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i don't do bad sauce passes

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if i look back, i am lost

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Xuebing Du

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@peachybottcm
mistakes have been made. tres is aware of this. ( she half refuses to acknowledge that a couple of them could’ve been made by her sheer arrogance on the parallel dimension’s matters. ) she hates this world and the failure that her family became in here. she knows that to reach a GOAL she has to make allies. she has to wrap herself around the right people. it took her a moment to fish him out – to discover his location in this world or who he was supposed to be. it doesn’t surprise her how different he looks in this world compared to hers. but it’s not HIM that matters, its the WHAT. “you’re looking better today.” she smiles, it’s soft. the study behind nicole’s actions and features always came in handy. “i hope you’re feeling good?” @peachybottcm
he can describe himself without A D O R N M E N T because he’d always be aware of the hole he’d been buried in so long ago and all because of something out of his control ( sure it hadn’t been all him but he was aware of the responsibility he held too ). you can’t be created from a monster and not expect to be one yourself — he wasn’t COMPLETELY; he’d become aware of the change he’d made, how the past didn’t necessarily have to define the future ( maybe that was hypocritical of him, given he’d been shaped by the very nature of everything he’d done ). he’d always been a stickler for a soft smile and kind words, he liked to imagine it was a lack of recieving care in his early years but he was hardly human: complaining about formative years that he’d never had, seemed POINTLESS. “ weirdly... ” it takes a moment, a gap filled in with a chuckle that’s genuine because in some ways being okay or HAPPY would always be surprising ( it didn’t help that his inner storm tended to make him cynical ). “ I am. ” it’s quiet and his tone is laced with something different...SOFT even. maybe he just enjoyed that someone cared enough to ask? he wasn’t just shallow minded after all. “ what I should say is that, for the first time in a long time, I don’t feel so....LOST — or like I want the earth to just open up and swallow me whole. ” it was up for debate on whether that would ever change completely but he was momentairly happy, which meant warm smiles and kindness came easily. “ but come on; not everything has to be about me... ” he gives a small brow raise. “ how are you? ”
frcmashes:
it’s his first time seeing the new face in the flesh and while it’s a little strange, it’s not in a bad way. they’re the same height now, which amuses him more than maybe he should, and it’s with a cheeky smile that he responds. “ i like your shirt. it must be new. ” he thinks he’s funny, that much is clear, but it’s a nice little joke to help ease some of the unfounded anxiety he was shouldering. if ryan works here, it means he’s not in trouble — though, arguably, he might have to work on his attendance now. “ idle hands. yeah, i get it. ” he cracks a smile. “ hey, that’s awesome. congratulations. ” he hesitates for a moment, unsure if they’ve graduated past handshakes and fist bumps to hugs, but decides that he’ll go for something in between by squeezing his shoulder. nailed it. “ i won’t hate seeing you around more often. ” in fact, it’s the complete opposite.
sometimes it takes him by S U R P R I S E: the way in which he finds himself with a family in someone he thought he’d always resent ( and in his defense, it was never about who Landon was but more so who he’d never be ). you don’t spend years trying to be someone you’re not and feel as if you can be more than some molded clay, trying WAY too hard. feelings weren’t fair — though they weren’t supposed to be. he’s not even sure there’d be a time in which he’d settle, accept that having feels made him human even in ways he couldn’t be physically but all of this is what makes it worth it right? no more daddy mudpit; all he needed was his brother. he chuckles for a moment, throwing daggers in landon’s direction but they’re nothing except light-hearted ( he’s not sure he knows how to be a dick to his brother and that’s probably a good thing ). “ so...original; I’m almost impressed, little bro. ” there’s a moment to nudge him, something he’s hoping reassures him that everything is okay: that despite any moments of awkwardness, it’s FAR from needed. “ yeah, I'm not even completely sure how I feel about it — antagonist to a background character was always gonna be a...WEIRD transition, ” he’s aware he hasn’t divulged into the full history of every questionable act, that beyond maybe the brief mentions he’d rather not see his brother’s features fall at the revelation of the things he had once been willing to do ( but that’s his fear, loving people enough to be honest and then they hate him ). he realizes there are some shallow insecurities: something he tends to rely on but there is something about the words his brother says that hit him differently. he’d swallowed back the need to get chocked up over something so simple and found himself dragging landon into a hug. it’s unexpected and not what he tends to expect from himself but it’s nice ( he hopes his brother can see how much that means ). “ you don’t have to say stuff like that but, for what it’s worth, kinda don’t mind getting to spend time with the only decent family I’ve had in my life.”
SCHITT’S CREEK CELEBRATION
eight quotes | david in the mvp
All of us.
nephilimxeve:
@peachybottcm
she couldnt remember the last time that she was this cold, watching people fight with each other for warmth. eve’d frowned, tucking frigid hands and her phone which no longer seemed to be getting out in the pockets of the slightly oversized tan puffer coat that she was glad she’d bought simply because she thought it was cute; she’d donned it along with the gray knit scarf around her neck and the knit hat and gloves in her inner pocket. she’d wanted to take advantage of the ability to dress in winter garb for once never considering it might actually be necessary.
it was standing up and unzipping to reach the hat that allowed her to catch sight of him. her newest of new siblings. eve excused herself from the table, pushing standing to make her way across the room to ryan. she forced a slight smile despite being so cold. “hey. i didn’t know you were here too.”
