My drug use and why I don't stop:
I have been using drugs since I was 18 years old. I'm 45 now and don't think I was ever sober except for two days in my 20's. I started with ecstasy, weed, and my favorite GHB. I would occasionally do coke and meth, tried LSD and Shrooms, but hated psychedelics.
I was addicted to GHB for 6 years everyday. Than the US had to ban some chemicals for GHB so I became an alcoholic for two years than stopped bc I started playing poker and played better when sober.
Than I had surgery on my elbow and started taking pain medication. It started with the blue Vicodin's (don't remember the name) than found a shady Dr who prescribed me Norcos. I was addicted to Norco's for 3 years. I've had the most success in life using Norco's and adderalls. This was the start of my part time professional poker career (I had a good computer gig FT). I took adderalls and Norcos and made over $900k in online poker in 5-6 years and my biggest win was a $140k in one poker tournament. I got to play at the WSOP with all expenses paid and a suite for 1 week, play in the main event at the WPT, go to the Bahamas and Florianopolis, Brazil and other places to play poker. Than George fucking Bush banned online poker in the U.S. To this day it was called Black Friday.
Afterwards my life started going downhill. I had problems looking for a job, but got lucky finding one. When everything went to shits was when I started shooting Heroin and smoking meth everyday with my ex GF. I got arrested for the first time at 40, did county time, got released on a suspended sentence, kept getting caught with dirty UA's and went to prison and sentenced to 8 years for conspiracy. Got released early after doing a year and a half and now I'm on ab109 and I don't know how long probation will be. I found a job sober for the first time in my life and it's one of the worst paying jobs I've ever had. At least I get tips and with a felony record I'm blessed I have a job.
Doing drugs for 25 years straight has made me a different, but a better person in a way. I would never have won all that money, never would have gone through all these life experiences, and never would have met the people I've met throughout my life. At 18 I raved for 12 years going one-three times monthly and having the time of my life. I've been with the most beautiful women in the world, models, pornstars, and drop dead gorgeous women. The one regret I have is the girl that snitched on me and started my downfall. I lost my career, got a felony record, lost my place, lost my investments, savings, and a big part of me. I can't do drugs or I'll go back to jail. I find this ridiculous bc I perform well high. Drugs have given me confidence, help me learn and work hard and this has all been taken away. Not every person is the same. Some people can't handle drugs and some like myself perform at the highest level. Are better people and stay out of trouble high.
When I got out of jail and even now with a job, being sober is boring. Boredom leads to loneliness, and loneliness leads to depression and depression can lead to suicide. When I've been high, I've always been content. Never bored or felt lonely and always content. Probation is a joke. I did my time, I want to be free again and live. I do not need someone watching over me and making sure I don't fuck up. I'll fuck up bc of the pressure they put on me. Not everyone is the same. They don't understand this.
ellievsbear
snowghoul
gummygunk
areudirty
germansingergirl
vaporwave
