hello! mimi here! i saw a lot of people talking about sometimes feeling lost on how to engage with another person's self ship. so, with the best knowledge i had on how i manage. i put together a very small and simple guide:
how to engage with another person's selfship 101
when someone's sharing lore about a ship, find one part of the lore and really drive into it to help them expand on it! if someone is like "oh my f/o and i met in this place by the sea and that's where we fell in love" you can latch onto that! asking them about the setting or the feelings for both of them for example could help. like "what was it like to be at the sea?" or "what makes the sea special for both of you?" could go a long way!
if someone is sharing non-lore topics, don't be afraid to say "your f/o loves you!" or "this is adorable, i love the relationship the you and your f/o have!" validation is more than okay. on top of that, you can ask them a question like "what's your favorite part of your f/o?" or "what dates do you and your f/o go on?" small things, small things!
as tempting as it can be. please, let the other person speak! dont just answer with one words and then go to talk about your stuff. for a lot of people, that is considered "rude" and it can hurt their feelings. its best that if you can engage, please speak from the heart.
if someone sends a fic and its longer than you expected, break it down! bit by bit, maybe you read 100 words for 5 minutes, take a break, then get back to it. give it a shot! you might end up liking their writing style more than you expected. and then you can tell them how you liked their writing style or really like how they written their dynamic with their f/o. you don't have to read it right away. but, the first step of learning someone's self ship is by trying.
prompt generators, ask games, random videos on youtube. these can all be helpful ways to build on questions you can ask others. imagine you watch a video on making a scrapbook and you remember someone else you talk to mentioning their f/o scrapbooks. you can use that as a way to go "hey, what type of scrapbooks would your f/o make?" as a way to open up the door and ask questions about the ship! (if nervous about this, always ask "can i ask questions about your ship. it never hurts to ask.)
avoid competition. i know this is obvious. but if you and someone else share an f/o. ask. talk to them. give them and yourself a chance to figure things out. if seeing them talk about an f/o makes you sad and jealous, don't try to one up them. remind yourself, "my f/o loves me for me. and i love them. this person is allowed to love the same character and i am allowed to experience jealousy too." allow your emotions to be processed so you don't end up acting impulsively.
again, as much as you want people to love your ship. so do others! if others are putting in the effort, so should you! it can be tiring, yes, but friendships are a two-way street. show you care by engaging with their ship as much as they engage with theirs. it can cause a lot of isolation and sadness when someone tries for someone who doesn't meet them halfway. that doesn't mean you have to always engage full energy 24/7 with someone's ship, but showing up and saying, "hey this reminded me of you!" can go a long way
in the end, the most important part is that it should come from wanting to engage. if you do not want to engage, you shouldn't have to! don't force yourself to care if you don't but understand that as well, that others will not be obligated to care either. its a very sad reality but its best to be respectful and honest to not just yourself but to others around you.
its not much and it doesn't cover every single part you should consider. but this is how i engage and try to do my best of being respectful and kind to others in the community. i hope this can be of use to other people.
