support group/office complaint box

for the Philly/Pittsburghh FBI offices + Twin Peaks Sheriff Station, all timelines and generations

[peaksupportgroup]

IT'S SO DARK

[peaksupportgroup]

where am i?

my favorite scp is the one that isnt actually anything supernatural at all its just a bitter scientist’s attempt to show how this one guy keep leaving his dishes in the sink so often that its constantly filled with dirty dishes.

like 

its so fucking petty its just tickles me

[redditfront]

A Memo at my New Job. How very nice. - via http://ift.tt/1QHeZbL

[peaksupportgroup]

Dear Gerald: Putting a flower crown on a serial killer harms absolutely no one. I'm sorry if you think this is a trend, but putting a circlet of flowers on top of a real HUMAN BEING that drove a 5 INCH STEEL KNIFE into an innocent person's beating heart can be described as self-expression. Write that down.

Agent Earle I know you aren’t allowed to touch the complaint box anymore please stop sending these in!

-Gerald, from HR

[peaksupportgroup]

Harry Truman invited me to the Bookhouse and when I got there there were a bunch of candles lit and a romantic country song on what does this mean (other than the fact our dear Sherif has no regard for fire safety)?

Hm. I’m not sure what it could mean! 

But I’ll have to talk to Margerat about this...we might need to schedule her for another fire safety talk. Our own Sheriff!

-Gerry, from HR

[gordoncoleofficial-deactivated2]

[gordoncoleofficial-deactivated2]

[peaksupportgroup]

I'm not sure who was the imitator. But allegedly a relative of mine left a bagged lunch on my desk. Now I wouldn't be so cross about this if it wasn't for the fact the contents in the bag was just canned corn. Who does that? I don't even like canned corn.

Weird.

…um? I’ll try talking to security? Please don’t eat that mystery corn. You don’t know where it’s been! 

…

Okay security is on it’s way to confiscate your bag and the corn inside of it. 

Do not resist.

-Gerald, from HR

[gordoncoleofficial-deactivated2]

[heard down the hall] HAS ANYONE SEEN MY LUNCH! I MAY HAVE LEFT IT IN THE ARCHIVES DEPARTMENT THIS MORNING! BROWN PAPER BAG, SAYS “FROM UNCLE MIKE” ON IT! 

[peaksupportgroup]

UH IT’S ON IT’S WAY SIR!!!

[renmorris]

hey ren, you might ask. do you have an FC for your twin peaks oc, gerald from hr? 

AS A MATTER OF FACT I DO

[peaksupportgroup]

Oh, you'll love this one, Gerald. So I was on a case with Agent Cooper - OK, fine, not a genius move, but when Gordon hands you a case you take it, no questions asked - and he tells me to meet up in his motel room to go over the evidence, but when he opens the door all he's wearing is these goddamn flannel pajamas - like it's no big deal, y'know? Fucking unprofessional... *deep breath* I swear to God, Gordon better tell this kid to get his ass in line or... *voice mail message cuts off abruptly*

Cooper!! In flannel pajamas...

I mean! Yes! Totally unprofessional, Agent Rosenfield! I’ll...well I’m not sure if this is a complaint I can actually file away.

-Gerald, from HR

[peaksupportgroup]

How can I get in touch with Diane?? It's really important.

This really isn’t her station but if you need something I’ll pass word along!

-Gerald, from HR

[peaksupportgroup]

Dear Gerald, Roses are blue, violets are red, he can run all he likes, but TELL COOPER HE'S DEAD. I have also attached a completed survey of my opinion of the Philadelphia agents. Desmond: Hate. Rosenfield: Hate. Gordon: DOUBLE hate. Cooper: LOATHE ENTIRELY.

[Gerald has this forwarded to Gordon immediately and takes the day off.]

[peaksupportgroup]

Hello, this is FBI Special Agent Dale B. Cooper here. I would like to file a complaint in regards to a lack of coffee at the station. I have reason to believe Albert has been taking my need for coffee into his own jurisdiction. I believe he is attempting to ease my love for coffee and have me cut back on consumption of caffeinated coffee. I will not stand for this; regardless of how much I do dearly feel adoration and affection for him. - FBI Special Agent Dale B. Cooper; mildly distressed

Dale we’re all worried about your heart and care about you dearly. 

Gerald, from HR

[peaksupportgroup]

I'm not sure who was the imitator. But allegedly a relative of mine left a bagged lunch on my desk. Now I wouldn't be so cross about this if it wasn't for the fact the contents in the bag was just canned corn. Who does that? I don't even like canned corn.

Weird.

...um? I’ll try talking to security? Please don’t eat that mystery corn. You don’t know where it’s been! 

...

Okay security is on it’s way to confiscate your bag and the corn inside of it. 

Do not resist.

-Gerald, from HR

[peaksupportgroup]

Albert Rosenfield told me to go fuck myself, left, and then came back to tell me he loved me?

...that happens, sometimes. Will need further information to know if this is typical Albert behavior or Albert With A Crush behavior.

-Gerald, from HR

[peaksupportgroup]

is gerry gerald's doppelganger

(yes, he is!)