if he was E N T I R E L Y honest, he’d not been quite sure how he ended up in the family given he liked to consider himself an adult by now but call it an unfledged need for attention and love that kept him from turning it down; anything was better than being a mudpit baby, whose ONLY parental figure happened to be something he’d hated for centuries now. the only positive he could take was the brother he’d gained — Landon Kirby, who managed to at the very least make him feel like a real boy who had real problems ( concerns too ). being a brother gave him a purpose and he was doing his BEST not to take that for granted.
he’s been shaking and almost spilling the contents of his glass for the last half hour though, he’s not entirely sure what’s going on. like always, he’d find it best to cover his fear with humor and maudlin bravado. “ call it a...winter miracle, ” he offers a slight chuckle, something that lets the shivers take place in his tone but he refuses to give it attention; acknowledgment meant it was REAL. “ less of a miracle, is me not bringing a coat...— TOTALLY regret that. ”
Raymond Ainsley | HOLLYWOOD (2020)
wcrr:
in his rather limited friend pool ( or rather - the pool of those that weren’t trying to erase him from the earth ) ryan was a rather favoured member. war isn’t entirely sure when they’d met, but he’d hid with ryan several times when his spouses were being… particularly determined. war settles into the chair next to him, legs over one arm, head over the other, covered in glitter. “ it’s good to see you again. what’s got you brooding and morbidly depressed this time? “ @peachybottcm
so maybe the storm was good for bringing old friends into unarranged reunions which had seemed all but I M P O S S I B L E until now; he liked to believe there was some IRONY at least because he definitely wasn’t one for putting his best foot forward in an attempt to meet up though, they were more so in touch when they had the time. that was — NICE ( or at least, nice in a not having too many friends way ). “ oh, come on... ” his voice is purposely filled with a tone of maudlin dramatics, something at least partially playful and dramatic because joking in place of accepting facts seemed WAY easier. “ the secret is everything and nothing at all; I gotta seem interesting somehow, ” he finds himself gesturing to the other. “ we can’t all paint ourselves with glitter and look THAT good. ”
text; landon & ryan
landon: where are you? home?
landon: i think someone spelled a boundary up to keep us inside, so that's not a problem.
landon: i'm safe.
landon: though, in reflection, i'm not sure snow could really kill me anyway. i mean, it could, but i'd just come back and it'd be a vicious cycle.
ryan: some...strip club. no, I wouldn't have chosen this place but it was the closest.
ryan: let's not think about testing that theory, whether you'd come back or not..it's not worth it.
ryan: we're both gonna be fine...it's all...fine.
THE SKELETON TWINS 2014, Craig Johnson
text; landon & ryan
landon: hey, are you still at school?
landon: the snow picked up so i guess we're all stuck here until it passes, or until it's safe to go outside.
landon: i just wanted to check and make sure you were staying safe.
Ryan: no, weirdly wishing I was...
Ryan: i'm safe, just don't do anything stupid or go outside for anyone..yeah?
Ryan: you need to be safe too.
deathlyharlows:
SOMEONE HAD A SENSE OF HUMOR. harlow would give them that, because she’d also look at a strip club and be like ‘hey, let’s make this place a SHELTER for the may snowstorms.’ the club being packed was good for business in general, alas, just a little snow and suddenly people thought everything in there was free real estate. she couldn’t have the hellhounds drag each one of them to the lower floors just yet. so OLD SCHOOL would have to suffice for now. “YOU. get your sticky fingers off that.” the before i tear them off implied in her tone but left up in the air. who said she didn’t have HOSPITALITY? whether sticky fingers here knew she ran this place or not.
maybe it had been F R U S T R A T I N G because he’d made some internal promise to himself to try and be better: to escape places and situations like this but alas when it was a choice between this or freezing to death...the former took the win. it didn’t, however, take much to remind him just how dearly he hated people; when panic became woven in the ENTIRETY of their being it was like trying to calm a swarm of wasps — POINTLESS. “ You’ll probably have better luck if you actually just threaten to tear their head off. ” in his defense, he had considered doing it himself but again when you’re trying to be good it tends to beat the whole objective ( that wasn’t to say he’d stop anyone else ).
What state do you live in?
constant stress
frcmashes:
“ uh, hey. ” to say that he’s surprised to see ryan at the salvatore school is an understatement. maybe he shouldn’t be. he, himself, hasn’t been here in weeks — so it’s very possible they’ve been like ships in the night. “ don’t take this the wrong way because i’m HAPPY to see you and everything but — what are you doing here ? ” there’s a part of him that wonders, no, dreads, that his attendance HASN’T gone unnoticed and they’ve called the closest thing he has to a parent in for some conference. ( selfishly, he’d rather go through ten hope mikaelson break-ups than a parent-teacher conference. ) @boundedbydcrkness
there was always an I N E V I T A B I L I T Y in finding himself faced with the rather understandable questions regarding the WHY of it all; if he could’ve given himself an ideal situation, he had been almost certain this wasn’t it ( but beggars certainly couldn’t be choosers ). in many ways he almost believed this would be nice, not demanding of a company but more appealing to more run-ins until it was time for little brother to graduate. time really did fly— as long as it didn’t end up being off a cliff, they’d both be safe. “ right, ” he does find himself chuckling, more so at the blunt way, the question seemed to present itself although he had a certain DOUBT that it came from anything but some anxious thought. here’s to hoping this didn’t turn into a shipwreck; the sea had certainly appeared rather calm. “ well, you don’t beat around the bush...—PROBABLY a good thing. ” an easy smile seemed to settle, finding it’s way across the majority of his features. “ I liked my life of solace...BUT...it got boring; I don’t deal well with boring, ” an easy admission, maybe from habit or because he’d spent years fucking people over but life being quiet wasn’t FUNCTIONAL for him. “ I got a job — I’m working here as a teacher. ”