Icarus in Love

YOU'RE A LITTLE TRAGEDY AREN'T YOU. . .

[pellelavellan]

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Indie Inquisitor Lavellan, Dragon Age RP Blog

private blog. 18+ only

There, see the Winter Palace at Halamshiral. Gaze upon its white walls and golden spires, built on the broken dreams of a people. Our people. They forgot that once, long ago, Andraste's followers and the elves marched together. They forgot that Andraste called Shartan "brother."

Directory ll About Page

[pellelavellan]

I just know lucanis rightfully has mad beef with Starbucks in a modern au

[pellelavellan]

I’m alive but work truly has me so stressed and anxious yall we been down bad lately

[pellelavellan]

Also collecting movies that def contributed to the rat that I am today for my journal spreads and realizing I’ve been a filthy hopeless romantic with a penchant for pain and suffering since day fuckin one

[pellelavellan]

Gets a morsel of muse back just to be in pavellan hell as always

[pellelavellan]

Help I’m in my feelings about lavellan regardless of if it’s a romantic thing with solas or just a very dear friendship being the single person that grieves for solas when he is finally gone for good (if f!lavellan doesn’t join him of course).

And how for pelle, Solas sort of filled a mentor/father figure hole that was created when he lost his own family and how he felt so hurt and betrayed when solas turned out to be fen’harel but at the same too could not let go of the solas he loved so so much and refused to believe that person was still in there under everything else right down to the bitter end.

There was some tension between him and Maevis on this topic and she even told him he needed to let it go and to let Solas go granted that when she ascended those steps she had every intention of killing him.

She may not have killed him, but he was still gone, and I’m thinking about how when Pelle finally came back to Minrathous after helping the dust settle in the south how melancholy he felt, and how much he ached and grieved for someone he loved so much that he couldn’t save, nobody could really. Solas was definitely a trickster, a liar, a deceiver, and used duty and the greater good to deflect from the horrible things he’d done, but Pelle still missed him and it really was a grief he felt he bore alone.

Besides, the only other person he could think who would also have missed Solas, well Solas killed him.

[pellelavellan]

Wakes up from a nap with brain worms and writes the first time in weeks and it’s just pelle ruminating to poor poor Harding lmfao

[pellelavellan]

Trying to be active but the crochet goblin and the book troll have me captive

[pellelavellan]

Obligatory look what I cooked post cause I love being vegan and tbh I snapped the last two days on dinner

[pellelavellan]

Pelle sucked in a breath. Talon’s obstinance hurt more than he knew. Things had changed since he woke up to a Skyhold with no Talon groaning when Pelle rose from a bed they often shared and pulled the drapes to let the sunlight in. No one sneaking him off quiet corners or tight corridors to release a tension he never seemed to put down, to let him finally for just a few moments stop holding his breath.

He had changed since those days. They had changed. Chaotic as it was, things were simpler back then. They were days he longed to go back to them, to fall asleep and wake up beside Talon in that grotto he’d shown him that evening when Pelle regaled him about the romance of stories written in the stars.

Not only did he miss Talon, but he missed the person he had been the last time they’d met. He missed the him who clung to blind faith that there was good in every person, the version of him that truly believed that if he fought for it hard enough, he could change peoples minds, could change things for the better, that not all stories had to end in tragedy.

Unfortunately, that person learned that hate was a powerful and ruthless disease to which there seemed no cure. With Corypheus gone and the world as it was no longer under threat of total destruction, it did not take long for the enemies that waited so patiently, biding their time for the day when he was not an imperative accessory, to make their move.

Talon may have been absent, but he did not live under a rock. Pelle was sure he’d all but heard the well scripted narrative that had painted him as some sort of freedom fighter. They had twisted his words, his ideals, and his actions to drive a narrative that he intended to incite a rebellion. He had been accused of radicalizing elven servants, slaves, apostates, city elves, and the dalish alike to retaliate against human kind and seize control.

The rumors were outlandish if you asked him. He had manipulated empress Celene to place Briala in a position of power so that she might murder her and usurp the throne. Left unchecked, he might gods forbid inspire slaves and the unprivileged of minrathous to slay their masters and then turn onto the streets to enact even more violence in the name of revenge. And that was just the start of it, that didn’t even include the rumors spread around about his leadership, cruelty, snd debaucherous personal life.

