still, the man looked unconvinced and said in a blithe timbre, “Well, I just thought ya might want it on account of your nose runnin’.”
.. What?
Omicron whipped a hand up to his face and with burning mortification felt how wet his nostrils were. And his upper lip. And his suit, when he looked down to see the damp streaks painted there. He’d sneezed on himself, gotten startled, and then was so distracted by the conversation he didn’t notice what he’d done.
He snatched the cloth from the man’s hands, muttered something about being late to a meeting, and left. He didn’t sprint, but it was a near thing.
---
Anita, naturally, had no sympathy for him. She still hadn’t stopped laughing.
“It’s not that funny,” he grumbled, picking at his cafeteria sandwich. They sometimes shared their lunch hour in her office when their days were slow. Omicron wondered why he even bothered talking to her, when this is the kind of treatment he could expect.
“It’s pretty funny,” she insisted, and only grinned wider when he glared. “Honestly you needed an ego check. Watching you strut around with that smug look on your face was getting annoying.”
Omicron’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean, smug?”
“You know.” Anita pantomimed, tilting her chin and raising her eyebrows with a smirk: an expression that dripped with imperious pride. Arguing would only encourage her, so Omicron tore a bite off his sandwich instead. Anita went back to her leftover stir fry, still smirking. “Now, who did you say this guy was?”
“Someone in Division 8, I think,” Omicron mumbled into a napkin. “He was in a custodian uniform. Tall...”
“…Dark and handsome?” Anita waggled her eyebrows.
Omicron furrowed his. “Disheveled. I haven’t seen him around before. He sounded like he was from out of town.”
Anita ahhhh’d in recognition. “You met EJ! He’s such a sweetheart, he makes my teeth ache.”
“You know him?”
“Sure,” she said. “I gave him his physical on his first day. That was a few months ago now.”
Great, Omicron mused sourly. What a terrible first impression he must have of me.
Unbidden, a prickle niggled him somewhere far back in his sinuses. He fought the impulse to roll his eyes. Instead he swiped a finger beneath his nostrils and felt them flare with mischief. He rubbed harder, chastising.
“Stay away from him,” Anita said, pointing accusingly with her fork. “You’re too mean.”
“What?!” Omicron squawked. “I am not mean.”
“Oh yes you are. All the interns are scared of you.”
“Don’t exaggerate.”
He shoved the rest of his sandwich in his mouth, balled up the paper it came in, and then froze. The tickle was back, barging in as if it had been waiting for the moment he’d be most indisposed to receive it. His nose tingled ominously, wrinkling at the bridge. Held prisoner, Omicron could do nothing but breathe through his nose as he rushed to chew. His eyes glassed over. His nostrils pulsed irritably. It felt like the tip of a finger grazing back and forth, teasing and slow, no no no—
Omicron sniffed sharply, loudly, abruptly smothering the sensation. Swallowing was a success. He may have avoided disaster, but a warm flush blitzed through him when he sighed out a reflexive huhh.. on his exhale. Blinking hard and scrubbing beneath his nose with his wrist, he caught sight of Anita. Her gaze lingered, then slanted toward sympathy. He eyed her suspiciously.
“What now?”
“Your nose doing okay?”
“Not this again,” he groaned with one last knuckling rub. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine.”
She heaved a long, dramatic sigh. “I wish you’d let me tinker with it. I’m sure I could mix a new solution to dull the lingering sensitivity. Or some nerve therapy—”
Omicron barked a singular HA! as he stood to slip on his jacket. “Not a chance. I’d rather deal with the consequences than let you anywhere near my nose again.”
He ignored her pout, straightening his lapel and cuffs with exacting precision before tossing his trash. Might’ve escaped with his dignity intact, if that feather-soft tickle hadn’t wiggled enticingly. His nostrils immediately flew wide, jaw falling open, expression going weak. Omicron was helpless to stop it. He snapped a step forward.
