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- Paloma

S: In this life, where we’re all being drowned and consumed by our fears and pains and problems, it’s really fascinating when we can find a strange closeness between ourselves, humans. Although our paths are different. It still is very amazing and magical that humans can find this strange closeness between ourselves, yet maintain their own individuality and walk on their own paths, and almost just be helpers to each other…

A: I’m very uncertain of what actually you’re saying. But everything you say seems so fragile, and I know you have a lot of stories to tell. And it seems you’re trying to explain that to me, but I can’t understand. It seems like you’re talking about yourself and your history.

S: The way we’re talking and communicating in these extremely passive moments, It’s still very strange that we can find temporary peace and calmness, and only in those moments we can almost hold time and not let our existence drift away through time.

A: Again, it seems like you’re telling me that happened a long time ago. Maybe you were very young.

S: Is what you telling me a secret?

A: I don’t want to claim I understand what you’re saying, and when you ask me, as I said, I don’t want to claim anything. I can tell you what I feel you’re talking about, but what is all I can do. It seems like a story that happened to you, something that happened a long time ago.

S: This is really beautiful…although neither of us understands the other person, it’s almost like a natural relation and reflection is being built, and we’re telling each other secrets and know at the very same time that other person doesn’t understand it fully. Do you feel the same?

A: I’m having such problems because I’ve never been the person to claim anything at all. I don’t want to say that something is in a certain way, or at least not when it comes to another language. I don’t know if anything of what I am saying is right at all. I’m really trying… to understand.

S: Don’t hurt yourself too much, try to enjoy it while it lasts…

A: In one way as though that you’re telling me it is okay to not understand and that it doesn’t matter, but that might just be me thinking what I want to hear and maybe it isn’t so at all. That it is just wishful thinking.

S: This is our life and reality… We’re stuck in this loop that we all live and die. But sometimes in between, something magical happens…you encounter another creature, something whose existence is physical…and you tell yourself; there’s no death, there’s no fear, there’s no pain….and it may only last 10 seconds, maybe 5 seconds, maybe even 3 seconds…But you do feel the flow of life in your veins, and not time anymore…and that’s life, nothing more, nothing less.

A: Yes..

S: This is really magical…We are in fact communicating with each other while we don’t understand each other linguistically….It’s like there’s a vibe, an energy… when you laugh, I start laughing, and when I sense sadness in your tone, I become sad…There are no words involved, and we feel each other’s feelings…Maybe indeed the relationship between 2 human beings can be so simple…so very simple…

D: So, I find it really hard sometimes being in social situations. Erm, I get quite. I get quite anxious sometimes which is really really erm, a new thing for me because (a long)….not a long time ago but a few years ago I used to be quite confident and really lively.

Erm, which I kind of am sometimes, but I guess it’s armour. Erm, because sometimes I get nervous. Erm, yeah. I guess it’s a new thing.

E: I find it extremely hard when you come to a different country. Is not just the fact that you need to respond physiologically and behaviourally to changes in complex environmental factors. The weather in Cyprus is so different. It’s always sunny and people are so warm and friendly.

I find it hard when i know that i ‘have’ to be social, for me it’s a new thing. I used to be different, some time ago. Although, through my work i try to express myself as a person and talk about different situations i’ve been through. Each time it’s different and i don’t know weather people can feel and understand how i feel. I don’t know how it looks like.

D: Yeah, I guess. Erm, I guess it’s difficult when you find yourself in a situation. When you’re around people you’re not used to.

Especially, the frustration of being around people that seem to have had quite a lot given to them in life and erm, just people that take advantage a little bit. I suppose I get quite frustrated with it, which is a fault of my own. Erm, for looking at a negative point of it. Erm, but I guess it’s that self-isolation that you only create around yourself. So, it’s kind of only created around your own thoughts and your own… It’s kind of a reflection of your own issues, of feeling uncomfortable in a situation around people.

I guess, me feeling anxious around people is a development from my own experiences. And that’s a reflection of my own self, in a way.

E: Yeah…Well, for me it’s a try to… If you think about it, you can divide people into two categories. You let some people come close to you and some others not because you don’t have a clear image of them yet. This is something that i do, and sometimes is like building a wall in front on me and i don’t let some people come close to me but at the same time is a way to protect myself. As time passes with me ‘observing’ someone… i think it’s the best way to protect myself… and i think it’s the best way to treat my own work, because if you think about it, let’s say when you read something and you are really interested in that subject but at the same time you only choose those words and you only remember something you really like when you read that text. When you do that you can see weather you can reflect on it as a being or maybe think about some inner issues with yourself. I don’t know if you know if you know what i mean.

