MICHEL:
— there’s a bull and a matador dueling in the sky
starring: søren jacobson ( @sandstonefm ), michel de la rue setting: park bench, nighttime
the first fifty years of michel’s existence as an immortal arguably stood as the darkest time of his life. even a full century after, the topic of his human life still stung him. because he knew just how much he had to leave behind. he accomplished everything one would want out of life — the act of falling in love, finding a soulmate, having kids with said soulmate, having a job that you love — then witnessed what it was like to lose it all in an instant. the guilt from his own accidental involvement in his death and the effects it would have on his family ate him alive for decades. and he still feels that familiar ache if he thinks about it for too long. which is perhaps the irony of the conversation he found himself with søren. because for once, all of the centuries worth of pain he carried with him every day, he felt like there was finally this opportunity to let it go. release all of it and heal properly.
michel sighs and runs an apprehensive hand through his hair before glancing back up, not exactly turning to the other. because if he could hide his emotions for a little bit longer, he absolutely would. “her name was colette. we er… one day, just… decided to elope. only felt right. my parents liked her because she was french, too. weren’t too many french immigrants in brooklyn yet either… but er, didn’t really appreciate us getting married without inviting them.” he felt his heart warming up at the memories, bringing warmth to his chilled skin. and perhaps a smirk and light blush creeps its way to his features, as it always did when he mentioned colette. “miss her every day though. still…” he adds on through a mutter, digging his shoe further into the dirt below the bench. “mm, and yours? what was your partner like?” he asks, finally meeting their gaze after a while.
They met Michel’s gaze, but Søren wasn’t there, not mentally. Their mind was with their partners, their heart with the one they thought they would never lose. Were their eyes glassy because of tears or dissociation, long lost into a world unknown? No one could truly know for sure. But they were happy for the other. In their heart, they were. At least someone had a joyous path to marriage. But was that a pang of jealousy? They had given up everything they knew and loved for their lifelong partner. Now they were alone, not even knowing if their children are still alive. Was an immortal life worth it if you were heart-wrenchingly alone?
It was always a matter of how much to give away. They, too, felt that melancholy. But it was one thing to tell it to a long-time friend or to an acquaintance you hardly knew. It was one thing for those who had known their partners, and another for starting from scratch. How could you possibly put into swift words what a whole complicated person was?
In the end, they settled for a question. “You’re going to need to be more specific - which one? If you’re wondering about who I still grieve over, it’s all of them. Every single one of them.” They each had a special place in their heart, and when they left this earth, they took pieces of Soren’s heart with them. Now, it was left beyond repair. There wasn’t enough love in them to spare willingly. But they still came close to others and loved full-heartedly. Romance? Not going to happen. They still needed time to grieve.
