don't look back

~private blog ~ elias karlson vampire. 139 years old. stained with blood

[billskarsgardsource]

insp.

[penumbxa]

dirtysxuth

Though she’d no longer considered herself to be necessarily at odds with anyone in particular, the suffocating unhappiness of the household had caused Adriana to stray – she’d spent an entire evening wordlessly away, had come and slept through the daylight, and had disappeared once more at dusk. It was still night when she’d returned once more, fully satiated from a recent feed and willing to depart early to her room. As Adriana approached her bedroom, she stilled in the threshold as she took in the sight of the two men occupying the space. Settling a decidedly mistrusting gaze on them both, she spoke: “what are you both doing in here?”

Duke’s grin widened, fingers playing with the hair at the base of Elias’ neck. “What? I’m great at gifts.” He insisted, cocking his head to the side. It was nice, if he was honest, being around Elias and getting to feel loved again. It would’ve been pathetic, he knew, if he wasn’t totally and completely enraptured by him. When he heard Adriana, Duke jumped and smiled sheepishly; as if he’d been caught doing something wrong. Even so, he didn’t bother untangling himself from the vampire. This was what she’d wanted, right? For them to get along? “I’m looking for the bag I gave you.” He explained. “With the gifts.”

   objectively, elias could understand how adriana felt -- he’d nearly died, and the past weeks had been beyond stressful for the whole family. family. it finally felt like he could say that again, with his doubt buried deep, eyes bouncing from the two of them as his excitement grew. “you knew about this mystery gift?” elias questioned her, an eyebrow tweaking upwards.

[penumbxa]

dirtysxuth:

“I know it’s in here somewhere.” Duke tugged the elder vampire into Adriana’s room, smiling up at him. “I have to show you something I got you.” He explained, running his hands up Elias’ chest and cupping the back of his neck. “You’re going to love it. Are you excited?” Duke whispered, getting distracted by the other man. It was becoming a little bit of a problem, how easily he was losing track of things in favor of wrapping himself around Eli, but the other man didn’t seem to mind. Yet. “Tell me you’re excited.” He grinned, feeling a little like he had when they’d first met; eager, giddy, and stupidly in love.

   the two had been inseparable since the intense hours that early dawn - elias holding duke while he cried, begging him to stay with him. though their reunion had happened over the grave of a wrong death, elias now felt like he could never untangle his limbs from duke’s. now he stood looking down happily, arms looped lazily over duke’s shoulders. “excited, yes. a little nervous, also an accurate judgement,” he answered honestly, still worried how long this could last, but his smile unable to budge. 

[dirtysxuth]

penumbxa.

under his breath, elias cursed, now regretting he hadn’t of respected duke’s wish and had just done the deed himself. he stepped beside duke, bending to scoop up the bloodied, broken human. his heart had stopped, but there was still a concern he’d turned. elias took duke’s hand in his, gently tugging him towards the backdoor.

Duke let Elias lead him outside, even more guilt flooding his chest. He still dragged him into this, even when he hadn’t wanted to. He still made Elias clean up his mess; his Dana. He made Elias into the bad guy when it was always Duke who was the problem. It was always Duke. “Don’t.” He managed to gasp out, trying not to scream. “My fault.”

[penumbxa]

as the door shut, a weight lifted from his shoulders - neither sol or adriana needed more upsetting events in the house, and this dead human journalist would cause a commotion. elias was to exhausted to deal with it, and he waved off duke's concerns. "i love you, i'm going to help you - and i'm hungry," elias explained, though dead blood always had a sharp, bitter taste no vampire could truly enjoy. "let's get this over with and... and dispose of it."

[dirtysxuth]

penumbxa.

glancing towards the narrow hall, elias listened to the peaceful, steady thumps of sol’s heart, but knew he could wake anytime. it was a miracle, really, how no one had woken to his bellows early. “outside,” the older vampire instructed. “we’ll finish him off there.”

Duke didn’t move. He heard Elias’ words, wanted to obey him, and found he couldn’t. It happened every time he killed; the flashbacks, the reminders, the crippling self-hatred. During the war, he’d killed so many and had found refuge in hating himself. He’d hidden behind it in the cave. If he moved, Duke was sure he’d collapse in on himself. 

[penumbxa]

under his breath, elias cursed, now regretting he hadn't of respected duke's wish and had just done the deed himself. he stepped beside duke, bending to scoop up the bloodied, broken human. his heart had stopped, but there was still a concern he'd turned. elias took duke's hand in his, gently tugging him towards the backdoor.

[dirtysxuth]

penumbxa.

so much of him wanted to yank duke back; protect him; save the day again. but he refrained, tensing as the human once again stirred. the bag discarded felt like a curse sweeping through the house with each breath the human sucked in weakly. “snap his neck… drain him,” elias whispered, mostly to himself, once again feeling a wave of sickness.

Duke stared down at the human, cursing himself. He was a monster. No matter what Adriana thought, or Solomon whispered, or Elias believed. He was still the creature that left a human gasping for breath on a rug, cowering in pain. He still ruined this man’s life; a man who was just doing his job. Duke still destroyed everything he touched. “What if Solomon walks in?” He asked, almost hoping he did. Then he’d beg Duke to leave, wouldn’t he? Taking a deep breath, Duke moved in an instant and with a sickly crack, killed the man.

