tofly:
𝐊𝐀𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐀 𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐎𝐕 .
𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒇𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒍𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒗𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒖𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒎 𝒔𝒚𝒅𝒏𝒆𝒚 𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒐𝒐𝒓𝒔 , though the movement of saskia’s body through the darkened studio matches it not . defeat weighs her down , tugs her toward the ground , steps infused with anger and dripping with violence . sharp pain , once , twice , thrice , through her stubborn ankle . a last desperate grasp at the long gone past , gone horribly wrong , as the piano fades , and the world returns to view .
𝐈'𝐌 𝐆𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎 𝐅𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 . her own voice taunts her from the past . oh , how quickly that resolve had crumbled . dainty digits find home in the mess of soft brown locks that tumble down pale shoulders . deep breath in , deep breath out . two years , she thinks , since her last dance . two years , during which her wounds have begun to heal , ever so slowly . the pain that had once dominated her entire body from its residence in her ankle is now no more than a dull ache on the worst of days , and her mind , once painted black , and 𝐨𝐨𝐳𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐯𝐮𝐥𝐠𝐚𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 of all sorts , is freed . there is a kindness to her nowadays , one that it would be wrong to say was never there , but perhaps one that had been blotted out for such a long time by the very thing she had been so sure was the only important thing in the world .
it’s treading on thin lines , to be back here . back in the studio , surrounded by dancers who are young and able and brilliant . there are days she feels she may crack , days she thinks the constant reminder of her stolen youth will break her again , but saskia is beginning to realise she is stronger than she tends to give herself credit for . oh , she is far from perfection , the broken shell of the kind woman she had once been , but bit by bit she begins to find herself again . if only the the others could see it . tara , of course , has long forgiven her . 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥’𝐬 𝐧𝐚𝐢̈𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 , envelops everyone around her in its warmth and light and love . selfishly , saskia had hoped the undeserved forgiveness might be the end of it all , that a fresh start might be within her grasp . but of course not , ben and tara may have opened their company to her , but their friends , oh , 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐰𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐝 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐞 .
dark eyes carry her line of sight to a figure hidden in the shadows by the door . rose painted fingernails beckon them forth , and the mess of blonde locks is undeniably recognisable . ‘ 𝚔𝚊𝚝 . ’ somehow , saskia’s voice is both welcoming , and hostile , barbed and soft all at once . ‘ 𝚒 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗’𝚝 𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚒 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚞𝚍𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 . ’
𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐫 , or at least that’s what she thought . ballet was nothing but miserable for her , only doing it to appease her parents . but , all ballet did was make a seemingly confident girl break and become a shell of the girl she wanted to be . of course , she didn’t get injured like tara or saskia but part of her , the part she’d never admit to anyone , she wished she’d gotten an out like they did . still , after the failure of an acting career , it was an easy decision to return home . one that surprised even her .
the academy seemed so different now though . maybe it was the memories of sammy everywhere she turned or what she put herself through to even try to be half the dancer her friend tara was . her thoughts were interrupted when she heard music flood the empty hall . a brow raised as she found herself heading towards the classroom where it was coming from . kat was a little shocked to see saskia out of all people . but , she watched the woman , head tilted to the side with her lips turned to a soft smile .
she had come to learn in the years that forgiveness was hard for her . she didn’t mind small things but big things . maybe she’d never know why tara and ben forgave saskia so fast . but the two had big hearts , ones that were too good for this world sometimes . when saskia’s voice broke through her thoughts , she felt her cheeks burn in embarrassment . ‘ 𝚒 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚞𝚑 .... ’ she thought for a moment exactly what she was doing besides staring at saskia . ‘ uh , was suppose to meet tara here . guess i got the wrong time or something . ’