Realized I haven’t posted on here in forever. My how life changes. Met someone, that someone didn’t work out but because I met them I then met the person I am now engaged to... 99% of the time I’m happy. Ok now that you’re basically caught up....
I just... tonight is - for whatever reason a particularly difficult night and I just need to vent. I’ve been feeling neglected lately (it’s not an invitation)... he’s attached to his frigging phone and I barely get a cuddle in. I know that I need to initiate, and I’m working on it - it’s all a work in progress, my self esteem seems to be tied to a whole lot. We used to have much more sex than we do, and it was adventurous... now it more “roll over” or “he’s using his signature move” and I am beginning to think the adventurous sex was for my benefit, and he’s lost interest in trying new things.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m head over heels for the fella. Lately I’m just feeling the entire gambit of emotions... and the one that sticks out is neglect and more specifically emotional neglect. I fear that my anxiety has begun to annoy him which in turn makes me that much more anxious. I try talking, but I manage to muck it all up, or we just fight. Today, I asked him if he wanted me to just get a frozen pizza (do not judge me on this one please it was an excruciatingly long day) or order something and he just started yelling. I know I’ve been known to fly off the handle, and I’m not without my plethora of faults, but that is a trend with him. He has a short temper and he’s a hot head, we are one in the same. It’s something we are working on. We both think the other always makes everything our fault. I guess tonight I’m worried that it’s just simply not going to work out and I’m terrified. As potentially bizarre as it might sound, sometimes I want him to come to me and need me as his other half.
