This is One Doodle That Can't be Un-did

A journey from peestick to baby.

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Today was the first day in exactly 14 months since I gave birth to Emmy that I haven't nursed her. I need a minute.

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She also cut another tooth this last Sunday.

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WALKING

Aaaaand we're officially walking!! I guess all it took was for me to leave for four days. When I left last week, she’d take six steps, lose her balance and sit down. When I got home, she was standing and then taking off; her preferred way to get from one place to another. She’s not crawling anymore at all. I forgot how incredibly cute a brand new walking baby is. I just love her.

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Also...

Remember when I told you to remind me about how tired I was and how Barnum & Bailey’s my household was when I would inevitably say that I wanted another baby?? Well I kind of want another baby. Send that list pronto. 

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Well, I suck.

They say the second child gets the shaft. In relation to pictures taken, time and attention to detail given. Definitely in worry (that’s a positive in my book by the way). I looked back at the very first posts I wrote on this blog. At my journey through pregnancy and Breck’s first year of life. I documented everything. And I’m so glad I did because I thoroughly enjoyed reading about our missteps and milestones. There is so much that I’ve forgotten. I have not been nearly as diligent about writing here about Emmy. No well check updates, first (second or third for that matter!) teeth exclamations or vocab lists. Her first birthday came and went and she was 10 months old the last time that I posted anything. I’m failing. 

So this is a promise to the universe that I’ll be better at documenting my baby girl.

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This sweet butter bean is 10 months old today. I seriously cannot fathom that she’s nearly a year old. It some ways, it seems like I was just pregnant. 

She has been crawling for over 2 months. She pulls herself up on everything and walks along the edges. She walks behind her walker or the tricycle! She can clap for you, shake her head no and wave bye bye. She says “dada” and has the cutest growl you’ve ever heard. Changing her diaper/clothes is like wrangling an alligator. She’s always hungry and she’s a distracted nurser - you pull her off before she’s ready though, and she’s pissed. She has two bottom teeth and just cut her first top tooth a few days ago.

She is tough. Man, is she tough. Breck pushes her down and pulls her around and she never cries unless she really gets hurt. And she loooooves him. Her face lights up when she sees him and she thinks he’s hilarious. Their dynamic is what my dreams are made of. She is everything that Breck isn’t and together they are the perfect combination. 

I’ve been spending a little extra time snuggling her at night while I’m rocking her to sleep, willing myself to remember these moments. Remember what she feels like in my arms, how she smells. Her little hands and her baby sounds. I thank God for her as often as I can.

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I was cleaning and organizing our office this weekend (for the first time since we moved a year ago) and I came across my first ultrasound images of Emmy. Almost instantly, all the excitement that I felt in the doctor’s office, lying on the table anxiously waiting to see that tiny embryo, came flooding back. All the anticipation and want and love, in one moment. I looked at that tiny blob of a beating heart, before I even knew it was a girl, and thought about the energetic, spicy, smiley 9-month old that she is now and couldn’t help but feel sadness. Not because it all went so fast. Because I will never have that same feeling of anticipation and excitement again. I’m grieving that emotion, the whole pregnancy experience. Maybe that “something to look forward to.” I’m in the thick of raising my babies and I really am going to miss the journey of bringing them into this world. I don’t want another child. I think the two that I have complete our family more perfectly than I ever could have imagined. I just greatly miss the time where we started that perfect family.  

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This little nugget is 8 months old. I'm just trying to figure out how that's happened.

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When it rains...

...it pours. We made it through RSV Hell 2016. Breck went back to school for one day and his fever was back the next day. Fortunately for us, we had pediatrician appointments already scheduled that day. Emmy got her shots and Breck was given the “his ears look pretty good, his flu test was negative, it’s probably another virus” diagnosis. So we left. The next night his fever sky rocketed to 106.3 and so did my panic. I called the nurses hotline at the hospital and she advised that we get to the ER pronto, in addition to putting a scare into me. Upon arriving (the ER was PACKED), they took his vitals and gave him Tylenol. By the time a doctor saw us (4.5 hours later), his fever had broken and we wasted a minimum of $375. A rash had barely started on him, but they told me not to worry about it. His x-ray was clear of pneumonia and his ears were good. 

The next night he threw up and I was done. I wanted a strep and scarlet fever test because something was going on. His fever was still sooo high and we were pumping him full of Motrin and Tylenol as often as we could. So we took him to our after-hours pediatrician and they ran all the tests. His ear infections were most definitely back and the flu test they took was skewing towards positive. Why no one caught the ear infections prior to that night is a question that I’d love answered. They gave us a stronger antibiotic and Tamiflu which both made him vomit. He threw up every hour for 4 - 5 hours that night. Whether it was the meds or the virus, we’ll never know. The poor kid was miserable. His rash had spread and looked real gnarly at this point. 

Now we had to go back to his pediatrician the next day for a follow-up from this new diagnosis. We determined that Breck couldn’t tolerate the new antibiotic, so they prescribed the one that he was on previously. They gave him two really strong antibiotic shots there and told us to keep an eye on him. 

