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@youknowyouareasurvivorwhen
Do you think mental abuse is still abuse? I want to get it off my chest but i dont want people to think im overreacting or lying. I'm just tired.
Mental abuse is absolutely abuse. I went through it and it fucked me up a lot. You’re not overreacting. You’re not lying.
you're quick to take the blame for things that aren't even your fault, b/c at least then you can't be screamed at for being too stupid to be aware of what you've done "wrong"
YKYASW The person who sexually abused you is both female and an outspoken feminist, and you know those two facts combined means that even the most open-minded people in your life won't believe that she destroyed you.
when one minute you're on your way to your mailbox and the next you've gotten halfway across campus and are crying behind an academic building with almost no memory of what happened between those two events—solely because you saw them there checking their mail.
When your friend teasingly saying something like "ask nicely" or "what's the magic word" when you're messing with each other reminds you out of nowhere of how your abuser talked to you during sex
When aspects of yourself and your sexuality that you liked have been stripped away and you don't know if you'll ever have them back
When you're terrified of your parents and the thought of seeing them, even though they don't physically hurt you
when you feel like you can never disagree with the person who supports you financially & emotionally now even though they've never been abusive, because for so many years the smallest sign of noncompliance meant you got yelled at, hit, starved, and neglected
He used to yell all the time about every little thing you said so you learned to keep your mouth shut and now he yells about you being too quiet and not being able to hear you. Either way you lose.
Your friends think it's funny and ridiculous how sheltered you grew up but in reality it was terrifying and lonely and you wish they would shut up about it.
You're easily irritated with yourself because it happened when you were a kid and you should be over it by now and compared to what some of your friends went through your Bad Time wasn't even that bad
When people ask about your childhood and you feel awkward
When you're scared to tell people how you really lost your virginity
when you cant fucking stand to be around blue eyed, blond haired men, because they resemble your abuser
when you can't love them anymore even though everyone else says it wasn't that bad
When you alternate between hating them for what they did to you so much that you nearly cry with anger, and missing them so much because you still remember the good times even now.
you almost wish she would start beating you again so you have proof