to.you (levi ackerman series)
all my love (bucky barnes series)
7PM (nikolai lantsov fluff)
♫ blog notes ♫
I said I was going on an indefinite writing hiatus like a year ago but i guess i can't stay away from fanfic lmao.
I mostly only write for jjk or aot charcters rn... which ones? idk, if you send an idea or request, and I have something to write, I'll write it and if I don't have anything then I won't. I will hype u up tho and we can discuss your idea and scream about it a lil. <3
Do you still eat your cereal with a fork? In that big blue cup?
Do you still think of me when you hear the Beatles? Or when you drive in the rain?
Or have we finally outgrown each other?
By next year, I will have shed the final remnants of a heart that beat for you, of hands that fit so neatly in yours, and I will be a person who has never been touched by your love.
However, my soul will forever be stained with the crimson splotches of our messy, spilled, and drunken love.
Like all stains, they’ve faded with time and I’ve long since forgotten the taste of it. All I remember is the drunken glow and the warmth in my cheeks.
I don’t drink wine anymore.
The taste is never enough to justify the ache I feel when I have a glass. But I’ve come to realize, there’s more than one way to chase a high.
I always thought I’d love wine forever because I’d never had grapefruit soju before. Or a rum and coke. Or Tennessee honey whiskey. I’ve even come to love the sting of even the cheapest of tequilas. My point is that I thought I’d love you forever because I had never known how to love anyone else. But I’m six years older now, and I’ve grown into the person I dreamed of when I was with you.
But one day, I might miss the taste of wine and I might miss you.
exhausted and battle-worn levi who has made something of a habit of crawling into your bed after missions.
it's a habit that formed first out of necessity; you'd both been tasked with bringing the cadets on a snowstorm training exercise but had to bail out halfway up the mountain due to an avalanche. you'd sent the cadets back down with hange and moblit while offering to stay put with most of the equipment, figuring the gear too valuable to risk the chance of it being picked through by thieves by the time you were able to return. levi offered to stay with you, an offer you were sure he'd regret. you weren't close -- not enemies, but your relationship was built on begrudging respect and prolonged silence. not exactly the makings of an easy time spent alone together.
as the night turned inky black and blisteringly cold, you soon realised that you underestimated how cutting the wind would be. the base was insulated as best as the survey corps could afford -- which is to say, very poorly.
out of desperation, you'd made an unspoken pact to share a bed that night.
it wasn't romantic, let alone sexual, a pragmatic measure designed to keep your fingers and toes intact, but you were surprised to find him still there in the morning when the wind had died down. he wasn't curled up against you and his face betrayed no signs of any emotion, but he was still there. you were the first to slip out from under the covers.
the next time was after a particularly late night spent strategising (on levi's end) and drinking (on yours). you'd grown somewhat closer since that night spent up the mountain, with him trusting your opinion over most other officers. at the end-of-year celebration, a rowdy event with all military branches forced to attend, he had chosen to sit next to you, a decision that caused something of a stir amongst the cadets. you both chose to disregard the gossip, though even you couldn't ignore the way his eyes followed your every movement that evening.
when the coast was clear you retired to your chambers with him trailing after you, eager to escape a night spent putting up with the drunken debauchery of the military police. again, the night was tame, with you exchanging various plans and theories back and forth until you both fell asleep, clothed, on top of your mattress.
you had felt the temptation to kiss him but didn't, figuring it was just the wine talking.
that kiss happened three missions later, with levi so relieved to find you alive he had taken your face in his blood-stained hands and pressed his lips to yours. it was more desperate than heated, a surge of emotion that even he couldn't control.
he showed up at your door that night and took his place next to you in your bed, and a habit was born.
things move slowly with you both, and you're okay with that. everything else about your lives moves at breakneck speed, too fast to process, and so you're content with the little victories.
like levi resting a hand across your waist as you sleep, keeping it there until it's time to get dressed for morning roll call.
like levi going from a silent goodbye to a spoken goodbye to a kiss before he steps away, ready to face back out into the world.
now, you wake to feel levi's chin resting against your shoulder, his head resting in the groove of your neck, it's another victory, and you'll take it happily.
"but I'm up all night, thinkin' 'bout how it could be you to change my heart."
summary: Levi's always been good at keeping his distance, but he realizes he wants more. He wants to be by your side. It's time to tell you how he feels.
pairing: Levi Ackerman x gn!reader content: cursing songs mentioned: soft spot - keshi
A/N: Consider this not just the finale, but also the to.you christmas special. Enjoy, and thank you for everyone who's read and commented! You have made my holidays so merry. Sorry this took so long. I'm depressed lol. I might do a short epilogue, since I found one more song I want to write about >:)
comments and rb's are appreciated :)
previous chapter || masterlist
Jean Kirstein was annoying, Levi decided.
Levi’s eyes were glued to the dance floor where Jean had just twirled you for the second time in this song. You laughed as you spun around and wobbled back to him, dizzy. Levi was annoyed at the first twirl, but a second one? It’s a jazzy rendition of Jingle Bell Rock, not Dancing With the Stars. It was excessive… but it wasn’t – it shouldn’t be — offensive. That was what annoyed him the most. Jean wasn’t overstepping or crossing any lines. He was just… there. Dancing with you. Making you laugh.
Jean’s arms reached out to your shoulders to help you keep your balance and Levi felt his fingers tighten around the rim of his glass. He leaned in to say something to you and Levi’s jaw clenched.
“I don’t get it,” Levi muttered aloud.
“Get what?” Levi didn’t even bother to turn around as he heard Eren sidle up beside him, leaning his elbows back on the wood of the bar.
“What the hell can be so fun about dancing?” Levi took a sip of his drink. “To jazz, nonetheless.”
Eren shrugged in response. “Usually the company. It can be fun with the right people.”
“That horse-faced brat’s not graceful enough to be a dancer.”
Levi turned to glare at Eren, who laughed at his jab. “True,” he conceded. “But you don’t need to be a good dancer to be a good dance partner. You just have to be there.” Eren raised a smug eyebrow at Levi.
The glare on Levi’s face remained fixed even as he turned away from Eren. It’s true. He didn’t really have a reason to be upset. You wanted to dance, and Levi didn’t, but Jean did. It was simple. It was just a dance, nothing more. And it wasn’t like Levi hadn’t seen you dance with Jean before. Friends dance together. Levi knew all this, but years of writing cliches reminded him that love (is that what this is?) is not rational.
Eren spoke again. “You could always cut in, you know?”
“They’re fine where they are.”
“Are you?”
As if things couldn’t get more annoying, Levi watched as Eren did just that. He sauntered up to you and offered his hand out, sneaking a smug glance over to Levi as he replaced Jean on the dance floor. Levi huffed at the brat’s audacity.
The song didn’t last too long after Eren cut in. Levi took it as a consolation prize from the universe. He watched as you spoke to Eren and gestured over to the bar. Eren nodded with a grin and followed you as you made your way toward him. The second you got close enough to spot him, he felt his chest tighten as he watched your eyes light up. “Levi!” He loved the way his name sounded in your voice. “You made it!”
Levi huffed, but he couldn’t stop his lips from quirking up at your excitement. “I told you I’d be here.”
“So you did. You didn’t want to dance?” you asked with furrowed brows. His heart seemed to skip a beat. Did you want him to dance with you?
“Levi doesn’t dance,” Eren interjected with a laugh. Levi rolled his eyes and shot him a glare.
“It seemed like you already had a line of partners,” he attempted to correct. He didn’t miss the way Eren’s eyebrows raised with an amused smirk.
You waved your hand dismissively. “It was just Jean and Eren,” you rolled your eyes. He felt something like relief, suddenly, as if his previous worries dissipated. Did you have any idea how much power you held over him?
It wasn’t really jealousy he felt—at least, not entirely. It was something harder to name, something deeper. Watching you with Jean, with Eren, felt like staring at a world he couldn’t quite step into. They were comfortable with you in a way he wasn’t. Where Jean was effortlessly charming and Eren was boldly confident, Levi was quiet, reserved. He wasn’t particularly outgoing, and he wasn’t good at being vulnerable.
But now that he’d had glimpses of what it could feel like—those fleeting moments when your smile was just for him, or when your laughter rang out at something he’d said—it was harder to ignore how much he wanted more. The realization was terrifying, heavier than admitting he had a crush on you. That was simple. He could like you from a distance and that was enough. But this… this quiet longing for something deeper, for the kind of familiarity you so easily shared with others… it felt out of his reach.
“Oh yeah,” your voice cut through his thoughts. Your eyes lit up again as you turned to look at Eren. ”Eren was telling me about the band. I didn’t know you wrote most of the songs.”
Levi’s eyebrow raised as his gaze flickered to Eren. “I… write some. But so does Eren.” He wasn’t sure why he was downplaying his contribution to the band, but he felt his cheeks flush at the idea of you finding out he’d written two songs about you in the span of a little over a month.
“Please,” Eren rolled his eyes. “Not nearly as much as stone cold Mozart, over here.” The nickname earned a laugh from you, and Levi found that he didn’t really mind it.
“Mozart?” Levi scoffed. “I don’t think he’d make it through one of our band rehearsals.”
Eren groaned and grimaced at the mention of No Name’s rehearsals. “One time Levi had us rehearsing in Hange’s apartment for 6 hours because one chord felt off.”
“Six hours is an exaggeration,” Levi assured you as your jaw dropped in shock. “It was Hange really, who was dissatisfied with the chord. But we eventually got it right. Just had to tweak some things.”
Eren scoffed. “It paid off,” he gestured over to Levi, who took another sip of his drink. “All thanks to Levi. You wouldn’t believe how serious he gets when we’re working on a song.”
Levi shrugged. “That’s because someone has to take it seriously.” He sighed internally. This wasn’t helping his case.
“Well, lucky you’re here,” you said with a grin, your tone softening just slightly. Levi felt something like warmth in the way you said it, and for a moment, the sounds of the party began to quiet. He mirrored your grin with a soft smile of his own and only managed to tear his eyes from you when he heard Eren clear his throat.
“I think Mikasa and Armin are looking for me, so I’ll let you two talk” he smirked as he tipped his glass to the two of them before walking away. The two of you watched him walk away to where his girlfriend and friend and Jean were. Jean raised a thumb up to him and when Eren mirrored it, Jean clapped him on the back. A wave of silence washed between the two of you.
Levi listened as the beginnings of a new song, the Christmas Waltz, filled the silence. “Sitting this one out?” he nodded towards the dance floor where couples were beginning to form. Jean and Connie, Eren and Mikasa, and Armin and Annie.
“I think I’m fine here for now.” His heart did a flip. A part of him knew that you wanted to be out there. You looked like you were having so much fun on the dance floor with your friends. It wasn’t that he wanted to keep you all to himself all night – well he did, kind of. But not if it meant you were giving something up just to appease him. You made it seem so easy, to meet him in his comfort zone and he wished he could do the same for you. But Eren was right. So he chose to take a step too. To meet you in the middle. His gaze fell back on you gently and before he could overthink it, his hand stretched out to you.
“Come on,” he said simply, his voice steady but lower than it was before.
Your brows lifted in surprise, but a smile quickly found its way to your features. “I thought you didn’t dance, Ackerman.”
“I don’t,” he admitted, still waiting for you to slip your hand in his. “But I will with you.”
