some unexpectedly difficult ed moments
food stops being food and starts being “points,” calories, numbers. your friend is craving pancakes at 8 pm and she just eats it and you politely decline because you’ve reached your balance for the day.
you’re studying, and the kid next to you pulls out a sandwich and the smell is all you can think about, even after he finishes.
it’s impossible to get through a whole day without falling asleep.
you waste a lot of money. a lot. the $70 jeans you bought at the beginning of fall are too big around the butt and thighs but still cling to your waist fat and it feels like a big failure either way.
falling asleep with an empty stomach is hard. falling asleep with a full stomach is also hard. stay up until 3 am, on the verge of tears. at least you might wake up skinnier.
when you walk to class, or the store, or home, each step feels like more calories burned. it’s -10 degrees fahrenheit outside, but you skip the bus. burn more.
your friend begs you to eat until you cry, and even though he apologizes for threatening to stop spending time with you, you spend any moment after thinking about whether he was serious.
when was the last time you pooped?
finally ate something. relief. it didn’t even taste good though, so you wasted your calories you stupid, stupid cow stupid stupid STUPID
your babyface will never go away, even if you make it to 60 lbs. your ribs will pull at your skin and your legs will threaten to give out when you stand, but those round cheeks are there to stay.
the thermostat is at 74. if you turn it up anymore your roommates might notice, so you pile on the blankets, and wake up in a pool of sweat the next morning.
despite everything, you have never felt uglier and more repulsive.
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