Pendulumgraph

(she / it) bpd | tma | disabled | lesbian i’m proud of you for whatever you did or didn’t do today, and i hope you have a wonderful day and many more to come.

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I have this cis ex.

When we were together, she engaged with and platformed Tumblr posts that in bad faith exaggerated and strawmanned transfem-specific issues in queer spaces and placed the blame for these issues exclusively on trans women, which I would then be responsible for interpreting, under duress, as the only trans women she knew. This sporadically put me in the extremely uncomfortable position of trying to gingerly educate her about transmisogyny, explaining the ways that what she said was harmful or untrue or why it upset me.

And now, in the half-year since we broke up, she has been periodically posting about how I abused her so badly that she is no longer able to defend trans women anymore, as a result of how traumatized she is now, because I made her feel like a bigot.

And it hurts. And it reveals to me how conditional her support of me always was. This is the very response that I feared would happen, way back when, because she trusted the reblogs of her Beloved Mutuals more than my own words.

That relationship wasn't a good environment for either of us; I am disabled and poor and could not live up to the promises I made when we first met and I thought my health was getting better. The reasons we broke up are myriad go far beyond the content of this post and I'm not interested in airing out dirty laundry. It isn't productive.

But in all the words I've ever said about my ex, I've always stopped short of saying she abused me. A situation can be toxic and bad for me without there necessarily being conscious abuse on her part. That same grace does not apparently go both ways, in which case she can talk really freely and irresponsibly for the past six months to her 5k+ followers about how her transfem ex abused and groomed her and how I should kill myself.

So that's cool.

I am not longer an active user of Tumblr, but I feel I need to watch this space, because there is someone out there who hates me very much, has been getting her audience to hate me very much, knows my home address, and is quick to participate in smear campaigns.

It isn't unreasonable to be scared.

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So! I'm leaving Tumblr because it isn't safe for trans women, there's nothing for me here anymore, and I'm tired. Thank you to everyone so far. If you would like to follow up with my, find me as a member of the art group Dimension 11, the link to which can be found in my pinned post.

See you.

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I WANT TO LIKE THE NEW BLACK LUSTER RITUAL CARDS SO BAD... I've been wanting good BLS cards for years but this is the most unfun combination of hollow self-referential ouroboros feeling of modern legacy support that makes me feel like I'm resisting decay in a peat bog and overengineered modern card design.

They really printed a ritual spell that says “if this card is in your gy, add it and an archetype card (any archetype card, not even just the rituals) from the gy to you hand, no cost, lmao”

It's just, a pile of Effects That Work. It doesn't have an identity of its own outside of Visually Resembling Legacy Cards. and I really don't like it. I'm tired of the insulated, specific card mention pseudo-archetypes, since this apparently is now Konami's way to make legacy support that ignores old cards. Like, I would’ve been more fine w/ this direction if they didn’t make one off legacy decks that do one thing and then lets them go. We had shining sarc and new exodia, now this is here. Blah

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I need to get out of bed

[yanguang]

brain powerd, episode 21

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having one of my ex's mutuals reblog my art is so scary. I would rather not be known please. like she is still posting about me could we not do that. could you not do that. the model of me that exists in your head is incorrect stop talking about me like that

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warm-up shitpost

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goin back to tha old me (obsessing over pokemon x trainer yuri)

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fitgirl is always packing

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making a romhack is so much fun I love learning and developing new skills. I am beginning to understand however why we developed languages other than assembly, and that reason is to use anything other than assembly

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For my first serious foray into programming since I was a little girl I have apparently decided to open with GBZ80 assembly, yknow, like normal

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paradox pokemon are so nothing to me. what if we slapped misdreavus with stats and called it a new pokemon

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tasty dandelion tea...

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