“—hd’TSSshh’HOO!”
He stood wet-eyed in the aftermath, watching the glitter of spray disappear in the air. Dammit. He yanked out the custodial rag he’d been bestowed earlier and wiped his nose.
“Bless you, Mr. I’m Fine,” came Anita’s cheery contribution.
He flipped her off on his way out.
---
Another week went by.
While waiting for his next assignment, Omicron tried to forget about his faux pas. It was silly to be so hung up on some random guy witnessing an unfortunate sneeze, but it needled him when his mind was idle. Maybe he would have forgotten eventually if not for everyone’s favorite saboteur: serendipity.
He was in the campus gym, red-faced and spangled with sweat as he did battle with the rowing machine, when he caught sight of someone familiar pushing through the entrance doors. Their eyes met and the visitor smiled with the force of a thousand watt bulb. Omicron sighed with bone-deep resignation.
“Ah, just the man I wanted to see!” Agent Delta crowed in greeting, already walking toward him.
“Hello, sir,” Omicron grunted as he pulled his next rep. Delta came to stand politely nearby, hands laced behind his back and rocking on the balls of his feet. After a span of silence, Omicron prompted, “... Do you need something?”
“Yes, but I’ll wait until you finish,” Delta said with a gesture toward the rowing machine. “Take your time. I’m in no hurry.”
Omicron’s eyebrow twitched; a bead of sweat skated down between his eyes, pearling over the rim of one nostril that flared in offended reply. He wrinkled his nose and strained through another rep.
“I would hate to waste your time, sir.”
“Not a waste at all! This is a refreshing change of scenery for me after too many hours at a computer screen.”
“I’m in the middle of a set so this may take a while, sir.”
“Oh, I really don’t mind.”
Omicron cut a glare toward Delta’s warm, guileless smile — then disguised it with a scrub of his nose against his shoulder, out of breath as he bore down on the foot pedals. “Sir, please. I insist.”
Delta’s smile widened with a hint of fondness that made Omicron’s next pull especially forceful. “Well, if you insist then I suppose I should cut to the chase: I have your next assignment for you.”
Omicron nearly broke form. He scrambled to ease the handle back to its housing so he didn’t whip the chain, then sprang up with legs jelly-weak from reps. Delta darted forward to anchor a hand on his shoulder, keeping him steady as his knees shook. Now flushed from more than just exercise, Omicron tried to arrange himself into a professional-looking stance despite his heaving chest and trembling limbs.
“Ready to receive orders.”
“I can see that,” Delta chuckled, giving him a single pat before stepping back. “I thought you might be excited.”
Being called ‘excited’ sobered Omicron immediately. “Is it another undercover mission?”
“No, actually—”
“Oh, really?” Undercover work was Omicron’s bread and butter, but maybe the head officers wanted him to widen his skillset. “Then.. asset extraction?”
Omicron imagined himself repelling into a high-security venue, gloved hands handling a highly classified and sensitive item worth millions of dollars for its contents or value. Another drop of sweat skimmed down his nose, lingering until he twitched. He lifted a finger to rub beneath nostrils blotched pink from his workout.
Delta shook his head. “No, it’s not—”
But Omicron was already picturing a pristine, expensive office featuring a hand-crafted mahogany desk he would soon be bugging to high hell for surveillance. “I’ve had experience with infiltration simulations. Would this mission require threat containment? Neutralization?”
“... Omicron, may I tell you what it is you will be doing?”
Omicron blinked, then somewhat sheepishly fell again into a proper parade-rest as he fought down a grin. It must be something important and challenging if he hadn’t guessed it yet. Not even the ominous tingle in his nose could ruin this. He thumbed the tip absently, chasing the feeling further back.
Delta watched him do it, and his gaze softened.
“I will be honest,” he said. “I suspect this assignment will not be what you expected, but I ask that you keep an open mind. Can you do that for me?”