You stared at him for a second longer, your eyes searching his before you tugged your bottom lip into your teeth and slipped your hand into his. “Well how can I say no to that?”
The warmth of your hand in his sent a jolt through him, and he couldn’t suppress the smile on his face as he led you to the dance floor. He found a space for the two of you and felt his cheeks blush as you dropped his hands to rest them on his shoulders. His hands found your waist and he fought his anxiety and forced himself to relax. He allowed his senses to fill themselves with nothing but you, and the soft waltz playing in the background.
“This isn’t so bad, is it?” you noted, your voice soft.
Levi’s lips twitched into a small smile. “I have a good partner.”
He let silence sit between you for a moment. His movements were simple and he kept his hands on your waist steady, but loose enough to let you lead him around the dance floor with ease. You were right, it wasn’t so bad. He followed your lead with just a bit more grace than a newborn deer, but it wasn’t bad at all. Even if his steps were clumsy, there was something about you that invited the messiness, the chaos, that he tries so hard to sweep away. You were here, inches away from him, and he wondered if your heart was beating as fast as his.
“For someone who doesn’t dance, you’re not bad at all,” you complimented him with a smile.
Levi felt his eyebrows raise in amusement. “Your bar is too low,” he scoffed. “I just haven’t stepped on your feet yet.” He looked down at his own feet, making sure to avoid yours. He hoped you couldn’t tell how hard he was trying to not look clumsy. It wasn’t until he heard your voice again that he finally looked up.
“Hey,” you prodded. “Don’t overthink it.” You smiled at him softly and Levi let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He nodded simply and tried again to focus on you.
“You’re…” he paused and took another breath before continuing. “You look like you’re having fun.”
“I am,” you replied quietly with a small smile. If Levi was any further from you, it would have been lost in the swells of jazz behind you. “Thanks to you.”
Before he could speak again, you leaned in slightly, lowering your voice as if sharing a secret. “You know, I didn’t think you’d actually say yes to dancing.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Why’s that?”
You shrugged, your smile turning playful. “You seem more like the ‘watch and judge’ type.”
“Maybe I am,” he admitted, his voice steady but softer than usual. “But sometimes it’s better to… try.”
Your grin widened, and you slid a hand down to take one of his from your waist. His own eyes widened as you raised your now entwined hands above your head and twirled away from him. He let out a quiet huff of surprise, his other hand coming to rest back on your waist to steady you as you came back to him.
“There,” you said, laughing. “Now you’re an official dancer.”
Levi shook his head, but he couldn’t fight the small smile tugging at his lips. “If you say so.”
As the song began to wind down, the two of you slowed your movements, but neither of you made a move to let go. For the first time that night, Levi felt the tension in his chest ease, replaced by a warmth that was equal parts comforting and terrifying.
“Thanks for this,” you said softly, your gaze meeting his. “I’m glad you came tonight.”
He hesitated, his voice catching slightly. “Me too.”
The words hung in the air between you, carrying more weight than either of you acknowledged. The room around you seemed to fade entirely, leaving just the two of you in the moment.
“Do you want to stay for another dance?” you asked, your voice light but hopeful.
Levi glanced toward the bar where Eren and Jean were watching, both pretending to mind their own business but clearly invested. With a soft huff, he looked back at you, his gaze steady.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I think I do.”
How do you do it? he wondered. You make it so easy to invite him into things he’d never had interest in doing before, things he’d find himself doing were it not for you. In the span of only a few months his heart had grown a soft spot in the shape of your hand in his, a feeling that he’d keep chasing far into the unknown no matter how it scared him.
He wasn’t sure how much time actually passed when the band finally announced their final song, but he noticed a slight ache in the balls of his feet that wasn’t there earlier. He let you lead him back towards the bar for one final drink. He wasn’t thirsty, not really. He was much too focused on the way you kept his hand in yours all the way to the bar or the way you let his slip out of yours slowly rather than all at once.
“Are you heading out soon?” He finally managed to tear his attention away from you and towards the doors where your friends were gathering their things. You turned your head towards them as well.
“I think so,” you hesitated, your gaze meeting his. “You?”
“Soon,” he shrugged.
For just a moment, the two of you let the silence linger – something warm and not awkward. Suddenly, your eyes lit up as if just remembering something.
“There’s a holiday market opening near campus tomorrow,” you began to explain. “It’s supposed to be really nice, and I was thinking of checking it out.”
“You’re going alone?” Levi raised an eyebrow. He found himself asking before he could even think the question.
You shrugged, but smiled at him playfully. “I was,” you began, drawing out the last syllable. “But then I remembered I have a psych partner who’s obligated to spend time with me.”
Levi scoffed at the challenging tone of your voice. Right, the psych project that he’d almost completely forgotten about… that was due at the beginning of next week. “What time?”
You grinned and the warmth in your expression was enough to relax him. “I was thinking around 3? Since the sun seems to go down around 5.”
“I’ll see you at 3,” he said simply, not resisting the smile that crept onto his face as you nodded back.
As you turned to finally leave, you hesitated for just a beat before turning to wrap him in a quick hug. Long enough to feel you linger even after you’d let go, but gone too fast for him to be able to return it. “Goodnight, Levi.”
“Goodnight,” he replied as he watched you disappear into the crowd.
He let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. Did you know you had him wrapped around your finger?
The next afternoon, the air was crisp and the streets were lined with shoveled snow that muffled the usual hustle and bustle of the city. The sun bounced off the mounds of white and Levi squinted at the glare. He adjusted his scarf as he approached the entrance to the market. The scent of the winter – of warm baked goods and pine – wafted through the air and mixed with the sound of commercial holiday pop songs. He took a deep breath before pulling out his phone.
2:45. He was early. He hoped he didn’t come off as too eager, but if you asked… he’d tell you he likes to be punctual. Which was true, but it didn’t matter to him nearly as much in this situation. He huffed out a breath, watching his breath form into a cloud in front of him.
Thankfully, he didn’t wait long. At 2:53, he spotted you weaving through a crowd of people. When your eyes met his, a smile formed on your face and Levi couldn’t help but feel much warmer than he was before. He smiled back at you as he took in your rosy cheeks, flushed with cold.
“Levi,” you called out as you finally approached him. “You’re already here!”
“You said 3,” he replied simply. His tone was even, but he felt his heart skip at how excited you were to see him.
You shrugged with a smug smile. “It’s 2:55.”
“It’s 2:55,” he echoed as his eyebrow raised in amusement. Guess you were both eager. Levi scoffed as he shook his head to hide the blush that was definitely evident on his cheeks. He felt a tug on his sleeve and looked up to see you nodding towards the market. He followed your lead.
The inside of the market was any child’s holiday fantasy. There were human-sized gingerbread houses with giant-sized gift boxes and plastic candy canes lined around them. The trees were strung with lights that Levi was sure would look warm once the sun set.
“You come to these places often?” Levi asked as he continued to look around the crowded center. If there were less people, he probably would feel much more of the holiday spirit. With one glance over at your giddy face, however, Levi realized the amassed crowd was not a deterrent for you.
You nodded with a grin as you eyed the various stalls, searching for something. “I started coming here after my first semester,” you explained. “Armin had suggested it as a way to get over post-finals depression, and it’s become somewhat of a tradition since then.”
Levi hummed as you spoke. “I think it would be nicer if there were fewer people,” he confessed.
He looked over to you as you chuckled. “Somehow I think you say that often,” you mused. Levi scoffed out a laugh in confirmation. “Ah– there it is.” He looked over to where you were pointing at a rustic looking wooden stand, strung with garlands and ornaments. There was an off center blackboard sign with the words “HOT COCOA” handwritten in red and white chalk marker.
“Two Mexican hot chocolates, please,” you announced to the worker who was dressed in an elf costume and smiling brightly. Before you had even reached for your wallet, Levi had beat you to the punch and placed his card in the machine. You looked at him with an eyebrow raised.
Levi blushed in response and turned away. “You uh, you paid last time.” He was well aware that it had been over a week since the last time you were at the cafe with him, and he was the one who bought the last round of tea, but knowing you… it meant he’d see you again so you could treat him to something else.
“Your two cocoas,” the cashier announced and handed over two to-go cups to you and Levi.
“Now we can look around,” you announced as you took a sip of the cocoa and sighed. The two of you were in front of a shop filled with artisan tree ornaments, but instead of walking in, you paused and turned to him. “Have you tried it yet?”
He was skeptical of the warm beverage in his hands, honestly. He wasn’t big on sugary beverages, much less on those served to him at a place marketed to young children excited for a holiday sugar rush. He looked to see your reaction before taking a sip of his.
As if noticing his apprehension, you let out a chuckle. “Try it,” you pushed. “I promise it’s probably not what you’re expecting.”
Now he was facing a losing battle to his own curiosity. He cautiously took a small sip and immediately understood what you meant. He was expecting something sugary and artificial, but this tasted like it took hours to make. It was sweet, but not saccharine, with a hint of cinnamon and… wait, is it spicy?
Levi must have made a face, because you chuckled as you took another sip. “Good right?”
It honestly was. He took another sip and nodded back to you. “Ready to head in?”
The inside of the ornament shop was just as whimsical as Levi expected. The shelves were lined with glass ornaments of various shapes and colors. It was clear that most, if not all of the ornaments were handmade. Levi reached a hand out as he walked through the small, cramped store, letting his fingers trace over some of the glass baubles.
He turned to you with a soft smile. “These are really nice, huh?” He asked as he held up a clear ornament with a snowman and some styrofoam turned snow, like a mini snow globe. He shook it gently to watch the snow gently fall around the smiling snowman.
“Yeah,” Levi watched your eyes crinkle as you returned his smile. You picked up another ornament, this one like hand blown glass, a swirl of reds and greens. “I think these ones are really nice…” You continued to talk about your opinion on holiday colors but Levi found himself distracted by a blur of frenzied movement in one corner of the store where Jean and Eren were undoubtedly trying to remain inconspicuous. He let his gaze shift slightly in their direction and he watched as they quickly turned around. Ah, he realized, they’re following us. Levi was impressed by how badly they were failing at this.
Idiots, he thought, though the word carried less bite than usual. Whatever reason they had for not wanting to be seen, Levi didn’t really care. They weren’t planning anything dubious. He knew that much. Eren and Jean were nosy, sure, but there was a kind of clumsy earnestness to their antics that Levi couldn’t entirely begrudge.
Levi turned his attention back to you. “... and that’s the brief history of the art of glass blowing.” You finished and he gave you a sheepish smile. He’ll have to google for himself later whatever you just told him about. You turned to him with a smile. “Anything catch your eye?”
“Not quite yet,” Levi mused. “But we haven’t seen it all.” He continued to push through the crowd further into the store, resting a gentle hand on your back to guide you along with him. He thought back to the night of that party when he held your wrist in his, the buzz that felt electric at the time. This felt like something else entirely, like he’d come to step into something new, something warm and something soft.
He watched as you paused in front of one of the ornaments, another snow globe style ornament. This one had stars mixed in with the snow and in the center of it, a couple. You picked it up in your hands with a smile.
“What do you think about this one?” you asked him softly. The soft smile that spread across your features and the twinkle in your eye made Levi feel that he liked it a lot.
“Beautiful,” he murmured. He hadn’t even really looked at the snow globe, honestly.