[penumbxa]

glancing towards the narrow hall, elias listened to the peaceful, steady thumps of sol's heart, but knew he could wake anytime. it was a miracle, really, how no one had woken to his bellows early. "outside," the older vampire instructed. "we'll finish him off there."

[dirtysxuth]

penumbxa.

elias hesitated, having not realized until that moment it was true. until solomon’s family wealth, elias had been the only income. it had been his home in new orlean, and largely him who had been the dubbed “protector” of their eclectic family. “i offer little else, especially now,” he answered with a deep sigh, sadness creeping into his tone. how helpless he had felt as their home burnt to the ground and sol’s life was threatened. what place did he have within them if he could not provide and protect? the human groaned. “duke…”

Duke wanted to say more, to admit to Elias how empty his entire world seemed without him. He’d woken up, night after night reaching for him. He’d picked up his books in stores and tattooed them onto his body; not for the quote, but because he couldn’t handle not having something of Elias on him. Everything in his being itched for Eli, even when he’d hated him at least he’d had him to hate. “You offer everything.” He whispered shortly, pressing a lingering kiss to Elias’ cheek before pulling away. “I can do this.” 

[penumbxa]

so much of him wanted to yank duke back; protect him; save the day again. but he refrained, tensing as the human once again stirred. the bag discarded felt like a curse sweeping through the house with each breath the human sucked in weakly. "snap his neck... drain him," elias whispered, mostly to himself, once again feeling a wave of sickness.

[dirtysxuth]

penumbxa.

“me, too. i think you were right about adriana, keeping her hostage here… i’d not noticed. I’ve been selfish,” elias begrudgingly admitted, beginning to stroke the hair on the back of duke’s head. the human stirred, and he snapped to attention, an arm instinctively going in front of duke. a long moment passed, and nothing. “i’ll do it, if you want. that’s why this family needs me. someone has to be willing to get their hands dirty.”

Duke did not argue with him and instead, buried his head in Elias’ neck. He reveled in the comfort it brought him, how the fingers in his hair made his chest feel a little less cold. “No.” Duke found himself whispering when Elias tried to push him back, his own hands finding his hips. “No.” He repeated, grabbing he elder vampire’s chin and turning it so their eyes met. “… You honestly think that is why we need you?”

[penumbxa]

elias hesitated, having not realized until that moment it was true. until solomon's family wealth, elias had been the only income. it had been his home in new orlean, and largely him who had been the dubbed "protector" of their eclectic family. "i offer little else, especially now," he answered with a deep sigh, sadness creeping into his tone. how helpless he had felt as their home burnt to the ground and sol's life was threatened. what place did he have within them if he could not provide and protect? the human groaned. "duke..."

[dirtysxuth]

penumbxa.

his jaw set, and elias gathered his courage and pulled duke’s body against his, wrapping his arms around the other in a tight embrace. he stood there just holding him for a moment, eyes half closing, still aware of the human in case he tried an attack. “so do i,” he answered simply, knowing now would be the best time to apologize. “and i wish you knew how sorry i was for all… all of the pain.”

Duke melted into his arms, exhaling a shaky sigh. He was so tired of feeling alone. Even with Solomon by his side, making his heart fuller than it had ever been in his life, there was something missing. Adriana, who knew him to her bones and Elias. Elias, who had done something to Duke he could never explain; who had softened him in a way he’d once thought was impossible. “… I wish I was better.” He admitted brokenly, pressing his forehead to Elias’ temple. “For all of you.”

[penumbxa]

"me, too. i think you were right about adriana, keeping her hostage here... i'd not noticed. I've been selfish," elias begrudgingly admitted, beginning to stroke the hair on the back of duke's head. the human stirred, and he snapped to attention, an arm instinctively going in front of duke. a long moment passed, and nothing. "i'll do it, if you want. that's why this family needs me. someone has to be willing to get their hands dirty."

[dirtysxuth]

penumbxa.

part of elias was still broken from duke, but like the family they had once been, he pulled himself together, reaching out and laying a hand on duke’s trembling arm. “let me help you,” elias requested, eyes imploring, watching duke’s face closely.

“Elias,” Duke sighed and it sounded like he was begging almost. For what, he wasn’t sure. He was reaching out, wanting the elder vampire to take care of him the way he always had and it wasn’t fair. “I almost got everyone caught, you shouldn’t…” Duke swallowed, leaning into his touch even though he couldn’t meet his eyes. “I fuck everything up.”

[penumbxa]

his jaw set, and elias gathered his courage and pulled duke's body against his, wrapping his arms around the other in a tight embrace. he stood there just holding him for a moment, eyes half closing, still aware of the human in case he tried an attack. "so do i," he answered simply, knowing now would be the best time to apologize. "and i wish you knew how sorry i was for all... all of the pain."

[dirtysxuth]

penumbxa.