We were able to start the antibiotics again 24-hours after the shots and then 24-hours after that, his fever finally broke. His little body was starting to heal. His rash stuck around for another 3 days at least and he was weak and thin because he hadn’t really eaten in 5 days. It all broke my heart and was pretty traumatic for all of us I think. 

He got better by the end of that next week and we were able to go visit my in-laws in Idaho, for which he thoroughly enjoyed the trip. I have my energetic, sweet, sometimes attitude-laden boy back. 

I have to say, having really sick kids makes you so thankful when they’re healthy. Now I’m just petrified for the next thing he’ll catch. 

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Just breathe

RSV has literally torn through our house. Breck had it for nearly a week before we ever knew what it was. Two Saturday nights ago, he went into a coughing fit and threw up a handful of times before falling asleep. That’s when I noticed the short, shallow breathing and saw his little ribs beneath the skin with each breath he took. We took him to the ER shortly after that and thank God I decided to go because they put him on oxygen within minutes of arriving. He stayed there for nearly three days, intermittently on oxygen. His tiny lungs were only working at 85% of what they should’ve been working at and they found he had a double ear infection, most likely the cause of the prolonged 104* temperature. He did the best a 2.5-year old could do with having to have a tube up his nose and being poked and prodded constantly. It was immensely scary, but equally scary was that it could have been a lot worse. 

He’s doing so much better and I have my energetic boy back. 

Now my sweet Emmy has it, in addition to Brody and I. The sheer amount of mucus production with this damn virus is staggering and her tiny respiratory system is overwhelmed. I took her to the doctor last week (because hell no was I going to go through what we did with Breck with my 5-month old baby) because she got a fever and I wanted to check on her oxygen levels. She’s a strong girl and breastfeeding is most likely saving her. I think we’re on our way out of it with her, but the snot is still literally choking her. I just hope that by this time next week, this is all becoming a distant memory. 

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My Rolly Polly

Emmy is officially rolling over from front to back AND back to front. I didn't know she could until I looked down and she was somewhere else. She also loves sitting up (as long as she hasn't eaten recently...clean up on aisle 1) and I love it.

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Breast milk is liquid gold. You've got to work really hard for it. I have to pump multiple times when I'm at work (ev-er-y day) so that I can freeze my milk for when I'm not with my baby (like the 5 days a week that I'm at work). I have to drink a lot of water or my supply drops. I have to eat enough calories or my supply drops. And I have to do this for a whole year. Granted it's my choice, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it's a huge commitment. So when you spill over a ounce all over your desk and the floor, maybe you get pissed. But when you get home, get handed the baby and forget to take the rest of the milk from that day out of the cooler and it sits at room temp for over 12 hours? You have to throw 9.5 oz in the garbage and you cry. It literally hurt my heart.

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Happy 5 months, sweet girl. You are the perfect addition to our family.

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Tuesday night was the first time that Emmy slept in her crib. I’m nearly at my wit’s end getting up with her at night (read: I AM SO TIRED) and let her cry herself to sleep in her own room a little sooner than I had planned. And then got into bed and nearly started crying because she wasn’t there. It worked by the way - the crying in her crib. She fell asleep on her own. She still wakes up one or two times a night, but I’m hoping that she’ll be used to her new sleeping arrangements in a week or so. Praying actually. 

It’s bittersweet. On the one hand, I need her to learn how to self-soothe and on the other hand, I’m sad she’s getting big/old enough to self-soothe.

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Emmy Girl

Welp, they say the second child gets the proverbial shaft...accurate. I didn’t send out announcements this time around and I’m definitely not updating this blog with any sort of regularity. Truth be told, it’s a wonder I get myself dressed and to work in the morning. Let alone any extra curricular activity (i.e. writing, showering, sleeping). Despite my aloofness, she is a complete and total sweet pea. She is ten times smiley-er than Breck ever was and her face lights up when you happily lock eyes with her. She’s such a good baby and thank God for it because some days I don’t know how I handle both of them. 

Current stats:

Weight - 14lbs. 2oz.

Height - 23.5″

Loves - grabbing toys, playing on her mat, sitting with mama, her brother, nursing

Milestones - rolled over from front to back, cooing back and forth with you, giggling

I’m transitioning her into her crib soon because this little lady is still waking up in the middle of the night to nurse. Most times it’s just once, but lately she’s been throwing in two sessions and I’m a walking zombie. I think she’s working on a bottom tooth too. 

I’m not as eager for her to hit milestones like I was with Breck. Mostly because I want my baby to stop growing so fast. Although I cannot wait to see what she’ll be like as a little girl and how she’ll interact with her big brother. She LOVES him right now. She is such a wonderful addition to our family and I’m thankful every single day for her. 

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Folks, we're officially out of diapers except at bed time. And it only took about 2 weeks. So proud of my big boy.

Update: Total regression. Training continues.

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My monkeys.