A thud behind him interrupted his thoughts, and before he could turn at all, he heard Eren’s voice. “You idiot, they’ll see us.” Levi let himself scoff under his breath. Maybe they’ll fall and knock each other out, Levi thought in amusement.
“A gift for us,” your voice brought Levi’s attention back. He watched as you grabbed two of the ornaments and held them gently in your hand by the strings, careful not to let them fall. His heart skipped a beat when you smiled at him, holding them up by your face with pride, as if you’d discovered a new treasure.
Whatever Jean and Eren were trying to accomplish, Levi decided, wasn’t worth the effort of confrontation. Let them stumble around in the background. This– your quiet smiles, your babbled history about the history of something something, the way your voice cut through all the noise– was what mattered.
Unfortunately for him for the rest of the evening, Levi realized that he wasn’t going to be able to shake the pair of idiots tailing the two of you. Somehow, you hadn’t noticed them.
At a shop selling knitwear, they were there, strangling wrapping each other with various scarves.
At the stand selling snacks, they were there, three people behind Levi in line, arguing about whether to split a cinnamon pretzel or a cup of roasted chestnuts.
At the photo set with Santa, he heard their obnoxious laughter and whispers, “Do you think he’ll tell her while he sits on Santa’s lap? Do you think they’ll mistake him for an elf?”
Finally, Levi had had enough. After the elves guided you out of the set and handed you a card to pick up your picture, you left Levi alone at a quieter section of the market as you went to the restroom. Once you were out of earshot, he let out a loud sigh.
“Come out, idiots one and two,” he called out with a grimace.
Obediently, Jean and Eren left their spot from behind a tree and walked sheepishly to Levi who had his arms crossed, like an annoyed father, catching his kids sneaking back into the house after curfew. Jean ran a hand across the back of his neck and Eren fidgeted with the ponytail holder that sat on his wrist.
“Listen–”
“It was Eren’s idea–”
Levi raised a hand up, cutting them off. “You two suck at this,” he sighed. “Care to explain why I’ve earned a pair of dumbass shadows?”
Jean rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding Levi’s piercing gaze. “We were just, uh, keeping an eye on things. You know, in case you needed backup.”
Levi’s lips twitched, the faintest hint of an amused smile breaking through his otherwise impassive expression. “Backup? From what? A rogue snowman?”
Eren grinned, clearly amused by the jab. “Hey, you never know. Markets can be dangerous places.”
Jean elbowed him in the ribs, shooting him a glare. “Shut up, Jaeger. You’re not helping.”
Levi shook his head, a quiet sigh escaping him. “You’re both idiots. If you’re going to follow someone, at least try not to get caught. This is pathetic and you still haven’t told me why.” His face formed into a stern glare. “You’ve got a few minutes before I stop feeling so generous.”
“This is you being generous?” Eren grumbled, earning another glare from Jean.
“Okay, we… we’ve been trying to see if you… like… if you have feelings for…” Jean trailed off, folding under Levi’s raised eyebrow and unimpressed stare.
“Right… so following us around was the best way to do this?” He remembered that night at the gala too, when Eren seemed to be egging him on, and that day at the cafe where they were muttering nonsense. “You guys have been at this for a while.”
“It was Eren’s idea?” Jean offered with a sheepish smile.
“What? No it wasn’t,” Eren shot back. “For the record, Levi, I was the only one against this idea. I even said you don’t have feelings for them.” He crossed his arms in defense.
Levi’s glare silenced them both, but he felt the edge in his mood soften. A few months ago, he probably would have snapped at Eren and Jean for so blatantly invading his space. He would have murmured a line about not needing their help.
But since that night at the gala, he’d started to see what you saw in them– their relentless loyalty, their ridiculous but genuine attempts to look out for you. It was messy, sure, but it was also… comforting. He didn’t need to force himself into this bubble of yours. You were already inviting him in.
“I do,” he replied simply, taking a metaphorical first step. As expected, Jean and Eren’s eyes went wide.
“I freaking told you,” Jean told Eren smugly.
“Shut up,” Eren shoved Jean before turning back to Levi. “Wait– you’re serious?”
Levi held his hand up again. “I… need your help,” he muttered, quieter now.
“Our help?” Eren echoed as Levi shot him a glare.
“Yeah.” Levi looked away, the flush creeping up his neck betraying his calm tone. “I want to tell them. How I feel.”
Jean blinked. “You… want our help to confess? Like, us?”
Levi’s glare returned, though it lacked its usual sharpness. “Yes. You two idiots clearly can’t keep a secret, and the last thing I need is for them to hear about this from someone else.”
These two idiots, as clumsy as they may be, cared about you. And judging by their terrible, terrible attempts to sneak around today and their readiness to fess up under any minute pressure, Levi did not trust them to hold a secret from you. He paused, his shoulders stiffening slightly as he pushed the words out. “Besides… You’re their friends. You know how to do this kind of thing.”
Eren stared, momentarily stunned. “You’re serious about this.”
Levi nodded, his jaw tightening. He pressed a palm to his forehead. “If I wasn’t, do you think I’d be asking you two for help?”
Jean grinned suddenly, his confidence restored. “Don’t worry, Levi. We’ve got your back.”
Eren smirked, leaning slightly toward Levi. “This is gonna be fun.”
Levi sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. “This is going to be… interesting.”
That night, Levi found himself on the phone with Hange. He sat on his bed with his guitar in his lap and his phone resting on the bed, Hange’s voice cutting through the otherwise silence of his room. His lyrics notebook was in front of him, propped up against a pillow. He had just finished catching them up on the events of the day, including Eren and Jean’s ideas for how to confess.
“Oh Levi,” Hange squealed. “I knew you had Hallmark-holiday-movie love interest potential.”
He let out a quiet sigh, but a smile crept on his face despite himself. “Do you want to hear the song or not, four-eyes?”
“Duh,” Hange replied. “Go and sing, music man.”
Levi scoffed and cleared his throat, strumming against his guitar gently and beginning the song. He felt almost… giddy, as his fingers strummed the last chord and he sat quietly, waiting for Hange’s reply.
“That was great,” they sighed. “Makes me wish I was in love.”
“Hange you’re in love with a new person every week,” Levi chuckled.
“Yeah, but classes are almost over,” they replied casually. “No more longing stares across the classroom with the blue haired sorority girl in my o-chem class.”
“Glad she’s finally safe from your wild eyes,” Levi huffed. “Anyway, back to the song.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Hange continued. “It’s good. It’s honest and I think it’s obvious. But… can I tell you something else?” They asked, their voice softening. Levi’s silence gave them room to continue speaking. “Don’t get too in your head about this, but you’ve changed a lot in the last few months. Not in a bad way, but just… it’s nice to see you like this.”
Levi nodded, even though they wouldn’t be able to see. “Yeah, I see it too. I feel different.”
“I’ve known you for a long time, Levi. I’ve always had a friend in you… I’m glad you’re letting us be your friends now.” Hange cleared their throat before continuing. “You let me know if you want the band playing with you, and I will ditch my lab report and thesis for you.”
He let out a soft chuckle. “That won’t be necessary,” he assured them. “I think I can do this on my own. But thanks for reminding me I don’t have to.”
“Make sure Eren gets a video,” Hange called as they muttered a final goodbye.
The next night, Levi felt his heart in his throat and a slick sheen of sweat on his palms. Maybe he couldn’t do this alone. No, Levi shook his head, then shook his hands. You’re literally a performer, you do this every other night, he reminded himself.
He looked around the cafe. It wasn’t very crowded tonight, but Levi didn’t really care. He was looking for you. Eren and Jean had promised to lure you to the cafe under the promise of free coffee. That was the first part of their plan, which involved Levi confessing his love for you after singing you a song at an open mic at the cafe. It was cheesier and much more public than Levi would have wanted, but they assured him that you would love a grand romantic gesture.
But he was on next, and he still couldn’t see you, and he felt as though he was about to hurl. He’d never experienced stage fright quite like this. What if Jean and Eren couldn’t convince you? What if they tried and you decided not to come? Oh god, what if–
Like a switch turning off in his brain, the jingle of a bell caught Levi’s attention and he found your eyes, and suddenly…things were quiet. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and he let himself smile as you waved at him. He watched as you muttered something to Eren before walking his way, and he felt his heart skip. He was sure he would go into cardiac arrest somehow with the way you seem to have a hold on his heart rate.
“Levi,” you called his name as you approached. “Hey.”
“Hey yourself,” Levi replied with a soft smile.
“I didn’t know you’d be here,” you told him. He watched your gaze fall to his guitar in his hands. “You’re playing?”
He nodded in reply. “I perform here sometimes when I want to test run a song.”
“You have a new song?” you asked him with a smile that made him want to kick everyone out so he could play it only for you.
“Yeah,” he answered. “It’s… I’m really proud of this one.”
“Well I can’t wait to hear it,” you assured him.
Before he could reply, he heard his name called by the emcee, and he turned his gaze to the stage. “I’ll find you after,” he promised and you waved him off with a nod.
From the stage, he could follow your figure as you found Jean and Eren again. The three of you sat at a table near the door. He smiled to himself as he watched Eren pull out his phone to record. He took a seat on the barstool at the center of the platform and tapped on the mic, setting his guitar in his lap.
Any trace of nervousness he felt earlier was gone. He was in his element. Much like how it felt to sing at Erwin’s wedding, he felt as though everyone else seemed to disappear. This was just between him and you, his own version of a love letter. He wanted to laugh at how loud his thoughts seemed to feel earlier.
“Hey everyone,” he called into the microphone. He drew the stand closer to him and adjusted the height to sit right at his lips. “I’m Levi, and this is a new song I wrote about someone special to me.” He caught your eye across the room and let himself smile before taking a deep breath. His fingers, sure and steady, plucked against the strings.
His eyes fluttered shut as he leaned into the microphone, letting his lips graze the metal as he sang.
I hate to dance, but I'd dance with you
'Cause I'd do anything to feel your touch
He felt himself smile as he lead into the chorus, his hands strumming a bit louder.
It's what you do to me
I'm wrapped around your finger and I can't stop
You know I got a soft spot for you
He pulled away from the mic as he got ready for the next verse. He let his gaze move from the neck of his guitar and across to you. He bit back a grin as he watched your eyes sparkle in delight as you watched him. You had to know right? That this was all for you? That every song he’s ever written… it was leading to you?
Too late, don't wanna fall, baby, I just
Don't need somebody else to throw me aside
But I'm up all night, thinkin' 'bout how
It could be you to change my heart, but I
Don't like anybody, tell me why it's different with you
Don't believe in love, but no one makes me feel like you do
As the song came to a close, Levi pulled away from the microphone and nodded his head to the strums against his guitar. He felt the familiar rush of performing, the anticipation of applause, and his heart thudding in his ears like a metronome. He’d expected to feel exposed, but at the end of it all, he felt his chest was light, as if sharing this song with you was what he needed all along.
The next part of the plan was to declare his feelings from right here on the stage. But as he caught your eye once more… “Thanks for listening.” was all he said.
The room was still buzzing as he walked off the stage. The emcee was moving on to the next act and the audience turned their attention away from him, but Levi was still only thinking about you. He made his way towards your table with his guitar in his hands and his heart pounding in his ears.