“I miss a lot of things, and a lot of people.” Was how he responded. If Talon wanted to be stubborn then he could be just as obtuse. “Time is…unkind, and I’m afraid I now loathe to waste it.”

He could say a lot of things to Talon. He could tell him he was expiring and that it would be nice if he could just hear him say just once that what they had meant something. Ask if he would regret never admitting his feelings if he had any at all should he suddenly pass away. But he would not manipulate him to tell him what he wanted to hear.

He was too tired for games, and if Talon had simply come to make light of his disappearance and expect that things could just go back to how they were, he was sorely mistaken.

[quiisquiliae]

Fine. If that's how it was going to be, then that's how it was going to be. He didn't know what he expected- maybe a 'I missed you' or 'damn you're still alive'. A toss up between magic tossed his way of some kind, or a hug and cry.

"If you got better shit to do, then go. I ain't stoppin' ya." But god did he want to. "Sorry for wastin' your time I guess."

Talon could feel himself starting to crack, and he hated himself for it. There were a hundred things he wanted to say- namely the 'sorry' that apparently wasn't good enough- that he was either far too stubborn for, or didn't know how to say. 'I missed you.' Too stubborn. 'I realized I love you, so I came back.' Words foreign to his tongue, a language he had not yet learned.

"Go do what you gotta do," is what was settled on. Spoken quietly, he looked down at the pup who yawned, and blinked sleepily up at him. "I ain't gonna bother you no more."

"Come on Ghost. Let's go." He gave a small gesture, and took a step to... Anywhere but there, honestly, and the pup got up to trot along next to him.

[pellelavellan]

Pelle's expression softened. If there was anything he'd always known about Talon it was that he liked to pretend nothing bothered him. He didn't care about anyone or anything. He didn't get attached, he didn't catch feelings, he didn't trust. But Pelle had always known such a thing was impossible for any person to truly achieve no matter how much they told themselves otherwise. So when he saw the disappointment too strong to be hidden, it tugged at his heart.

He didn't despise Talon. In fact, he'd missed him more than he'd ever missed anyone. He had fallen in love when he thought he would never love again, and had had his heart broken on meager crack at a time. It had taken him days to get out of bed the morning he awoke to an empty room. He had cursed himself for feeling too much too brazenly.

He had only been trying to protect himself, but when he sensed that the fortress he built around himself had hurt Talon his gut instinct was to tear it all down. If he were the logical sort who learned from his mistakes, he might believe Talon deserved to stand on the other side of that door, knocking on a door that would never open for him again. But he wasn't the logical sort when it came to Talon.

"Wait..." he called after him, taking steps forward to reach for his hand before he disappear back into a sea of unfamiliar faces. "I missed you," he admitted. "But why did you leave? And what," he paused. "What made you come back after all this time?"

[pellelavellan]

@inquisitionscout

“You are staring.” Pelle pointed out perhaps a bit sharper than he’d meant.

He had no quarrel with Harding, it had simply been a long week. If it hadn’t been the planning a siege, feeling like he wasn’t made for a battle of that capacity and horridly unprepared, and training like his life depended on it (because it did); it was actually doing the damned siege, that going sideways, getting thrown into the Fade, and recovering a lot of information he’d forgotten the first time he entered the Fade that had really taken him him out of it.

He was exhausted in more ways than one. They’d lost Hawke in the process, he hadn’t yet been able to look Varric in the eyes once he’d noticed the absence of one of his dearest friends.

He was short of good news, but he was trying to keep his head up. Technically things ended in a victory, it just didn’t feel like it to him.

“Something’s eating at you,” he added. “What is it?”

[inquisitionscout]

Lace was scared, to put it mildly. From everything she'd heard, Adamant was rough. She had been among the few who remained at Skyhold, holding down the fort so to speak and one of her charges was Maevis. Who had asked- no demanded- that she go do something.

That negotiated something was on a scouting mission with another young lad. Both were capable of handling themselves, and the young man knew the area. It shouldn't have been anything difficult, at least on paper. But they hadn't come back.

Lace had sent two pairs of scouts out to look for them, but they'd come back unsuccessful. It worried her, but she couldn't afford to rationalize sending a full search party with most of the forces either in the field, or at Adamant.

