Hi, I have some thoughts on this although idk if they'll all be useful for what you're writing.
I agree w you and i think your analysis is pretty apt. I've never liked scenes where a character came out directly because that's never how it's been for me. There's a nonbinary character in Star Trek: Discovery with a coming out scene that I couldn't stand, partly because I thought they would already be known and accepted as nonbinary-- and partly because the pressure the show put on the subject made me uncomfortable.
I'm just speaking for myself, but that's a big reason why coming out scenes get on my nerves. They make being queer into a big deal, something with high stakes, and they make the audience focus on it and other characters' reactions, which can be really really uncomfortable when you live your life trying to get people not to pay attention to your queerness. My mom really likes these scenes because they show acceptance, which is true, and ultimately i think having a character be explicitly queer and loved for it is a good thing, especially with a show with a big audience like Star Trek, or Stranger Things (im still not watching it tho lmao)
I personally feel most represented by shows where queer characters "just are". (i found this post in the steven universe tag so thats what i'll talk about). A big part of Pearl's character is being in love with a woman, and this isn't ever questioned or made into a big deal for being gay, it just is. It's also extremely textually relevant and impossible to deny (see: s3e8, "Mr Greg"). And she gets to have really messy feelings about Rose; she gets to be a rounded, complex, relevant character, whose queerness is worked into the story. Honestly i think what could be missing in coming out scenes is that: relevancy to the story, the characters, the setting, the plot. It should be seamless with the rest of the story and add something meaningful, instead of feeling like the writers are pandering the viewers, or acting for a specific audience/media response (such as "first nonbinary character in Star Trek", when there already were before).
I think the most I've ever felt represented is by Steven and Stevonnie, though. I haven't really seen an androgynous character who gets to love living so much on tv before. The scene where Stevonnie shaves is one of those "oh that's me" moments for me. I also really relate to Steven being transgender-coded, especially in terms of how people treat him, but that's a bit off topic.
anyway good luck with writing your paper! it sounds like you already have a pretty strong argument, i hope i added something useful !
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