You were sitting at the table he’d spotted you earlier, but Jean and Eren were nowhere to be found. He was going off script now. He watched your eyes light up with a familiar gleam as he approached. His footsteps slowed to a stop as he arrived, less than a foot from where you sat, a now empty mug of tea in your hand. His breath hitched as he hesitated, not sure how to bridge the silence that sat between the two of you like a sea of half formed thoughts and things waiting to be said.
He found his fingers fidgeting over his guitar strings, thankful when you took the first step over the metaphorical bridge. “Levi,” you breathed his name out and he felt like melting. “That was…” He’d never allowed himself to be this vulnerable before, but he wasn’t really… scared. “That was beautiful,” you finished.
A smile formed on his lips. He didn’t even know his cheeks could raise that high. “Thanks,” he shook his head sheepishly. “I’m… glad you liked it.”
“Was it… really for me?” you asked softly. Your gaze fixed on Levi with an expression he couldn’t quite name.
He swallowed. “Yeah,” he confirmed. “It was.”
Your lips parted slightly, surprise flickering across your face before your expression softened into something warmer, something brighter. “Levi…”
He watched as you tentatively reached out your hand, crossing the distance between the two of you. His own hand came to meet yours halfway, intertwining your fingers, the bridge crossed.
He took a deep breath as he steadied himself, rubbing circles against your skin as he took a step closer. “I’m not good with words,” he began, letting his gaze drop to your joined hands. “But I needed you to know. You’re important to me. And I care about you, more than I know how to explain.”
The words hung in the air between the two of you as he waited for your response. Each second felt like it went on for minutes and he was worried he didn’t say enough. But then… but then you smiled. Not just a polite smile, or even a joking one that he’d seen before, but something deeper… something just for him.
“I care about you too,” you said softly, and Levi could feel the earnestness in your voice.
Levi felt himself breathe again, like his whole body suddenly remembered how to exist, how to live. He smiled softly at you.
The chattering crowd around the two of you seemed to fade away to the sound of music as he stood there with your hand safe in his as the two of you smiled at each other like idiots. Something had changed, and the air was electric with the warm promise of a new beginning.
For a moment, neither of you said anything. Neither of you needed to. The silence no longer felt like a chasm, but rather a warm blanket that covered the both of you in a comfortable embrace.
Finally, a soft laugh escaped your lips as you spoke. “Do you want to get out of here?” you asked, your voice just barely a whisper over the sound of music.
Levi nodded, giving your hand a squeeze. “Yeah,” he replied softly. “I do.”
As the two of you made your way outside, the sharp cold of a December night was a striking contrast to the warmth that lingered between the two of you. His gaze was fixed on you and how you glowed like something ethereal under the lights. Maybe he could come to like the holidays, if it meant he’d see you under the glow of warm string lights. You’d already changed him so much, what’s one more?
He didn’t even notice the snow beginning to fall, the first of the season, until he watched a flake land on your eyelashes. He didn’t notice there was music over the speakers until you laughed. He didn’t notice how cold it was until you reached your gloved hands to tighten his scarf.
And for the first time in a long time, Levi felt like he was exactly where he was supposed to be.
A/N: It's the end!! For those who have made it here, consider this me giving you a big kiss on the forehead. I haven't written in a while, so this story felt like coming home for me. I have absolutely loved writing for Levi, and I think I might continue to do so. If you have any song suggestions, do let me know, and I'll see if I can write it into this universe. But I do have a loose, LOOSE idea for an epilogue based on the song "Songs in my Head."
Also, as it's currently december, I'd like to wish all of you a happy holiday! It's crazy right now, so take this time to have a warm beverage, grab a blanket, and read something cozy.
And per usual, a fun fact: Levi and reader made a 83 on their psych project. Their professor said... "Good first impressions, strong writing skills, but no theories listed. Have the two of you considered writing a holiday rom-com?" (no theories listed is my fault. I didn't even wanna come back to writing the project. Didn't wanna give anyone finals induced trauma at this time of year.)
"but I'm up all night, thinkin' 'bout how it could be you to change my heart."
summary: Levi's always been good at keeping his distance, but he realizes he wants more. He wants to be by your side. It's time to tell you how he feels.
pairing: Levi Ackerman x gn!reader
content: cursing
songs mentioned: soft spot - keshi
A/N: Consider this not just the finale, but also the to.you christmas special. Enjoy, and thank you for everyone who's read and commented! You have made my holidays so merry. Sorry this took so long. I'm depressed lol. I might do a short epilogue, since I found one more song I want to write about >:)
comments and rb's are appreciated :)
previous chapter || masterlist
Jean Kirstein was annoying, Levi decided.
Levi’s eyes were glued to the dance floor where Jean had just twirled you for the second time in this song. You laughed as you spun around and wobbled back to him, dizzy. Levi was annoyed at the first twirl, but a second one? It’s a jazzy rendition of Jingle Bell Rock, not Dancing With the Stars. It was excessive… but it wasn’t – it shouldn’t be — offensive. That was what annoyed him the most. Jean wasn’t overstepping or crossing any lines. He was just… there. Dancing with you. Making you laugh.
Jean’s arms reached out to your shoulders to help you keep your balance and Levi felt his fingers tighten around the rim of his glass. He leaned in to say something to you and Levi’s jaw clenched.
“I don’t get it,” Levi muttered aloud.
“Get what?” Levi didn’t even bother to turn around as he heard Eren sidle up beside him, leaning his elbows back on the wood of the bar.
“What the hell can be so fun about dancing?” Levi took a sip of his drink. “To jazz, nonetheless.”
Eren shrugged in response. “Usually the company. It can be fun with the right people.”
“That horse-faced brat’s not graceful enough to be a dancer.”
Levi turned to glare at Eren, who laughed at his jab. “True,” he conceded. “But you don’t need to be a good dancer to be a good dance partner. You just have to be there.” Eren raised a smug eyebrow at Levi.
The glare on Levi’s face remained fixed even as he turned away from Eren. It’s true. He didn’t really have a reason to be upset. You wanted to dance, and Levi didn’t, but Jean did. It was simple. It was just a dance, nothing more. And it wasn’t like Levi hadn’t seen you dance with Jean before. Friends dance together. Levi knew all this, but years of writing cliches reminded him that love (is that what this is?) is not rational.
Eren spoke again. “You could always cut in, you know?”
“They’re fine where they are.”
“Are you?”
As if things couldn’t get more annoying, Levi watched as Eren did just that. He sauntered up to you and offered his hand out, sneaking a smug glance over to Levi as he replaced Jean on the dance floor. Levi huffed at the brat’s audacity.
The song didn’t last too long after Eren cut in. Levi took it as a consolation prize from the universe. He watched as you spoke to Eren and gestured over to the bar. Eren nodded with a grin and followed you as you made your way toward him. The second you got close enough to spot him, he felt his chest tighten as he watched your eyes light up. “Levi!” He loved the way his name sounded in your voice. “You made it!”
Levi huffed, but he couldn’t stop his lips from quirking up at your excitement. “I told you I’d be here.”
“So you did. You didn’t want to dance?” you asked with furrowed brows. His heart seemed to skip a beat. Did you want him to dance with you?
“Levi doesn’t dance,” Eren interjected with a laugh. Levi rolled his eyes and shot him a glare.
“It seemed like you already had a line of partners,” he attempted to correct. He didn’t miss the way Eren’s eyebrows raised with an amused smirk.
You waved your hand dismissively. “It was just Jean and Eren,” you rolled your eyes. He felt something like relief, suddenly, as if his previous worries dissipated. Did you have any idea how much power you held over him?
It wasn’t really jealousy he felt—at least, not entirely. It was something harder to name, something deeper. Watching you with Jean, with Eren, felt like staring at a world he couldn’t quite step into. They were comfortable with you in a way he wasn’t. Where Jean was effortlessly charming and Eren was boldly confident, Levi was quiet, reserved. He wasn’t particularly outgoing, and he wasn’t good at being vulnerable.
But now that he’d had glimpses of what it could feel like—those fleeting moments when your smile was just for him, or when your laughter rang out at something he’d said—it was harder to ignore how much he wanted more. The realization was terrifying, heavier than admitting he had a crush on you. That was simple. He could like you from a distance and that was enough. But this… this quiet longing for something deeper, for the kind of familiarity you so easily shared with others… it felt out of his reach.
“Oh yeah,” your voice cut through his thoughts. Your eyes lit up again as you turned to look at Eren. ”Eren was telling me about the band. I didn’t know you wrote most of the songs.”
Levi’s eyebrow raised as his gaze flickered to Eren. “I… write some. But so does Eren.” He wasn’t sure why he was downplaying his contribution to the band, but he felt his cheeks flush at the idea of you finding out he’d written two songs about you in the span of a little over a month.
“Please,” Eren rolled his eyes. “Not nearly as much as stone cold Mozart, over here.” The nickname earned a laugh from you, and Levi found that he didn’t really mind it.
“Mozart?” Levi scoffed. “I don’t think he’d make it through one of our band rehearsals.”
Eren groaned and grimaced at the mention of No Name’s rehearsals. “One time Levi had us rehearsing in Hange’s apartment for 6 hours because one chord felt off.”
“Six hours is an exaggeration,” Levi assured you as your jaw dropped in shock. “It was Hange really, who was dissatisfied with the chord. But we eventually got it right. Just had to tweak some things.”
Eren scoffed. “It paid off,” he gestured over to Levi, who took another sip of his drink. “All thanks to Levi. You wouldn’t believe how serious he gets when we’re working on a song.”
Levi shrugged. “That’s because someone has to take it seriously.” He sighed internally. This wasn’t helping his case.
“Well, lucky you’re here,” you said with a grin, your tone softening just slightly. Levi felt something like warmth in the way you said it, and for a moment, the sounds of the party began to quiet. He mirrored your grin with a soft smile of his own and only managed to tear his eyes from you when he heard Eren clear his throat.
“I think Mikasa and Armin are looking for me, so I’ll let you two talk” he smirked as he tipped his glass to the two of them before walking away. The two of you watched him walk away to where his girlfriend and friend and Jean were. Jean raised a thumb up to him and when Eren mirrored it, Jean clapped him on the back. A wave of silence washed between the two of you.
Levi listened as the beginnings of a new song, the Christmas Waltz, filled the silence. “Sitting this one out?” he nodded towards the dance floor where couples were beginning to form. Jean and Connie, Eren and Mikasa, and Armin and Annie.
“I think I’m fine here for now.” His heart did a flip. A part of him knew that you wanted to be out there. You looked like you were having so much fun on the dance floor with your friends. It wasn’t that he wanted to keep you all to himself all night – well he did, kind of. But not if it meant you were giving something up just to appease him. You made it seem so easy, to meet him in his comfort zone and he wished he could do the same for you. But Eren was right. So he chose to take a step too. To meet you in the middle. His gaze fell back on you gently and before he could overthink it, his hand stretched out to you.
“Come on,” he said simply, his voice steady but lower than it was before.
Your brows lifted in surprise, but a smile quickly found its way to your features. “I thought you didn’t dance, Ackerman.”
“I don’t,” he admitted, still waiting for you to slip your hand in his. “But I will with you.”
You stared at him for a second longer, your eyes searching his before you tugged your bottom lip into your teeth and slipped your hand into his. “Well how can I say no to that?”