“we have to kill him,” elias said softly, watching the way duke’s face contorted. the pain in both of their voices. “i-i mean… look at him,” he whispered, even quieter. part of him wished he had just killed him quickly when he stumbled into the emergency room screaming.

“I will.” Duke insisted, although it felt a little like a lie. This was his problem, his mess and he had to deal with the guilt. He had to kill yet another human whose life he’d destroyed by being nothing less than a monster. A monster who couldn’t ever fucking control himself. “… It’s my problem.” He repeated. “I just need to get him away from Sol. He can’t…” Duke inhaled shakily, picking up the bag again and shoving all the shit inside of it. If letting Elias down felt this bad, he didn’t want to think about what the look on Sol’s face would do to him.

[penumbxa]

part of elias was still broken from duke, but like the family they had once been, he pulled himself together, reaching out and laying a hand on duke's trembling arm. "let me help you," elias requested, eyes imploring, watching duke's face closely.

[dirtysxuth]

penumbxa.

    crossing the room, elias threw the needle in the trash, taking a minute to take a deep breath before he turned around, eyes steely cold. “that was all i had for sedatives,” he informed the other, and allowed his eyes to drop to the shivering journalist, pale and twitching. in truth, elias had never sired anyone, and felt almost sick watching the poor mortal. “no one is,” he answered simply, his nurse fingers itching to help, to solve, hating the situation. he turned away – for the first time, elias showed his vulnerability, biting hard onto his finger nail. 

“No…” Duke swallowed thickly, finally reaching down to pick up the bag and open it. He flinched at what he saw; pictures of him with his fangs bared, drinking from the man’s neck. A report about the evening, some other research. Duke dropped the bag again, as if it had burned him. He was an idiot. “… I can leave with him in the morning.” He began, eye squeezing shut as he breathed. Failing at his attempt to calm down. “Or now. Now is better.” Duke whispered, mostly to himself. Stupid.

[penumbxa]

"we have to kill him," elias said softly, watching the way duke's face contorted. the pain in both of their voices. "i-i mean... look at him," he whispered, even quieter. part of him wished he had just killed him quickly when he stumbled into the emergency room screaming.

[penumbxa]

dirtysxuth

Duke watched the human, terrified. He hadn’t ever meant to sire another being ever again; least of all against their will. The night with the man had been a blur of drinks and… blood, mostly. If he was honest; he barely remembered any of it. “… Are you okay?” He asked instead of answering the question, refusing to look Elias in the eye. There was no doubt in his mind that the vampire would surely kick him out now, but now he had a spare. What was Solomon going to say? Adriana? They’d all hate him.

    crossing the room, elias threw the needle in the trash, taking a minute to take a deep breath before he turned around, eyes steely cold. “that was all i had for sedatives,” he informed the other, and allowed his eyes to drop to the shivering journalist, pale and twitching. in truth, elias had never sired anyone, and felt almost sick watching the poor mortal. “no one is,” he answered simply, his nurse fingers itching to help, to solve, hating the situation. he turned away -- for the first time, elias showed his vulnerability, biting hard onto his finger nail. 

[penumbxa]

dirtysxuth

Duke couldn’t do more than stare at the human, then at the bag at his feet, before slowly raising his gaze to Elias. He’d thought, after their last fight, that things were entirely over between them. But if the shame and guilt rising in his chest had any say it, they were far from it. It was just like him to disappoint Elias again without even trying. “… Is he completely turned?” Duke asked in a trembling whisper, leaning back into the shadow in fear of crumbling under the elder vampire’s glare.

   as if in response, the human gave another groan, coughing and grabbing at his head. elias crouched down, pulling a plastic bag with a needle inside from his pocket. after injecting the journalist, he laid still, face relasing the agony that had crossed it. “not yet, and i don’t know if he will turn,” elias answered shortly, replacing the soiled needle in the bag. it was only a sedative. “he nearly outed me, to the whole hospital staff. what were you thinking - this isn’t like you.”

[penumbxa]

dirtysxuth

At the sound of his given name, Duke flinched. No one used that name anymore, least of all Elias. The use of it meant that something was wrong; something serious.. He moved from his bed to the living room in an instant, eyes widening when his gaze landed on the human. “Why would you…” The only possible reason Elias would bring a human into their home dawned on him and, like a child, Duke hid in the shadow of the entryway. “No.”

   “oh yes!” elias snarled back, fangs bared as the human curled into a ball. elias threw the book bag the human had on him when he was rushed to the hospital to duke’s feet. “he is a journalist,” elias added, rage etched into his face. “i foolishly saved his life and had to risk my job supplying him with sedatives to keep him from retelling his night with you!” he took a moment to breath. “i’ve turned over a new leaf -- no more killing, so this is your problem.”

[penumbxa]

   slam! the front door banged up, hitting the wall and creaking on its hinges, and elias stormed his way inside. in his grip, a human, half-alive, wailing weakly and groaned as elias deposited him in the middle of the floor in the modest living room. “CHESTER!” the vampire bellowed, his voice echoing through the house. “your friend is here!”

[minavampyra]

Her blood coursed through my veins, sweeter than life itself.

Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994) dir. Neil Jordan