D: Yeah. Erm.

I guess with, certain situations. I guess with the amount of people I think you meet in a lifetime as well.

I think, as you get older you get bored of meeting so many people and you get a little bit sick of acquaintances. It kind of puts you off meeting people, which is a really bad thing. But then, I guess when you do meet people it’s easy to tell who the right people are to keep in your life. Like I can count on my hands people that I really, genuinely respect their company and respect as people. Rather than say, a few years ago I had ridiculous amounts of acquaintances who I can’t remember one thing about them. And they probably won’t remember one thing about me.

So, I guess growing as a person. Having only a few people at hand that genuinely respect a genuine friendship is more important than having millions of people that are like social chameleons. ‘Cause I used to be a social chameleon so it’s the worst. It’s one of the worst things to be, it’s quite dishonest.

E: I think that as you grow up, you get a bit ‘closed’ on yourself. This is how i see myself. You appreciate the people you have in your life. You appreciate those things you gain from them and those you can give to them. You don’t need to ‘give’ a little affection to many people but you can show affection to just some people because then these ‘gifts’ you are about to give them will really mean something to you.

Anthi:”Have you ever wondered the reason we come here?Why do we come to life?Why are we born?Whats the purpose?” Anna: Is something bothering you, a problem or something?

Anthi: These questions ,are raised in the introduction of a book,i once read (the Askitiki of Nicos Kazantzakis).In the first pages of the book we come across a phrase saying :”We come from a dark abyss and we end up in a dark abyss,the space between,this lighten space,is called life.”

Anna: Maybe it’s the balance in life with everything around us, with people, friends that is the most important to find in life. Once it’s found, maybe when you are my age, it gives you freedom. Meaning of freedom is that there is no need to straggle about unnecessary problems. It is love and patience in life that will help everything fall in to place.

Anthi: ” It raises two conclusions or to be more precise,opinions.The first one claims that by the minute we come out of this dark abyss ,the process of life and ending begins simultaneously (because life ends in this dark abyss)-which is kind of pessimistic,in my opinion.But on the other hand a more optimistic opinion turns its attention to the actual ‘light’ in the lighten space…So,by the time we get born,the opportunities of life start to unfold in front of us.-Our purpose?to give meaning in the material,give life and value to everything that pops in front of us even though it might seem trivial.I believe that our finally aim,is to become immortal in a metaphorical way by cultivating our spiritual world ,and aiming for a better level.”

Anna : ”I understand. During the hardship, it could be very difficult to cope with all the challenges and especially for the young person that wants to react to everything despite the consequences. From my own experience, everything is calmer now as I have settled, as I grow older. All the problems and dramas, everything has got better, easier, nicer and more peaceful. Hope and peace will help on the way there and everything will fall in to place. Everything will be fine.”

Anthi: Yes,of course the problems that one we will find in his way will surely be a lot…-but maybe without these ups and downs we won’t be able understand the value of every-days ‘treasures’.”When you have everything ,you are not able to understand their value .-its when you lose something you finally understand,but then its too late.Everything you ever been through its best for you! maybe this is the way to learn

L: I guess, I guess, I find Kingston a really sort of strange place, I find its really quiet here, I’m not really used to quiet. Because it’s very different from what I’m used to, I don’t know what you’re sort of used to, what you’re sort of used to being around but for me there’s always been noise, I’ve always been surrounded by noise, colour, culture, erm, I find it very plain. It’s quite difficult for me actually ‘cause I’m used to being around lots of noise it’s comforting. Sometimes it helps me not to think about my own noise so it’s good for me.

M: I come from a completely different place, so for me it´s complicated because comparing with that it´s a very big city, here there´s a lot of noise, a lot of jam, a lot of people, lot of activity, it´s stressful for me but in the other side it´s completely the contrary. I have a nocturnal life and here after 6 o clock everything it´s closed, and for me it´s really difficult mix my schedules, with the schedules of the other people in the town so it´s really oppressive, I hate this morning life, because then the night arrives and I have a meeting with my loneliness. You have the night to be at home thinking and talking with yourself. Then within the big city that I find this, I feel really lonely. It´s just that, after that time, you are only with yourself and nothing more.

L: I guess it must be really hard for me being from one place to go somewhere else it must feel quite alienating at times. erm, I guess at times I can feel alienated in the most normal situations, and I can’t possibly imagine what it must be like to go overseas and have to try and settle somewhere, erm, I think I’d find that really, really difficult. Erm, yeah.

