if there weren't a wall.

asena. they. writeblr.

[phaesphoros]

unnamed, 18/04

transcript:

i want to tell you about this one thing i do. i listen a lot, angel. oh, maybe ‘a lot’ isn’t strong enough.

and you see, for all that listening, i have become one to differentiate sounds. for example, most people are static. you are music to my poor ears. you are a hymn to me as if i’m in an empty cathedral, my love; but you and i both know i am not to enter those places. anyway, i can continue dreaming, can’t i? nothing has ever stopped me before, as you know very well.

[phaesphoros]

unnamed, 24/03

i called you my angel once. that wasn’t enough.

i tried hard, you know do it, they said, flutter your dark wings go up, where your beloved is. press them to your chest, make them see your heart. it is worth the pain, and it will be worth the love. love’s worth it all. (maybe i should have said no.)

you know, and i know this is not what’s supposed to be. excuse me then, for i want nothing else.

now i’m stuck, not quite up in your heavenly chambers, but not down in my hot dungeon. 

[phaesphoros]

unnamed, 08/03

TRANSCRIPT:

you are the epitome of an angel. who resides in actual heaven. does that mean i have fallen? from you, for you

if you are residing and i have fallen, does that mean i cannot reach you?

residing and fallen, two sides of the same coin. two sides that are back to back.       — but i do not want my back to yours.            i want my cheek to yours,            my eyes to yours.

but you and i both know that this isn’t ever meant to be.

who am i to ask for your — who am i to ask for you?

this isn’t a fairytale. this will never have a happy ending. who saw a real angel falling for the fallen?

i want to keep this going until you put a stop to this. i want to keep you until you stop me. i want you.

funny, after all this time, i am naive enough to want you to want me back. stupid enough to think you would ever consider. foolish enough to not stop myself. selfish enough to want something for myself.

oh, how i hate you so much. how i hate you for showing at the best possible moment, waiting for me to hold your hand. how i hate you for being so perfect, that i couldn’t stop myself. how i hate you for loving me, because you don’t do it in the way i want.

i love you, i love you, i love you. i apologize.

[agnosthesias]

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE.

—dear america.  you can keep your fifty stars.

TAGLIST.

@aeternve @arkicts @ellinghams @from-knight-to-lover​ @godessofchastity​ @hennaswars @hennawar @ishqi @kalliopeian @kilioferebor​ @phaesphoros​ @sollariia @vaelinor​

ask to be added or removed!

TRANSCRIPT.

under the cut.

Keep reading

[agnosthesias]

AGNOSTHESIA (n.) — the state of not knowing how you really feel about something, which forces you to sift through clues hidden in your behavior, as if you were some other person.

ABOUT.

hi! i’m andrea or andy. my pronouns are they/them, and i’m an isfj, type eight, and chaotic neutral. my main & literature blog is @jsperfhey​​.

some of my favorite books include girls of paper & fire, the hate u give, sapiens, six of crows, and red white & royal blue. i’m a writer who rarely writes coherent pieces as well as an aspiring poet—both written and spoken. currently, i’m working on an untitled novel and exploring slam & prose poetry!

WORKS.

wip i (untitled).

a wlw retelling of the famous romance of the three kingdoms.

introduction & wip tag coming soon.

poetry.

all of my poetry can be found under my poetry tag here.

TAGLIST.

@arkicts; @ellinghams; @from-knight-to-lover; @godessofchastity; @hennaswars; @hennawar; @kilioferebor​; @phaesphoros; @sollariia; @vaelinor;

ask to be added or removed!

[phaesphoros]

melody — 28/01

once i was asked “what is your greatest fear” i don’t remember what i replied. — or if i replied at all. i don’t know if i knew the answer.

growing in this cruel world, people collect fears. while everyone went up and got their fears, i was always stuck in my mind. was it because i grew up in a small town with an overprotective father? or was it because i did not have to think at all — until a certain point. when did i went up and got maybe the strangest fear? why did i fear big — even though i had no reason to? why did i had to fear big, like every other thing i do? “what if i lost my voice?”

i know that, since a toddler — communicating through melodies came easier than words. sure, i’d mumble some meaningless words but words were never the one that mattered.

some say i always talked in melodies. — is that weird?

when i was little, there were soft songs made up in my mind. i hit an obstacle, they became screams. i saw an obstacle, they became whispers. i don’t think they ever became proper words.

i thought i fell in love, there were melodies in my stomach. i cried, there were melodies in my chest. i achieved, there were melodies in my smile.

maybe the real reason they never became songs was that i never showed them to anyone.

some of those chants, whispers left my mouth but did anyone care enough to hear them?

did i want anyone to hear them? even after years, i still can’t answer that.

what if i lost my voice? even after years, i still can’t answer that.