The warmth of your hand in his sent a jolt through him, and he couldn’t suppress the smile on his face as he led you to the dance floor. He found a space for the two of you and felt his cheeks blush as you dropped his hands to rest them on his shoulders. His hands found your waist and he fought his anxiety and forced himself to relax. He allowed his senses to fill themselves with nothing but you, and the soft waltz playing in the background.
“This isn’t so bad, is it?” you noted, your voice soft.
Levi’s lips twitched into a small smile. “I have a good partner.”
He let silence sit between you for a moment. His movements were simple and he kept his hands on your waist steady, but loose enough to let you lead him around the dance floor with ease. You were right, it wasn’t so bad. He followed your lead with just a bit more grace than a newborn deer, but it wasn’t bad at all. Even if his steps were clumsy, there was something about you that invited the messiness, the chaos, that he tries so hard to sweep away. You were here, inches away from him, and he wondered if your heart was beating as fast as his.
“For someone who doesn’t dance, you’re not bad at all,” you complimented him with a smile.
Levi felt his eyebrows raise in amusement. “Your bar is too low,” he scoffed. “I just haven’t stepped on your feet yet.” He looked down at his own feet, making sure to avoid yours. He hoped you couldn’t tell how hard he was trying to not look clumsy. It wasn’t until he heard your voice again that he finally looked up.
“Hey,” you prodded. “Don’t overthink it.” You smiled at him softly and Levi let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He nodded simply and tried again to focus on you.
“You’re…” he paused and took another breath before continuing. “You look like you’re having fun.”
“I am,” you replied quietly with a small smile. If Levi was any further from you, it would have been lost in the swells of jazz behind you. “Thanks to you.”
Before he could speak again, you leaned in slightly, lowering your voice as if sharing a secret. “You know, I didn’t think you’d actually say yes to dancing.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Why’s that?”
You shrugged, your smile turning playful. “You seem more like the ‘watch and judge’ type.”
“Maybe I am,” he admitted, his voice steady but softer than usual. “But sometimes it’s better to… try.”
Your grin widened, and you slid a hand down to take one of his from your waist. His own eyes widened as you raised your now entwined hands above your head and twirled away from him. He let out a quiet huff of surprise, his other hand coming to rest back on your waist to steady you as you came back to him.
“There,” you said, laughing. “Now you’re an official dancer.”
Levi shook his head, but he couldn’t fight the small smile tugging at his lips. “If you say so.”
As the song began to wind down, the two of you slowed your movements, but neither of you made a move to let go. For the first time that night, Levi felt the tension in his chest ease, replaced by a warmth that was equal parts comforting and terrifying.
“Thanks for this,” you said softly, your gaze meeting his. “I’m glad you came tonight.”
He hesitated, his voice catching slightly. “Me too.”
The words hung in the air between you, carrying more weight than either of you acknowledged. The room around you seemed to fade entirely, leaving just the two of you in the moment.
“Do you want to stay for another dance?” you asked, your voice light but hopeful.
Levi glanced toward the bar where Eren and Jean were watching, both pretending to mind their own business but clearly invested. With a soft huff, he looked back at you, his gaze steady.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I think I do.”
How do you do it? he wondered. You make it so easy to invite him into things he’d never had interest in doing before, things he’d find himself doing were it not for you. In the span of only a few months his heart had grown a soft spot in the shape of your hand in his, a feeling that he’d keep chasing far into the unknown no matter how it scared him.
He wasn’t sure how much time actually passed when the band finally announced their final song, but he noticed a slight ache in the balls of his feet that wasn’t there earlier. He let you lead him back towards the bar for one final drink. He wasn’t thirsty, not really. He was much too focused on the way you kept his hand in yours all the way to the bar or the way you let his slip out of yours slowly rather than all at once.
“Are you heading out soon?” He finally managed to tear his attention away from you and towards the doors where your friends were gathering their things. You turned your head towards them as well.
“I think so,” you hesitated, your gaze meeting his. “You?”
“Soon,” he shrugged.
For just a moment, the two of you let the silence linger – something warm and not awkward. Suddenly, your eyes lit up as if just remembering something.
“There’s a holiday market opening near campus tomorrow,” you began to explain. “It’s supposed to be really nice, and I was thinking of checking it out.”
“You’re going alone?” Levi raised an eyebrow. He found himself asking before he could even think the question.
You shrugged, but smiled at him playfully. “I was,” you began, drawing out the last syllable. “But then I remembered I have a psych partner who’s obligated to spend time with me.”
Levi scoffed at the challenging tone of your voice. Right, the psych project that he’d almost completely forgotten about… that was due at the beginning of next week. “What time?”
You grinned and the warmth in your expression was enough to relax him. “I was thinking around 3? Since the sun seems to go down around 5.”
“I’ll see you at 3,” he said simply, not resisting the smile that crept onto his face as you nodded back.
As you turned to finally leave, you hesitated for just a beat before turning to wrap him in a quick hug. Long enough to feel you linger even after you’d let go, but gone too fast for him to be able to return it. “Goodnight, Levi.”
“Goodnight,” he replied as he watched you disappear into the crowd.
He let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. Did you know you had him wrapped around your finger?
The next afternoon, the air was crisp and the streets were lined with shoveled snow that muffled the usual hustle and bustle of the city. The sun bounced off the mounds of white and Levi squinted at the glare. He adjusted his scarf as he approached the entrance to the market. The scent of the winter – of warm baked goods and pine – wafted through the air and mixed with the sound of commercial holiday pop songs. He took a deep breath before pulling out his phone.
2:45. He was early. He hoped he didn’t come off as too eager, but if you asked… he’d tell you he likes to be punctual. Which was true, but it didn’t matter to him nearly as much in this situation. He huffed out a breath, watching his breath form into a cloud in front of him.
Thankfully, he didn’t wait long. At 2:53, he spotted you weaving through a crowd of people. When your eyes met his, a smile formed on your face and Levi couldn’t help but feel much warmer than he was before. He smiled back at you as he took in your rosy cheeks, flushed with cold.
“Levi,” you called out as you finally approached him. “You’re already here!”
“You said 3,” he replied simply. His tone was even, but he felt his heart skip at how excited you were to see him.
You shrugged with a smug smile. “It’s 2:55.”
“It’s 2:55,” he echoed as his eyebrow raised in amusement. Guess you were both eager. Levi scoffed as he shook his head to hide the blush that was definitely evident on his cheeks. He felt a tug on his sleeve and looked up to see you nodding towards the market. He followed your lead.
The inside of the market was any child’s holiday fantasy. There were human-sized gingerbread houses with giant-sized gift boxes and plastic candy canes lined around them. The trees were strung with lights that Levi was sure would look warm once the sun set.
“You come to these places often?” Levi asked as he continued to look around the crowded center. If there were less people, he probably would feel much more of the holiday spirit. With one glance over at your giddy face, however, Levi realized the amassed crowd was not a deterrent for you.
You nodded with a grin as you eyed the various stalls, searching for something. “I started coming here after my first semester,” you explained. “Armin had suggested it as a way to get over post-finals depression, and it’s become somewhat of a tradition since then.”
Levi hummed as you spoke. “I think it would be nicer if there were fewer people,” he confessed.
He looked over to you as you chuckled. “Somehow I think you say that often,” you mused. Levi scoffed out a laugh in confirmation. “Ah– there it is.” He looked over to where you were pointing at a rustic looking wooden stand, strung with garlands and ornaments. There was an off center blackboard sign with the words “HOT COCOA” handwritten in red and white chalk marker.
“Two Mexican hot chocolates, please,” you announced to the worker who was dressed in an elf costume and smiling brightly. Before you had even reached for your wallet, Levi had beat you to the punch and placed his card in the machine. You looked at him with an eyebrow raised.
Levi blushed in response and turned away. “You uh, you paid last time.” He was well aware that it had been over a week since the last time you were at the cafe with him, and he was the one who bought the last round of tea, but knowing you… it meant he’d see you again so you could treat him to something else.
“Your two cocoas,” the cashier announced and handed over two to-go cups to you and Levi.
“Now we can look around,” you announced as you took a sip of the cocoa and sighed. The two of you were in front of a shop filled with artisan tree ornaments, but instead of walking in, you paused and turned to him. “Have you tried it yet?”
He was skeptical of the warm beverage in his hands, honestly. He wasn’t big on sugary beverages, much less on those served to him at a place marketed to young children excited for a holiday sugar rush. He looked to see your reaction before taking a sip of his.
As if noticing his apprehension, you let out a chuckle. “Try it,” you pushed. “I promise it’s probably not what you’re expecting.”
Now he was facing a losing battle to his own curiosity. He cautiously took a small sip and immediately understood what you meant. He was expecting something sugary and artificial, but this tasted like it took hours to make. It was sweet, but not saccharine, with a hint of cinnamon and… wait, is it spicy?
Levi must have made a face, because you chuckled as you took another sip. “Good right?”
It honestly was. He took another sip and nodded back to you. “Ready to head in?”
The inside of the ornament shop was just as whimsical as Levi expected. The shelves were lined with glass ornaments of various shapes and colors. It was clear that most, if not all of the ornaments were handmade. Levi reached a hand out as he walked through the small, cramped store, letting his fingers trace over some of the glass baubles.
He turned to you with a soft smile. “These are really nice, huh?” He asked as he held up a clear ornament with a snowman and some styrofoam turned snow, like a mini snow globe. He shook it gently to watch the snow gently fall around the smiling snowman.
“Yeah,” Levi watched your eyes crinkle as you returned his smile. You picked up another ornament, this one like hand blown glass, a swirl of reds and greens. “I think these ones are really nice…” You continued to talk about your opinion on holiday colors but Levi found himself distracted by a blur of frenzied movement in one corner of the store where Jean and Eren were undoubtedly trying to remain inconspicuous. He let his gaze shift slightly in their direction and he watched as they quickly turned around. Ah, he realized, they’re following us. Levi was impressed by how badly they were failing at this.
Idiots, he thought, though the word carried less bite than usual. Whatever reason they had for not wanting to be seen, Levi didn’t really care. They weren’t planning anything dubious. He knew that much. Eren and Jean were nosy, sure, but there was a kind of clumsy earnestness to their antics that Levi couldn’t entirely begrudge.
Levi turned his attention back to you. “... and that’s the brief history of the art of glass blowing.” You finished and he gave you a sheepish smile. He’ll have to google for himself later whatever you just told him about. You turned to him with a smile. “Anything catch your eye?”
“Not quite yet,” Levi mused. “But we haven’t seen it all.” He continued to push through the crowd further into the store, resting a gentle hand on your back to guide you along with him. He thought back to the night of that party when he held your wrist in his, the buzz that felt electric at the time. This felt like something else entirely, like he’d come to step into something new, something warm and something soft.
He watched as you paused in front of one of the ornaments, another snow globe style ornament. This one had stars mixed in with the snow and in the center of it, a couple. You picked it up in your hands with a smile.
“What do you think about this one?” you asked him softly. The soft smile that spread across your features and the twinkle in your eye made Levi feel that he liked it a lot.
“Beautiful,” he murmured. He hadn’t even really looked at the snow globe, honestly.
A thud behind him interrupted his thoughts, and before he could turn at all, he heard Eren’s voice. “You idiot, they’ll see us.” Levi let himself scoff under his breath. Maybe they’ll fall and knock each other out, Levi thought in amusement.
