Tilly

[peetamellark-tossedmebread]

Today we received heartbreaking news. At first I was angry, now I’m just sad and struggling to hold back the tears and stress of the situation. It makes me happy to know I have a little brother who is so selfless and pure. Makes me have hope I can find it in other people. All this time, now I’ve only just realised how selfish, greedy and unkind I’ve been. It’s taken cancer news to make me really appreciate life and how I shouldn’t take it for granted. I need to cherish, admire and love every day I have left with you. There’s a time for everyone and it pains me to say that yours is sooner than I'd like. But let’s celebrate life, love and family. These tears should be happy ones, because looking back life wasn’t worth living without you. You are our family and we are yours. I love you forever

[peetamellark-tossedmebread]

There he was, the life I made so many memories with. Seeing him like a distant memory, a stranger. Instantly my knees went weak, "is it really him?". Yes. Like a flashback I relived a lot of my favourite memories in a blink of an eye and eye, most a glimmer of hope.

I'm constantly asking myself "why me" and "this isn't fair". Why am I not finding the answers I need for closure. Then I thought it's not possible.

I'm crying, heartbroken, alone and afraid. My love for him is still there, well, truly and looks like it's not going to budge.

We are told not to give up on our dreams, to keep believing. Although I love fiction, I'm not living a dream; I'm living reality. So why should I give up on my life and fighting for the things that mean everything to me. There is no reason.

My head and my heart are both fighting for this, there is no moving on for me, not right now.

I'm not going to wait for the day we reconnect, neither an I going to sit back and not do anything about it. I'm trying to live my life in the now and get involved with every opportunity. I'm most vulnerable when I'm alone, so I'm trying to get out there as much as possible.

I'm trying to find the courage to talk to him. Why? He was my best friend for just short of a year. Does he make the effort to talk to me? No, but I'm not taking that to heart so much because I know he's living his life too. To have a friendship would mean a lot to me, even without romance. The person I got to know was a very genuine, honest and loving man. Who cared for me, loved me, laughed at me and made me happy. I want that happiness again, because I'm exhausted from feeling not good enough.

[peetamellark-tossedmebread]

Even when we try so hard for that perfect kind of love, it could all fall apart

💖

[peetamellark-tossedmebread]

All those times I said that I loved you...

One year ago today I met the love of my life. I have experienced all my “firsts” over the last year. Looking back there’s only one way I feel when it ended and that’s heartbroken. I’ve learnt to live with the pain, because let’s be honest, it will never go away. So I found an article to help me understand and I think I’ll be okay in time.

“Let me be blunt: The first time you fall in love is an insane and unheard of magical life that you’ll never ever be able to reclaim. And though you may not see that as a blessing, it is. That’s not real life. We were meant to love and love again, and no two loves will ever be the same. And that’s the beauty of falling in love for the second time.”

[peetamellark-tossedmebread]

I don't know where to start. It's hard letting go - of all my insecurities and putting my whole trust in someone. Someone who I fell in love with. To say I've had the best year is an understatement. This one person changed my life for the better. I'm more confident, appreciating of myself, knowledgable and healthy. That was until he broke my heart. I believed in first love forever, I still do. I probably shouldn't be saying that because it turns out he wasn't in love with me. Well he was, and then I don't know how he stopped, because how do you fall out of love? He made it look so easy and effortless. Towards the end I was still putting in my all, believing and dreaming of our future, whilst he had already made his mind up that we weren't meant to be. He said "I'll probably regret this decision in years to come". I hope you do. I would've given you my all and everything and I still will now. I'm now broken, picking up the pieces he smashed me into. Slowly but surely.. I'll always have a place in my heart for him and I'll never fall out of love with him. I'll live with the love, heartache and memory for e rest of my life. I hope one day I'll find love again, whether it's with him or someone new.

[peetamellark-tossedmebread]

I don't understand this feeling I have. I'm receiving all this support from loved ones and friends, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I can help but feel so isolated, angry and sad all at once. After living alone without my twin for the at couple of months I have managed to find my other lifeline: my boyfriend, who is truly great. We may be going on a bit of a low at the moment, but the only way to go up is from the bottom. All this emotion happening at once isn't ideal for me, but I believe soon it will get better.

[peetamellark-tossedmebread]

It's how we learn and how we grow

[peetamellark-tossedmebread]

And I'm so proud of my twin and how far she has come over the last two years with university and everything else in between. It's going to be hard saying goodbye in the next couple of weeks. One year, maybe longer with my twin half way around the world in New Zealand. Can't imagine how hard it will be, saying goodbye. A real goodbye this time. It will test our friendship, patience and commitment. She's always there for me, not physically but in my heart. I wish her all of the best and I hope her wildest dreams come true. Shes most deserving of the best life possible, she's earned it! Love you :)

[peetamellark-tossedmebread]

Hate feeling like this... insecure, jealous, paranoid... Everything I shouldn't have to worry about, but still do. And now all I can do is try and cry it all out. Love's not meant to make me feel this scared, especially when I'm the happiest I've ever been.

[peetamellark-tossedmebread]

I find it hard to accept my body sometimes. Having low self confidence really limits me. For just one moment I'd love to have that look of love and acceptance. To feel most beautiful

[claridao-deactivated20171227]

[peetamellark-tossedmebread]

How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand… there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold.

Frodo Baggins (via peetamellark-tossedmebread)

[thisisuscrazymofos]

Amnesia!

[peetamellark-tossedmebread]

I'm so lucky ☺️💕👫

[peetamellark-tossedmebread]

Everything just seems to be getting harder... When do I get my turn to be happy?

[peetamellark-tossedmebread]

Life is full of opportunities and unexpected events; some good and some bad. It's up to ourselves to make the most of everything

[everyday-man]