This conversation, let alone the assignment, wasn’t going the way Omicron expected. Instantly his instincts prickled, as did the impatient flicker of finicky nerves deep inside his nose. He sniffed, cleared his throat, nodded with more confidence than he felt.
“Of course, sir.”
Delta clapped his hands together. “Excellent! Then I am very pleased to tell you that you’ll be spending the next eight weeks in the trial run of our brand new Everyday Impact Initiative!”
Omicron stared. Blinked. “... Pardon?”
Needing no further encouragement, Delta launched into a spirited explanation of the Everyday Impact Initiative (or E-Impact, for those who wanted to cringe hard enough to hurt). A fresh and bold take on cross-departmental collaboration, the initiative was created to pair employees from different divisions so they could learn more about one another’s day-to-day work. The goal? To build empathy and improve corporate flow. Delta was using his tone to dress up the bad news, gilding it with words like integration and synergy and bonding.
Somehow it was worse than anything Omicron might have imagined. He could not have conceived of more creative or cruel torture. As if to voice agreement, his nose fizzed irritably. Omicron felt the urge assembling, stacking its pieces slowly but with unshakable conviction; a hard blink and whipcrack shake of his head destabilized it. Not gone, but delayed.
“What do you think?” Delta finally asked when he finished his sales pitch.
“I hate it, sir,” he replied, and then added belatedly: “With all due respect.”
Delta wilted. “Omicron, come now. You promised you would give it a chance.”
Snapshots spun through Omicron’s mind, each more unpleasant than the last: making pointless small-talk with a stranger; trying to explain the complexity of his work to someone who would ask annoying questions about it; watching this person as they demonstrated knowledge of their own profession, essential to the company but absolutely useless to Omicron; pretending to care about said knowledge for the sake of the initiative and his own job performance; and a split-second, shaky thought he resented, What if I’m bad at this?
He snatched and stowed that worry where it wouldn’t see the light of day. Cordiality masked his rising desperation. “Sir, there m-..” The tickle he’d been wrestling with testily spiked. “-muhhst be a more eff.. effective uuhsse of my t-time.”
There would be ramifications now to holding it back, but Omicron wedged his fist under his nose and endured, teeth-gritted and determined to get through this conversation without interruption. Delta, with infuriating sympathy, fished out a fresh handkerchief from his inner jacket pocket to offer him. Omicron pointedly ignored it.
With a sigh, Delta said, “This is a great opportunity for you. I understand you are eager to return afield, but it’s important for you to decompress between assignments.”
“B-Been’d twoooh w-weeeh-hh-H!”
His voice went weak and heady. Air jumped down his throat, inflating his lungs like a crank. His nostrils pulsed, signalling him with impunity even as he tried abrading them into submission. Delta’s gaze got only more intolerably concerned.
“Two weeks is not nearly enough time for recovery.”
Omicron’s gathering scowl changed its mind halfway there and melted into something hazy and helpless. He whirled to the side, shifting his hand to hover just in front of his nose and mouth as he bent at the waist.
“-eh’CHZZSShu!” Perfunctory, exclamatory, and as Omicron straightened up he discovered it wasn’t enough. The tentative throb of relief roared into another need. He lurched down a second time. “-aAHD’DZSSHHOO!” He started to rise and then groaned when he felt his breath snag yet again. Shaking his head, he turned further from Delta and— “hehHTSshoo!”
Softer, but Omicron stayed obediently still until the tickle truly dissolved. An experimental sniffle came out thick, and he grimaced at the state of the hand that had shielded most of the spray. Bitterly, he turned back and accepted Delta’s stupid handkerchief.
The older man focused politely on the wall of the gym to give him a sense of privacy. “Bless you.”
Still a bit stuffed up, Omicron spoke up from behind the handkerchief. “Sir, if I mbay be direct, what recovery are you expecting from mbe?”
Delta’s gaze returned and landed squarely on Omicron’s nose, which made the shorter man bristle up before the other could say a word. He sniffled and balled the handkerchief up in his hand.