“A gift for us,” your voice brought Levi’s attention back. He watched as you grabbed two of the ornaments and held them gently in your hand by the strings, careful not to let them fall. His heart skipped a beat when you smiled at him, holding them up by your face with pride, as if you’d discovered a new treasure.
Whatever Jean and Eren were trying to accomplish, Levi decided, wasn’t worth the effort of confrontation. Let them stumble around in the background. This– your quiet smiles, your babbled history about the history of something something, the way your voice cut through all the noise– was what mattered.
Unfortunately for him for the rest of the evening, Levi realized that he wasn’t going to be able to shake the pair of idiots tailing the two of you. Somehow, you hadn’t noticed them.
At a shop selling knitwear, they were there, strangling wrapping each other with various scarves.
At the stand selling snacks, they were there, three people behind Levi in line, arguing about whether to split a cinnamon pretzel or a cup of roasted chestnuts.
At the photo set with Santa, he heard their obnoxious laughter and whispers, “Do you think he’ll tell her while he sits on Santa’s lap? Do you think they’ll mistake him for an elf?”
Finally, Levi had had enough. After the elves guided you out of the set and handed you a card to pick up your picture, you left Levi alone at a quieter section of the market as you went to the restroom. Once you were out of earshot, he let out a loud sigh.
“Come out, idiots one and two,” he called out with a grimace.
Obediently, Jean and Eren left their spot from behind a tree and walked sheepishly to Levi who had his arms crossed, like an annoyed father, catching his kids sneaking back into the house after curfew. Jean ran a hand across the back of his neck and Eren fidgeted with the ponytail holder that sat on his wrist.
“Listen–”
“It was Eren’s idea–”
Levi raised a hand up, cutting them off. “You two suck at this,” he sighed. “Care to explain why I’ve earned a pair of dumbass shadows?”
Jean rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding Levi’s piercing gaze. “We were just, uh, keeping an eye on things. You know, in case you needed backup.”
Levi’s lips twitched, the faintest hint of an amused smile breaking through his otherwise impassive expression. “Backup? From what? A rogue snowman?”
Eren grinned, clearly amused by the jab. “Hey, you never know. Markets can be dangerous places.”
Jean elbowed him in the ribs, shooting him a glare. “Shut up, Jaeger. You’re not helping.”
Levi shook his head, a quiet sigh escaping him. “You’re both idiots. If you’re going to follow someone, at least try not to get caught. This is pathetic and you still haven’t told me why.” His face formed into a stern glare. “You’ve got a few minutes before I stop feeling so generous.”
“This is you being generous?” Eren grumbled, earning another glare from Jean.
“Okay, we… we’ve been trying to see if you… like… if you have feelings for…” Jean trailed off, folding under Levi’s raised eyebrow and unimpressed stare.
“Right… so following us around was the best way to do this?” He remembered that night at the gala too, when Eren seemed to be egging him on, and that day at the cafe where they were muttering nonsense. “You guys have been at this for a while.”
“It was Eren’s idea?” Jean offered with a sheepish smile.
“What? No it wasn’t,” Eren shot back. “For the record, Levi, I was the only one against this idea. I even said you don’t have feelings for them.” He crossed his arms in defense.
Levi’s glare silenced them both, but he felt the edge in his mood soften. A few months ago, he probably would have snapped at Eren and Jean for so blatantly invading his space. He would have murmured a line about not needing their help.
But since that night at the gala, he’d started to see what you saw in them– their relentless loyalty, their ridiculous but genuine attempts to look out for you. It was messy, sure, but it was also… comforting. He didn’t need to force himself into this bubble of yours. You were already inviting him in.
“I do,” he replied simply, taking a metaphorical first step. As expected, Jean and Eren’s eyes went wide.
“I freaking told you,” Jean told Eren smugly.
“Shut up,” Eren shoved Jean before turning back to Levi. “Wait– you’re serious?”
Levi held his hand up again. “I… need your help,” he muttered, quieter now.
“Our help?” Eren echoed as Levi shot him a glare.
“Yeah.” Levi looked away, the flush creeping up his neck betraying his calm tone. “I want to tell them. How I feel.”
Jean blinked. “You… want our help to confess? Like, us?”
Levi’s glare returned, though it lacked its usual sharpness. “Yes. You two idiots clearly can’t keep a secret, and the last thing I need is for them to hear about this from someone else.”
These two idiots, as clumsy as they may be, cared about you. And judging by their terrible, terrible attempts to sneak around today and their readiness to fess up under any minute pressure, Levi did not trust them to hold a secret from you. He paused, his shoulders stiffening slightly as he pushed the words out. “Besides… You’re their friends. You know how to do this kind of thing.”
Eren stared, momentarily stunned. “You’re serious about this.”
Levi nodded, his jaw tightening. He pressed a palm to his forehead. “If I wasn’t, do you think I’d be asking you two for help?”
Jean grinned suddenly, his confidence restored. “Don’t worry, Levi. We’ve got your back.”
Eren smirked, leaning slightly toward Levi. “This is gonna be fun.”
Levi sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. “This is going to be… interesting.”
That night, Levi found himself on the phone with Hange. He sat on his bed with his guitar in his lap and his phone resting on the bed, Hange’s voice cutting through the otherwise silence of his room. His lyrics notebook was in front of him, propped up against a pillow. He had just finished catching them up on the events of the day, including Eren and Jean’s ideas for how to confess.
“Oh Levi,” Hange squealed. “I knew you had Hallmark-holiday-movie love interest potential.”
He let out a quiet sigh, but a smile crept on his face despite himself. “Do you want to hear the song or not, four-eyes?”
“Duh,” Hange replied. “Go and sing, music man.”
Levi scoffed and cleared his throat, strumming against his guitar gently and beginning the song. He felt almost… giddy, as his fingers strummed the last chord and he sat quietly, waiting for Hange’s reply.
“That was great,” they sighed. “Makes me wish I was in love.”
“Hange you’re in love with a new person every week,” Levi chuckled.
“Yeah, but classes are almost over,” they replied casually. “No more longing stares across the classroom with the blue haired sorority girl in my o-chem class.”
“Glad she’s finally safe from your wild eyes,” Levi huffed. “Anyway, back to the song.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Hange continued. “It’s good. It’s honest and I think it’s obvious. But… can I tell you something else?” They asked, their voice softening. Levi’s silence gave them room to continue speaking. “Don’t get too in your head about this, but you’ve changed a lot in the last few months. Not in a bad way, but just… it’s nice to see you like this.”
Levi nodded, even though they wouldn’t be able to see. “Yeah, I see it too. I feel different.”
“I’ve known you for a long time, Levi. I’ve always had a friend in you… I’m glad you’re letting us be your friends now.” Hange cleared their throat before continuing. “You let me know if you want the band playing with you, and I will ditch my lab report and thesis for you.”
He let out a soft chuckle. “That won’t be necessary,” he assured them. “I think I can do this on my own. But thanks for reminding me I don’t have to.”
“Make sure Eren gets a video,” Hange called as they muttered a final goodbye.
The next night, Levi felt his heart in his throat and a slick sheen of sweat on his palms. Maybe he couldn’t do this alone. No, Levi shook his head, then shook his hands. You’re literally a performer, you do this every other night, he reminded himself.
He looked around the cafe. It wasn’t very crowded tonight, but Levi didn’t really care. He was looking for you. Eren and Jean had promised to lure you to the cafe under the promise of free coffee. That was the first part of their plan, which involved Levi confessing his love for you after singing you a song at an open mic at the cafe. It was cheesier and much more public than Levi would have wanted, but they assured him that you would love a grand romantic gesture.
But he was on next, and he still couldn’t see you, and he felt as though he was about to hurl. He’d never experienced stage fright quite like this. What if Jean and Eren couldn’t convince you? What if they tried and you decided not to come? Oh god, what if–
Like a switch turning off in his brain, the jingle of a bell caught Levi’s attention and he found your eyes, and suddenly…things were quiet. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and he let himself smile as you waved at him. He watched as you muttered something to Eren before walking his way, and he felt his heart skip. He was sure he would go into cardiac arrest somehow with the way you seem to have a hold on his heart rate.
“Levi,” you called his name as you approached. “Hey.”
“Hey yourself,” Levi replied with a soft smile.
“I didn’t know you’d be here,” you told him. He watched your gaze fall to his guitar in his hands. “You’re playing?”
He nodded in reply. “I perform here sometimes when I want to test run a song.”
“You have a new song?” you asked him with a smile that made him want to kick everyone out so he could play it only for you.
“Yeah,” he answered. “It’s… I’m really proud of this one.”
“Well I can’t wait to hear it,” you assured him.
Before he could reply, he heard his name called by the emcee, and he turned his gaze to the stage. “I’ll find you after,” he promised and you waved him off with a nod.
From the stage, he could follow your figure as you found Jean and Eren again. The three of you sat at a table near the door. He smiled to himself as he watched Eren pull out his phone to record. He took a seat on the barstool at the center of the platform and tapped on the mic, setting his guitar in his lap.
Any trace of nervousness he felt earlier was gone. He was in his element. Much like how it felt to sing at Erwin’s wedding, he felt as though everyone else seemed to disappear. This was just between him and you, his own version of a love letter. He wanted to laugh at how loud his thoughts seemed to feel earlier.
“Hey everyone,” he called into the microphone. He drew the stand closer to him and adjusted the height to sit right at his lips. “I’m Levi, and this is a new song I wrote about someone special to me.” He caught your eye across the room and let himself smile before taking a deep breath. His fingers, sure and steady, plucked against the strings.
His eyes fluttered shut as he leaned into the microphone, letting his lips graze the metal as he sang.
I hate to dance, but I'd dance with you
'Cause I'd do anything to feel your touch
He felt himself smile as he lead into the chorus, his hands strumming a bit louder.
It's what you do to me
I'm wrapped around your finger and I can't stop
You know I got a soft spot for you
He pulled away from the mic as he got ready for the next verse. He let his gaze move from the neck of his guitar and across to you. He bit back a grin as he watched your eyes sparkle in delight as you watched him. You had to know right? That this was all for you? That every song he’s ever written… it was leading to you?
Too late, don't wanna fall, baby, I just
Don't need somebody else to throw me aside
But I'm up all night, thinkin' 'bout how
It could be you to change my heart, but I
Don't like anybody, tell me why it's different with you
Don't believe in love, but no one makes me feel like you do
As the song came to a close, Levi pulled away from the microphone and nodded his head to the strums against his guitar. He felt the familiar rush of performing, the anticipation of applause, and his heart thudding in his ears like a metronome. He’d expected to feel exposed, but at the end of it all, he felt his chest was light, as if sharing this song with you was what he needed all along.
The next part of the plan was to declare his feelings from right here on the stage. But as he caught your eye once more… “Thanks for listening.” was all he said.
The room was still buzzing as he walked off the stage. The emcee was moving on to the next act and the audience turned their attention away from him, but Levi was still only thinking about you. He made his way towards your table with his guitar in his hands and his heart pounding in his ears.
You were sitting at the table he’d spotted you earlier, but Jean and Eren were nowhere to be found. He was going off script now. He watched your eyes light up with a familiar gleam as he approached. His footsteps slowed to a stop as he arrived, less than a foot from where you sat, a now empty mug of tea in your hand. His breath hitched as he hesitated, not sure how to bridge the silence that sat between the two of you like a sea of half formed thoughts and things waiting to be said.