And then the Inquisitor came back, and now she was just fucked.

"It's... Maevis." She said, unable to meet Pelle's eye. "I'm worried about her."

[pellelavellan]

The Inquisitor's expression changed at the mention of his apprentice. Things has been...tense between them since she'd arrived in tow with her older sister a few survivors from the attack on their clan. She was angry with him. He'd left her to care for his mother full well knowing his mother would die without his help, and though he had begun his gireving for her when he first set off to Fereldan, Maevis had felt he had given her a task she was destined to fail.

Moreover, it was not his intention to never return. Things had simply become more complicated than he'd anticipated. She didn't understand, nor did he expect her to. She had already been through more hardship than he had ever wished for her. If she never did, and carried on despising him forever, he would only be glad that she did not know the struggle of having the world placed on her shoulders while its people watched as she took one weary and shaken step at a time. The happiness he wanted for her did not require her to love him. If she never forgave him, he could live with that.

"Is she well?" was the first question he asked Harding. It would wound him to learn if she were not eating or had isolated herself from the rest of Skyhold in his absence. She had wanted to come with him to Adamant and he vehemently refused, even when she demanded her stop going places she could not follow. She may not have liked his efforts to protect her, nor was she wrong in her point that his efforts had not proven to be all that successful. But he still had to try,

"Where is she?" Was the next thing he asked. "Has she left my quarters since I left? Is she amicable to speaking with you or anyone for that matter?"

He knew his apprentice, she could be stubborn, but she was not completely unreasonable. Perhaps if Harding could not get through to her there was something he could do to help.

[pellelavellan]

Here today! Gonna try to write and queue replies. Pretty sure most of my replies are for @quiisquiliae lol so also consider this is a like if you wanna interact either here or on my Dorian and/or Rook side blog

[pellelavellan]

Everyone quick tell me your favorite Halloween movie(s) 🎃👻

[pellelavellan]

Crocheting fall wearables tonight. Come chat just to chat or to like plot or whatever !

[pellelavellan]

Hi there 👋 I was down bad sick for like a few days and before that work was uhhh it was a lot. Work drama yk how it goes when you don’t really like drama it makes ya t i r e d. Hopefully ???? God has chosen a new soldier now (pls pls im tired bro i got stung by a bee, we had a medical emergency freak accident happen right in front of my job, work drama was drama and then i got sick at work and THEN i got COVID???)

Anyways! I’ve been off work for several days now and man i wish I could simply never go to work and just vibe without that meaning me and my cats would starve and not have a nice little bed to take naps in ;w;

I’m getting better though and on the bright side I did finish TWO books over the last week!! I read the queens gambit (excellent read tbh i loved the show so ofc I loved the book) and this PRECIOUS sapphic cozy fantasy called You Can’t Spell Treason Without Tea and that really just made me feel nice and cuddly cozy inside i love a cozy low stakes fantasy (legends and lattes anyone???)

But yes, books? Excellent. Love books, books never let me down. i am truly hoping the worst of the nasty bug I caught is on its way out even if that means i have to go back to work and stop living my best hermit life with my cats and my kindle.

I always say I should try to be more active on rp and then i get tired from living but okay I really should. But for what it is worth discord is also always open for RP or just chatting too and I always love chatty friends (even if I may barge into your DMs gushing about books or food)

Anyways! Hope everyone’s well!

[pellelavellan]

Under the cut cause cw sickness

I finally got Covid after 5 years I ain’t ever been this tired in my life yall damn

[pellelavellan]

It’s been a day for sure. I got stung by a bee on the way to work I swear that was a sign

Woke up at 4am cause cat attempted to vomit on me. Moved her to the floor and then had to get up and clean that up. Both cats kept walking around all over me so I couldn’t go back to bed >.>

Flooding in the city meant my works basement flooded and I had to lead the charge on getting it all mopped up and bleached and sweeping up all those massive fucking roaches in the basement.

Like I said I got stung by a bee that’s never happened before

I have a monster spider bite that was so fun

I went to get calamine and got catcalled by a hoarse of men when I was just tired and sticky and wanted to go home and not get stormed on lol

I fell in the damn shower when I got home lmfao

Today is cancelled