“The sdneezing? Seriously, sir?”
“Not just that,” Delta countered patiently. “It’s important to establish good habits around rest early in your career because your work will only get more challenging. Also in observing your performance afield, I see room for growth.”
That last remark landed like a dagger in Omicron’s chest. Perhaps Delta could tell, because he stepped closer and squeezed his junior’s arm companionably.
“You were exceptional,” he reassured. Then his smile softened with a tilt of his head. “But I think you would benefit from some… interpersonal experience.”
“What does that evend mbean?” Omicron mumbled, sullen and spiraling. He could feel himself making an improper face, something sad and despicably lost. It was almost a mercy when that tickle sprouted again, like a weed that just kept coming back. His expression twinged, nose twitching and lips parting as he hovered the handkerchief close.
“It means I want you to make some friends, Omicron,” Delta said, as if that was the simplest thing in the world.
Omicron’s eyes fluttered open in surprise, and then collapsed under the weight of what was growing in him. He hitched delicately in little h-h-h! staccatos before tucking into the handkerchief. “ihh-..iih’MMPHhsh!”
“Bless!” chirped Delta.
Omicron wasn’t done, but he refused to let this conversation go uncontested. He kept the handkerchief pinned to his nose and blundered through a breathy, “I hhaave fr-.. frihh.. hih’KSSHoo!.. friends!”
“Bless, then this initiative will be a wonderful opportunity for you to make another one,” Delta said with that infuriating smile. As Omicron teetered on a third with nostrils wide and jaw open, it gave Delta a window of opportunity. He started inching back toward the exit. “I’ll email you the details, yes?”
Omicron shook his head, too tickled by his nose to speak. He sniffled to hurry it along and get himself out of limbo. It shimmered inside his head, catching light like a wavering mirror. “hh-.. hd-!”
“You’ll start the program Monday, bright and early.” Delta was within arm’s reach of the door. “Try to have some fun, alright?” He ducked halfway into the hall, tossing a jaunty wave over his shoulder. “And bless you!”
Gone. That bastard. Omicron was caught between a seething frustration and a grudging respect for Delta’s smooth escape. But beneath all that festered a buzzy, defeated anxiety. Regardless of his feelings, if the top brass wanted him enrolled in this inane initiative he’d just have to do it.
And Omicron didn’t do anything by half. Forget eight weeks.
He’d ace this in one.
---
Omicron was pissed, but he was also a professional.
On Monday he arrived at the rendezvous point ten minutes early dressed crisply in an ironed suit, shined shoes, and hair coiffed just so. He positioned himself strategically behind the atrium’s leftmost pillar to stake-out the corridors with the highest traffic. Every unfamiliar face was clocked and logged, weighed against what he managed to memorize after frantically clicking through the employee directory last night when he couldn’t sleep.
Delta’s email about what today would bring was woefully sparse, lacking even the name of the person Omicron was meant to meet in the spirit of ‘organic introductions.’ All it contained was a bunch of corporate drivel about the initiative and a vague itinerary outlining the next eight weeks. He and his ‘partner’ had to spend a minimum of four hours a week together, teaching one another about their respective roles. Today, however, was just the meet & greet.
Casual. Unstructured. Nonessential. The worst kind of activity.
Omicron brushed beneath his nostrils when they twitched for attention, so accustomed to them acting up he barely thought about it. His sniff, sharp and dismissing, echoed in the rotunda alongside the clack of shoes and passing murmurs between colleagues. He waited and waited, and when the allotted time passed without incident, Omicron dared to dream that his prospective partner was a no show.
Then someone rounded the corner.
Unlike others passing through, this man lingered with an aura of uncertainty. He was tall. Dishelved. Wearing a custodial uniform, and scanning the atrium with the telegraphed hope that someone else would lock eyes with him.
A memory trickled like ice down Omicron’s spine. It’s that janitor, he thought. The one who saw me sneeze all over myself.
