lead, follow or get out of the way @perfectgoddess5 - Tumblr Blog

self care

When I went to rehab years ago, I learned all about self care and how important it is. I take care of my love and I run my household. Contrary to what some people may believe, it is a full time job. I do all the shopping, most of the cooking, most of the household chores, all the paperwork etc. Honestly, it can be exhausting at times. So I try to do at least 2 self care things per day. It’s…

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kindness, compassion, and love

I have been gone for a long time! I almost gave up on this blog…I had to find my voice again. Things are actually genuinely looking up for us! We are doing better health wise, I am now legally disabled, we are building more positive relationships with our families, getting out of the house more, etc. Moving to Minneapolis next year is pretty much a guarantee. Well I finally turned Grace’s room…

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dear sibling

I didn’t mean to hurt you I was ego trippin And you lied when you said all was forgiven I never lied to you Every single thing I said is true In 10 years, my story has not changed He looks at me like I’d be good to eat A juicy and delicious slice of meat I hate you for what you did You hate me for what I did I can’t change the past I’ve tried Do you know how many times I’ve cried? The love has…

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Grief in 2016

Wow, I can’t believe it’s December 21st already! Where did the fucking year go? And why was it such a shitshow?? Some interesting things have happened in our lives this year, too. My husband Jim is transgender and would like to be called Danifae, and she uses female pronouns now. She came out to me a while ago, and I was delighted. More on that later. My mom ended up staying with us for a few…

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it's my birthday

it’s my birthday

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for my mom

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for my mom

it is Mother’s Day and I am a childless mother. Grace is gone and today will be hard for me. Jim is taking me out on a date so that will be nice. I wanted to do a special post for my mom. TEN REASONS I LOVE MY MOM 10. you supported me when I had an unplanned pregnancy in my teens, regardless of how I chose to handle it. 9.you always help me financially when you have the means to do so. 8. you…

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#mothers day

the sun also rises

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with family like mine, who needs enemies?

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fighting for my mental health

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poem

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poem

I had a daughter, her name was Grace she had the most beautiful face. for nine months I carried her inside, until the awful day she died. My baby girl never breathed the open air I feel so lost and it’s so unfair. when she was born she was already gone since that day I’ve become withdrawn. I held her tiny hand and I kissed her goodbye while all I wanted to do was die. I cry and cry, sometimes in…

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#daughter #Death #Pregnancy #stillbirth

letters to grace

Dear Grace, Hello my sweet baby girl. Daddy and I miss you so much! It’s crazy to think that you would be nearly 4 years old now. I often wonder what you would look like – would you look like me or daddy? what kind of stuff would you be into? I really wish I could hear your voice, or your laugh, just once. It would be music to my ears! I gave away most of your things once Daddy and I decided not…

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a father's pain:the birth from Jim's eyes

a father’s pain:the birth from Jim’s eyes

I have heard some fathers express to me that they didn’t feel particularly connected to their first child during the pregnancy, when the tiny person could only be experienced through light kicks, second hand recounting of movements from their wife, and blurry ultrasound photos where a head is only slightly distinguishable from a butt. It’s only after they hold their newborn in their hands that…

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#Childbirth #grief #Pregnancy

youknowyouareasurvivorwhen

You find yourself repeating what your abusers said to you over and over again because you cant seem to let go of it and without anyone to abuse you anymore you seem to have a need to take up the role yourself.