He found his fingers fidgeting over his guitar strings, thankful when you took the first step over the metaphorical bridge. “Levi,” you breathed his name out and he felt like melting. “That was…” He’d never allowed himself to be this vulnerable before, but he wasn’t really… scared. “That was beautiful,” you finished.
A smile formed on his lips. He didn’t even know his cheeks could raise that high. “Thanks,” he shook his head sheepishly. “I’m… glad you liked it.”
“Was it… really for me?” you asked softly. Your gaze fixed on Levi with an expression he couldn’t quite name.
He swallowed. “Yeah,” he confirmed. “It was.”
Your lips parted slightly, surprise flickering across your face before your expression softened into something warmer, something brighter. “Levi…”
He watched as you tentatively reached out your hand, crossing the distance between the two of you. His own hand came to meet yours halfway, intertwining your fingers, the bridge crossed.
He took a deep breath as he steadied himself, rubbing circles against your skin as he took a step closer. “I’m not good with words,” he began, letting his gaze drop to your joined hands. “But I needed you to know. You’re important to me. And I care about you, more than I know how to explain.”
The words hung in the air between the two of you as he waited for your response. Each second felt like it went on for minutes and he was worried he didn’t say enough. But then… but then you smiled. Not just a polite smile, or even a joking one that he’d seen before, but something deeper… something just for him.
“I care about you too,” you said softly, and Levi could feel the earnestness in your voice.
Levi felt himself breathe again, like his whole body suddenly remembered how to exist, how to live. He smiled softly at you.
The chattering crowd around the two of you seemed to fade away to the sound of music as he stood there with your hand safe in his as the two of you smiled at each other like idiots. Something had changed, and the air was electric with the warm promise of a new beginning.
For a moment, neither of you said anything. Neither of you needed to. The silence no longer felt like a chasm, but rather a warm blanket that covered the both of you in a comfortable embrace.
Finally, a soft laugh escaped your lips as you spoke. “Do you want to get out of here?” you asked, your voice just barely a whisper over the sound of music.
Levi nodded, giving your hand a squeeze. “Yeah,” he replied softly. “I do.”
As the two of you made your way outside, the sharp cold of a December night was a striking contrast to the warmth that lingered between the two of you. His gaze was fixed on you and how you glowed like something ethereal under the lights. Maybe he could come to like the holidays, if it meant he’d see you under the glow of warm string lights. You’d already changed him so much, what’s one more?
He didn’t even notice the snow beginning to fall, the first of the season, until he watched a flake land on your eyelashes. He didn’t notice there was music over the speakers until you laughed. He didn’t notice how cold it was until you reached your gloved hands to tighten his scarf.
And for the first time in a long time, Levi felt like he was exactly where he was supposed to be.
A/N: It's the end!! For those who have made it here, consider this me giving you a big kiss on the forehead. I haven't written in a while, so this story felt like coming home for me. I have absolutely loved writing for Levi, and I think I might continue to do so. If you have any song suggestions, do let me know, and I'll see if I can write it into this universe. But I do have a loose, LOOSE idea for an epilogue based on the song "Songs in my Head."
Also, as it's currently december, I'd like to wish all of you a happy holiday! It's crazy right now, so take this time to have a warm beverage, grab a blanket, and read something cozy.
And per usual, a fun fact: Levi and reader made a 83 on their psych project. Their professor said... "Good first impressions, strong writing skills, but no theories listed. Have the two of you considered writing a holiday rom-com?" (no theories listed is my fault. I didn't even wanna come back to writing the project. Didn't wanna give anyone finals induced trauma at this time of year.)
listen i get some people have degradation kinks but you will never convince me that levi ackerman is hotter when he is being rude to a love interest then when he is being loving and kind. it is so much hotter when a character is only soft around their one person than when they are calling them a brat constantly. you will never change my mind on this.
My parasocial relationships with fictional characters have lore. For example, Reigen Arataka is my ex husband that I’m on good terms with but we co-parent mob. There is still a little bit of a spark, I just couldn’t get behind his shady business practices 😔
SO WHAT IF IT'S AN OLD MEME AND SUPER SELF-INDULGENT? @catyypss INSPIRED ME *AND* IT'S STILL MY BIRTHDAY MONTH AND I'M EXHAUSTED FROM MOVING SO WE ARE TAKING WHAT WE CAN GET :3
"There was love all around, but I never heard it singing... 'til there was you."
summary: Levi finally knows what to call this feeling that bubbles up in his chest whenever you're around and he's decided he's going to tell you. eventually. at some point. maybe.
pairing: Levi Ackerman x gn!reader
content: cursing
songs mentioned: 'til there was you - imaginary future
A/N: ... i had to split it AGAIN. anyway, here's a chapter full of Levi. also, the song is originally from the musical The Music Man, but I really like this cover. Very coffee shop vibes. I really enjoyed writing Levi's dynamic with Hange. One of my fave chapters lol.
let me know if you'd like to be tagged! comments and rb's are appreciated :)
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Levi remembered something his mother had told him once, that paranoia ran through their bloodline. He remembered that he rolled his eyes at her then, and told her that was ridiculous.
But right now, sitting beside you, he couldn’t help but feel that he was being watched. Well, he knew he was definitely being watched. The question was why.
The cafe was busier than usual, and you and Levi found yourselves in the midst of all the other notebooks and laptops and students, all frantically studying for end of term exams. Even with all the sounds of laptop keyboards clicking, espresso machine whirs, and idle chit-chat, the sound of his name from a table over had piqued his interest.
He couldn’t make out everything being said, but he could pinpoint the source of the sound. Eren Jaeger and his friend Jean were arguing. About him. He tried to keep his focus on anything else. The article he was reading on his laptop, his finger tracing over the rim of his mug of tea, you.
He looked over to see your brows furrowed as you wrote something in your notebook. It was odd, he thought, that you wrote with your paper nearly horizontal. He looked at your own coffee cup, empty now, and made a mental note to himself to go and place an order for a refill once he’d finished his own. Something about that thought, Levi realized, felt incredibly domestic in a way that set forth a warmth in his chest that rivaled the mug in his hands.
It was new to him, this feeling, but it wasn’t unwelcome. In fact, since writing that song and playing it for you last week, he found himself in gentle pursuit of it.
After he rushed out of the practice room that day, Levi felt his heart pound heavily in his ribcage, like he had just run a marathon. Once he had arrived at Hange’s place, he was almost relieved that everyone else was late for band practice.
“Hange, there’s something wrong with me,” the desperation in his voice surprised him. He found himself feeling anxious, worried Hange would take the opportunity to tease him in his obviously vulnerable state. He watched Hange with helpless eyes as they stepped away from their keyboard to sit on the couch and invited Levi to sit down.
They looked at him, as if searching for something. After what felt like minutes, they wordlessly stood up to make him a cup of tea, and Levi was thankful even if he knew Hange had the worst taste in tea. His fingers wrapped tighter around the warm mug in his shaking hands. They sat back down and faced Levi with an expression he rarely ever saw: calm, gentle… serious. “I’m gonna need you to elaborate,” they said, leaning forward on their knees.
The intensity of Hange’s gaze almost made Levi consider making a run for it. The vulnerability made him feel too exposed. But with a sigh, he grabbed the worn leather notebook from his coat pocket and flipped with one hand to his most recent song, handing it to Hange without a word.
They raised an eyebrow at him. He was well aware that this was the first time he had ever really let anyone look into his notebook, to see his thought process before a song was fully polished. Usually, by the time the band started practicing his songs, the chords and lyrics were all neatly typed onto a single page or two.
His notebook was messy. It was full of scribbles and crossed out words and unfinished lines. Every so often there’d be jagged remnants of a page torn out in frustration. Words were written upside down, crammed in margins, in every font Levi’s hand somehow managed. It wasn’t the clean, well-kept, no funny business that people had come to expect. That he’d come to expect from himself.
“Jesus, Levi, have you considered writing in pencil?” Hange muttered with a small huff.
“Shut up, four eyes.” Levi shot back, without any real bite behind his words. He felt himself relax a little bit at the normalcy of Hange’s teasing. His fingers drummed against the rim of his mug as he waited for Hange to finish reading. He watched nervously and felt his heart spike every time their eyebrow quirked up or they tilted their head in thought. It was only one page, but Levi felt as if he just handed them his entire soul.
When they finally spoke, they spoke softly but not gently. “Levi, if you like them just go and fucking tell them.”
Levi rolled his eyes. “Hange,” he hissed as he snatched his notebook back. Setting down the mug, he grabbed a pen from his pocket and scribbled their words under the last line anyway.
“I’m serious, Levi,” Hange had a smirk on their face. “This is like, the sappiest shit you’ve written. And that’s saying something.”
“Shut up,” he mumbled, feeling the tips of his ears go red.
Hange relented and paused before speaking again in a softer, gentler tone. “I know you used Erwin’s words, and some other people’s lines, but… you know what this is, don’t you?”
Levi looked down to where he’d written just now. “I do,” he sighed. “But saying it out loud…”
Makes it real, he thought. For someone who’d written so many love songs (he’s written at least 20 since he learned to play the guitar), he was admittedly nervous to feel the things he’d spent years writing about. But at the same time… it was exhilarating to finally put a feeling to the metaphors he’d created, to the melodies he’d played.
“I get it,” Hange didn’t push for him to finish his sentence.
“I’ll say something. Just… not now,” Levi nodded.
Before Hange could respond, the door opened and in came Miche and Eren to shatter the intimate atmosphere of the room. Levi gave Hange a pleading look. He was barely ready to talk to Hange about all this, much less Miche and the brat you call your best friend.
“Got your text boss, sorry we’re late,” Miche explained as dropped down beside Levi on the couch and Eren handed out the drinks he bought from the cafe. Levi set down the now empty mug Hange gave him in exchange for the new one Eren brought.
Hange cleared their throat before waving in the air. “It’s fine, you know I accept bribes,” they responded, going back to their usual demeanor. “Anyway, Levi wrote a new song, so that’s what we’re doing today.”
“Oh? Another love song about Erwin?” Miche asked as Levi rolled his eyes. Eren stifled a laugh.
“When have I ever–” Levi ran a hand down his face. “I used something he said to me, yeah. Sue me.”
As the others launched into a tirade of teasing remarks about Levi and his love for their former bandmate, his thoughts drifted back to you beside him on the piano bench and how his heart raced at the intimacy of it all. He’d say something. Eventually. But maybe he can just enjoy the messy comfort of something not quite ready to be named.
He took a long sip of his tea, emptying the cup. It was starting to get cold anyway. He reached over and grabbed your mug as well before standing from his seat. As he turned around to walk towards the counter, he spotted the two idiots entranced in their own bubble – the sandy blonde was writing something down while the other seemed to be nagging at him.
He made his way towards them, and it wasn’t until his shadow cast over their table that they finally looked up, like two kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar. “What are you two idiots blathering about?”
Jean’s eyes widened at Levi’s tone, but Eren straightened up, attempting to look unbothered. “Frankly, it’s none of your business,” Eren said with an air of bravado. The crack in his voice betrayed him. Jean’s gaze turned to him, interested in how deep of a grave Eren could dig for himself in this moment.