Anita called him EJ, and it was obvious from the man’s body language that he was here to meet someone; Omicron didn’t need to guess who that might be. That was just his luck. He pinched the bridge of his nose, bracing against the indignity of either extreme: greeting this man, or slipping away like a coward.
I’m not a coward, came the next thought, a kneejerk reply. This is a tactical retreat. An opportunity to regroup and prepare an introduction that will amend a substandard first impression.
Omicron peeked around the pillar to clock the position of the threat and triangulate the best route to safety at the same moment EJ glanced in his direction.
Their eyes met.
Before Omicron could do anything — hide, fake a call on his phone, pretend to be looking at literally anyone else — EJ perked up in recognition. He lifted his hand in a tentative wave, then waggled it with more confidence when Omicron didn’t look away.
Oh god, Omicron thought, rooted to the ground and watching EJ beeline straight for him. He remembers me.
“Hey!” Same rich timbre. Same twanging accent. Same crooked smile. “It’s you! How ya been?”
There was nothing for it. Exiting would look worse than just facing the situation. So Omicron stepped smoothly out from behind the pillar as if he’d planned the entrance, clasped his hands at the small of his back, and wrinkled his nose with a willful prayer for it to please behave.
“Fine,” he said. “And you?”
“Doin’ good!” EJ offered a hand. Calloused, thick at the palms, dry skin around the knuckles. Omicron shook it with appropriate strength for the appropriate length of time as EJ smiled down at him. “I’m EJ, by the way.”
“I know,” Omicron replied thoughtlessly, and then felt a pang of panic. It would be strange to admit he asked around because he was curious. He scrambled for a convenient lie but could only find the truth. “We’re Initiative partners.”
Omicron anticipated an array of responses, but none of them were the thump of a hand over EJ’s heart as he sagged in relief.
“Whew, I was hopin’ you’d say that!” He crowed it with such sincerity, Omicron found it immediately suspect. “I’m glad I’m doin’ this with somebody I already met! Well, sorta. Didn’t get to talk much last time.”
The reminder of ‘last time’ landed with a splat in Omicron’s stomach and a tingle in his nose. He sniffed, louder than he wanted but not as strong as he needed to banish what was brewing. His nostrils quivered. His jaw tightened.
“I had somewhere to be,” he muttered, then turned stiffly toward a corridor and began to walk. “We should find a suitable place to talk.”
“Oh.. uh, sure,” EJ replied. He caught up in two long strides. “What should I call you, though?”
Omicron briefly closed his eyes, exasperated with himself. Through clenched teeth he gave his answer: “Omicron.”
---
Finding a space to chat was fraught.
Common areas felt too exposed, meeting rooms were too formal, their own offices seemed too personal. All the while, Omicron contended with his nose. He tried not to make it overt, but it seemed hellbent on ruining his day as it toyed with the idea of either clogging up or dumping a load of congestion straight onto his shirt. His fresh packet of tissues (a necessity nowadays) felt like an iron weight in his pocket.
EJ had trailed alongside Omicron quietly as they walked circles around the agency complex until finally suggesting they could sit outside — which is how they ended up at a spiderweb-strewn wooden garden table in the park plaza outside the west entrance. Omicron sat primly, legs crossed, clutching a tissue for quick access. He latched his gaze onto a potted plant clearly doing its best despite the circumstances of weather and sporadic watering. Omicron could relate.
EJ sat with both elbows resting on the tabletop and cleared his throat to break the silence. “So.. what department are ya in?”
“Field Intelligence,” Omicron replied with a sniff, brisk and controlled. His gaze stayed on the plant, arms crossed tightly across his chest. “I presume you’re in Division 8?”
“Um… I think?”
“... That’s maintenance and facilities.”
“Oh!” There was the sound of creaking wood, EJ shifting in his chair. “Y-Yeah, that’s right. I’m still learnin’ all the different names. What kinda stuff do ya do in field intelligence?”