M: Since I was a child I was sure that the life that I have right now was that I wanted, I always wanted to go abroad, to know different counties and cultures, but now that I´m living this, you realized that it´s difficult come to a new country without knowing anybody, without your family that for me it´s very important, everything is not as nice as it looks. I’m fine here but I miss my people, my place, I find it harder than I would. But really I would do it another time; I would decide to come here again. This is my moment and I wouldn´t change this experience. I want to enjoy it; I really want to enjoy it.

L: Yea I guess, I guess if you think about the past or future too much it can be very difficult I guess it’s good to live for the moment. I guess that that is something that you need to take with you. I guess barriers and fears are something that you shouldn’t worry about. You should just take these situations and take these opportunities when they come to you. I guess if you didn’t have that then we wouldn’t get some of the great things that happen to us, they wouldn’t really happen. so I think it’s really important that I shouldn’t dwell on things like that too much because there might come a time when maybe I end up going somewhere that is really unfamiliar to me and I think it’s bad to do that with a fear over my eyes. I think it would be good to just express is as opposed to, to worrying about it.

M: It is clear that the situation in my country is difficult, is somewhat selfish to come here and try to start something, but I really feel an obligation to go back there to try to get things done. my ancestors did the same, go ahead regardless, I am very well here, as living a false reality, but it’s all a lie and I have to go back to face my reality.

L: I don’t know, I don’t know why I’m sort of thinking about these things and they scare me I guess it’s because I’ve always had a sort of fear of flying and new places. I guess which is really strange considering that I come from London, I guess which is one of the most urban and multicultural places there is. Erm, so it’s really, it’s really interesting. But there really is so much to see. It’s really fascinating meeting people who have seen things I haven’t seen. I always love to share those experiences, so yea.

M: I came to move forward, to relate, to learn, to share experiences, and that’s what I’m trying to do. That’s all.

M: Many times when I start a new project I am really afraid that what I am trying to say will be too obvious…or that the piece won’t be touching enough and that in the end people won’t appreciate it, so maybe there is no point in starting the project at all…And this sometimes prevents me from working.

P: I have the feeling that I sense something similar to what you are feeling. I have come here and the place is nice but there is something, there is something missing, and I have not quite clear if it is something physical, something spiritual or something that is inside me or that is inside the others. Probably this is in me, but is that sensation, it´s… I do not know how to fix it.

M: You know… It’s that you put something so deep out there -I understand what you ‘re saying- and when someone judges it, you feel like you are being judged at the same time…and you know, you dedicate all this time to write, research… and in the end why do you do it? Do you do it because you cannot show who you are otherwise, do you do it because you cannot show all of your different sides…You know, many times I feel as if I am split into two people; there’ s Marina as an artist and Marina that lives her everyday life, and sometimes this situation drives me crazy…I don’t know if others can see it. I think that whoever doesn’t know my work, can only see the surface…they cannot see what’ s in here and I don’t know how I feel about this…It confuses me.

P: yes, I also think that there is something esoteric in this feeling. Its´ really indescribable, but at the same time I can see it in you … then it confuses me because it is something that seems to be within oneself or perhaps is within everyone and no one knows, and it has a piece of magic, a piece of reality, uh, I do not know with what this is related to, but, that’s it, I’m looking at you, I’m looking in your eyes and then it… it confuses me, I could really spend the rest of my life thinking about it, but, no, I would not get to any conclusion, honestly, my conclusion would be death, my own death, then i dont know if i just have to let it go and enjoy it or suffer it according, according to what happens … I think that’s what I’m doing now and what, what best I can do with it perhaps, but there is something in what you’re saying… I do not understand it but goes inside of me.

M: The thing you just said reminded me of…when you speak about death for example, all these little deaths that one must come to terms with when a work of art is finished…you work for months for it and you say to yourself “let’s get this over with!”, and you wait for the moment that there will be a final piece, the moment that I will be able to look at it and talk to it…and all of a sudden it’s over…and time passes and you realize that it’s like you have gathered so much material inside you that needs to become art and die little by little… but when this finally happens, you don’t know how to deal with it….and how you ‘re supposed to start something new…But I think I can understand what you ‘re saying and that, yes, we all have to confront this… one way or another. And maybe that’s what makes art so amazing…the fact that you let part of you die and go away, but it is still there…because you have let it out, you have made a monument for it…and others can see that monument and take something from it… and build something

P: wow … Yes, I may also have too many things that … there are not only things with which I have charged myself, it is all that stuff that the passage of time loads in you. it loads you, your family load things, your friends load things, what you want to do, your career, whatever, you load yourself with all that things and suddenly it all as a giant basket that you have to take with you everywhere and … sometimes is heavy, sometimes is not, but I get the feeling that now for you is being heavier than for me because we are in completely different situations and of course … each has their own things to load.

- Paloma

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