Levi raised an unimpressed eyebrow and the corners of his lip tugged upwards. “I’ve heard my name twice in ten minutes,” Levi leaned in. “I’d consider it my business.”
Eren let out an exaggerated sigh, attempting to sound bored. Levi suppressed a smirk. Levi knew him too well to be fooled into thinking Eren was unaffected by his “band captain” voice. He laughed mentally at the thought of him trying to impress Jean. This kid was a handful.
“We were just–” Jean began, attempting an explanation.
“Yeah, fine, we were talking about you,” Eren cut him off.
Jean groaned and ran a hand through his hair. “Eren, shut up.”
Levi’s eyebrow rose higher as he folded his arms. “Yeah?”
Eren hesitated for a second, giving a quick glance to Jean, who still seemed to be pleading with him. “I was telling Jean here, that we should just ask if we could copy your psych assignment so the two of us could stop hanging out together.”
Levi was skeptical, but satisfied enough with their answer. He looked over to where you were working hard and realized his time was better spent away from the two obnoxious boys in front of him. “Tch,” he scoffed. “You know what I’m gonna answer to that right?”
With two resigned nods from them, Levi moved to step away from the table, once again focused on getting new drinks. However, he didn’t miss how Jean nudged Eren’s arm, muttering something Levi couldn’t quite catch. Whatever it was, it earned a glare from Eren and a barely stifled laugh from Jean. Levi’s name cut through the noise again, sharper this time, and he caught the quick, guilty glance they both shot in his direction.
When he sat back down beside you, he set your mug back at the corner next to your laptop. You looked at him with a warm smile before thanking him.
“You know your friends are idiots right?” Levi asked as he set his own mug down. You looked up at him with your head tilted in confusion before your lips tugged up in a smile.
“Yeah,” you agreed. “They are. But they’re not too bad.” You let out a chuckle. Levi felt his own lips quirk into a smile at the sound.
“They were going to ask if they could copy our psych project,” Levi informed you, taking a sip of his tea. Still scalding hot, the way he preferred it.
Your eyebrow shot up and Levi watched curiously as you looked over at their table and tried and failed to bite back a laugh. The two boys looked up and waved at you. Jean even had the audacity to wink. He continued to watch you as you took a sip of your own coffee, recoiling at the heat. Levi rolled his eyes.
“Is that what they said,” you asked, amused. You finally turned back around to look at Levi with your eyes twinkling with something familiar. He recognized it as the same look Hange has when they’re coming up with a “theory.”
“Yeah,” Levi confirmed, now looking back down at his own notes. Social comparison theory wasn’t particularly interesting, but it beat having to watch Jean try to flirt with you. “I told them to fuck off.”
You laughed once again, and Levi felt something like pride, knowing it was because of him this time. “Did you really?” you asked incredulously.
He turned up to look at you and shook his head with a small smile. “In nicer terms, obviously.”
“Obviously.”
His eyes flickered back to the two boys who had gone back to whispering conspiratorially. Levi sighed to himself. Those two were exhausting, but they did make you laugh. Which, in Levi’s eyes, made them just ever so slightly barely tolerable.
After a few more hours of painstakingly reviewing various social psychology theories and mixing up names of theorists, the sun was finally beginning to set. Levi hadn’t really noticed until the lights of the cafe came on and the mix of gentle Christmas lights and the setting sun cast a warm glow across your face that made Levi’s stomach dip. The soft melody of a song Levi recognized had begun over the idle chit chat that filled the cafe.
There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No, I never heard it at all
'Til there was you
He didn’t realize he was staring until you finally lifted your head from where it was resting against your closed fist and asked, “Is there something on my face?”
Levi felt himself cough as he tried to prevent the blush from creeping onto his cheeks. “No, I just–” he cleared his throat. “I think the words on the page are starting to show up in my vision.” That, and whoever’s running the cafe playlist right now seems to be able to see into my mind, he thought.
You laughed. That’s at least twice today, Levi noted. Maybe he was funnier than he gave himself credit for. “Yeah,” you agreed. “Maybe it’s time to call it a night.” You turned away from him as you watched the sun dip, giving way to the lights that decorated the trees.
Levi waited for you to finish putting your things away before he spoke again. “I’ll walk you home,” he offered, nodding to the door. To be honest, he couldn’t really remember the last time he willingly offered to walk someone home. He never really thought himself the type to. Even with Hange, he found it to be more of a reluctant obligation he had to the safety of those around him. But this… he just wanted to spend more time with you.
It wasn’t very late at all, but mid-November’s 5 p.m. sunsets could have had him fooled. Although it was an unusually warm day, the absence of the sun made Levi feel grateful that he brought his coat anyway, and although it wasn’t late, the streets felt quieter now. The sun had hidden away for the night and gave way to the glow of street lights and trees adorned with Christmas lights. He looked over to you, similarly dressed in your own long black coat and matching black knit scarf. He watched as you wrapped the scarf a little tighter around you and sighed in satisfaction.
“Cold?” he asked.
You shook your head and Levi chuckled to himself as he watched your hair get ruffled by the back of your scarf. He reached out on instinct to adjust it, but tensed as you turned to look at him. You looked between him and his outstretched hand with a small smile and Levi bit back the urge to retract his hand. He adjusted your scarf, keeping his focus on the feel of the fabric. Not on the way you looked at him with twinkling eyes, or the puff of air that escaped your lips, or the way his fingertips felt electric when he finally drew them back.
Hange had told him once that the transition between autumn and fall was the prime time for suckers to fall in love.
“That sounds stupid,” Levi remarked, but he definitely made a note of how good it would sound in a song. “Why then and not Valentine’s day?” It was the middle of September and the sun was too warm and the day was too long for it to feel like the beginning of autumn.
“Because that’s when love dies,” Hange replied matter-of-factly. Levi turned to Miche and Erwin who were both looking at something on Miche’s phone. No help there.
With a sigh, he allowed himself to indulge his friend’s train of thought as he tuned his guitar. “Okay, four-eyes,” he relented. “Tell me more. You have until I finish tuning my E string.”
He watched their eyes light up in wonder as they began to explain, but then they fell into a frown. “High or low?”
Levi chuckled to himself as he moved to the next string. “High.” Obviously, he’d hear them out for whatever they needed to say, but Hange spoke better with a time limit.
Hange lit up once again. “Okay,” they began decisively. “Autumn to winter is just the most romantic time of the year! It’s starting to get cold, so everyone has the biological urge to cuddle up with another person. On top of that, the holidays are great for nostalgia, the second greatest human weakness.”
“What’s the first?” Levi deadpanned.
“The neck,” Hange replied without skipping a beat. “Anyway, nostalgia leads to bad decisions like flings with exes or strangers. And finally, those trashy Christmas rom-coms brainwash the common fool into thinking love is magical and attainable.”
Without looking up, Erwin finally chimed in. “Don’t you cry watching Love Actually every year?”
“That’s research, dear Erwin,” Hange threw a pillow in his direction. Miche caught it, barely even looking up, and placed it on his lap to rest his phone on top.
When Hange made no move to speak again, Levi looked up to see Hange already looking his way expectantly. “Wow,” Levi replied with mock enthusiasm. “I didn’t even get to the high E string yet.”
Hange huffed and rolled their eyes. “I can be timely,” they defended. “Anyway, makes sense right? It’s a theory I’m working on.”
“Guys, they’re theorizing again,” Levi called to the two boys on the couch who were still engrossed by the video playing on the phone. It sounded like a music video, but when he leaned to get a better look, all he saw was… dancing fruit?
“Great job, Hange,” Miche called out in a monotone. “Science does rule.”
“Just don’t burn your eyebrows off again,” Erwin added, not looking up.
“That was once!”
Levi shook his head. “How exactly are you working on this theory?” He was sure he’d regret asking, but curiosity won the better of him.
“I’m gonna make my TA from my forensic biology class fall in love with me,” Hange shrugged. Yup. Regret. Levi rolled his eyes with a huff. “Why? You want in?”
“Wait,” Miche finally looked up. “Are you talking about the terrifying grad student who looks like he’s 50 but is only like… 35? He drives a motorcycle. He’s too cool for you.”
“I’m cool!” Hange gasped.“You just came up with an insane theory based on Christmas rom-coms,” Erwin pointed out.
“And you cry during Love Actually,” Levi added.
“When me and my lovely TA are happily married, you’ll all eat your words!”
Hange’s TA did not, in fact, fall in love with them.
Levi’s not particularly sure why he remembered that now. He had dismissed the theory as simply another of their stupid ramblings. But now… maybe, he figured, Hange’s theory had some merit. With the chill of November and the warm yellows that graced your skin under the Christmas lights? He felt warm beside you. Comfortable, even. Maybe he was a sucker after all.
The walk back to your apartment wasn’t bad at all. In fact, it was much shorter than he would have liked. it turned out you and Levi lived in buildings across from each other. Crazy how the world can feel so small sometimes. At your door, you turned and leaned against it, wrapping your arms around yourself. It had gotten colder in the time it took to walk back. There was a silence that washed between the two of you – not awkward, but still full of anticipation. Like a buzz.
“Oh right,” you spoke. “Before I forget, Armin’s organization is hosting a charity thing next weekend. If you’re free, you should definitely go.”
“A party?” Levi asked. “Or…” he trailed off, waiting for you to correct him.
“Armin said it’ll be a black tie gala,” you explained, and Levi tried to keep his face from falling into a frown. His heart sank at the idea of being surrounded by small talk and crowds all night. You must have noticed his hesitation because you scrambled to continue speaking. “I mean, it’s not– you don’t have to come, but I just– it’s– it would be a lot more fun if you swing by.”
He was sure that the blush that crept onto his cheeks matched yours and you both looked away from each other. Levi wasn’t big on parties, dances, formals, or anything of the sort. He tolerated it when he was the one playing on stage, because at least then he didn’t really have to interact or socialize. But a gala where he’s just another person in the crowd? Hange had forced him to attend enough parties for him to know he was more of a wallflower than a dancer.
But if it meant he’d see you again…
“Sure,” he shrugged in an attempt to regain his composure. “I’ll swing by.” He mimicked your words with a smile, and felt something soft spread through his chest.
“Good,” you smiled back at him, the relief was evident in your voice. The moment seemed to stretch before either of you spoke again.
“See you around?” He asked, not wanting to say goodbye, but not wanting you to stand outside to catch a cold.
“See you around.” Your gaze lingered on him for a beat longer before you finally unlocked your door. Levi watched you disappear inside with a final wave and the door clicked shut.
He stood there in front of your closed door for a moment longer, and now everything around him sounded much louder. The howl of the breeze, a car honking in the distance, the groups of people walking in the quad – but none of it was louder than the thump of his own heart against his chest.
He wasn’t used to this. To want to find excuse after excuse to spend an extra moment or two with you, to put aside his own feelings to do so, to bite back words that he so desperately wants to say. It was so new, and he wondered what it was about you that made him not only welcome this feeling, but to chase after it so desperately.
And as he lay in his bed, unable to sleep all night, he thought and thought about how it could be you to change his heart. Hange was right. He was definitely a sucker.
A/N:
this was supposed to be the last chapter, but i just kept going back and adding details and details and my document ended up over 20k words so that's why the last chapter and this one are smaller shorter chapters. I might split up the next 10k as well, tbh.... not sure yet! just vibes lol.