This was a subject Omicron had confidence in, and he jumped toward it like a drowning man hoping nobody would notice he couldn’t swim. “A variety of covert operations, including surveillance, infiltration, asset handling, extraction, information gathering, and so forth.” Unable to help himself, he added, “I specialize in undercover work.”
When there was no immediate reply, Omicron chanced a glance at EJ. The man was leaning in, brows lifted, eyes glimmering alongside an almost boyish smile. “Wow.. you’re like, a secret agent? That’s so cool.”
Heat spilled across the back of Omicron’s neck. Those words made him want to simultaneously sit up straighter and hide behind his hands. He sniffed thickly, passed his tissue beneath restless nostrils, and spoke to the plant.
“You could say that.”
“Do ya got any spy gadgets?” EJ asked. “Like, a grappling gun? Mech suits? Or a pen with a little camera in it or somethin?”
Mech suits? Omicron wondered. Is he being serious? Even so, he had to fight down a twitch at the corner of his mouth when he replied, “That’s classified information.”
“Right, that makes sense, sorry..” EJ deflated for a moment, then rallied. “Oh, then what about spy cars? Spy motorcycles? Spy… planes? Ever been in one of those?”
The twitch migrated from Omicron’s lips to his nose, crawling up inside and coaxing his chest to jump when his breath snagged. He squinted at the plant, white-knuckling his tissue. “Cl-lahhssified..”
“Those still count as gadgets, I guess. Probably also can’t tell me if ya got like.. a cute spy dog sidekick that follows ya around and finds clues or fights bad guys, huh?”
Here Omicron flicked his eyes to EJ and didn’t bother replying — partially because the answer was self-evident, but mostly because he was silently strong-arming a sneeze into submission. EJ sighed, slumping back in his chair with a wistful stare at the sky.
“Man, they ain’t kiddin’ when they call you guys secret agents.”
It was such an unexpected remark that something equally unexpected bubbled up from Omicron’s chest: he laughed. The sound stumbled out of him awkwardly, unpracticed, and the next inhale was a wavering gasp. His expression fell apart, eyes squeezing shut, nose wrinkling up. He couldn’t do anything but flinch away from the table.
“—h’HIDZssch!” It sprang from him before he could cover it. He blinked just in time to see spray glittering in the sunlight. Growling under his breath, his elbow jerked up as the next one filled his nose. “.. shhit-..ihh-TZSSh’uh!”
“Bless ya!”
Omicron turned away from the table entirely to fumble another tissue out of his packet and hasten it to his nose before the next one bent him over his lap with a mortifyingly exclamatory, “-HIH’CHIZZSSSHOoo!”
“Whoa, bless ya!” blurted EJ. “You feelin’ okay?”
“Yhhes,” Omicron breathed back, eyelids fluttering shut when the tickle’s tide receded and rolled right back in stronger than before. His inhale was deep, slow, poured into him until he felt too full. His head tilted back, and then he wrenched over himself with even more vigor.
“..hhhhhH-... heh’HEZZSCHHOOOO!!.. mmgh..”
He surfaced from his tissues sniffling, wiping and rubbing and trying like hell to cast out an itch that wasn’t done with him yet. His nose twitched under the abuse, besieged inside and out. Omicron peeled open teary eyes to see EJ staring at him with puppy-dog eyebrows.
“Ya sure you’re alright?” he asked. “We can go inside if the air’s gettin’ to ya.”
Omicron bit his tongue to ward away the flare of his temper. This was how it went nowadays. He’d start sneezing and the world watched him like a sideshow waiting to be fixed, diagnosed, or consoled. It’s why he strangled his sneezes into compliance whenever possible and had a mental blueprint of the office bathrooms with the least amount of traffic.
“It’s ndot allergies,” he grumbled stuffily, using his tissues like both a breakwater and a privacy curtain. “A’d I’mb ndot sick. I’mb just.. like this.”
He waited for the fallout: an inevitable flurry of followup questions; a doubtful side-eye accompanied by a pointed scoot of EJ’s chair; even the pedantic lecture he’d heard a few times already from nosy passersby informing him that it could be nonallergic rhinitis, have you seen a doctor for that? He girded himself for the burden of fielding all that while still wrestling with a wrathful tickle he wanted so badly to leave him alone.
But all EJ did was say, “Gotcha.”
Omicron paused, stymied. Even his sneeze hovered on pause as he glanced up at EJ through a haze. The man was watching him without pity, without disgust, without curiosity, without anything but attentiveness and something kind in his eyes. It felt absurdly vulnerable as Omicron’s eyes creased shut while holding contact with EJ’s, but the reflex superseded ego, thought, emotion, everything save for the bone-deep wish to purge this tickle from his nose. His entire body bowed to the need, held in its thrall until finally it crashed out of him with a roar.
“-AAAHDDZSSSCHHYOOO!!”
It echoed humiliatingly through the courtyard. Ambience stopped. Heads turned. A bird blundered out of a tree, startled cawing in its wake. Damp tissues cupped to his face, furiously blushing, Omicron scrambled for a fresh one. EJ slumped and let out a breath like he’d been waiting for it too.
“Oof, bless ya!”
It was suddenly too much. Omicron stayed hunched, shoulders tense, glaring at his lap with his cheeks blazing. “This is goi’g to happen’d a lot. You don’d have to say it every timeb.”
His words slipped out sharper than he meant them.
“Oh,” EJ replied, which could’ve meant anything.
Omicron winced, his stomach twisting miserably. This was hardly the encore he wanted, after his commendation from his prior assignment. He’d set out with the simple goal of correcting a poor first impression and now he’d gone and fumbled it beyond any possible repair. He was considering how much reputation he had left to lose and if it would be salvageable by excusing himself when he noticed EJ.
The man wore none of the expressions Omicron feared. There was no tension in his posture, no furrow in his brow. When Omicron played it back in his mind, he heard that ‘oh’ not as a sound of offense, but recalibation.
EJ reinforced it with a nod. “Okay.”
… Okay? Omicron echoed to himself. That’s it?
Apparently so, because EJ sank back in his chair with an easy slouch and looked up at the sky as he scooped up the conversation like they’d never dropped it.
“Sorry for jumpin’ to conclusions,” he said, scratching his stubbly jaw with one hand. “Some allergies can be all year round, so I just thought ya might have ‘em. Actually, ya know, I was kinda worried I might get allergic after movin’ here on account of all the different plants—”
Carefully, unsure of how fragile the moment was and unwilling to accidentally break it, Omicron blew his nose. He kept his gaze zeroed on EJ, waiting for the moment the man flipped the spotlight back to him, but EJ just continued chattering all on his own.
“—didn’t have any allergies back home either, thank mercy.” He smiled then, like he was revisiting a happy memory. “Guess that’s what bein’ raised a farm boy gets ya, huh? Strong immune system. That’s what Ma always says anyway.”
At this point, Omicron had cobbled himself back into composure. Shoving all his used tissues into his pockets was undignified, but he’d rather that than leave the evidence strewn across the table. He could feel how warm his nose was, no doubt glowing with irritation. His little steadying sniffles sounded cottony, betraying how swollen his nasal passages were, but his nose was no longer actively running. Nor was it tickling, thanks to those cataclysmically strong sneezes.
“You lived here long?” EJ asked, his gaze and conversation drifting back to Omicron. The timing felt intentional.
And as Omicron cleared his throat and lifted his chin to answer, he didn’t quite know how to feel about it.
/tbc!
Thank you so much for reading! 💗 Hope to see you again soon at Part 2 ^w^
guys help my husband just sneezed twice, folding over his keyboard, desperate-sounding, only to let out a small sigh of relief and calmly say, "hm, that's better."
